mean girls

[a1tinkfans]

Wow...I'm shocked that girls in the 2nd grade can be so mean, manipultive, sneaky, bossy and the list goes on. Ugh!!! My dd's "best friend" is a piece of work. A couple of weeks ago this little girl said to my dd "Not to be mean, but don't you think you looked weird with short hair?" then just a few days ago my dd wore her hair in braids and looked real cute (I usually don't do much with her hair). This same little girl said to my dd that she wanted my dd to cut her hair real short again & insisted that she was getting a hair cut this past weekend too. Well, needless to say, she didn't get her hair cut and was mad that I told my dd that she could not cut her hair!

Whenever I hear about "mean" kids and "manipulative" ones, especially that young.......I often think that the child Usually has some issues going on at home to make them that way....thus our jobs as parents get tougher to try and protect our little ones....

 

[Redpepperflakes14]

Mean girls grow up to be mean women. Sorry having a bad day!

I wonder how many of these little brats come from mean mommies. I have several former elementary school/middle school/high school classmates who were absolute jerks and they have school-age children now. I sometimes wonder if their kids are like them, or if they are the ones on the receiving end of abuse from other 'mean tots.'

 

[dawson5]

I bet the mom of said blackmailer to be probably wonders why he doesn't go over your house. I am rude, child or no child and would have said C YA! Buh Bye!

It happened about 8-9 yrs ago. Oldest is now 17. Luckily we moved a few years later. She pulled him out of public school. She tried homeschooling and sending him to two different private schools and then opted to put him back in public school. We moved back to the area and he has not run into him at school at all--thankfully. Personally I didn't care what she thought, she was an odd duck too.

 

[Pooh's Pixie]

Just a word to the wise, when girls are playing together there should always be an even number of girls. It will make life much easier.

I learned that! I have two boys, and that has never been a problem. Now with DD, I learned it won't work! I didn't intend to have two over, but one was over and the other one is a neighbor and called and I said sure, come over for a little while! Mistake.


I felt bad for DD because she was definitely hurt that the one friend would be that way. Live & learn.

 

[hereyago]

Girls are just little coniving things. One of DD's11 friend was very possessive of her, we had to nip that in the bud early. You couldn't tell the friend if DD has plans because she will pout, beg to go, try to pursuade dd not to go.

I remember one girl in high school, i was friends with from about 7th grade. Now she was the type of girl who dyed her hair and had fake nails in the 7th grade and later she became like a door knob as everyone would have a turn. but she was still my friend, very opposite of each other.

One night her boyfrined at the time kept driivng by my house. I lived a street away from him and he actuallypark in front of my house-my house was on a corner and for some reason people liked to park there and smoke.

Another guy I knew actually stopped by later. This was the summer before Senoir year. Her other friend, who would do anything for some pot, lived up the street from me and it is believed that she saw both cars there and told 1st friend.

The next day, i was driving out of our housing developmet 1 friend had her friend driving the car, she tried to run me off the road. I was bewildered. So i got out and she started accusing me off all this stuff. that i had her boyfriend over and some other guy who used her-sorry if you sleep with 3 guys on the same small street you might be loose-. we werent friends after that.

but after high school, things really got crazy, she was a stalker. and you know what? with classmates.com etc, she still is.

 

[MouseEarsJenny]

My dd always seemed to have a few mean little friends mixed into her social group too. And then their moms would say "Oh, (dd) is such a good influence on my daughter!" Mentally, I'm thinking, "Oh, (friend) is such a BAD influence on DD!" But if you teach them to be nice and polite and caring toward everyone, how are you supposed to withdraw that when you realize how vicious some girls can be?

 

[Silly Little Pixie]

My DD encountered her first mean girl in first grade, who told her, "Your clothes look like they came from Target." This little girl of course was in the finest designer fashions. I told DD, yes indeed your clothes come from Target. You're not going to first grade in anything but playclothes! Geesh. And your sandals come from Payless! Haha. She learned to avoid that girl after that.

Then in fourth grade one of her best "friends" got mean and would ask the other kids when they lined up, "High five me if you hate ____" or "Join the I Hate ____ Club". I was shocked that this behavior started so young. I thought it would come about in middle school. I talked to the teacher about it, and had the girls moved as far apart in the room as they could get, because the other girl was giving mean looks, groaning, etc. Good thing my DD is tough skinned because this kind of stuff would have torn up my DS, if his "friends" acted this way. She learned to make new friends, because those who were "quiet" and didn't stand up for her, weren't really her friends either. It was so hard to watch. DD then became best friends with 3 African American girls (she is white) who never, ever treated her this way. By 5th grade all 4 of them took some heat from other kids for it... either being told they were "acting white" or "wanna be black". For crying out loud! really? they can't all just like the Jonas Brothers and Littlest Pet Shop?

DD is is middle school now and hasn't had any more mean girl stuff. Really! She does go to a magnet school for gifted kids so she is with the other weird, quirky, academically-oriented kids mostly. It's given her confidence in being herself, hopefully that carries over into high school for her.

 

[Sanchez]

Interesting that all of mean girls belong to other parents. I suspect that most kids have said or done something mean from time to time. The parents of the mean kids referenced in this thread may not always know what their child says when out of range . . . as is probably the case with us on the DIS.

 

[minniebeth]

Interesting that all of mean girls belong to other parents. I suspect that most kids have said or done something mean from time to time. The parents of the mean kids referenced in this thread may not always know what their child says when out of range . . . as is probably the case with us on the DIS.

Yes, I guess it was my 2nd grade DD being the mean girl when she told the "real" mean girl she didn't want to play with her if that is how she was going to treat her and her friends. The "real" mean girl went home and told her parent who then in turn had a conference with the teacher about how my mean girl hurt her feelings.

Yes, there ARE mean girls even in 2nd grade and not all our kids share in the responsibility of it. I'm the first one to step and have my child take responsibility where responsibility is due but I'm not all for "let's everyone take the blame".

 

[Donaldswife]

My DD8 is in second grade and we deal daily with the "girl drama." I have talked to her teacher about it, and I know for a fact my daughter is not one of the "mean girls" but she does sometimes socialize with them. You could call my daughter a social butterfly, she tends to play with different groups on different days.....I fear every day that she WILL be one of the mean girls, she is very pretty, and very smart. I was the "fat kid" in my class in Elementary & middle school, and it was painful! I really do fear she will be like those other girls because she sometimes socializes with them. On the other end though, I just really want to go smack one of the little brats when they say or do something mean to my little baby. I have found it is really difficult to try to stay out of it, and let her learn how she can handle it on her own without letting her go too far, KWIM? I am DREADING middle school.....can we start a support group now?

 

[bas71873]

I'd love some advice on how to teach my DD6 (a first grader) to stand up for herself!!!!! We too are having a mean girl issue, mean girl also happens to be my neighbor and therefore rides DD's bus too. She's just very bossy, sneaky, manipulative and admittedly, my DD is a tad gullible, very social and just wants to be friends with everyone (I hate the whole BFF thing...can't we all just along). But, mean girl doesn't like DD to play with other kids in the class, teases DD about her speech impediment, has tricked DD into giving up her Friday treat (awarded by the teacher for good behavior). The teacher and school counselor are both aware of the situation and it's being monitored there, and I have told DD to play with her other friends, but include mean girl if she wants to be INCLUDED (not to take DD away from her other friends) or to tell mean girl NO or to tell an adult if she's in a situation she's not comfortable in, but what are some things I can teach DD to do or say to defend herself a little. I by no means want to teach DD to be a mean girl herself, but I want her to stand up for herself!

 

[luvmy3]

I know it was going on in second grade for my dd because I remember her asking me if Tay says, "I do not like your ugly shoes", DD asked me if she could could reply with, "If I valued your opinion, I'd be offended by that."

I was like, "uh...yeah, I guess you could respond with that but I doubt she'll know what you mean." LOL. The girl is a 10th grader and I'd say she still wouldn't get it. lol

Love it

Interesting that all of mean girls belong to other parents. I suspect that most kids have said or done something mean from time to time. The parents of the mean kids referenced in this thread may not always know what their child says when out of range . . . as is probably the case with us on the DIS.

I witnessed my dd being one of the mean girls once and you better believe I quickly put her in her place right in front of her friend that she was trying to impress. (her friend was over and another girl who the friend didn't like came to the door) I know girls will act like that from time to time but my dd didn't get it from me and it won't be tolerated by me either, its her choice to be a mean girl or feel my wrath

 

[Buckalew11]

heck, I tried to get my dd to say some *mean* things, because I'm mean like that, lol, but she wouldn't buy it. I seriously doubt she can be mean. I've had long talks with her through the years about it and the above remark is the only type thing she can seem to come up with. That's hardly mean--it was so over the girl's head anyway. I often said, "you're too nice." Luckily she didn't take it to heart but it drives you crazy when your child is getting picked on.

And the girl's mom has a sneaky mean streak in her that would surprise people. She is a hairdresser also so it was like I was automatic competition for her or something. Some of the comments she gave me or things she said to me just left me speechless. I compete with no one--esp. in my work/business. I could see, though, that the apple did not fall far from the tree.

 

[Sarah7401]

It's not just girls! My first grade boy has had issues as well. The boys may not be as snipey as the girls, but it's along the same lines. We've gotten, "You're not my friend." "If you're friends with him, I'm not going to be your friend." And all kinds of name calling and insulting. It's ridiculous! I never imagined I'd have to deal with this kind of stuff with a boy.

 

[simba20]

When I drop my daughter off at daycare in the mornings, I usually hang around for a few minutes to talk to her teacher, play with the other kids, help DD get adjusted. As she's gotten older the time has gotten shorter, but I am in the up and up in my DD's classroom.

However, a few months ago, I noticed that the "mean girl" relationshsip or rather relationships amongst females is inherent from birth or something.

There's another little girl, who I consider part of the 4 Muskateers -- a group that my daughter has played with since she started at daycare. They are all like peas in a pod and are the best of friends. The group, including DD, is made up of 3 girls and 1 boy. Well 1 little girl left the daycare, so the group dwindled down to three -- K, B, and DD.

One morning as I sat in DD's classroom talking with B (the boy), K came up and told me about her pocketbook. DD was on my lap and K kept going on and on about this pocketbook (note the kids are 2 years old). Anyway, DD sits on my lap and begins rolling her eyes and after a few minutes of K going on about the pocketbook (to which I was responding with "That's a nice pocketbook" "What is in your pocketbook?" etc) my DD tilts her head back, looks up at me and says "Mommy, K won't SHUT UP!" The teacher heard and we couldn't help but to laugh at my daughter's delivery. I told my daughter that K was excited about her pocketbook and wanted to tell me about it.

However, during other occassions I had had the opportunity to witness the relationship between DD and K. At times they are the best of friends, being very girly (DD comes home talking only about hair ribbions, makeup, dolls, and pocketbooks) while at other times she wants K to go away or K doesn't want to be around DD. They will call each other names "Stinky" "Fussybehind" and lately 'Stupid" which I have told DD that it is not nice to call ANYONE stupid.

To contrast this, DD's relationship with B has always been level and consistent. They never have any fights. I call B, DD's "Boyfriend" because they always hug each other and are "like peas and carrots." If one of then does hurt the other or snatches a toy away, they are both quick to tell each other "I'm sorry" and make up with a hug while K and DD, do not do that at all. Now, yes, B is a boy, so I am sure that has something to do with theri relationship, although it could be just B's disposition -- he is sweet, I often want to take him home and he always notices details about everyone (i.e my pedicures in the summer, if I wearing new shoes or a jacket), so he could also be very sesitive to the needs of others.

But since DD and K have been together since they were 13 months old, I find it intresting that they already, at the age of 2, have a typical "middle school" girl relationship.

 

[elgerber]

UGH, 2nd grade was the worst year for my daughter!!! I remember so many days she would come home in tears. She wore an eeyore shirt and someone made fun of it, told her Eeyore was for babies. She never wore that shirt again! She was 7! It happened all year long. It got better, bit by bit each year, and now in 8th grade, she doesn't seem to have the problem at all.

 

[tink20]

My DD is 16, since 1st grade there has always been a mean girl here and there. The worst was probabley 6th grade. My DD hung out with 2 girls, one girl always got my DD or other girl to take sides with her and leave the other one out. This went on the entire year (and they had every class together) Needless to say, she is BF with the other girl now. (and still friends with the one that caused all the trouble.) Some of them grow out of it, some get worse.

When boys get in the picture....wow. The girls at my DD's school stake claim on a boy, and even if they break up, they are off limits ( or you have an ex-girlfriend bothering you) My DD's friend is having a problem with an ex-girl friend. DRAMA! (can't wait til we go to spring break....NOT I am anticipating major drama)