May is right around the corner... (need some advice, long)

I understand completely what it's like to watch those that you love fall apart bit by bit in front of you. I watched my step great-grandmother do it. I watched my grandfather do it. I watched my mother be ravaged physically & mentally by MS. And if that's not enough, my partner's mother has severe medical problems and dementia and I am actually having to try to get her and her sisters to see that putting her in an assisted living facility is the kindest thing to do for her at this point. My father has been falling apart, luckily, mentally, he is all there, but his health is starting to fail and he, like my MIL, is only 67.

My heart has been broken by family that I loved and lost many times. I ache knowing what is happening to my family & Gabby's family right now, but it's all a part of living. You learn from it and it builds character.

So, don't pull the you don't know what it's like thing with me. It's hard, but it happens. Embrace the time that you have with your loved ones. For nothing else so that you know that you did the right thing by your family in the end and can hold your head up high.
 
Sandra my Dad struggled through advanced cancer, my brother the same,,,, by your reasoning because they suffered and believe me they suffered tremendously fighting their diseases. The doctors didn't think my brother would survive but he had 4 young children they did whatever they could with his extremely rare form of cancer... should I have said I don't want him to suffer, he should just let go... if you had said that to me believe me you would have met the fierceness of a beast on you. It's only for your own selfishness that you wish her dead. That is sad, oh so very sad. Do not tell me I don't understand...before his cancer my dad suffered some strokes -- he has memory issues now and his thought process is very slow at times -- does that mean i wish him dead? Are you kidding me. If my Daddy could live forever to protect me I'd love that.

Can there be days of frustration, most certainly but NEVER ONCE would I, or could I say --- Life will benefit me so much when you are dead.

Your reasoning is weak and self-centred. Suffer the losses any one of us had suffered and maybe then YOU will understand how childish you are being.

As for Lawrence Welk hahaha my Grandpa loved that too! And The Littlest Hobo and Greatest American Hero... Three's Company -- so many fond memories of my Grandfather. He passed when I was about 10... what I wouldn 't do if he only lived until I was even a teenager so I could have known him better.
 
i loved that trip to branson, and i still have my beachball with the whole lawrence welk family signature on it. And the thing i like about it most, is she still remembers it.

Any case... I don't want to see her with alziemhers or severe dementia... It's bad enough she hasn't remembered she's in orlando. Everyday it's a new surprise that i show up. She doesn't even realize she's in a hotel room when she's sitting in it.

People always talk about how they don't want to become a vegetable getting old or loose their mind.... Why is it so bad that i don't want to see my g'mother go through it?
I don't expect other people to understand. No one usually does.

I was looking for more gay days info, and saw your name. I debated posting, but that last sentence got me. This seems to always be your reasoning-poor me, no one understands. Do you ever really look at yourself and wonder if maybe it isn't everyone else in the world? That maybe it is really you?

I started reading your posts when I was getting ready to go back to work after maternity leave. You posted that work just wasn't for you. That didn't sit well with me, since I was agonizing over leaving my little Katie in daycare. You seem to have some weird sense of entitlement. You post negatively about your mother and sister living off others, but never see that you continue to do the same?:confused3

On this thread, you posted about Kari getting a handout from her parents, and how she was throwing away all the two of you had worked for. But she was the only one working. If her parents want to take care of her (and pay off your debt), more power to them, and her. I honestly don't see how you can judge her in your situation.

I teach high school, and you really seem to be stuck in that teen age self important mindset. People keep telling you the same things all over the disboards, but you continue saying that no one understands. I think we do, and I think it is time for you to take a good hard look at yourself. You aren't a child!

I don't even have words for your attitude towards grandma, or your comments about your grandpa dying younger. I hope you really aren't that callous in your real life. When you posted about the possibility of moving in with your aunt on the community board, I posted that I thought it would be a good idea in your current situation. Now I'm not so sure it is in anybody's best interest.

I am confused about several comments though. There are several comments about your aunt not allowing boyfriends in your room. Does your family not know you are gay? I would think that would make living together unbearable.
 
no, my family doesn't have any clue about the 7yr relationship with kari. I think my aunt knows, but its never talked about. And i wouldn't go for another until i'm away from her. On the other hand, i won't torture any one else through a relationship with me. Family... And all that other stuff i wanted as a teen has all gone out the window. It's not happening, i know it, i've accepted it.

I know what i've said about my mother and sister. It's what i believe. And it's hard to get away from it. To be different. And i hate myself for it, just as much as you hate reading it.

I know plenty of people have gone through worse. My father's side of the family has gone through hell in the past year. And i'm not saying i'm in the worst pliet of hell in the world. But for me, i don't know how to handle it. It's wrong to see something different... and not see whats in front. It's not a good idea for me to move in with them, but i'm heartless for doing it. My aunt is moving here because she knows it's getting to the end, and thats why she wants me to move in. Am i supposed to be denying the future? I don't understand why it doesn't bother me. It's life, it happens.
 

OMG! Lawrence Welk! :rotfl: My Grandparents loved that show.

Mine too.
Just lost my grandmother this last year - a woman very dear to me.


And for the rest of this - Sorry "I'm out" - And so OVER IT. :headache:
 
Mine too.
Just lost my grandmother this last year - a woman very dear to me.


And for the rest of this - Sorry "I'm out" - And so OVER IT. :headache:

I'm sorry Wallyb. :hug: It's one of the hardest and most difficult experiences, isn't it; losing a beloved grandparent? It's like our childhood has gone forever too. :(
 
Lawrence Welk...I spent MANY an evening with my Memere' (french for Grandmother) sitting beside her in her bedroom, watching Lawrence! It was always on Sat nights. She'd be in her rocker and on her little table was Wheat Thins & Cheese Wiz! :lmao: That was our "date night" and we had THE best times!! I am guessing that's where my love of big band music came to be. I learned alot from my Memere'...we'd talk about life, and our family. She'd share tid bids of info about my family's past, you know...those hidden treasures that you just stumble onto? I have no regrets that other kids were outside playing & having fun. I was inside w/ my Memere' having an incredible time. She introduced me to her world, back in the 40's & 50's. I LOVED when Bobby & Cissy would come out and dance, and the Lennon Sisters, remember them? The best times, were when I didn't have to share her with the whole family, just me & my grandmother. :cloud9:

I guess, I thought I was the only one who watched with my grandparent...I guess there were lots of other great kids out there, who APPRECIATED the value of family. We have NO regrets, only precious memories, tucked deep in our hearts.

Chris
 
First and foremost--my condoleneces to everyone who has had to watch a parent or grandparent suffer through illness and then lose that special person:hug: It is a terrible thing to go through. I dearly miss my grandfather and hate the pain he suffered, and the confusion from Alzheimer's which robbed him of his memory long before the first stroke robbed him of his movement and the third finally robbed him of his life. I fully admit to feeling relieved for HIS sake when his suffering ended while at the same time grieving for my own loss. I never wanted him to die so I could gain something though --like most of you I really cannot fathom that mindset.

Can't remember what else you complained about... what I will say in closing is stop acting like a spoiled 12 year old brat. Time to earn your dues, pay off your debts and act your age.
I know a lot of 12 year olds--not one behaves like the OP:sad2:

Sandra--I used to read your posts and think you really just never had anyone as you grew up who set a good example for you or taught you any kind of responsibility and that if people were just kind enough to offer you some real, level headed, advice you would eventually take some of it and start to grow up a bit. I no longer think that is the case as you seem to continually disregard every bit of advice offered that requires any effort whatsoever on your part. I can't just ignore these comments completely (though I suspect that my breath--like everyone else's will be wasted) but I will keep my remarks brief knowing others have already said things better than I have:


The hardest part is dealing with her now.
If you cannot see how cold hearted that along with wanting her to die sooner SO THAT YOU CAN HAVE A BIGGER ROOM is to have posted, well then I am not sure what to tell you--but I can say you will be of no true help to your grandmother in her infirm condition with such an attitude. Both of you would be much better off if you were to get out of the situation and leave your grandmother in the hands of those who love her and do not wish her dead while you worked on getting your own life on track--rather than further derailing it.

know i cant be the house decorater... But i would like an opinion in it. And i will be helping to pay for the house, eventually it'll be mine. For now it's my aunt's name on the mortage because she has the credit. And this is what she wants to do, not me.

And there's no objections to house guests, just in my bedroom. Saying "no guys in the bedroom till your married". More like i'm a child rather than an adult sacrificing my life and time to help her.

Why would she put you--with a track record of not remaining employed and with bad credit on any of the paperwork:confused3 She has every right to protect her credit rating by leaving you off.
Other than that--as the person whose house it is she does have EVERY right to decide how to decorate it and what the house rules are. Some may be childish (though you say your family is very religious so it is probably not an age thing but rather wanting certain ethical standards upheld in her house that is at play here) but, quite honestly, you act like a child in many respects so perhaps there is a correlation.

I don't mind the comments. I'm used to being hated... comes with the territory. Just some one made a statement about not liking what I post.
I just have to say you are gutsy saying that to this group. I do not know what the kind of hate many posters here have experienced is like but I KNOW they have been through a lot JUST for who they love while otherwise being kind, loving, responisible and productive members of society.
I already know what I want... but it's not anything any one else agrees with.
Well, from your history of posts it seems you want a free ride in life. If it is something else you want (a loving relationship, a child--you posted about that once and I did post about how to go about doing that well and how you CAN work your tail off and get to a place where that makes sense in a few years--, etc.) and you are willing to WORK HARD for what you want, then you can probably have it.
Rarely are things totally out of reach if you really work for them--one that has alluded us for years is getting equal treatment and rights for many on this board--but you better believe many of us TRY for that and WORK for that and do not give up and just whine. In smaller, more personal ways I think every other poster on this thread has worked for and achieved many of their goals. You should try it sometime--it is a good feeling when you get there.


no, my family doesn't have any clue about the 7yr relationship with kari. I think my aunt knows, but its never talked about. And i wouldn't go for another until i'm away from her. On the other hand, i won't torture any one else through a relationship with me. Family... And all that other stuff i wanted as a teen has all gone out the window. It's not happening, i know it, i've accepted it.

I know what i've said about my mother and sister. It's what i believe. And it's hard to get away from it. To be different. And i hate myself for it, just as much as you hate reading it.

So much here:scared:
1. Really, do not move back in with family who cannot accept you for who you love. It will not help you.
2. You are not THAT old (mid 20s or so I think). You are WAAAAAAAY to old not to be taking responsibility for your own life but WAAAAAAAY too young to have given up on all of your dreams. They were not handed to on a silver platter (most people's aren't) but you can MAKE many of them come true. DO yourself a favour, set some goals and achieve them.
3. If you truly believe it would be torture for someone to be in a relationship with you then make some changes so that is not the case. You do know you control your own actions, right?


Finally, please do not come here asking (repeatedly) for advice, then ignore all the advice and then want sympathy when you whine about how bad things are. Take some of the well thought out advice you get here to heart or else at least have the good sense not to complain when your own actions leave you in situations you do not like. I really DO hope you can turn things around and become productive and happy in your life and I REALLY hope your grandmother lives out the remainder of her days in no pain and feeling loved and cherished by those she has loved over the years.
 
My Grandfather was French. ::yes:: He taught me to read, and having learned English from the British, he passed that on to me as well (I can't spell for beans today! LOL)!!!

He allowed me free reign in his extensive library and felt that anything I cared to read should be allowed. He felt that if it was too sexual, or too advanced, I'd not understand anyway. No harm done so to speak.

Life long love of reading was born.

He'd always have a treat for us (not just me of course, but my siblings as well) and we learned to savor that one little square of chocolate (instead of the whole bar) or a portion of Fritos, or whatever he chose to have for us.

The concept of personal dignity, respect for all, and appreciation (but not blind adherence, he was a judge :teeth: ) for the rules of man... just some of the things I learned from him...
 
My Grandfather was French. ::yes:: He taught me to read, and having learned English from the British, he passed that on to me as well (I can't spell for beans today! LOL)!!!

Hey what is wrong with British spelling? :cutie: :P

I have some weird hybrid British/Canadian/American/Dyslexic spelling. It can be amusing and makes my hubby terribly annoyed as he is a grammar/spelling/punctuation perfectionist. -- Yes he went through the British school system in HK so it was quite ridged.
 
My Grandfather was French. ::yes:: He taught me to read, and having learned English from the British, he passed that on to me as well (I can't spell for beans today! LOL)!!!

He allowed me free reign in his extensive library and felt that anything I cared to read should be allowed. He felt that if it was too sexual, or too advanced, I'd not understand anyway. No harm done so to speak.

Life long love of reading was born.

He'd always have a treat for us (not just me of course, but my siblings as well) and we learned to savor that one little square of chocolate (instead of the whole bar) or a portion of Fritos, or whatever he chose to have for us.

The concept of personal dignity, respect for all, and appreciation (but not blind adherence, he was a judge :teeth: ) for the rules of man... just some of the things I learned from him...

Hey what is wrong with British spelling? :cutie: :P

I have some weird hybrid British/Canadian/American/Dyslexic spelling. It can be amusing and makes my hubby terribly annoyed as he is a grammar/spelling/punctuation perfectionist. -- Yes he went through the British school system in HK so it was quite ridged.
Oh I am so glad it is not just me! I grew up reading tons and most of what I read were British novels. I did not realize I spelled things "wrong" by American standards until my 6th grade teacher asked me why I always used British spelling:lmao: I still revert to it auotmatically for most words. Sometimes I try to make a point of remembering to spell American style and at other times I do not bother. Add in my crazy typos and DH says he never knows what I am trying to say :upsidedow DVC your grandfather sounds like a wonderful man.
 












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