So many great things have been said, and after 32 almost completely happy years I have a few other things to add too.
Don't be afraid to take charge when you know you need to, whether it is with money, house repair, or raising the kids.
Letting things go that needs to be worked on, leads to more disrepair.
This is so very true. Some of the biggest problems we have faced over the years have come when I thought things weren't quite on track but I "thought he knew what he was doing" or "it seems so important to him" or "he's probably right"... so, I didn't say anything... sometimes the hair was standing up on the back of my neck. News flash... that was wisdom chasing me down. Oh... it took me so many of these before I determined it was NEVER worth it to stay quiet. And oh how I wish I'd figured it out sooner.
Discuss things before you say I do. Like, how many children, how will we raise them, how do we handle finances, what chores do you do, and what do I do? Also to those planning a wedding, remember the marriage is more important than the wedding.
Great advice... but it's easy to forget things. So be sure your man isn't a no compromise kid of guy. You can tell... just don't let love let you be blind to it.
Also, as for child rearing... what you say and what you do can be greatly influenced by the way you were raised. As those with children know, before you have kids you know everything about raising them and after they come along... different story. We both found times when our raising "came out" when we were tired or -pick your situation- it didn't change our goals, or beliefs, but it would have helped us both if we had known to expect that possibility from each other. Just preparation... and maybe get counseling before having kids if either of you came from difficult backgrounds.
In our case, it was just that one of us was raised by a screamer... and we got help, but neither of us was prepared for this because our philosophy was very calm and non-punishment oriented.
Marriage is not 50%/50%...
It is 100%/100%... if both people aren't willing to commit 100% than it does no good- you can't have a marriage if you only put in half...
Absolutely...and you have to be willing to give 150% when your partner is at 50% too. In a good marriage it doesn't last long, but there are days.....
My Mom gave me some good advice. My father and her divorced when I was young, and she said to never throw out the threat of divorce casually in the heat of the moment. She said the first time it is really difficult, but then you find it just gets easier to say, and it really does permanent damage to the relationship.
So true, if divorce is an option or is even brought up the fabric of the marriage is changed. Doing this doesn't mean it can't still happen, but you're way ahead if you go in without the word in your vocabulary.
And finally, LADIES, PAY ATTENTION THE FIRST FEW WEEKS OF YOUR MARRIAGE! During this time your ds will be compiling a subconscious list of what you really expect from him around the house. If you, in your newly wedded bliss say "no honey, I'll do that" - expect to be responsible for it - forever. Or at least until you have a BIG TALK, the kind that isn't any fun. On the other hand if you teach him to do laundry while he's deeply in love, you'll have help with it all your life. Something you'll appreciate when laundry goes from 3 loads a week to 3 loads a day (or more).
Guys, "PUT THE SEAT DOWN!".
Ummmm.... at our house we "compromised" by saying we both have to put it down, as in always keep the lid closed. I think I got the best end of that... but this was one of the things we decided the first week of our marriage and it has really stuck with us. And Hallelujah for that!!
Sounds simple, but keep the kindness in your relationship. Notice and thank them for everything they do - from cleaning the bathroom to going to work every day. Be your spouse's biggest fan, confidante, and soft spot to land.
I love this!!!!!!!!
On the whole marriage - like parenthood - teaches you more about yourself than about anyone else. Kindness and patience will come back to you.
Oh and one more thing - to dispel a myth... men do change, just not when and how you ask them to. So be prepared to get used to his new ideas and hobbies as they come along.
Sharing our lives in love is the goal - the only goal.
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