"Mannerly" things people do that you don't like?

[JennaDeeDooDah]

The thread yesterday about "ma'am" and "sir" got me thinking. I was raised in the south where you are always taught to say "ma'am" and "sir" to all people, older and younger, whenever applicable. My mother would ask if I had finished my homework and I was to respond, "yes ma'am". A student would say, "Mrs. JennaDeeDooDah, I have a question" and I would respond with, "Yes sir?" Many on a thread yesterday said that they find "ma'am" and "sir" to be quite disrespectful and that they would punish their child for saying those.

I also like for my husband to open my car door and to pull out my chair. I have some friends who detest men doing these things because they say that they can do it themselves and don't like being viewed as needing that sort of thing.

It has all gotten me thinking about what things people do that they were taught to do out of politeness that you don't really like them doing. Is there anything?

 

[shortbun]

I prefer to open my own door; people have actually pulled the door away from me and almost caused me to fall over. Hello-if you don't get to the door first-obviously first-don't pull it out of my hands and throw me off balance.

I also don't care for people who are ahead of me, stepping aside so I can get by them leaving me feeling obligated to hurry because I'm not holding them up. I move slowly due to my arthritis. It's painful to move quickly; keep moving, I'll get there on my own thanks!
For instance, when I'm going up a long flight of stairs-go ahead of me. It makes me rush and causes me pain for you to step aside and force me to rush up the stairs because you are now behind me instead of in front of me. I need to do this at my own pace. Having you intentionally behind me is stressful. What are you trying to accomplish?

If I look a little tippy on uneven ground, do not take my arm. I can't match your pace nor do I need you dragging me around. I'm not old or feeble, I just have pain in my knees and I'm being careful about stepping down so I don't crunch my knees. I use a cane and it gives me all the stability I need. Stop touching me. I don't like it and you're causing more harm than good.

 

[Janepod]

I prefer to open my own door; people have actually pulled the door away from me and almost caused me to fall over. Hello-if you don't get to the door first-obviously first-don't pull it out of my hands and throw me off balance.

This drives me nuts too.

I can't stand ma'am. It is my least favorite thing about visiting the south; worse than the heat and humidity.

You may think you're being polite by talking to my kid in the supermarket, but if I don't know you, stay away. I don't want him talking to strangers, period. (You are exempt if you have kids with you who are talking to him.)

My biggest pet peeve is drivers who sit there to let you go. It's a four-way stop sign, there's a system, just take your turn and GO instead of making everyone else wait and try to read your mind.

 

[Snowflakey]

I don't need anyone to open a car door for me or pull out my chair. I makes me feel inadequate I guess.

And the ma'am and sir thing - not a fan of that either.

However I wasn't brought up to do or say these things.

I do always hold the door for the person behind me and I respect everyone I meet.

 

[violetrose]

I was taught never to say Ma'am and Sir. I think it might be more common in the South. I was raised in the North and my mother told us kids we weren't to use it as that is what slaves were forced to say and we weren't to say it. Today I don't really have anything against being called ma'am but I never say it to anyone else, or sir.

I do feel strongly that people should say please and thank you, and to treat other people the way you want to be treated, otherwise I am not a stickler for proper manners.

 

[DopeyDame]

My biggest pet peeve is drivers who sit there to let you go. It's a four-way stop sign, there's a system, just take your turn and GO instead of making everyone else wait and try to read your mind.

Oh me too! You're not doing anyone a favor by not following the rules of the road!

I also hate when people pull out chairs for me. I can't figure out how the heck I'm supposed to sit down gracefully and pull in the chair when you're holding it. Just let go of my chair, please. Doors I don't mind, assuming it's obvious you're actually going to get it.

 

[ImDMous]

My biggest pet peeve is drivers who sit there to let you go. It's a four-way stop sign, there's a system, just take your turn and GO instead of making everyone else wait and try to read your mind.

This drives me insane! I'll go when it's my turn, you got there first. You being "nice" and waiting for everyone else is just making everything slower!

 

[violetrose]

You may think you're being polite by talking to my kid in the supermarket, but if I don't know you, stay away. I don't want him talking to strangers, period. (You are exempt if you have kids with you who are talking to him.)

Wow. So what do you do if someone starts talking to your kid? Tell them to stay away?

 

[Janepod]

Wow. So what do you do if someone starts talking to your kid? Tell them to stay away?

A stranger? Basically I walk away. Why wouldn't I?

 

[violetrose]

A stranger? Basically I walk away. Why wouldn't I?

I guess you could do whatever you want. Just curious. Is this a baby we are talking about? When my kids were little we often spoke to various people in our travels...never thought much about it to be honest.

 

[Janepod]

I guess you could do whatever you want. Just curious. Is this a baby we are talking about? When my kids were little we often spoke to various people in our travels...never thought much about it to be honest.

My son is 6. I am talking about adults who come up to him on an NYC street, in a park, in the supermarket, etc., saying things like "aren't you a big boy!" "What a handsome fellow you are!" That sort of thing. That is creepy and weird and no, I do not want my child speaking to random adults (male or female) who approach him for no apparent reason.

 

[anniemae]

I also hate when drivers break the rules to be nice. Like stopping on a main road to let me out onto the road. Please don't, you have the right of way, I will wait until it's safe.

I also don't like "distant door holders." Those folks who insist on holding the door when I am quite a distance away. I feel like I have to nod, smile, quicken my pace and get to the door faster. REally, just go, I will open the door when I get there.

I'm also not big on hand shaking when being introduced. I would rather smile and say "hello, nice to meet you." I just hate shaking hands, sometimes peoples handshakes hurt, or their hands are clammy, or they have a handshake like a wet noodle, or once my hands were wet from the condensation on a drink I was holding and I felt bad shaking hands. I just don't like it!

 

[Hannathy]

You may think you're being polite by talking to my kid in the supermarket, but if I don't know you, stay away. I don't want him talking to strangers, period. (You are exempt if you have kids with you who are talking to him.)

Wow how rude.

Nothing is going to happen to your children if someone says hello to them. That is raising them to be quite rude adults and very unfriendly and stuck up.

I always talk to kids in the store and people have always talked to mine. My kids have learned a lot of things by talking to strangers places and are quite outgoing and comfortable talking to and in front of people. Thankfully most people are not so rude and the kids talk back.

 

[luvgoing2disney]

I was taught never to say Ma'am and Sir. I think it might be common in the South but in the North we were taught that is what slaves were forced to say and we weren't to say it.

That is NOT the reason we say Ma'am and Sir. Just as it is used in the military, it is out of respect and courtesy. I nor any of my ancestors were slaves, but I still use those terms when speaking to those older than me. If I am speaking with someone on the phone and I do not know their age, I use them as well.

 

[violetrose]

My son is 6. I am talking about adults who come up to him on an NYC street, in a park, in the supermarket, etc., saying things like "aren't you a big boy!" "What a handsome fellow you are!" That sort of thing. That is creepy and weird and no, I do not want my child speaking to random adults (male or female) who approach him for no apparent reason.

Yikes. No wonder we have such a problem with kids feeling entitled today. So no one is to speak to your precious child. How bizarre. To each their own I guess! I'm not sure how you can control that, at least the initial conversation. No doubt they get the message when you walk away.

 

[violetrose]

That is NOT the reason we say Ma'am and Sir. Just as it is used in the military, it is out of respect and courtesy. I nor any of my ancestors were slaves, but I still use those terms when speaking to those older than me. If I am speaking with someone on the phone and I do not know their age, I use them as well.

I understand that. It's just something my mother taught us and why I never say it. ETA: I am not insulted when someone calls me ma'am. Just saying why some people might find it offensive.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I am very capable of getting my own doors but I LOVE when men do it for me. I don't insist on it, but when they do it on their own, I feel the respect. I LOVE that when I am carrying something large, many of the guys will run and insist to take it out of my hands. Again, I can do it myself, but I love that respect.

I agree with a PP. I work in a male-dominated field. Curse away but know that I can out curse you. I feel singled out for being female when someone apologizes for their words, but I get that they are showing respect as they were taught by their mothers. I think I have the guys trained now about that, though.

 

[U2_rocks!]

"Sir" and "ma'am" have always seemed to be very deferential words, and are used when trying to show extreme respect. Here they are most often used by people who are serving others. e.g. "good morning sir, how can I help you today?". At my son's school they have to call their teachers ma'am and sir - it's how that school has chosen to have the kids respect the teachers. Not all schools are like that. Sir and ma'am are not used in informal situations, like between family members or even in offices. In our office it's first name basis, but in a more formal office the boss would be Mr X or Ms Y. I don't hate sir or ma'am - it's just a little strange when I hear them used out of the normal context that I'm used to.

I will hold a door for someone if I get there first and they are right behind me, or if someone is trying to come out when I'm going in - that's common courtesy. There is no need for a man to rush to get the door before me, and it would annoy me if done in a ridiculous way.

 

[Janepod]

Yikes. No wonder we have such a problem with kids feeling entitled today. So no one is to speak to your precious child. How bizarre. To each their own I guess! I'm not sure how you can control that, at least the initial conversation. No doubt they get the message when you walk away.

Yep, I'm better than everyone else, so don't even try breathing my air. Now where is the eyeroll emoticon?

Seriously, I don't see any reason for an adult stranger to approach a child and strike up a conversation. How do I know the next words won't be, "come see the candy I have in my van" or "help me look for my lost puppy"?

And I do not meet rudeness (which, IMO, unsolicited advances are) with rudeness. I find a polite way for us to excuse ourselves.

All of my friends and family are like this as well. I don't see anything bizarre about it.

 

[Hannathy]

Yep, I'm better than everyone else, so don't even try breathing my air. Now where is the eyeroll emoticon?

Seriously, I don't see any reason for an adult stranger to approach a child and strike up a conversation. How do I know the next words won't be, "come see the candy I have in my van" or "help me look for my lost puppy"?

And I do not meet rudeness (which, IMO, unsolicited advances are) with rudeness. I find a polite way for us to excuse ourselves.

All of my friends and family are like this as well. I don't see anything bizarre about it.

And if you are standing right there with them you are going to go "sure Suzy go with this person to their van! I'll wait here"

How ridiculous.

Say hello for goodness sake and teach your kids the same, human kindness never hurt anyone.