making up an invitation for my daughter

[dis2cruise]

for her sweet 16 birthday party in august..
which one sounds better the difference I highlighted in red. Also does this sound right, "the most beautiful sweet sixteen" shouldn't I mention about the party or do people know that it is one??
and if someone has
a better saying (i promise I won't get mad) please
post it because I am totally clueless...thanks!!


1. Once upon a time a young girl had a dream to have the most beautiful Sweet sixteen. Please join us and make her dream come true, it just wouldn't be the same without a special guest like you.


2. Once upon a time a young girl had a dream to have the most beautiful Sweet sixteen. Please join us and make her dream come true, as it would never be the same without a special guest like you,

 

[tiggger1]

I would go with something like

Once upon a time, a young girl had a dream, to have the most beautiful party for her Sweet Sixteen. Hope you can join us and make her dreams come true, as it would never be the same without a guest like you.

 

[princess momma]

I like the first one the best.

 

[MushyMushy]

I like the first one, but I would definitely add "party" after sweet sixteen.

Also, instead of a comma between "true" and "it," you need a semicolon.

Please join us and make her dream come true; it just wouldn't be the same without a special guest like you.

The second version is correct as is.

 

[Bren's Mom]

I would go with something like

Once upon a time, a young girl had a dream, to have the most beautiful party for her Sweet Sixteen. Hope you can join us and make her dreams come true, as it would never be the same without a guest like you.

I prefer Tigger's.

 

[BeenHereB4]

I like Tigger's too. But I'd probably replace beautiful with wonderful.

 

[onelilspark]

I like the first one.

 

[luvmyfam444]

Not much help here - I just didn't like the word beautiful there - something else would be good but I dunno what...LOL

Extravagant, magnificient, exquisit, superb, delightful, wonderful, amazing, incredible, fantastic, unbelieveable...

I'm out of adjectives....

I just think of beautiful as describing a person not an event - but that may be just me....

And no I can't spell today - sorry...

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I like the first one better, and would add "party" after "sixteen".

I like Tigger's version a lot.

I agree with luvmyfam, too. I'd probably try to choose another adjective.

Most importantly, though, what does your dd think? Since it's her party, I'd make sure it's worded the way she likes it.

 

[dis2cruise]

Ok, this is hopefully the final saying!! Thank you
Tigger for your help with the saying and everyone elses help..
Now if anyone notices anything wrong, please correct as we will be making them tomorrow:

Once upon a time, a young girl had a dream to have a wonderful party for her Sweet Sixteen. Please join us to help make her dream come true; as it would never be the same without a special guest like you.

 

[Bren's Mom]

Once upon a time, a young girl had a dream to have a wonderful party for her Sweet Sixteen. Please join us to help make her dream come true; as it would never be the same without a special guest like you.

I think that's perfect. I'm sure you were probably planning to do this anyway but I'd put it centered like I did below. Hope it's a great party...post pics!!

Once upon a time,
a young girl had a dream
to have a wonderful party
for her Sweet Sixteen.

Please join us
to help make her dream come true
as it would never be the same
without a special guest like you.​

 

[Rora]

The final version sounds great! Have fun, OP!

 

[dis2cruise]

thanks again everyone!! My dd is sooo excited but she needs to get through the regents first poor kid has 4 to take later next week and then she can relax and have fun with all the other things she needs to do for her party