Major adoption question.

[PUZZLDY5]

Before anyone fusses at me I did google this but I can't find the answers I need.

Here's the situation. My sons friend is a college student who is pregnant. She can't keep this child and go to school. My husband and I said that we would take the baby. Since we know each other and she and the father are willing do we just go to a family law attorney and sign paperowrk or do we have to go through the whole adoption agency, homestudy, dig up every little bit of my life thing. (Not that that's a problem but time is of the essence here)

Ok Disers. What do I do here?

 

[deegack]

Yes you still have to go through the home study etc.

Go to a lawyer who specializes in adoption and they will walk you through it.

Also pick up Adoption for Dummies. Seriously. Its one of the best adoption books out there.

 

[java]

I found this which is informative

http://www.theadoptionguide.com/options/articles/independent-adoption

Sounds like you are doing more of an independent adoption. Wanted to also wish you the best of luck!

 

[snarlingcoyote]

It will depend upon the laws in your state. Head to a lawer who does adoptions ASAP.

 

[krcit]

I have a friend who went through a very similar situation. I will have to ask her about it. I do know that her first call was to a lawyer and it was a fast process....they found out when the girl was 5 mon ths pg and were there at the birth. Best of luck.

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

After having been through 4 adoptions (1 fell through, 3 were successful ), I would personally find a local adoption agency as opposed to an attorney. But that is just based on my personal experience. I will say, that even though time may be an issue, take the time to feel comfortable with whoever you choose. If you can get a recommendation from anyone in your area, that is a great start.

The good news is that even if there isn't alot of time, an experienced agency/lawyer can get done what needs to get done rather quickly when needed. Our daughters birthmother came to us on a Sunday night at 10pm. She was having a c section on Wed. The baby came home from the hospital with us on Friday. To be fair, we had already had a homestudy that was just expired and needed to be updated. We did alot of running around for 2 days, and our case worker changed her whole schedule to make it happen for us. It was incredible.

The good news for you is that the hardest part, and usually the longest part, is finding the birthmom. You are ahead of the game!! Good luck

 

[momof1princess]

when i was working as a legal secretary, we had a situation very similar to this, except the young mother (19-20) was going into the military and the father (who was several years older-about 27 at the time) didn't want the responsibility of a young daughter, as he and the baby's mother had broken up. the little girl was about 2 or 3 years old, and poor thing had never even had a pair of shoes.
one of the girl's cousins decided to adopt the toddler, and she and her DH came to us. we prepared the paperwork and walked them through the process. they had to have a home study and go through the motions with DHR, then there was a hearing a few months later with the probate court, which was a formality, really, but necessary to complete the paperwork.
i've often wondered about that family over the years. they were really good people. bless you, OP, for being the soft place to fall for this young woman and her baby.

 

[Luv'sTink]

My sister and her husband had a private adoption. They were in the process of trying to adopt, so they already had their home study finished.

I would not go to an adoption agency, you're not looking for a baby, you've already found one. I would go to an attorney.

When my husband adopted MY son, WE still had to have a home study. Yes, you read that correctly, I still had to have a home study for him to adopt MY son.

Our process and hers were almost the same...Home study, paper work and see the judge. Except we did not go to a Lawyer we had a Paralegal draw up the paper work and filed with the court ourselves.

 

[tdollar]

As an adoption social worker, I would say yes, you will need an approved home study by a licensed social worker or an adoption agency. You should also contact an attorney for legal advice, however, I always feel like the birthmother is better served working with a social worker or adoption agency rather than an attorney for counseling to deal with the issues of grief and loss.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

After having been through 4 adoptions (1 fell through, 3 were successful ), I would personally find a local adoption agency as opposed to an attorney. But that is just based on my personal experience. I will say, that even though time may be an issue, take the time to feel comfortable with whoever you choose. If you can get a recommendation from anyone in your area, that is a great start.

I prefer working with an agency as well. They guide you through the entire process, and have social workers as well as attorneys to handle all aspects. It doesn't matter that you have already found your own potential birthmother. Agencies also do these types of adoptions (called "designated adoption"), and any legitimate agency would charge you a lower fee than they charge adoptive parents who need the agency to match them with an expectant mom.

Good luck!

 

[rie'smom]

Every state has different laws and rules governing adoption so contact a family law attorney unless you have an attorney who is an adoption specialist in your area.

 

[PUZZLDY5]

Thank you so much for all the responses. She is having a little girl and as you can see in my sig I have all boys.
This girl has been friends with my son for about 5 years now. We love her to death and truthfully in my heart of hearts I hope she chooses to parent but I don't think that's in her mind right now. She is incredibly smart and has managed to go to college on a lot of scholorships. She's afraid she won't be able to continue if she chooses to parent. She asked us to take the baby. I"m really nervous about getting emotionaly invested in this.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Thank you so much for all the responses. She is having a little girl and as you can see in my sig I have all boys.
This girl has been friends with my son for about 5 years now. We love her to death and truthfully in my heart of hearts I hope she chooses to parent but I don't think that's in her mind right now. She is incredibly smart and has managed to go to college on a lot of scholorships. She's afraid she won't be able to continue if she chooses to parent. She asked us to take the baby. I"m really nervous about getting emotionaly invested in this.

I think it is awesome that you want to give this baby a good home. That being said how will her parents feel about this? They are the grandparents and they might want to adopt the baby or what have you. I would really make sure the family is also on board with this because they might not be happy with her giving the baby to you (which is her choice) and may cause legal problems. You just want to have all your bases covered. Good luck!

 

[PUZZLDY5]

I think it is awesome that you want to give this baby a good home. That being said how will her parents feel about this? They are the grandparents and they might want to adopt the baby or what have you. I would really make sure the family is also on board with this because they might not be happy with her giving the baby to you (which is her choice) and may cause legal problems. You just want to have all your bases covered. Good luck!

I totaly agree with you. There is no grandpa and grandma is single and in her mid 50's. I do plan on getting together with her for lunch and discussing it with her and have her blessing too. It's strange because we are friends with everyone so it's not like she will never see her grandaughter and my DH and I have already decided that this child WILL know her extended family and her bio mom as her family also. We will just be her parents. There is no danger in loving a child too much KWIM.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I totaly agree with you. There is no grandpa and grandma is single and in her mid 50's. I do plan on getting together with her for lunch and discussing it with her and have her blessing too. It's strange because we are friends with everyone so it's not like she will never see her grandaughter and my DH and I have already decided that this child WILL know her extended family and her bio mom as her family also. We will just be her parents. There is no danger in loving a child too much KWIM.

I love your last sentence! I firmly believe that a child can never have too many people to love her, and that it's in an adoptee's best interest to have access to his/her birthfamily throughout her life. I hope it all works out well for you.

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

I just wanted to add that my reasoning for recommending an agency as opposed to an attorney. It is not in any way a problem with attorneys, but rather the emotional support that you and the birth family will recieve from an agency. They offer counseling and often have support groups for both sides. They have attorneys on staff so that all legal aspects are covered and are able to represent both families. Also, an agency will probably be much cheaper, espcially since you already have a degisnated birthmother (as someone already mentioned).

It sounds like you are already on the road to being a loving adoptive family. My mom has serious issues with us keeping in contact with our birthfamilies. She has real jealousy issues and is afraid that someday my kids will choose to love their birthparents more than they love us. I remind her regularly that they are allowed to love whomever they choose, the more love they have in their life the better, and no matter who they may have in their lives, my kids will always know who their mom and dad are!

Best of luck to you!! It's the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

[rie'smom]

Thank you so much for all the responses. She is having a little girl and as you can see in my sig I have all boys.
This girl has been friends with my son for about 5 years now. We love her to death and truthfully in my heart of hearts I hope she chooses to parent but I don't think that's in her mind right now. She is incredibly smart and has managed to go to college on a lot of scholorships. She's afraid she won't be able to continue if she chooses to parent. She asked us to take the baby. I"m really nervous about getting emotionaly invested in this.

Any time you decide to adopt, there's a risk but remember there's a risk with a pregnancy as well. We had waited 5 years with an agency when the agency director took me aside and recommended an adoption attorney. That was in August. By February we had our daughter. DH and I already had 2 sons so we were at the bottom of the list. We had dealt with an international agency for a bit and we had a birth mother who was pregnant with twins but they died at birth so I understand the worry about investing yourself emotionally.
I'm so impressed with this young woman and her decision, It takes a great deal of maturity to be able to carry a pregnancy to term and then place her baby. You guys are in my prayers. It's so worth the emotional investment.

I just wanted to add that my reasoning for recommending an agency as opposed to an attorney. It is not in any way a problem with attorneys, but rather the emotional support that you and the birth family will recieve from an agency. They offer counseling and often have support groups for both sides. They have attorneys on staff so that all legal aspects are covered and are able to represent both families. Also, an agency will probably be much cheaper, espcially since you already have a degisnated birthmother (as someone already mentioned).

It sounds like you are already on the road to being a loving adoptive family. My mom has serious issues with us keeping in contact with our birthfamilies. She has real jealousy issues and is afraid that someday my kids will choose to love their birthparents more than they love us. I remind her regularly that they are allowed to love whomever they choose, the more love they have in their life the better, and no matter who they may have in their lives, my kids will always know who their mom and dad are!

Best of luck to you!! It's the best thing that ever happened to me.

The thing I've found with agencies is there are soooo many couples they're dealing with on a daily basis. My husband and I dealt with one and there were 100 couples. That agency was crazy busy every single day dealing with these couples, prospective couples, birth mother, prospective birth mothers, etc.
A private attorney can give more one on one time. Also I'm sure he/she could recommend a therapist who deals with these issues. Our particular attorney came to being an adoption attorney through family law. Our birth mother had a therapist and wonderful prenatal care all arranged through him.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

The thing I've found with agencies is there are soooo many couples they're dealing with on a daily basis. My husband and I dealt with one and there were 100 couples. That agency was crazy busy every single day dealing with these couples, prospective couples, birth mother, prospective birth mothers, etc.
A private attorney can give more one on one time. Also I'm sure he/she could recommend a therapist who deals with these issues. Our particular attorney came to being an adoption attorney through family law. Our birth mother had a therapist and wonderful prenatal care all arranged through him.

Wow, that is huge! Our agency only deals with about 15 couples at a time, and always had plenty of time for us.

I don't want to turn this into a debate on which method is "better", but it just goes to show that anyone looking to adopt should ask a lot of questions about the process to get a good feel for how it works with different facilitators before making a decision on who to go with. I'm sure that there is a lot of variation in both agencies and attorneys.

 

[ginna74]

catholic charities is WONDERFUL. <and no I am not catholic> They provided counciling before and after the adoption took place. I had an open adoption so they arranged visitation a few times. We have written communication and for the first like 6 years it went through the agency. I cannot say a single bad thing about them and the experience that I went through.

 

[rie'smom]

Wow, that is huge! Our agency only deals with about 15 couples at a time, and always had plenty of time for us.

I don't want to turn this into a debate on which method is "better", but it just goes to show that anyone looking to adopt should ask a lot of questions about the process to get a good feel for how it works with different facilitators before making a decision on who to go with. I'm sure that there is a lot of variation in both agencies and attorneys.