Lung Cancer Scare, need pixie dust (long)

[lowie]

My father in law was brought to the ER on new years eve complaining of shortness of breath. he had a very serious heart attack about 2 years ago, but they quickly ruled out any cardiac issues.

a chest xray showed fluid around one lung, and the ER doc told him it's probably in infection but that they'd have to drain the fluid to allow him to breath easier and test the fluid to see what kind of infection so they'd know how to treat it. then they did a CT scan to get a better look.

the next day, a doctor told him that they pretty much ruled out lung cancer (which a lot of times causes one sided fluid build up) and he'd be going home soon.

he's still there today and when i go in this afternoon to visit my MIL tells me that they found a 'spot floating in fluid' on the CT scan and that his lung collapsed. i later found out that his lung collapsed on NYE but no one mentioned that before. so they're going to keep him to biopsy the fluid and he'll be there till monday.

so i call my cousin who is a radiologist in another nearby hospital and his practice had actually been sent the CT scan, because the doctors here wanted another opinion.

This is, by the way, my husband's cousin. they grew up very close, almost like brothers.

Cousin tells me that it's not just a floating spot, but rather one major spot with many nodules and they metastisized (sp?) into the lymph nodes. He told me not to tell anyone until the biopsy confirms it, but that it is very obvious to him that my FIL has lung cancer.

he wanted me to know so I can be there with them when they get the news, because he knows that they will both freak out and I usually stay very calm under pressure and can take notes, ask questions, etc.

i haven't told my DH as he will completely lose it. it was hard enough dealing with the heart attack, and i'm pretty much the one who met with the doctors and followed his medical care, then reported to the family.

it's killing me to not be able to talk to my dh about it, but there is no reason to have him freak out all weekend, there will be plenty of time for that next week. i'm just sick to my stomach.

my in-laws will be married 40 years this sunday. what a terrible way spend an anniversary.

any prayers or pixie dust you can spare would really be appreciated.

 

[Disneylover79]

So sorry to hear about your FIL..... It is a good thing that you can be the rock that they will need so badly in the next few weeks... I am keeping you and your family in my prayers and sending pizie dust your way...

 

[Caropooh]

Keeping the family in my prayers.

 

[Acklander]

That's so hard that you're not able to talk to DH about it. I couldn't imagine having to keep something that big quiet.
Is there a way to help DH prepare for what it will probably be? Maybe say you were googling all his symptoms and from your research it appears that it's probably going to be lung cancer? Something to help his mind get used to the idea before he actually gets the news?
Hugs to everyone.

 

[TB'sWidow]

Sorrry to hear this tough diagnoses for Fil. I will pray that the cousin is wrong.

 

[alliecats]

Wow, the cousin has really put you in a bad spot. I know why he did it, but I don't necessarily agree with what he has done. I don't know if keeping a secret like that from your husband is the best idea--will he be upset with you later that you kept it from him?
Either way, you have my sympathies and prayers. It's great for the family that they have someone like you around to be so much support.

 

[crz4mm2]

Prayers for you and your family.
I am the one that had to break that terrible news to my Dad and Mother years ago.... It is a terrible spot to be in.

 

[Trish Bessette]

I am so sorry. I lost my father-in-law from lung cancer at the age of 62. So young and he's missed so much in our familes lives. I miss him.

 

[KAMLEM]

So sorry you are put in this position and have to deal with it alone.

 

[ZPT1022]

I'm sorry. My FIL died of lung cancer when I was pregnant with my twins. Like you I was also the one in the family who could keep my head on straight and ask all the right questions. It always amazes me when people feel like they can't talk to their DR's and that they can't ask questions. If I were you, knowing what you know, I would call back the cousin and ask him for a list of questions that you should be prepared to ask the DR. Better yet, is there any way that the cousin can be there at the hospital for the news too, since he is a DR and he is very close to his aunt & uncle? Maybe that would be helpful?

 

[JunieJay]

Wow, you certainly have been put in a tough spot.

My own father died of lung cancer when he was 51 years old, so I know what a frightening thing this diagnosis can be. Since you are the one who remains calm, cool and collected I guess the best thing you can do now is gather as much information as you can so when they deliver the news to your husband and in-laws you can be armed with the right questions to ask. I know it must be killing you not to talk to DH, but you can always come here and lean on us if you need to. I'll keep your family in my prayers.

 

[lowie]

thanks to you all for the kind words... just one of the many reasons why the DIS is so terrific.

(un)fortunately i didn't have to hold this information too long. my MIL called about an hour ago and told me that the doctors told her that they are sure it is lung cancer. they drained some of the fluid and it was filled with blood, and i guess that is a pretty sure sign. they want to do another CT scan (being done as i type) and will follow that with a bronchioscope(sp?) after the lab results come back. once they have 100% proof, and can see the severity, hopefully they'll move him to a hospital with a cancer center.

the hardest part was calling my dh at work, asking him to leave early so we can go be with his parents. now they all know, still not as much as i know, but we acn talk more openly about treatment options and things to ask the doctors when we can't all be there together.

again, thanks to everyone who responded, it means a lot to me.