Lukemia and a 17 Year Old

[dairyou]

Hi,

Such sad new that has impacted our lives. My 17 year old DS's very good friend was just diagnosed with Lukemia.

A group of friends will be going to the hospital to visit him tonight. I've cleared it with the hospital and they are okay with it. This is his second day there.

What I'm hoping you can give hints with is what to bring him, how long should they stay ect.

Any information or experiences you have that can pass on to us would be great.

Most of all keep him and his family in your prayers and thoughts.

Deb

 

[laurie31]

First of all, prayers for your DS's friend and his family (and your DS too - it's hard to watch a friend struggle with serious illness, especially when you're a teen and think you'll live forever).

Depending on what type leukemia he has, there is up to a 70% or better survival rate, so it's far from a death sentence.

Bravo foryour DS and his friends for visiting and supporting their friend. Sometimes people are scared for whatever reason. They don't know what to say/do, they don't like hospitals, whatever. So just being there is fantastic. The boy won't feel like his friends are going to "move on" without him, if that makes sense.

How long they should stay depends on how the boy is feeling. If he's already had surgery to implant a port for chemo and gotten his first round, he may not feel up to them hanging around for long, but it's actually likely that it hasn't happened yet, and he may feel totally fine - just the same as before he got the news. It's weird to be told you're *very* sick when you don't *feel* very sick.

What to bring him depends on what he likes. What would your DS give him as a birthday gift? Something similar would probably be nice. I'd stay away from food items, though, until you see how he's feeling. Also, there's nothing wrong with asking HIM what he'd like. Just have your DS say, "Hey, what would you like next time we come?" or "What do you wish you had here in your room that you haven't got?" Teen boys usually aren't shy about answering truthfully. If he wants a basket filled with M&Ms or whatever, you can get it for him next time.

Other advice - he will spend much more time at home than in the hospital. Just make sure they don't forget about him when planning stuff like trips to the mall, ball games, whatever they normally do. (Not saying they would, but if he couldn't make one game because he was sick, they might assume he won't be able to come to the next one either. Even if he can't go, it's still nice to be asked.) I've seen some teens shave their heads as a measure of support when a friend loses their hair.

But remember he's still the same guy. He wants to STAY that same guy, he doesn't want to be "that guy with cancer." So you don't have to go overboard with gifts. Time is the best gift, even if it's just a phone call.

That's great that your DS and his friends are going to visit. They shouldn't be afraid to talk about the diagnosis. It doesn't have to be the "elephant in the room" that everyone can see but no one dares to mention. It's okay to ask him how many months of chemo he'll need, will he still be able to go to school, etc. They can/should also talk about all the normal things they would talk about if they were just hanging out at your house.

Hopefully in several months, we'll see a post from you asking for ideas for an "I'm done with chemo" party. (but it won't be an easy road between now and then. Prayer is the most important thing of all.)

 

[DWGal210]

That's awesome advice from the PP. I totally agree. The best gift of all might just be time with his friends.

Prayers for your son and his friend.

 

[Hercules10]

I agree with above. Kinda depends on if the Leukemia is acute or chronic. CML is treated with GLEEVEC which is oral medication. No chemo. Although there is a debate if GLEEVEC is a chemo-type drug. Either way it has far less side effects.

Being so young he should rebound easier. Just a personal opinion but in older folks it seemed to me that Leukemia was the tip (or bottom) of the iceberg.

Best of luck!

BTW...here's a link to the LLS board.
http://www.leukemia-lymphoma.org/ub...ubbcgi/Ultimate.cgi?action=intro&item_id=9388

 

[wdwfan16]

Sending our prayers. Cancer sucks at any age but especially when someone is so young.

 

[Piecey]

It's not a suggestion on what to bring, but if I recall correctly he won't be able to have flowers or anything like that.

I went to school with two girls that had leukemia. The one that was in my grade is now in remission and studying to be a vetrinarian.

Hugs to your son. Hopefully it's not long before his friend is in remission!

 

[mommytobug]

I am a childhood cancer survivor and also spent half of last year in and our of St Jude when they thought my dd had Ewing's Sarcoma. I can tell you by experience that teens who have cancer, only wanted to be treated like a teen who doesn't. With this being a new diagnosis, I would not stay a long long time but let your child know to be aware of when he gets tired, etc. Also, I am sure he is still soaking in what has been told to him. Be a friend, laugh about things, cry about things. I am going to post a link to a caringbridge site that I keep up with. It is a 17 year old boy who was diagnosed with testicular cancer and then last year had a relapse in another part of his body but is now in remission again. His mother has a way of sharing the good times and tough ones. Hope it is ok that i share it.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/tylertankersley


If it does not work go to caringbridge.org and type in his name. You may also want to encourage the friend or his mom to start one. We used it when my dd was sick. It is free and you can post journals and updates and friends can post notes. It was so good for us because so many people were calling, etc and it is not that we did not want them to but it can be overwhelming.

 

[imabrat]

I am a childhood cancer survivor and also spent half of last year in and our of St Jude when they thought my dd had Ewing's Sarcoma. I can tell you by experience that teens who have cancer, only wanted to be treated like a teen who doesn't. With this being a new diagnosis, I would not stay a long long time but let your child know to be aware of when he gets tired, etc. Also, I am sure he is still soaking in what has been told to him. Be a friend, laugh about things, cry about things. I am going to post a link to a caringbridge site that I keep up with. It is a 17 year old boy who was diagnosed with testicular cancer and then last year had a relapse in another part of his body but is now in remission again. His mother has a way of sharing the good times and tough ones. Hope it is ok that i share it.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/tylertankersley


If it does not work go to caringbridge.org and type in his name. You may also want to encourage the friend or his mom to start one. We used it when my dd was sick. It is free and you can post journals and updates and friends can post notes. It was so good for us because so many people were calling, etc and it is not that we did not want them to but it can be overwhelming.

Ditto. OP, I think you should encourage your son to stay friends with this boy, even though he's sick. I lost a few friends when I was on chemo that I thought would be there, and it hurt so bad. Some people didn't want to hang out with me because I was "sick", but others didn't care that I was sick at all. We ARE normal, we like to do everything that other teens like to do. Don't let your son exclude him from anything, that's all that I ask.

What to bring him? DVDS! Or maybe a Netflix/Blockbuster subscription. I, and several of my friends, had a big craving for fast food. (Well, when we weren't nauseated of course) KFC mashed potatoes were VERY popular. Gift cards are FABULOUS. But mostly, just treat him like he's not sick. I still struggle with the "girl with cancer" stuff and it's been 2 years!

 

[krcit]

My best friends ds had leukemia when he was 18 months old. He is now 14 and a healthy active kid(thank God) I will keep your son's friend in my prayers. When I was in high school, a friend of mine was diagnosed with Hodgkins Disease. I remember how scary it was for all of us. Encourage your ds to stay involved with his friend-he will need his friends so much. We had a party like you wouldn't belive when my buddy made the 5 year mark. I still remember it 20 years later.BTW, my friend is now a 41 year old dad of 5!

 

[trip]

I second the use of "caringbridge.org"! I have had some friends and relatives use this and it was such a blessing. You could check in on your friend/loved one without bothering anyone and leave messages that could be read when it was convenient.