local mypage scandle exposes lousy parenting

[barkley]

in my opinion.

heres the deal: our local highschool has tried it's best to address underage drinking. one thing they implemented was a policy wherein any student who wants to/participates in sports (or cheer) must attend WITH THEIR PARENTS a meeting at the begining of the begining of the school term. the meeting goes over the fact that underage drinking in addition to being ILLEGAL, violates the school's athletic policy. anyone participating has to sign a contract saying the will not drink alcohol (at any time-24/7) or be in the company of other under 21's who do so. they are told that if it is found that they have they will be subject to suspension from their sports team.


so.... a few weeks ago some parents discover a mypage site that has DOZENS of the school's athletes in posed photos at various parties and get togethers openly consuming alcohol. the school is tipped off and after investigating suspends close to 2 dozen (on various teams-male and female) to ONE WEEK'S non play status.

(here is where i feel the BAD parenting comes in)-the bulk of these kid's parents are now fighting with the school district that the drinking could have occured outside of the sport's season their kid is currently in and should'nt be held against them. they ignore the fact that alot of the pictures have digital dates in the corner that identify them as within the school year (and after they and kids signed their participation contracts) and the GLARING fact that their KIDS (as young as 14) participated in booze bashes (and it was not a one time thing-the same kids shown over and over posing with passed out friends, bottles of hard liquor in different settings/different times of the year). they are more concerned about their daughter missing one volleyball game than the fact she was photographed half naked chugging a bottle of vodka).

seems to me these "parents" have awfuly flawed value systems.

 

[MrsKreamer]

I am not surprised. In the society we live in today it is never the children's fault. I have already discussed with DH that if our children ever pulled stunts like this, the school benching them for a week would be the least of their problems.
When I was this age my mom put the fear of God in me. I always felt like someone was watching...and that paranoia kept me out of trouble.

 

[DVCLiz]

LOL! This happened at my daughter's school last year. A group of about thirty kids were called into the auditorium - I think they thought they were being given some special award or something. Bingo!!!! Busted on MySpace - and our school has the same policy, so lots of varsity athletes sat out a game. I think a few parents got their panties in a wad about it, but it was so clear that the kids had broken the contracts that ultimately the parents had to be quiet.

DD was a little bummed, she said, because all the "cool" kids got to go to a special meeting and she wasn't invited. Boy, was she relieved when she found out what it was!!! She called me and laughed about it from school.

Things sure are different these days, aren't they - except teenagers!!!

 

[mom2grace]

I take a different view, and my kids are only 2 & 4, but I grew up in the excesses of the 80's. I am 35. My mother is a high school guidance counselor and probably wouldn't agree with what I am about to say.

Why does drinking after school hours, not on school property become the business of the school?

While I would be furious if my children were drinking, it would be our family business and I would probably yank them from their activities. I don't get why the school gets to "police" what goes on after-hours.

If you smoke pot after work, do you lose your job if you are sober when you return to work?

If you speed in your car, do you lose your job? Why doesn't the school care about speeding?

I understand the whole teen drinking thing and was very involved in anti-drinking campaigns during my high school years and I did not drink in high school. And I appreciate the schools try to prevent it...........but I think this goes too far.

To an extent, I think this plays into the "bad parenting" and perpetuates it. Parents don't have to enforce any rules because the school will do it for them and the parents continue to look like the good guy and the school looks like the bad guy. Then you get the "gang" mentality of parents banding together to sue the school. What gives? Just pull your kid out and put him in a private school! And frankly, what school administration wants to have to deal with "those parents"????

JMO! (Donning flame suit!)

 

[RitaZ.]

seems to me these "parents" have awfuly flawed value systems.

I agree with you, I guess it's ok to overlook the fact that drinking is illegal. How can we expect better from the kids when this is the message that they get from their parents... It's not ok to drink, but maybe it is if you don't do it during sports season. Just don't get caught, but if you do, we will defend you and remember that in the end, the rules don't apply to you. Yes, the message is totally clear.

I'm shocked by parents' reactions when their kids are caught engaging in adult behaviors. The kid did the crime, then be prepared to accept the consequences. What's so terrible about that? How will they ever build a strong character if mommy and daddy defend their actions and then rescue them from their stupidity?

 

[bballmom56]

Our school has the "code of behavior" that all extracurricular participants and their parents have to sign saying in effect I will not drink, use drugs, etc. However, there are no penalties or consequences listed if you are caught doing those things. I guess that leaves it up to the administration to deal with each on an individual basis (depending on whether that kid is needed for the big game or not). Sorry for being cynical, but I think the penalties should be spelled out and applied equally to everyone.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

The drinking becomes the business of the school when the student signs the contract stating they won't engage in those behaviors if they want to play on the teams. Not only is drug and alcohol use illegal at that age, it is not conducive to the highest levels of athletic ability--if a student is perpetually stoned or drunk, the athletic performance will suffer, and then the team will suffer.
In the district I live in, these contracts apply to all extracurriculars--my 8th grade DD had to sign one to be in "Annie". If these kids get caught, not only do the athletes lose games, but other students have to sit out concerts, plays, chess tournaments, whatever. And these contracts in most districts apply to attending parties as well....you have a small amount of time to realize it's a drinking party, then you had better get out of there or face the possible consequences.
Does it work? Not that much--just got a note about a "town hall meeting" about underage drinking. The note says 94% of PHS parents disapprove of underage drinking, but in a 2004 survey 73% of seniors reported binge drinking within the previous 6 months (binge defined as 5 plus drinks at a time). I can see how this happens; my DD is mortified if I drop her at a party and I insist on walking up to the door to meet the parents, and she is only in 8th grade. It would probably be easy to just trust her and let her go to whatever parties she wants as she gets older. But that's when it gets more dangerous. (I teach at a high school).
BTW, at the school where I work (different district), the consequences for athletes have switched to a "365" policy. You are asked to refrain from those behaviors regardless of season. One of my boys golfs in the fall and runs track in the spring. Someone brought in pictures of a party and a fellow track athlete was spotted. When the track coach threatened to sit him the whole season if he didn't cooperate, he told them everyone who was at that party, including this boy. Even though it took place in winter, when he doesn't compete, he has to sit 20% of the track meets. I guess he didn't read the fine print when he signed his contract.
Personally I am all for this type of thing. As a teacher, I know drinking is a HUGE problem. Some idiot parents still think it's OK to let kids and their friends drink as long as they confiscate the keys. As a parent, I want everyone on my side when it comes to helping my kids make the correct decisions--me, DH, the school, other kids' parents, etc. Trust me, if my kids ever got caught in that kind of debacle, I would be the one parent that was not getting the lawyer and was making the kid write a letter of apology to the coach and team for letting them down.
Robin M.

 

[nwdisgal]

in my opinion.

heres the deal: our local highschool has tried it's best to address underage drinking. one thing they implemented was a policy wherein any student who wants to/participates in sports (or cheer) must attend WITH THEIR PARENTS a meeting at the begining of the begining of the school term. the meeting goes over the fact that underage drinking in addition to being ILLEGAL, violates the school's athletic policy. anyone participating has to sign a contract saying the will not drink alcohol (at any time-24/7) or be in the company of other under 21's who do so. they are told that if it is found that they have they will be subject to suspension from their sports team.


so.... a few weeks ago some parents discover a mypage site that has DOZENS of the school's athletes in posed photos at various parties and get togethers openly consuming alcohol. the school is tipped off and after investigating suspends close to 2 dozen (on various teams-male and female) to ONE WEEK'S non play status.

(here is where i feel the BAD parenting comes in)-the bulk of these kid's parents are now fighting with the school district that the drinking could have occured outside of the sport's season their kid is currently in and should'nt be held against them. they ignore the fact that alot of the pictures have digital dates in the corner that identify them as within the school year (and after they and kids signed their participation contracts) and the GLARING fact that their KIDS (as young as 14) participated in booze bashes (and it was not a one time thing-the same kids shown over and over posing with passed out friends, bottles of hard liquor in different settings/different times of the year). they are more concerned about their daughter missing one volleyball game than the fact she was photographed half naked chugging a bottle of vodka).

seems to me these "parents" have awfuly flawed value systems.

Okay, I'm not siding with the parents not taking accountability for there kids. But I am thinking the Civil Liberties Union could have a field day with something like this. I mean when does private become public and vice versa. Yes, if you sign a contract, you should live by it. What I'm more worried about is the feeding frenzy that is going on with this My Space stuff.

 

[cruisnfamily]

If you smoke pot after work, do you lose your job if you are sober when you return to work?

Yes! If your workplace enforces random drug testing you do.

DH was injured at work once and it required a visit to the ER. Because it was a workman's comp thing they had him pee in a cup before they even once looked at his injury. Luckily, DH doesn't do anything which could cause a problem so they did eventually treat his injury, BUT they were well within their rights to do what they did.

 

[Shutterbug]

Yes! If your workplace enforces random drug testing you do.

DH was injured at work once and it required a visit to the ER. Because it was a workman's comp thing they had him pee in a cup before they even once looked at his injury. Luckily, DH doesn't do anything which could cause a problem so they did eventually treat his injury, BUT they were well within their rights to do what they did.

Yep same here. If you are injured at work and need to go to the hospital and you test positive for illegals, you are terminated.

 

[mermaidlady]

My ex-BIL is a trucker and they are subject to random drug tests and they will be suspended if found with drugs in thier system even if not consumed while at work. Ex-BIL was suspended a couple of times.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I am not surprised. In the society we live in today it is never the children's fault. I have already discussed with DH that if our children ever pulled stunts like this, the school benching them for a week would be the least of their problems.
When I was this age my mom put the fear of God in me. I always felt like someone was watching...and that paranoia kept me out of trouble.

I will give you a hearty AMEN to that!!!! I agree 100% completely!!!!

 

[MagicKingdom05]

If you smoke pot or do other drugs and then post pictures of it on a website and get into trouble, you would be surprised at how many jobs would let you go.

 

[mom2rb]

In Texas it is legal to drink as long as you are with a parent or guardian. I wonder what happens then? Do the parents claim they were at the party, just not in the picture? Personally, I think this is something the parents should deal with. I don't think that the school should get to regulate the student's life when they are not at school or at a school sponsored activity. Yes, some parents will take action and some won't, just like everything else.

 

[monsterkitty]

Okay, I'm not siding with the parents not taking accountability for there kids. But I am thinking the Civil Liberties Union could have a field day with something like this. I mean when does private become public and vice versa. Yes, if you sign a contract, you should live by it. What I'm more worried about is the feeding frenzy that is going on with this My Space stuff.

The Supreme Court has already ruled such contracts are legal. Parent could sue a school but would likely lose because of previous rulings by the court.

 

[rigs32]

The Supreme Court has already ruled that random drug tests are legal for high schools to perform on kids who participate in extra-curricular activities. This sort of requirement, I think, falls into the same category.

There has to be a clear reason (deter/prevent underage drinking/drugging and safety of kids) and the reason must be related to the method (the testing). Here, we have the same reason and the method - punishment for said behavior. It would most likely be upheld in court.

 

[nwdisgal]

In Texas it is legal to drink as long as you are with a parent or guardian. I wonder what happens then? Do the parents claim they were at the party, just not in the picture? Personally, I think this is something the parents should deal with. I don't think that the school should get to regulate the student's life when they are not at school or at a school sponsored activity. Yes, some parents will take action and some won't, just like everything else.

The only problem I see with whole thing is that someone could Photo Shop a drink into someone's hand. I mean realistically that could happen. That is why this whole My Space thing seems more hazy to me than a urine test as admissable evidence. I am just playing Devil's Advocate here. Urine testing is scientific and controlled. A photo isn't.

 

[Ronda93]

If you smoke pot after work, do you lose your job if you are sober when you return to work?

While it hasn't been done in a VERY long time, my employer stipulates that random testing is at their discretion. Yes, I'd lose my job.

If you speed in your car, do you lose your job? Why doesn't the school care about speeding?

If part of my responsibilities include driving, then yes, after enough tickets I'd lose that job, too.

Participating in extracurricular activities is a privilege. No one is entitled to play football, basketball or volleyball. The schools are not dreaming these rules up just to have more meetings and paperwork. Someone has done something that created an environment where signing a pledge to not engage in underaged drinking seemed sensible. It's also possible that funding for the schools is tied to a drug-free/zero-tolerance environment and they are simply meeting those requirements.

Communities shout out for schools to "do something" and this is what they reap.

 

[nwdisgal]

The Supreme Court has already ruled such contracts are legal. Parent could sue a school but would likely lose because of previous rulings by the court.

Okay, I probably didn't phrase this as well as I should of. I understand they signed a contract and are accountable to the contract. I'm not debating that. What I am trying to figure out is how long is My Space going to hold up in the courts, as My Space photos can be tampered with.

I can pull you over for speeding with a radar gun - admissible and measurable evidence. I can conduct a drug test - scientific, measured in a controlled environment by an impartial party.

 

[TDC Nala]

If you smoke pot after work, do you lose your job if you are sober when you return to work?

I would, if a random drug test turned it up. Where I work, you are also fired after your second DWI.