Living Alone as you Get Older...Choices

[nkereina]

My parents are in their late 60s and just purchased a patio home. Its cheaper than the current home, so still considered downsizing for them. It comes with an HOA that handles snow removal and lawn maintenance. Its allowing them to keep the independence and benefits of a single family home, but without having to hassle hiring services to care for everything. Plus with it being a relatively new house (like many patio home communities are), they shouldn't have to worry about things like roof, furnace, etc. for a while. Best of luck to you!

 

[ThistleMae]

I've been crying every day

My parents are in their late 60s and just purchased a patio home. Its cheaper than the current home, so still considered downsizing for them. It comes with an HOA that handles snow removal and lawn maintenance. Its allowing them to keep the independence and benefits of a single family home, but without having to hassle hiring services to care for everything. Plus with it being a relatively new house (like many patio home communities are), they shouldn't have to worry about things like roof, furnace, etc. for a while. Best of luck to you!

What is a patio home? Never heard of it.

 

[design_mom]

I've been crying every day

What is a patio home? Never heard of it.

I think a patio home is similar to a condominium. You 'own' the interior, but the exterior and grounds are managed by an association. I think the difference is that patio homes are free-standing structures without any shared walls.

 

[ThistleMae]

I hope I haven't given the wrong impression regarding my original post. I'm trying to think ahead. I'm not depressed and I'm not obsessing over the situation. I'm just trying to weigh my options by thinking ahead. I really believe the emotional impact of big changes can be more of a challenge than the actual physical limitations that happen to everyone as they age. You know the typical arthritis, more back pain, being less sharp, tiring more easily and hearing and vision loss to some degree. Some folks will experience much more than this and no one can really predict what may befall us. We will all experience physical changes to one degree to another but the emotional changes can be the most taxing, especially when you are making those choices alone. There are many good suggestions in here that I hadn't thought of, and I will consider them. I wonder if there is a group of older, single ladies out there that I can talk to about life changes. Maybe I'll try and find one, or start one in my town. There must be others in my situation. I'm going to start exploring today, at the local library. Will keep everyone posted. I'd like to keep the discussion going if possible. I love the feedback.

 

[cabanafrau]

Your idea to seek out or form a group is wonderful. One of the biggest advantages to being female is our tendency to build these networks and support systems through our friends and families. Not that men cannot or do not do so, but in my experience it seems to be much more a tendency amongst women. (Zero offense meant to men.)

Honestly I am confused about why you say you've been crying every day but you're not depressed or obsessing, but obviously I'm misunderstanding something along the way. I look forward to seeing updates to see what ideas you come up with and wish you the best.

 

[nkereina]

What is a patio home? Never heard of it.

I think a patio home is similar to a condominium. You 'own' the interior, but the exterior and grounds are managed by an association. I think the difference is that patio homes are free-standing structures without any shared walls.

Patio homes are indeed free-standing structures without any shared walls. It's a single family home, usually a ranch, that you own and can mortgage. The amenities of a patio home community will vary by community. However, typically with a patio home, you own the house and the land your house sits on, but the yard around your house is owned by the association. Therefore, they will typically maintain your landscaping, lawn, snow removal, etc. for a monthly fee. And you are still responsible for home repairs including exterior like the roof, siding, etc. But again, that can vary. There's also restrictions on what kind of decks, fences, etc. can be put up (if any). And lastly, most (but not all) patio home communities are for 55+ older. They tend to be smaller homes under 2000 square feet and with the maintenance included, they are geared towards empty-nesters looking to downsize and do away with yard/outside maintenance.

 

[NYCgrrl]

You should think carefully about how much time you want to spend cleaning and storing increasingly seasonal items as you age.

We just moved from an 1850 sq ft space (big by Manhattan standards) to one of about 750 sq ft and there are days cleaning the smaller area makes me just as weary as the larger space. Now it may be the tchockes my mother has acquired throughout her life but it has certainly made it clear to me that far more downsizing of my "stuff" will be required when we move again. I'm looking forward to storing pictures online and not having to dust picture frames since I can whip out cute baby pics just as fast; to keeping kitchen utensils and equipment to a well edited collection that better suit the reality that in the next 10 years I probably wont be hosting large parties but will instead be a guest; giving up valuable bathroom storage space by facing up to the reality that no matter how much I spend on face unguents I'll still have wrinkles and that I no longer need a closet dedicated to evening wear and it's accessories.
Live well within your memories and stop paying extra money to keep the physical remnants near you.

 

[runwad]

I'm 51 and my DH is 53 and we're already thinking of moving out of this house and getting something smaller, just got wait till these kids launch!

I don't think we want a condo and all the fee's involved in those. Seems like people I know who live in condo's all complain about their HOA fee's raising all the time. I told DH we're going to find a nice little ranch, rip out all the landscape and trees and only have grass and hire a kid to cut the grass and shovel in the winter. I'm sure I can hire that out cheaper than the monthly HOA fees. Neither one of us like yard work or give a flying fig about curb appeal, so a nice little bungalow should work out quite well.

If it would ever come down to just me living, I'd rent a twinplex to live in and a landlord would take care of everything...in fact I think about just renting because it would be easier for my kids after we die and not having the hassle of cleaning out a house and having to sell it.

I'm a pretty practical person and don't have attachment issues so I don't think I'd have a problem giving up most of my possessions. Heck I'd love to get rid of a ton in my basement now but I'm afraid the kids will be moving out and can use some things to start out. But if they start leaving and don't want the stuff, its history.

I'm so over cleaning a 2400 sq foot, 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath house. Bring on the smaller space!

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Just get one of those medic alert things.

HELP I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP!!!

 

[ThistleMae]

Your idea to seek out or form a group is wonderful. One of the biggest advantages to being female is our tendency to build these networks and support systems through our friends and families. Not that men cannot or do not do so, but in my experience it seems to be much more a tendency amongst women. (Zero offense meant to men.)

Honestly I am confused about why you say you've been crying every day but you're not depressed or obsessing, but obviously I'm misunderstanding something along the way. I look forward to seeing updates to see what ideas you come up with and wish you the best.
Thank you. Sorry about the crying every day....I never finished the post and accidentally hit post. I've been watching Christmas movies and it brings back some fond memories and it makes me miss my parents and when my kids were little. I seem to cry more easily than I used to, may be part of the aging process, not sure.

 

[ThistleMae]

You should think carefully about how much time you want to spend cleaning and storing increasingly seasonal items as you age.

We just moved from an 1850 sq ft space (big by Manhattan standards) to one of about 750 sq ft and there are days cleaning the smaller area makes me just as weary as the larger space. Now it may be the tchockes my mother has acquired throughout her life but it has certainly made it clear to me that far more downsizing of my "stuff" will be required when we move again. I'm looking forward to storing pictures online and not having to dust picture frames since I can whip out cute baby pics just as fast; to keeping kitchen utensils and equipment to a well edited collection that better suit the reality that in the next 10 years I probably wont be hosting large parties but will instead be a guest; giving up valuable bathroom storage space by facing up to the reality that no matter how much I spend on face unguents I'll still have wrinkles and that I no longer need a closet dedicated to evening wear and it's accessories.
Live well within your memories and stop paying extra money to keep the physical remnants near you.

LOL...I hear you about the face. Mentally I feel young but my mirror tells me a different story. And yes, I have way too much stuff! I've cleaned out once already and it just seemed to get filled back up over the last couple of years. It seems like every time I throw something away, I find I could have used it later but remember I got rid of it. Happens every time. I'd like to be more of a minimalist, so I do have to plan a time to begin the getting rid of stuff process again. I also have a ton of stuff here from my brother-in-law, which my sister is slowly getting sorted. But...she moved to Maine so it's not like she's making it a priority. But thank you for the suggestions, definitely a must do.

 

[ThistleMae]

I'm 51 and my DH is 53 and we're already thinking of moving out of this house and getting something smaller, just got wait till these kids launch!

I don't think we want a condo and all the fee's involved in those. Seems like people I know who live in condo's all complain about their HOA fee's raising all the time. I told DH we're going to find a nice little ranch, rip out all the landscape and trees and only have grass and hire a kid to cut the grass and shovel in the winter. I'm sure I can hire that out cheaper than the monthly HOA fees. Neither one of us like yard work or give a flying fig about curb appeal, so a nice little bungalow should work out quite well.

If it would ever come down to just me living, I'd rent a twinplex to live in and a landlord would take care of everything...in fact I think about just renting because it would be easier for my kids after we die and not having the hassle of cleaning out a house and having to sell it.

I'm a pretty practical person and don't have attachment issues so I don't think I'd have a problem giving up most of my possessions. Heck I'd love to get rid of a ton in my basement now but I'm afraid the kids will be moving out and can use some things to start out. But if they start leaving and don't want the stuff, its history.

I'm so over cleaning a 2400 sq foot, 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath house. Bring on the smaller space!

Yeah, I've heard the same thing about condo fees but I don't know that I would buy another home. What do you think about buying a camper and doing the snow bird thing in two places? This is something I might consider. One camper up North and one someplace warmer. I wouldn't want to pull the thing, so I'd buy two campers. They can be really nice, easy to maintain etc. Just a thought.

 

[NHdisneylover]

, I have way too much stuff! I've cleaned out once already and it just seemed to get filled back up over the last couple of years. It seems like every time I throw something away, I find I could have used it later but remember I got rid of it. Happens every time..

One reason that we chose to buy a small place, is that we'Ve found over the years, as we've moved about and had various sized places, that we WILL fill the space we have. In a small place we find we can fit everything we really value/need/use---but if we have a big space we end up thinkign we "need" more stuff, buying it (unecessry expenses!) and it sits unused.

 

[Christine]

Yeah, I've heard the same thing about condo fees but I don't know that I would buy another home. What do you think about buying a camper and doing the snow bird thing in two places? This is something I might consider. One camper up North and one someplace warmer. I wouldn't want to pull the thing, so I'd buy two campers. They can be really nice, easy to maintain etc. Just a thought.

I don't know how I feel about living in camper. That's definitely a personal thing, but my uncle did live in Maine in the summer in a VERY small house and in the winter he would snowbird it down to Florida in his double wide mobile home that was REALLY nice. But again, by the time he was in his 70s, the drive got to be too much for him, my aunt died, and he was selling that. No way he could have managed that in his 80s. I think you need to look for one "forever" home that will get your through the next 20 years. Maybe one camper in the other place where you'll spend the least time would be an idea.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Yeah, I've heard the same thing about condo fees but I don't know that I would buy another home. What do you think about buying a camper and doing the snow bird thing in two places? This is something I might consider. One camper up North and one someplace warmer. I wouldn't want to pull the thing, so I'd buy two campers. They can be really nice, easy to maintain etc. Just a thought.

That seems like possibly a reasonable idea. I think whether it is property tax and maintence, or condo fees, or maintence and hook up fees, the important thing is to take a clear and realistic look at costs, including how/when they might rise. Something else to think about is if you will be able to socialize and make friends and not feel lonely if you are moving back and forth like that (some people can jump into communities quickly and some RV areas might have great ones, for others this might be a a big problem).

In our case, we bought a condo in a small buildingm with 21 units. The 21 owners own every bit of the building and land and we make decisions about who to hire for maintenence, etc. It's a brand new building and part of the initial rules are that we collect a set amount per sq meter that goes into a fund to cover major repairs later on. Moving/selling does not get that money back. So hopefully that protects against a large jump later on to cover an expense. For us, the amounts, are less than if we had a single family home and hired out maintenace work and yard work and had to cover major mainetence on our own every so often. Some condos we looked at, in buildings that had not set up good sized maintence funds from the get go, had large monthly fees to repay the costs of major maintenace that came up after 20 years. Others still had reasonable fees with good sized funds that were added to all the time. It was certainly not a consistent thing. Just as property taxes vary greatly from area to area and hook up fees probably vary, etc---you really have to look at specifics for you.

 

[Christine]

That seems like possibly a reasonable idea. I think whether it is property tax and maintence, or condo fees, or maintence and hook up fees, the important thing is to take a clear and realistic look at costs, including how/when they might rise. Something else to think about is if you will be able to socialize and make friends and not feel lonely if you are moving back and forth like that (some people can jump into communities quickly and some RV areas might have great ones, for others this might be a a big problem).

In our case, we bought a condo in a small buildingm with 21 units. The 21 owners own every bit of the building and land and we make decisions about who to hire for maintenence, etc. It's a brand new building and part of the initial rules are that we collect a ser amount oer sq meter that goes into a fund to cover major repairs later on. Moving/selling does not get that money back. So hopefully that protects against a large jump later on to cover an expense. For us, the amounts, are less than if we had a single family home and hired out maintenace work and yard work and had to cover major mainetence on our own every so often. Some condos we looked at, in buildings that had not set up good sized maintence funds from the get go, had large monthly fees to repay the costs of major maintenace that came up after 20 years. Others still had reasonable fees with good sized funds that were added to all the time. It was certainly not a consistent thing. Just as property taxes vary greatly from area to area and hook up fees probably vary, etc---you really have to look at specifics for you.

My cousin owns a beach condo like that. Works out really well. You also have the choice of not paying the maintenance fee and agreeing to do certain tasks in place of that (but it's the beach so they don't have a lawn or landscaping) but you can do weekly litter pickup, some painting, etc.

 

[ThistleMae]

That seems like possibly a reasonable idea. I think whether it is property tax and maintence, or condo fees, or maintence and hook up fees, the important thing is to take a clear and realistic look at costs, including how/when they might rise. Something else to think about is if you will be able to socialize and make friends and not feel lonely if you are moving back and forth like that (some people can jump into communities quickly and some RV areas might have great ones, for others this might be a a big problem).

In our case, we bought a condo in a small buildingm with 21 units. The 21 owners own every bit of the building and land and we make decisions about who to hire for maintenence, etc. It's a brand new building and part of the initial rules are that we collect a set amount per sq meter that goes into a fund to cover major repairs later on. Moving/selling does not get that money back. So hopefully that protects against a large jump later on to cover an expense. For us, the amounts, are less than if we had a single family home and hired out maintenace work and yard work and had to cover major mainetence on our own every so often. Some condos we looked at, in buildings that had not set up good sized maintence funds from the get go, had large monthly fees to repay the costs of major maintenace that came up after 20 years. Others still had reasonable fees with good sized funds that were added to all the time. It was certainly not a consistent thing. Just as property taxes vary greatly from area to area and hook up fees probably vary, etc---you really have to look at specifics for you.

It's all so complicated...ugh! The bottom line is you can't predict what future costs might be. It sounds like you made a good decision calculating as many variables as possible.

 

[ThistleMae]

My cousin owns a beach condo like that. Works out really well. You also have the choice of not paying the maintenance fee and agreeing to do certain tasks in place of that (but it's the beach so they don't have a lawn or landscaping) but you can do weekly litter pickup, some painting, etc.

A beach condo sounds really nice. But maybe more expensive. IDK....this could be a five year investigation.

 

[NYCgrrl]

That seems like possibly a reasonable idea. I think whether it is property tax and maintence, or condo fees, or maintence and hook up fees, the important thing is to take a clear and realistic look at costs, including how/when they might rise. Something else to think about is if you will be able to socialize and make friends and not feel lonely if you are moving back and forth like that (some people can jump into communities quickly and some RV areas might have great ones, for others this might be a a big problem).

In our case, we bought a condo in a small buildingm with 21 units. The 21 owners own every bit of the building and land and we make decisions about who to hire for maintenence, etc. It's a brand new building and part of the initial rules are that we collect a set amount per sq meter that goes into a fund to cover major repairs later on. Moving/selling does not get that money back. So hopefully that protects against a large jump later on to cover an expense. For us, the amounts, are less than if we had a single family home and hired out maintenace work and yard work and had to cover major mainetence on our own every so often. Some condos we looked at, in buildings that had not set up good sized maintence funds from the get go, had large monthly fees to repay the costs of major maintenace that came up after 20 years. Others still had reasonable fees with good sized funds that were added to all the time. It was certainly not a consistent thing. Just as property taxes vary greatly from area to area and hook up fees probably vary, etc---you really have to look at specifics for you.

Excellent post.
Exactly what I'm doing whilst looking for a new apartment except I'm not really interested in a self managed building-I owned a property mgmt company and don't want a "busman's retirement" . I tended to suggest the buildings I worked with have a 1-5% increase annually (found it easiest to use the city/state guidelines for maintenance increases- why re-invent the wheel?) as it allowed for inflation and kept reserve and operating funds in "real time". Always take a good look at the building's/association's financials as they tell the truest tale of how well it's run now and in the future.
Which is what most individual homeowners do as well just they tend to think about it differently.

 

[maxaroni]

What a co-worker is doing and thought I’d share. She and her DH bought a townhouse when they married and still live in it with 2 young daughters. Her mom had a single family home with dad passing 2 years ago. Mom has been on her own, doing okay but looking towards the day she will need assistance. She is selling her home, co-worker and DH selling townhome. They will pool the money and get a home w/MIL suite type thing. Or, at least, a home where mom has an area of privacy, perhaps with a bedroom on main level. She will then be there to help with the kids, not be on her own and can be looked after.