Life is like a box of chocolates????

[SuiteDisney]

"Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos -- you never know what's going to burn your butt." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I can only please one person per day. Today is not
your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
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I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing
sound they make as they go flying by.
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Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get
along without it.
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Accept that some days you are the pigeon and most days the statue.
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Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he
isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be
needing him again.
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I don't have an attitude problem, you have a
perception problem.
--------------------------------
My reality check bounced.
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On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the
escape key.
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I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
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Everyone is someone else's weirdo.
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Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their
level then beat you with experience.
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A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a
kick in the butt.
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Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you
won't be promoted.
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After any salary raise, you will have less money at
the end of the month than you did before.
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You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and
carry a clipboard.
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So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust!
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Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!
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I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.
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I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
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Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
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I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump.
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What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it!
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How can you tell which bottle contains the PMS medicine?
It's the one with bite marks on the cap.

 

[julie_yet]

[color=3300ff]LOL! I really liked the last one.[/color]

 

[BrerMom]

I enjoyed these and passed them on!

 

[S. C.]

Me too! e-mailed them to everyone.

 

[Cinderellafifi]

These are great! Thanks!

 

[nativetxn]

I love these! Thanks

I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem

My husband actually said that to me once (slightly different words). He survived the fallout. He's never said it again