I have been dealing with "wicked stepmom" issues my whole life, but since I have become an adult and had a child, I have done everything I can to put it behind me so I don't hurt the relationship between my son and her. He has grown up calling her grandma, even though I still will never call her mom. He knows that she and I occasionally butt heads over things like asking me first before inviting DS somewhere or telling him he can do something, etc. but for the most part, we have gotten along better in my adult life than any other time.
I visited my brother in Chicago last week, and we had a lot of conversations about our childhood. He never quite knew what went wrong (I ran away and ended up in foster care), and I never quite understood what he went through after I left, and is still dealing with (not because I left but because of their different religious beliefs). I am also upset by that - they now won't have anything to do with him, which he says he doesn't resent them for it, but I KNOW by talking with him how much it hurts!
Anyway, one of the things that came out really upset me. His girlfriend let it slip - I really don't think she meant to (especially since my son was sitting right there, and she tried really hard to cover), but she told us about a card she received from my stepmom just a few days before we came, and it was basically laying on a guilt trip because they don't plan to have kids. I believe the exact wording was, "I will never have grandchildren."
I have done everything I can to ensure that my son has a place in her life as a grandchild. I knew she never felt the love for me as a stepmother that I really needed, but I really thought it was different with my son. She has NEVER said or done anything like this before, and I really don't think she thought I would ever find out.
Now I am remembering back to how bad she treated me during my childhood, and that anger I have been trying so hard to let go of has come flooding back. Even worse, I am so heartbroken on behalf of my son. I know he heard it - he was sitting right there, soaking in every word. Up until that point, the conversation was still mild enough for him to be included in it (he's almost 13). Even if he didn't quite catch the meaning, I did. Now I don't even want to talk to her. Next week I start evening classes again, and she usually takes him while I am in class. I don't even want to call and ask her to take him. He would rather stay home alone anyway!
Sometimes I overreact to things. Sometimes I take things to heart more than I should. But this time, I think I am justified in my feelings.
How would you feel?
I visited my brother in Chicago last week, and we had a lot of conversations about our childhood. He never quite knew what went wrong (I ran away and ended up in foster care), and I never quite understood what he went through after I left, and is still dealing with (not because I left but because of their different religious beliefs). I am also upset by that - they now won't have anything to do with him, which he says he doesn't resent them for it, but I KNOW by talking with him how much it hurts!
Anyway, one of the things that came out really upset me. His girlfriend let it slip - I really don't think she meant to (especially since my son was sitting right there, and she tried really hard to cover), but she told us about a card she received from my stepmom just a few days before we came, and it was basically laying on a guilt trip because they don't plan to have kids. I believe the exact wording was, "I will never have grandchildren."
I have done everything I can to ensure that my son has a place in her life as a grandchild. I knew she never felt the love for me as a stepmother that I really needed, but I really thought it was different with my son. She has NEVER said or done anything like this before, and I really don't think she thought I would ever find out.
Now I am remembering back to how bad she treated me during my childhood, and that anger I have been trying so hard to let go of has come flooding back. Even worse, I am so heartbroken on behalf of my son. I know he heard it - he was sitting right there, soaking in every word. Up until that point, the conversation was still mild enough for him to be included in it (he's almost 13). Even if he didn't quite catch the meaning, I did. Now I don't even want to talk to her. Next week I start evening classes again, and she usually takes him while I am in class. I don't even want to call and ask her to take him. He would rather stay home alone anyway!
Sometimes I overreact to things. Sometimes I take things to heart more than I should. But this time, I think I am justified in my feelings.
How would you feel?
I may have to step back. if he is 13 he is not a 2 year old thats not shrewd enough to see through someone. i think his age is key here. now if he was complaining all bets would be off.
