Leaving the kids for the 1st time???

[DisneyPhD]

DH and I hoping to take a short vacation (3 nights, 4 days) in March to WDW. I just booked airfare super cheap ( $45 each way per person, non stop.) We have a DVC and Annual Passes so it won't cost too much. The trip will be a Monday to Thursday. The kids will have been to WDW in Jan, and will again for a DCL trip in May so they won't be missing out. This will really be our time to do things for us. I think 3 weeks out of school for the kindergartener will be a bit too much.

We have never left the kids before, partially my youngest who is 2 years old. I never really wanted to before, but I think DH and I really need some time away to focus on us and have a good time where we can think of ourselves. I know we will have a great time in WDW. We love it with the kids, but always focus on them, and never do much for us.

My best friend and her DH have agreed to watch the kids. They do not have children themselves and know that my kids are very attached to me. We had an emergency a few weeks ago and my friend and her DH watched the kids. The kids got to know them better and it worked out well.

The thing is my friend and her DH only agreed to do this IF we leave the kids over night for a night or 2 before hand to get them used to us being gone.

DH and I don't really have anywhere else to go, or really want to leave them just to leave them. There isn't any place close by we want to visit, or spend the $ to stay at just to be gone. I think being close by I would just want to go home. I would miss them so much that I need it to be hard for me to get home or I would just drive home and be with them. They youngest has never been in day care, but does separate fine from me for baby sitting with friends and family and when we go to the gym (a few hours a few times a week.) Otherwise she is pretty much my human shadow.

They don't want us being that far away for 3 nights other wise in case the 2 year old has a hard time with it. They think she is going to ask for Mama 24/7. The thing is she will. She does that anyway, even if I am right here. It will just be me and here and she goes "Where is Mama." "Hello, right here." I think she will be fine with them and I do trust them. I do also think DD's are ready for DH and leave them for a few nights, but I don't know about doing it twice.

I think my friend should just baby sit more so the kids are used to them being around with out us.

My oldest has spent the night at grandmas once or twice before, and once with her aunt and uncle.

No one else is really in a position to watch them. I don't think grandma and grandpa want them right now (She had surgery and they busy taking care of 98 year old great grandma. ) If my friend doesn't do it I think my brother who is a single father can stay here with his teenage kids. It would be a lot of work for them though, but his kids are like siblings to mine so they would be very comfortable with them. His kids often spend a week here while their dad is out of town for business.

So what do you guys think? Should we leave them once just to do it, to prepare them? Or would it be better just to do it the one time? I just don't want to leave for the sack of leaving. I need somewhere fun for me to go to make it seem worth it. I fear I am just going to be sad and miss them, and they will feel the same way.

 

[herodrx1]

I'd let them go have a sleepover with the friends. Who says you have to go somewhere? Let them go and have a night out without you!! As much as we love our children it is very important to teach them how to handle different situations. Spending time apart only makes the time together that much more special.
I think it would be easier on the kids if you do it. That way they KNOW mom and dad will come back for them.

I hope you have a good time on your trip no matter what direction you decide to go.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I think that if you want those friends to watch the children while you are gone you owe it to them to let them do a test run. It will be a good indicator for everyone to see if this trip is doing to work. Sounds like everyone including yourself needs to be assured that this is a good idea. It might work out great when they sleep over and it might be a clue that leaving them at this time with these friends might not be the best for anyone. I am sure that your freinds also want to see if they can handle the situation.
I am not saying that a trip away with DH is not a good idea but you have to make sure that the timing and the care givers of your children is right. Good luck.


MsSandra

 

[DisneyPhD]

Thanks everyone. A sleepover with friends really isn't an option, at least not for the younger child (2 years old.) The older has slept at both grandma's, aunts and uncles and a cousin her ages house before. Nothing recently (no offers.)

The younger child is the one they are concerned about. Funny enough she is the "easy baby." She doesn't have issues being around others and is not shy. She likes these friend more then my older child does (who is "shy.") My youngest is just really attached to me.

I just am not comfortable spending a few nights away just to do it. I guess one night would be ok, but we don't really have anywhere to go and DH really don't want to. Even staying at these friends house isn't really good option. (for reasons I don't want to get into.) I would so rather just wait. I don't think doing it twice is going to make it easier. More then likely IF it wasn't easy they (the kids) are going to have nothing to do with the 2nd time around and we will end up canceling the trip. If we just do it I think they will adjust just fine. It seems silly to spend 2 nights away we DON'T want to take, to get them ready for 3 nights away to FLA.

I really think them just baby sitting a few times will get them all more comfortable. Also my 15 year old niece is willing to come over every afternoon and help out (as she often does during the week for me.) She won't be around for school hours. I also think I can get my 5 year old's DD's friend's mom to take her to school and pick her up daily if my friends want. We plan to leave our mini van with them with the car seats and leave the house full of food and $$ for anything that would come up. (I also think we will buy the friends a gift for doing it or give $.)

They want to do this because they don't have kids, and they want to see how it is day to day for them.

I guess my feeling is "pre" trip is going to rile them up more then just going will. If we go they will be fine, but they WILL NOT want us to leave again. They are used to the idea that we come back for other things, just nothing this long. This his how my kids are. I know my kids and that is how they work.

Preparing is good, but too much just freaks them out. Also they will do things once, then refuse to do it again.

Just wondering what kind of experiences other's have had with leaving kids since this will be our 1st time. My DH doesn't travel for work so he is normally around too.

 

[horseshowmom]

I agree that you and your husband need some time alone. We always tried to make sure to do that ourselves.

Honestly, if your friends are going to be the one to watch your kids, they have a right to ask you to do a trial run. I understand what you're saying and why you don't think that's the best idea, but their wishes should be honored, because they're the ones doing you the favor.

If you aren't comfortable doing that, go ahead and ask your brother and his kids to stay at your house. It sounds like you take care of his kids from time to time, and this would be a good chance for him to return the favor. It's only a few days, so they won't be inconvenienced too much.

I do understand about being a close family. We even homeschooled. But, it's good for the kids to see their parents making their marital relationship a priority.

Good luck!

 

[Experiment #626]

Good luck with the test run. Worse comes to worse the friends (I am guessing it is MB and JB) can always bring them over to my house. I think they should learn to polar bear in the pool. /wink

BTW, if we can help in any way, let us know!

 

[toesmom]

If the problem is the 2 year old, I would try this when you go away...

My ds is 3 and I can get him to sleep NO PROBLEM in minutes with this method. Actually I'm bringing this stroller to BWV in January just because I can get him to sleep in mere minutes anywhere.

Get a stroller like peg perego classic stroller, something with big seat with footrest that goes straight up and fully reclining seat. When your friend wants to put her to sleep for nap or at bedtime (those will be the toughest times if you are not around), she can lay little one down in stroller with bottle or favorite toy, safety harness in place, blanket on top.

Turn on lullaby or just sing and rock stroller back/forth... works every time. My ds is 3 and this method still works every day.

Won't work with just any stroller. Check craigslist or ebay for older style peg perego classic, something with bouncy/rocking motion, worth $30 for old model. Your friend will have no problem getting her to sleep and if she should wake, just rock stroller back and forth until she settles again.

The hardest part of the day/night will be getting her to sleep if she's upset. If she's tired, by laying her in the stroller, even if she starts with the tears, the nice gentle motion of the stroller lulls even the crankiest child to sleep.

I guarantee that this works and you'll have a nice holiday. My kids were also my human shadows, without this method, I could never go out for an afternoon since my ds won't just lay down and fall asleep. Haven't left him for night time yet though. But if I had to, I know anyone could get him to sleep and there would be little to no tears.

good luck hope this helps.

p.s. I wouldn't do sleepover as test run, because if she is really attached to you, she'll be crying especially in the evening and unless your friend has good way of settling her (ie good method above), it will be hard night for your friend and her.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Good luck with the test run. Worse comes to worse the friends (I am guessing it is MB and JB) can always bring them over to my house. I think they should learn to polar bear in the pool. /wink

BTW, if we can help in any way, let us know!

You are right Experiment #626. My SIL hopefully will be off work and has offered to take the kids, but I really want to let these friends do it. I think it will be good for both my friends and my kids. If I have to though SIL can do it(but kids will have to go stay at 1 her house since she has a baby.)

No swimming in the winter unless we are at WDW (or some other warm place.)

However in the summer we are all over that invite!

DH and I are really looking forward to the trip. We could really use some time for just us! The thing is getting there is so much work (and I don't mean the flight, it is all the stuff we have to do to prepare ourselves and the kids.)




Toesmom, thanks for the hints that work for you. My youngest had a hard time with sleeping the 1st year or so of her life, but is super good about it now. We just put her down in her crib and she is good (and it doesn't have to be me, other people can too.)

Hopefully that won't be an issue. However my fear is what you are talking about. Going away ahead of time will just exasperate the situation.

 

[dsnymomof4]

DisneyPhD, DH and I just got back from a 3 night stay at BC last week - it was wonderful! We didn't have the issues you have because all of our children have stayed overnight before. But, I really think you should let them stay overnight once before you go. I think you will feel anxious on your trip worrying about how they might be staying over for the first time. This way, hopefully they will be fine and you will feel better when its time for your trip. Plus, it gives the friends a little preview about what it will be like for 4 days. I also wanted to let you know how great it is that just the two of you are going. I also had reservations about leaving the kids - I felt guilty at first. But like your family, we go frequently, so they were really fine with it. It was so different being there alone - we did things we wouldn't normally do with the kids. We took a tour, explored Epcot more, and basically just relaxed more than we usually do. It was nice not to lug around all the kids' stuff and push a stroller. Of course, I missed them dearly and kept saying "oh, DD8 would love this" etc., but I'm really glad we went and will definitely be doing it again in the future. Have a great trip!

 

[ekball]

First of all, kudos for making the decision to go away with your DH! Quality, alone time IS important, and what's good for mom and dad is good for the kiddos too!

I don't think I can offer any good advice about how to prepare for your weekend apart because we are at the opposite end of the spectrum from you. We have regular time away from the kids (just a night) because my parents live very close to us and thrive on having sleepovers at their house. I should also say that the kids thrive on it too!! I love my children desperately, and miss them even when they are gone for only a night, but it is also nice to have a quiet dinner or evening with my husband too. And I have to say that I also love seeing my little independent children ride off with nonnie and papa - waving happily as they go for a fun night away (I'm equally happy to see their excited faces return the next morning).

ANYWAY -the only advice I'll pass along is to try your hardest not to stress too much over this before you go!! First of all, if mommy and daddy are stressing, you better believe that the kids will pick up on it. No need to stress them out ahead of time. Also, I think the #1 lesson I have learned as a parent is that children have an amazing ability to adapt to change. Everytime we had a "challenge" or milestone that I worried about (sleeping through the night, weaning, a night away, etc), I would build it up to be this horrible, stressful event that was going to be so difficult. But in reality, the kids would adapt pretty quickly and handle it WAY better than mommy anticipated. Hopefully you'll find the same to be true when you have your weekend away. So try no to stress about it too much!! (I know, easier said than done at times, but give it a try!)

I hope you have a great trip and that everything goes smoothly!

 

[mommyoeo]

Hey DisneyPhD! I ran into you on Thursday at Le Cellier-- we all had our tie-dye Mickey T's on, remember?

Anyway, I just wanted to say Hi.

DH and I were finishing up our week w/o the kiddos-- it was so very wonderful. You will not regret your time alone when your trip comes up!

It was nice to meet you--

Christy

<By they way, our trip last year was our first without the children. Our girls had a terrible tummy virus and our son (who was 21 months) got into my mom's prescription meds and was in the hospital. What a nightmare to hear about all of that while we were in WDW! Needless to say, our trip ended up being very short and all year long we've waiting for our "re-do" as we referred to this trip!! This time, we barely even called the children. We figured, how bad could it be? All the bad stuff already happened! >

 

[daisyduck123]

I would definitely send the kids overnight for a trial run if that's what your friends want. Your friends watching them during the day is one thing, but sleeping over someone else's house is a whole BIG thing.....if I were you, I'd want to know ahead of time how it would go.

If you think you're going to miss them way too much to do a trial run, then I don't think you should go away for a 3 or 4 day trip at all. You'll just be miserable.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Hey DisneyPhD! I ran into you on Thursday at Le Cellier-- we all had our tie-dye Mickey T's on, remember?

Anyway, I just wanted to say Hi.

DH and I were finishing up our week w/o the kiddos-- it was so very wonderful. You will not regret your time alone when your trip comes up!

It was nice to meet you--

Christy

<By they way, our trip last year was our first without the children. Our girls had a terrible tummy virus and our son (who was 21 months) got into my mom's prescription meds and was in the hospital. What a nightmare to hear about all of that while we were in WDW! Needless to say, our trip ended up being very short and all year long we've waiting for our "re-do" as we referred to this trip!! This time, we barely even called the children. We figured, how bad could it be? All the bad stuff already happened! >

NO WAY!!!!!!!!!! That was you???????? I loved your shirts by the way (I think as soon as I get to it I am changing my siggy to one with our shirts.)

We had a good dinner. Hope you did too.

We just got home a few hours ago and I was checking up on things at the Dis. This trip the more stressful kid moments I just kept thinking, "just 8 weeks and we get to do this just DH and I." I didn't mind at all when I didn't get to ride something. Even my 5 year old agrees now that mom and dad need some time to eat with out a 2 year old on my lap.

They will be staying at our house with my friends though, so that will be easier then getting used to a whole new place.

Hope your trip was great too!

 

[flying_babyb]

I think you be ok, I mean if there gonna be at your house with the freinds its more like a play date that has sleeping involved. I wish you luck.