Leaving kids at home?

[jlowejd5]

Okay, I may sound heartless on this one, but hear me out...

We're trying to convince friends of ours (he's my best friend since kindergarten in 1979) to come along on our giant adventure in March of 2006. They have a DD who'll be 3 (and two months (we have the same birthday in January (awwww))) and they're trying to get pregnant again right now (well, maybe not right now, but you get the idea). They also have great family support, and the kid spends a lot of time at grandma's place.

They want to come, but have rather limited finances. My question is, what's the general consensus here with them leaving DD (and Dwhatever) with grandma, having one last week of "grown-up" fun at Disney, and then taking the whole family back in a couple of years when the kids are older?

Would that be "socially acceptable" or would people look at them like they're monsters? (OMG, you went to WDW and left your child in Ohio?!?)

My theory is that a kid that young might enjoy themselves, but they're really not going to be able to retain a lot of memories of the trip. She'd also be the only kid in our group, which would mean that my friends would have to be "different" and miss some of the stuff we would want to do as a group (including Serenity Bay and some other "adult" stuff). They know they have responsibilities as parents, so it's not like that (they're both 30). I think they just want one last big "mom and dad" vacation before DD gets old enough to enjoy it herself, and gets old enough to actually do stuff on her own.

They're leaning that way (because the kid loves grandma at least as much as mom and dad), but I think they're looking to be assured that they won't be tarred and feathered. We've also told them that once my DW finishes her residency and starts making crazy-stoopid doctor money, that we'll take the whole family with us some year (once the kids are old enough, that is).

[Man, do I use a lot of parentheses...]

 

[smchan]

Be warned that this is a sensitive subject. I've been flamed, cussed at, and whatever else you might imagine for suggesting that I was going to leave my kids at home while my wife and I take a Disney cruise. One poster said "if you can't afford to take your kids, then you simply can't afford the vacation." Right.

I love my kids and have invested heavily in their future. My wife (who has a MBA) gave a career in HR to homeschool our 2 boys; the priveledge of which costs me an extra few thousand a year in materials and books - nevermind the lost income. I'm blessed to have an income large enough to where I *can* afford to take my kids on vacation - but sometimes I don't.

I believe a strong marriage brings about a strong family. I married my wife for the long-haul and, Lord willing, she'll be stuck with me for 60-70 years +. My wife and I nurture that relationship, in part, by taking a week or two alone every year with our boys spending quality time with their grandmothers. Jelly biscuits for breakfast, swimming and fishing, riding on the farm tractor for the boys. Romance, reconnecting, and dating for my wife and me. I do this NOT to escape from my boys, but rather to reinforce the bond between my wife and I for the sake of my whole family's happiness.

I see too many couples divorcing once the kids are "out of the house". They've lost touch with one another and after the kids are gone, they don't know what to do with themselves. (My wife and I have a plan. It involves a Corvette, lots of travel, and grandchildren.)

In 2 cruises without my kids, nobody has openly judged me. Even if they did, I'm too engrossed in marital bliss to care.

Please encourage this couple to sail without their children. They probably deserve quality couple time - especially right before having a new baby. (Disney's great about matching up like-minded people. My wife and I shared a table with a bunch of honeymooners on our anniversary-celebration cruise!)

Sam

 

[smchan]

BTW - true story. During lunch, we were sitting with a family that had a little girl about the same age as my DS5. The family asked where our kids were and I said "enjoying quality time with their grandmother." Dad looked at the little girl and said "Hear that? I think that's a great idea!" The little girl said "No! I'll be good! I promise!"

I think mom and dad were a bit jealous of my wife and I traveling alone.

Sam

 

[LissafromSJ]

So many people are too caught up in what others think of them - who would even know that they've left a kid at home? Tell them to do what works for them and their family, and after that, who cares? The whole point of a vacation is to do what makes you happy and enjoy yourself. Plus, personally I know that my three kids would never have gotten enough out of an expensive Disney vacation to justify going when they are that little. We did beach stuff and they had no idea they weren't on an expensive island! They can take them when they are a few years older and really have some memories to build on ... have fun no matter what you do! Melissa

 

[hydster]

My dh and I take at least 1 week long vacation every year without our kids and they don't seem to have any long term scars from it. We've done it every year since we were married so our kids are accustomed to it since they've done it from birth on. We met several couples on our Disney cruise who were without children...I thought it was great!!!!

I agree with the above poster who said that some people tend to disconnect when their kids are older because they put so much time and effort into the kids and family life and then they look at each other and wonder WHO that person is. I've seen this firsthand with family and it is really sad!

Of course dh and I could care less what people think of us or our choices and as long as my kids are happy with grandma and grandpa we're happy as well. I never knew my grandparents as they were all dead by the time I would have some memory of them so I love my kids getting to know their grandparents.

Heidi

 

[ClarabelleCow]

We do 4 nights every year without the kids. We don't have the luxury of grandparents that are retired! But we also do 2 weeks with them in St. Maarten every April, and the grandparents are there also, so when its time for mom and dad to go out at night, they go down 2 floors to Nana and Poppy's!!! For us, when we do Disney, its more for the kids, If someone were to say, I have the kids, go away, I wouldn't go to Disney, I'd be on some tropical Island somewhere!! I have suggested WDW to my husband without the kids, but he said he would feel funny being there without them!!

 

[webray]

LOL..definately leave the kids home. We have done it many times, the kids learn to live with it and who cares what other adults think..it is your lives, not theres.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Personally, I'd have a hard time leaving children who are too young and going for very long. When my DD was a toddler we won a trip to San Francisco (we lived in Houston at the time) and we flew my in-laws in from Southern CA to watch her while we went for a long weekend. We had a great time, but by day 3 we really missed her a lot and were glad it wasn't for longer.

Funny story--this last fall my DH and I went to WDW without any of our children (they are 5, 11, 14, and 17 now). My in-laws watched the kids and my DH and I had a wonderful time. My 11 had "outdoor ed", which is a program in our public school that brings the 6th graders to an outdoor program for a few days. He was gone on his birthday and we were at WDW on that day. We popped into the comedy club and Pleasure Island and made the mistake of sitting next to a wall phone, which rang early in the program. Turns out they extract information from the people sitting near the phone and make up an improv skit/song about their life. They were surprised that we were at WDW without our children and when they found out that we were there on our 11yo's birthday they raked us over the coals. Of course we didn't tell them that he wasn't even at home, but they wouldn't have cared. I'll have to say it was SO funny and I was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face. We're the type that can laugh at ourselves, which is good because otherwise we would have been very upset. We hadn't planning on staying long, but of course had to stay for the whole program because we were not about to get up and walk out. Even during the other skits that night they kept looking back up at us and making a comment about going to WDW without the kids on the child's birthday.

As to your friends, they need to do what they are comfortable doing. They also need to ask whether they would be ok going without their kids, will they have a good time and not worry about things at home, can the grandmother handle a preschooler and a baby for that long, etc, etc. If they choose to go, they should do it and have a good time. Just don't sit next to any telephones at a comedy club!

My babies were breastfed, so that never would have worked for me. lol

T&B

 

[CamColt]

We left our DSs when they were 2 & 5 to go to WDW for 1 day/night, and then on a 3 night cruise. THAT was a vacation! Yes, I love my kids and missed them, but did I feel guilty? Nope! Even parents deserve time alone together and its up to them where they choose to spend it. I guess Im a monster too.
I also went to WDW for 3 days alone this past Dec, and DH and I are going for a long weekend in July. My kids arent Disney deprived(they are 5 & 8 and have been to WDW 6 & 7 times respectively and on DCL once with a trip to DL and DCL planned for this summer),so I dont feel bad at all.

 

[Laurarn]

Glad to read these replies. My 3 sisters and I are planning a "sisters only trip" without the hubbies and children and couldn't decide on what to do. We're very close but live a few states apart. So, we're looking for relaxing- quality time together. We narrowed it down to a 4 nt. cruise (I've done 2 DCL's and this will be their first). I was going to try another cruise line (something that's new for me too) but after all the reviews and comparisons, Disney won out. I feel alittle funny going on DCL without my kids (and of course DH). We plan on taking advantage of all the adult only areas while onboard (something I had limited time with on the previous cruises). My sisters thought we might feel alittle out of place going as an adult group, but now we're psyched. We just decided on it this weekend and haven't even booked yet. But reading this makes me feel better. By the way, I already had another DCL trip booked for fall 2006, so DH and kids and I have something to look forward to.

 

[april riddle]

One of the best vacations my DH and I have had is a 5 day stint in Vegas! wow what fun was had by all. My mum had come to our house and was with the kids and we didn't have a care in the world. I think it did our relationship good and since my mother lives over 800 miles away the kids don't spend as much time with her as they all would like. It worked out great and now I am trying to talk the inlaws to taking their turn!

 

[married2grumpy]

We try to "get away" without the kids but have only gone on weekend trips. What seems to happen with us is we spend the whole time saying, "The kids would love this". We still do it and it is good for us to spend time together alone.

Now, I've tried to talk my husband into going to WDW without the kids and he won't go for it. He knows that once we got there we would be feeling guilty because it is a "family" vacation spot for us. I guess we won't be enjoying the adult only stuff at WDW until the kids are teens. Same thing with a Disney cruise. I think seeing all the families would get us to missing the kids. A carnival cruise would be different.

I don't think there is anything wrong with going without the kids. I bet you'll have a great time!

 

[dzneprincess]

Just this past September we left our 4 children ages 9,8,5 and 1 at home, while we went on a 4 day Wonder! It was fantabulous!!! It is a whole different experience to onboard without any children! We spent all of our time in the Adult only pool, and Serenity Bay was great! It was the 1st cruise out of 3 that we were able to go there! We had a fellow DISer and her DH an tablemates by complete coincidence, and it was soooo nice to have meals where I didnt have to say eat your foodm wipe your face, etc etc etc. Well, I take that back,after DH's 1st few glasses of wine I had to! We enjoyed it so much that we have decided to make it an annual tradition, as you can see by my countdown clock! I did feel guilty, a few times while onboard. I am not TOTALLY heartless! But I knew that we had a family 7 day cruise aboard DCL 2 months later, so I did not feel as bad as I could have! LOL I say go for it! It was a blast!

 

[lbgraves]

This wouldn't be an option for us since there is no family nearby & I honestly don't trust what family there is to watch the kids...kind of crazy family mess. IF the situation was different where there were people we trusted completely with our children I might be willing to go on a 3 or 4 day cruise without the kids. Of course, we wouldn't be able to talk about where we were going at all or they would both be totally upset. LOL! Sometimes I listen to friends talking about their parents or inlaws taking the kids over night or even for the weekend & get a little jealous. We have enjoyed the two cruises we have taken with the kids though and have to say that DD still talks about things that happened on the first cruise when she was just 3y2m old. The fact that Cinderella called her by name each & every day when we saw her is something that I doubt she will ever forget. My shy child came out of her shell on that cruise & her preschool teachers were amazed to hear her voice the first morning back in class. All of the attention she received from our fantastic servers, stateroom host, and all the characters gave her a confidence that surprised us.

 

[Realityfreakaholic]

I say leave the kids. I am also a firm believer of together time with my hubby. Too many people today let their kids take over their worlds where they dont even know who they are anymore. I do not feel guilty leaving my kids with their grandparents while my DH and I go away and enjoy quality time which in turn gives us a stronger relationship and makes me a better parent with more patience for my children when I get home. We married out spouses..not our kids. Enjoy life a little without them and the times you enjoy with them are even that much more special. JMO

 

[Corryn]

Why don't you go read my last post on the "Just Back -- Very Disappointed" thread. I am a Mom's Mom, but there's a certain age when your child becomes able to handle a vacation, one that they will enjoy and remember.
If you & your friends are able to have one last Hurrah, do it and have fun.

 

[jlowejd5]

I'm really feeling the positive vibe over here. Thanks to all. Somehow I figured that this was about the response I'd get. I'm almost afraid to post something like this over on the general boards. I dunno, call me spoiled, but it seems to me we get a different caliber of folks over here in DCL-world. Meh. Just me musing...

I do feel really lucky that my friends who have started having their own families (which is just about everybody but us) have turned out to be darn good parents. Maybe it's from being raised in Small Town, USA (yay, SE Ohio!), but they do crazy stuff like, I dunno, listen to their kids when they talk. Hang out with them. Play with them. We've settled into the role of the cool aunt and uncle. And that's also kinda groovy.

On that note, my little brother (okay, he's 22) and his better half are expecting in just about a month. So if anybody's got any left, a little extra pixie dust 'round about 11 March for the newest addition, the soon to be Jack.

 

[Tay N Evie's Mom]

I don't think there is anything wrong with a couples only vacation. DH and I were supposed to take one for our 10th anniversary. This year we will be celebrating #13 and have finally booked a 4 night trip to Universal (ok it's not Disney, but we were just at WDW in November and have a cruise booked for this November). Every time we talked about it we always ended up changing it to a family vacation. I finally brought up the subject again last July and after dealing with hectic work schedules, Xmas, my entire family down with the chicken pox the month of January, we finally made some plans. I know that DH and I don't spend nearly as much time together as we should and I miss it. Like someone else said once my children move out I don't want to realize that we have drifted apart and have nothing in common anymore. He's the love of my life, my soul mate and a few days by ourselves to reconnect would be heaven. I'm sure it will be hard to leave my kids, but DMIL will be there. I only wish we would have done it sooner.