Kids Who Cry

[va32h]

My son is - to put it bluntly - a crybaby. He cries about everything - basically anytime he isn't getting his way. A few minutes ago he appeared in front of me crying because his ball went into the neighbor's yard and he was too scared to go get it because there were squirrels in the yard.

He is 7. He's been like this since he was born. We've tried reasoning, ignoring, and even punishing him for the crying, but nothing makes him stop. It's driving us all crazy, and I think it is affecting his ability to make and keep friends too.

Any suggestions?

 

[summerrluvv]

My son is a cry baby too, and unfortunately I don't have any suggestions for you.

Yesterday we took a walk to Friendly's (restaurant). He got a balloon there. On the walk home, the balloon flew away (like it does every single time) and he was hysterical. I jokingly asked him if he wanted me to use my go go gadget copter and get it and he said yes. When I said I didn't have one, I was kidding, he cried even harder. I figure he will grow out of it someday. Someday soon I hope!

 

[Stephres]

My daughter went through a phase where she was crying every day. I made a sticker chart and she got a sticker for every day she could make it through without crying. It seemed pretty silly to reward her for not crying, but it really worked. If she would start to whine, I would remind her about losing her sticker and she would usually straighten up. Good luck!

 

[hildasmuriel]

I had a little boy in my class last year who was like this. If he wasn't the first in line he would cry, if he hadn't completely finished his work, or if he NEARLY got hurt....cry cry cry. I used to fly over to him, full of concern asking "quickly, quickly, where does it hurt?" and he would say "no, I'm not hurt" and I would be all smiles and "wow, thank goodness for that! I was expecting blood and broken bones and all sorts...and you know I hate that. Good news, though - you're not hurt!" After a while he would go to cry, catch me looking and then stop. Didn't stop him altogether - I notice he still does it for other members of staff, just not to me.
BTW I'm not totally cruel - I used to be sure that he didn't have a genuine grievance before I did this!

 

[claudia]

ok....Your son may have a developmental lag in his capacity to handle disappointment. He easily becomes overwhelmed and sad, displaying this by crying over things that most children his age would let pass without such a strong reaction. But, over time, he will develop a better capacity to manage life's ups and downs. It's in that sense that you can't directly help him. Development will have to run its course. There are things you can do, and I'm sure you are doing them. While being attentive and supportive when necessary, also frame things in a realistic fashion: 'I know it feels like a big disappointment, but you can handle it. What can you do to make it better?' or, "OK, your ball is in the neighbors yard and you are scared of the squirrels. Well, since you are such a big guy, I am sure the squirrels are more scared of you! Now, how can you go about getting that ball back?" And, when he's doing fine, chat with him a little (not long explanations) about how he tends to make mountains out of molehills, that sort of thing. You might take a look at Stanley Greenspan's The Challenging Child. You'll see a section on The Highly Sensitive Child, and will probably ring a bell!

 

[barkley]

is it voluntary or involuntary? if it's involuntary and a kids just the emotional type it's pretty hard to break them of it (though as they get older and find that socialy it can make them akward or isolated it can change allot). if it's voluntary and it's their way of expressing themselves-it becomes a matter of making sure they don't get the reaction they are looking for/expecting.

ds (10) occasionaly tries to pull the involuntary type and i tell him i can't understand him, that when he calms down we can discuss whatever it is.

 

[Tikicampers]

I had a little boy in my class last year who was like this. If he wasn't the first in line he would cry, if he hadn't completely finished his work, or if he NEARLY got hurt....cry cry cry. I used to fly over to him, full of concern asking "quickly, quickly, where does it hurt?" and he would say "no, I'm not hurt" and I would be all smiles and "wow, thank goodness for that! I was expecting blood and broken bones and all sorts...and you know I hate that. Good news, though - you're not hurt!" After a while he would go to cry, catch me looking and then stop. Didn't stop him altogether - I notice he still does it for other members of staff, just not to me.
BTW I'm not totally cruel - I used to be sure that he didn't have a genuine grievance before I did this!

I do this kind of thing with my students who are big criers too. I co teach, so I start telling the other teacher, "Quick, we better call an ambulance". It usually works pretty well. I have also told students, "I'm sorry, but I can't talk to you until you calm down."
For one student (would cry constantly for attention, and to try and get his way) the only thing that worked was to be very firm. I would go over to him and say "Your choice is to calm down and join us, or leave the room because I can't teach with you crying like that." I had to keep my voice even with a very firm tone. It worked almost every time. Just so no one thinks I'm heartless, that was a last resort, and I do not discipline kids who cry for a legitimate reason, I also had the support of his parents. When the child didn't cry over something, we made a huge deal of praising him.
Have you spoken to his teacher? Do you know if he acts like this at school? If you really feel he is doing it on purpose to get his way, the only thing I can think of is to tell him you will not talk to him when he is crying. He could just be immature, or very sensitive. His school counselor may be a good person to talk to.

 

[Robinrs]

Mind if I ask where do you live? I asked because you list your location as "over here"...

 

[aprilgail2]

My daughter does it at home but not school thank goodness. She had a boy in her kindergarten class years ago that cried a lot and three years later they still say "Kevin the Crier" when referring to him. In the 5th grade they have william the weeper, same deal, he cried alot in kindergarten and first and it stuck with him. I can deal with it at home but I would not want her to do it in school.

 

[dreamcometrue]

my DD, who is 7 too, went through a phase like this too. She is just now getting over it. Everything was drama big time, and the tears always came easily. I think he'll eventually grow out of it. There were 2 boys in my DS's 5th grade class this year...11 year old boys...that cried over EVERYTHING!! I mean, full blown bawling their eyes out. You'd think that by that age, they'd be embarrassed to cry in front of their peers, but not them! I was embarrassed for them, to tell you the truth!

 

[barkley]

my DD, who is 7 too, went through a phase like this too. She is just now getting over it. Everything was drama big time, and the tears always came easily. I think he'll eventually grow out of it. There were 2 boys in my DS's 5th grade class this year...11 year old boys...that cried over EVERYTHING!! I mean, full blown bawling their eyes out. You'd think that by that age, they'd be embarrassed to cry in front of their peers, but not them! I was embarrassed for them, to tell you the truth!

OMG-there was one at my kid's former school. the boy was in the 6th grade and he had been using this as a manipulation tool for years!!! finaly ended up in some activities where the adult leaders would'nt cave, and the teacher finaly saw through it (small school kids had the same teacher for years) and started to address it. sad thing was because he had always gotten his way in the past he could not fathom it not happening and ended up with a major anger managment problem. parental attitude was 'was'nt it better when he was just crying?'

i should add-i don't have a huge tolerance level for this because i dated a man in his 30's who had learned how to use this kind of behaviour as a child to get his way-not the temper tantrum type, he could simply decide to cry and tears would roll down his face-so tears are not an indication that the crying is for real.

 

[liamandcaili]

I guess my first question would be does your son just cry a lot at home or does he do it at school too?

My son (now 8) used to pitch fits with the neighborhood kids, especially if me or DH was out supervising or playing with them. Finally, I told him that I couldn't be out there anymore. He would have to handle the problems on his own. The crying fits stopped pretty quickly when he was just dealing with the kids his age rather than being able to run to me whenever something went wrong.

That's not to say he never cries anymore, but I know he doesn't cry at school, and he doesn't cry in front of his friends.

Oh, and I could relate to your story about the squirrels. DS has always been afraid of bees. He would see one flying insect and come running into the house. We usually spend a couple of days every spring reacclimating him to the fact that the bees won't hurt him as long as he leaves them alone. Eventually, he forgets about them.

 

[MareQ]

is it voluntary or involuntary? if it's involuntary and a kids just the emotional type it's pretty hard to break them of it (though as they get older and find that socialy it can make them akward or isolated it can change allot). if it's voluntary and it's their way of expressing themselves-it becomes a matter of making sure they don't get the reaction they are looking for/expecting.

ds (10) occasionaly tries to pull the involuntary type and i tell him i can't understand him, that when he calms down we can discuss whatever it is.

That's they key. I am a VERY VERY sensitive person. I cry over the dumbest things sometime s- I fight as much as I can to not let the tears roll because I am embarassed but - this is who I am and at 37 I guess I am not going to change.

You have to be careful though - figure out if it's "real" or a form of manipulation. My parents were downright brutal with me over my emotions- but I just couldn't help it - I cried if they were angry with me, I cried if it LOOKED like they may be angry with me, I'd cry if my siblings were being mean. I'd then get yelled at for crying and was made to feel that being sensitive was a bad thing and me not controlling my emotions was immature and manipulative - even when that was far from the truth.

 

[va32h]

I guess my first question would be does your son just cry a lot at home or does he do it at school too?

Sometimes. If it were an issue of him being sensitive - I would understand and empathize. And I do understand and empathize when he is upset because a friend can't play or he scrapes his knee.

But he cries mainly when he doesn't get exactly what he wants, when he wants.

Examples:

DS: "Can we order pizza tonight?"
Me: "Not tonight dear, I already started dinner."
DS: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

or

Me: "Five minutes til bedtime."
DS: "But I'm watching TV."
Me: "No, it's time for bed."
DS: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

or

DS: "Can I go play at (friend's) house?"
Me: "Not now (it's too dark, they aren't home, we have to go someplace).
DS: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

You get the picture. If I tell him to go cry in his room, rather than disrupt all of us, he stomps in there and starts screaming "I never get to do anything. You hate me. Everybody hates me. I have no friends." Etc. Etc.

It's gotten to the point where we all dread having to say anything that is going to displease him - we don't cater to him - we just gear up for a four alarm crying fit whenever he hears the word no. Which, by the way, he never accepts as the answer. He will whine and whine until I am about to go insane.

 

[Nicolepa]

My 5 yo is very sensitve. He cries if you just look at him wrong. He cries if you raise your voice in the slightest. My solution is to tickle him until he laughs. That always stops the crying.

With either of my kids, if they are crying because they aren't getting their way they go to their room. They can kick and stomp all they want but they must go to their room until their done. They can cry, scream, whatever, but I will not go up there at all. The first few times we did this my dd (7) would be up there for an hour screaming. Now she lasts, at most 15 minutes. When she realizes that we aren't going to say anything she comes down and asks if she can come out.

 

[Glynis]

I know that this is slightly OT, but there was a news story here just the other day about an 8 month old baby who was rushed to the hospital, his dad said that he had fallen off the bed. The baby died, unfortunately, and the father confessed that he had shaken and hit the baby. When asked why, he said that he didn't want his son to be a crybaby. I was floored! My son went through a phase of crying quite a bit, but he's coming out of it, now. He's 7, now, and finding that things are not as simple as he thinks they are.

 

[PrettyInTink]

Oh man. I feel for you. But I have been through this and trust me, it gets better, you just have to put your foot down and start taking away toys priveledge whatever.
When I first started dating dh, his son was 11. He STILL cried over everything. Anytime he was told no, waterworks. DH and his EX couldn't see this as a manipulation thing. Until I kept a written log of his hissy fits. They were convinced he was just sensitive. Not the case. They began to take things way from him every time he whined, complained, or threw any kind of fit. No lie, he ended up with nothing but clothes and a bed in his room. He finally 'got' that he was going to have a miserable life unless he acted right. He is 17 now and we joke about how much of a whiny baby he used to be. He honestly doesn't even remember doing it so surely he's not scarred for life from the punishments. I say you send him to his room for his outbursts, take away something, a toy or a privelege, and give it back if he can go x amount of days without flipping out. DS had been pulling his stunts since birth, and it continued until he was 12, so a full year after I came into the picture. Don't feel bad, doesn't make him a bad kid, actually a GENIOUS for being able to manipulate for so long. Good Luck! You'll laugh about it one day!

Sometimes. If it were an issue of him being sensitive - I would understand and empathize. And I do understand and empathize when he is upset because a friend can't play or he scrapes his knee.

But he cries mainly when he doesn't get exactly what he wants, when he wants.

Examples:

DS: "Can we order pizza tonight?"
Me: "Not tonight dear, I already started dinner."
DS: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

or

Me: "Five minutes til bedtime."
DS: "But I'm watching TV."
Me: "No, it's time for bed."
DS: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

or

DS: "Can I go play at (friend's) house?"
Me: "Not now (it's too dark, they aren't home, we have to go someplace).
DS: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

You get the picture. If I tell him to go cry in his room, rather than disrupt all of us, he stomps in there and starts screaming "I never get to do anything. You hate me. Everybody hates me. I have no friends." Etc. Etc.

It's gotten to the point where we all dread having to say anything that is going to displease him - we don't cater to him - we just gear up for a four alarm crying fit whenever he hears the word no. Which, by the way, he never accepts as the answer. He will whine and whine until I am about to go insane.

 

[ilovejack02]

Sometimes. If it were an issue of him being sensitive - I would understand and empathize. And I do understand and empathize when he is upset because a friend can't play or he scrapes his knee.

But he cries mainly when he doesn't get exactly what he wants, when he wants.

Examples:

DS: "Can we order pizza tonight?"
Me: "Not tonight dear, I already started dinner."
DS: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

or

Me: "Five minutes til bedtime."
DS: "But I'm watching TV."
Me: "No, it's time for bed."
DS: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

or

DS: "Can I go play at (friend's) house?"
Me: "Not now (it's too dark, they aren't home, we have to go someplace).
DS: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

You get the picture. If I tell him to go cry in his room, rather than disrupt all of us, he stomps in there and starts screaming "I never get to do anything. You hate me. Everybody hates me. I have no friends." Etc. Etc.

It's gotten to the point where we all dread having to say anything that is going to displease him - we don't cater to him - we just gear up for a four alarm crying fit whenever he hears the word no. Which, by the way, he never accepts as the answer. He will whine and whine until I am about to go insane.

I really think the only way you will be able to get a handle on this is taking a hard stance till he gets with the program.. My oldest pulled that a few times and he of course was sent to room everytime... I dont do fake crying at all. He was allowed to stomp, jump up and down, pound the bed with his fists... but the second he screaming like a crazy person things started disappearing out of his room and was gone until he earned things back. Earning things back meant NO temper tantrums for X amount of time. I would also say no whining allowed either and handle it the same way.
Now my baby is 4.5 yrs and he likes to cry too when I say no, but I count to three and then say NOW BREATHE... and he starts taking deep breaths and calms down very fast and ill usually say something like "now see, we didnt need any of that crying" . Its soo funny to watch him gulping air down trying to get a handle on himself. People crack up at us watching us go through our little routine.
Your little man prob knows that you tip toe around him a bit and is milking it.
Good luck... man those kids can drive ya nuts sometimes, but then the yummy delish snuggle times, make it all worth it lol.

 

[mommylicious]

We are having this issue at our house too. My DS turns 7 this week and he is a worrier, a whiner and a crier. DH and I have said he's "acheived the trifecta" when he starts worrying about something, then whines about it and ends up crying.

We had dinner with my parents for Father's Day yesterday. To avoid crowds we ate early so that meant the kids were hungry again before bed. DS started whimpering and following me around. I knew he was hungry but I can not stand when he acts like that. He never actually said the words I'M HUNGRY or CAN I HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT? he just followed me around moaning and whimpering. I calmly said "DS, do you need something?" he said no. I say "is there something you need to ask me?" he whimpers more. Seriously whimpers. I tell him "When you are ready to ask me using words, I'm ready to listen and help but not with you carrying on like that." I didn't say it in a harsh tone at all, just mater of factly. He said OK but continued with the whimering for almost 40 minutes before he asked for something to eat. His 5 year old brother had already asked for something and finished eating it and DS 7 just continued to whimper and carry on.

About 2 months ago I offered him $25 if he could go an entire day withing whining once. He was SO excited and started making plans for what he would buy with his money. He's still trying to claim that bet.

 

[golfgal]

DS12 was 'fussy' for a long time. He didn't really cry but he got whiny and miserable to be around. We finally figured it out that those times came when he was hungry and he just needed to eat something. Once we figured that out we made sure he ate a little something like a bag of fruit snacks before he got to that stage. It eliminated that behavior altogether.

You son could also have some sensory issues that make him overly sensitive. Do tags in clothing bother him? How is he putting on socks in the morning? Some kids just can't stand the feel of air blowing over their skin even. It might be worth investigating that.

The twins had a kid in their class at their old school the cried at EVERYTHING. He had ZERO coping skills. His parents didn't do anything about it. He is going into 7th grade and STILL does this at school. The 6th graders go to an environmental camp for a week in the spring and the big talk of the camp was that Aaron only cried once during the camp.