kids "deserving" disney?

[pookybean]

hello all! dh and i were arguing the other day over my wanting to return to disney, lets just say he is not as into it as i am

so i said he does not have to come i can take the kids and we would go ourselves. he then said that the kids dont "deserve" it. my kids are not perfect (whos are?) but they are good kids. the issues are mostly in school. my dd 8 struggles a bit and doesnt pick up on things quickly. my son 14 is exceptionaly smart, but just doesnt feel like doing anything. so after his last report card, he stayed home (with dh) for the trip we took in october while i took dd. yes i took her out of school for the week, but we made up all the work with the teachers blessing. i have now decided i will no longer take the kids during school and will move to summer trips

to me this is family time regardless of what went on during the school year, good or bad. its not a reward (my ds may even look at it as punishment! LOL) but something enjoyable

do you think taking a trip to disney is something they should earn or deserve?

 

[Belle4mygrl]

Well, I view it as both but a vacation is a vacation. A time to get away from all the pressures and problems.

 

[bumbershoot]

I go because I deserve it, LOL. Hubby and son come along when they want to.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

It sounds like the main issue is that your DH just doesn't want to go and he's using the "deserving" argument to further his own case.

I wouldn't get into that discussion with him. Ask him point blank if he wants to go on a WDW trip. Ask your son the same question. If they both say no, they can stay home together again and you can take your daughter. If you really want a family vacation together, perhaps you could take one to another destination that everyone would enjoy. I wouldn't want to take people to WDW who would rather be somewhere else. That would just spoil it for you.

 

[barbmouse]

I think all kids deserve some family fun away from school and the pressures of daily life!

 

[squirrel]

When I grew up we never had a choice of where our vacation would be. My parents could only afford to take us camping at a lake. We went to the same place for about 4 years then they picked another lake for about another 4 years.

The year I (the oldest) was to graduate from HS, my parents asked us kids where we would like to go. I picked DL, my next youngest sister picked DL and my youngest sister picked the lake. My parents saved that year and we went to DL for the first time as a family. My sister the one that picked DL and I had spent part of one day on a youth group trip at DL.

 

[carj]

I don't think that I would make the trip contingent on anything, it would be just a trip. However, I think that you are right to discontinue taking them out of school and plan on only summer trips at this point if school is an issue.

It sounds like maybe your husband is tired of going??? It looks like you have been every year for a while. Maybe you could take a different kind of trip this year, perhaps one that your husband and 14yo could really get into.

I don't think that my kids deserve a vacation, any more than they deserve all the other stuff that they get to do. (There are many deserving children whose parents will never be able to get to Disney.) Disney is an indulgence, something special to be enjoyed and I wouldn't tie strings to that.

I think that for many people Disney is the ultimate indulgence for kids. They see it as the place that kids get everything they want. Maybe it is that particular "all about the kids" vision that your husband is minding so much? Also, I would take a good look at how the kids behaved while they were there. Were they pleasant or did they may everyone miserable? (I am not saying they did but think back to your last trip and see if there was something that is making your husband not want to return.)

I hope that you can get this sorted out. I would happily have returned to WDW after a weeks rest at home but my husband, though he had a great time, would rather wait a couple of years to return. Some people just have different ideas about that.

 

[DawnM]

that is EXACTLY how I feel! I go to Disney for ME!!!! If they choose to tag along, fine, they are welcome to come.

If I waited for all 5 of us to "deserve" it, we wouldn't ever go!

Dawn

I go because I deserve it, LOL. Hubby and son come along when they want to.

 

[dbarker]

For us, vacation time is Family Time. Both DH and I work hectic jobs. We cherish our vacations. The vacation rule is that work does not go on vacation w/ us. We are not allowed to even talk about work while on vacation.

 

[dementia412]

I was gonna say, why really does deserve Disney? Its not about deserving imo.

 

[parmtoo]

If we waited for our DS, (13), to deserve a trip, we would never go anywhere! He's a sweet boy, with a good heart, but very lazy with school work! His report card was better, but still not what we'd like to see.
That being said, we are taking him out of school in Jan. for the last time. Next year he will begin HS. Our future trips will have to be in the summer.
Our vacations are family time, and we can't use them as a reward. We fit them into very hectic every day life.
DH just returned from Iraq, and will most like go back late 09. So, we take the time when we can. Good luck planning!

 

[susykt4]

This is a little off topic, but when I told a coworker we were planning to go back to Disney next month (we go about once every 2 years) her immediate nasty reply was "Do your kids just EXPECT to go now?" Uh... So what if they do! Her family goes to Minnesota for two weeks every summer. I imagine her kids EXPECT that! What the heck?

Anyway, I agree with previous posters that if you wait until everyone "deserves" to go you will never, ever go. Disney is the most fun, magical family vacation I've ever taken. It is what I want to spend my money on. The coworker mentioned above has horses, boats, motorcycles, collector cars, acreage, etc. I don't want any of that stuff, I just want an occasional trip to WDW! My kids aren't spoiled brats because we go to WDW every two years!

 

[bumbershoot]

This is a little off topic, but when I told a coworker we were planning to go back to Disney next month (we go about once every 2 years) her immediate nasty reply was "Do your kids just EXPECT to go now?"

My answer would have to be...well yes, otherwise the money we spent on APs would be a really bad expense! We haven't even gotten our money's worth out of them yet.

Though it's DLR so the AP is less expensive than WDW, and my brother lives in southern CA anyway so we will be visiting at least once a year... It's been harder to convince us to put out the cash for the airfare out to WDW, even though I have scads of family in the area!

 

[ms_missy66]

I agree with a lot of what everyone said, but I wanted to throw out thing outt here. Perhaps if you want to link trip to effort or behavior, set that clear expectation with your children first. Set them up to succeed. Say to your son, "We want to plan this trip. In order to go, we must see at least a 3.0 on your final report card" or whatever. To your daughter, maybe you say "We want to feel like you tried your best." I'm half tempted to not name too specific of a goal so you have some wiggle room, but I don't really see a big problem with having them see the vacation as a reward. My vacations are a reward for my effort at work to earn the money and time off.

Though, I also get what others have said. Vacation is vacation. It's priceless (and hopefully pressureless) time with your family. Though with the schedule my DH tries to keep at WDW, I'm not sure we achieve pressureless. LOL I'm arguing in my head about whether we should earn the right to spend time with each other like that. You know?

With that all said, if we had been planning a trip, my kids were behaving HORRIBLY and I warned them repeatedly if it didn't stop we wouldn't go...then they kept it up, you bet your bippy I would cancel the whole thing. That's an entirely different situation that yours, though.

Sorry for all the rambling.

 

[Vijoge]

At our house, vacation is vacation. It has nothing to do with report cards. Or being "deserving", whatever that means. Vacation is something we do, not something we earn. It's like dinner. Or dental appointments. Or taking the dogs out. Or a million other things we do all year.

 

[RobinFabulous]

I agree with a lot of what everyone said, but I wanted to throw out thing outt here. Perhaps if you want to link trip to effort or behavior, set that clear expectation with your children first. Set them up to succeed. Say to your son, "We want to plan this trip. In order to go, we must see at least a 3.0 on your final report card" or whatever. To your daughter, maybe you say "We want to feel like you tried your best." I'm half tempted to not name too specific of a goal so you have some wiggle room, but I don't really see a big problem with having them see the vacation as a reward. My vacations are a reward for my effort at work to earn the money and time off.

Though, I also get what others have said. Vacation is vacation. It's priceless (and hopefully pressureless) time with your family. Though with the schedule my DH tries to keep at WDW, I'm not sure we achieve pressureless. LOL I'm arguing in my head about whether we should earn the right to spend time with each other like that. You know?

With that all said, if we had been planning a trip, my kids were behaving HORRIBLY and I warned them repeatedly if it didn't stop we wouldn't go...then they kept it up, you bet your bippy I would cancel the whole thing. That's an entirely different situation that yours, though.
Sorry for all the rambling.

Ditto. I would NEVER take a child that was behaving horribly anywhere (and by this it'd have to be serious misbehaving, not just normal kid stuff)


I think if you're planning a FAMILY vacation then the FAMILY goes.

 

[pookybean]

thanks for the responses!

i also go to disney for me! i love it, and planning a trip is what keeps ME going! i think my dd does expect to go now, but not in a spoiled way. probably because im always talking about the next time. we say we will always be disney partners...we'll see what happens in another 6 or 7 years!

as for dh, he just doesnt enjoy it like i do. he said there is nothing new to see there and its always the same. we have talked about other places to go, but nothing quite measures up. he does not like beaches either, which makes it a little hard to find something everyone will enjoy.

i think everyone deserves a vacation, and since our first trip in 2006 (which was our first big trip as a family) i will never not take my kids on a vacation. i have told dh he doesnt have to go if he doesnt want to, and he probably wont.....

i get asked the same thing....why are you going back again.....or how can you afford it.....by the same people who rent a shore house for a week every summer! for the price of that i could have a nice looooong disney vacation with some $$$$ left over!

 

[ChristusG]

There's a difference between a vacation and a reward trip. I feel like a vacation is just that.....a time to get away and have fun. Forget daily life and just do what you want to do.

A reward trip is something where a goal is set, and if that goal is met, then the trip is earned.

 

[RobinFabulous]

thanks for the responses!

i also go to disney for me! i love it, and planning a trip is what keeps ME going! i think my dd does expect to go now, but not in a spoiled way. probably because im always talking about the next time. we say we will always be disney partners...we'll see what happens in another 6 or 7 years!

as for dh, he just doesnt enjoy it like i do. he said there is nothing new to see there and its always the same. we have talked about other places to go, but nothing quite measures up. he does not like beaches either, which makes it a little hard to find something everyone will enjoy.

i think everyone deserves a vacation, and since our first trip in 2006 (which was our first big trip as a family) i will never not take my kids on a vacation. i have told dh he doesnt have to go if he doesnt want to, and he probably wont.....

i get asked the same thing....why are you going back again.....or how can you afford it.....by the same people who rent a shore house for a week every summer! for the price of that i could have a nice looooong disney vacation with some $$$$ left over!

I just went for a week without my SO. Honestly he hates crowds and didn't want to go. I felt bad, but whatever. I went for the kids. He prefers the mountains, where there is nothing to do for kids, he likes to hole up in a cabin and build a fire and stay there.....

 

[mousefanmichelle]

My dh hates Florida. I love it. My dh tolorated Disney this past August. I love it. I hope my kids love it. I am planning a trip in May 2009 and my dh isn't going with us. Been there done that and there is nothing new to see even though when we went in August it was during TS Faye and we missed so much due to the rain. He still won't go back. I can't convince him at all. We are going without him.

It isn't a reward and we aren't going because we deserve it. We are going becuase it is a vacation. Now that said, my dh would hold back a kid if he felt the kid didn't deserve a trip because they did something bad. We would argue because I would say it isn't a reward and he would say it is. If he held back a kid I would cancel the whole trip. I am fine not taking my dh but I wouldn't be fine going without one of my kids while the rest of us were having fun.

Sounds like your dh just wants to go somewhere else. My dh said if I planned a trip somewhere else he would go. Thank goodness that we have 2 weeks in the summer for family vacations - this trip in May is just a bonus to us!!