Kids and inappropriate movies

[Scurvy]

I just can't grasp the excuse they hear it/talk about it at school so let them watch whatever they want. I don't use language or talk about filth like that nor does my wife or family. I know my daughter will hear it at school (I can't control that), but why in the world would you voluntarily allow them to be exposed to that crap as a child. I'm assuming you don't want you children speaking like/acting out some of the stuff they will see in this junk we call movies.

It's kinda like telling you kids don't smoke, but handing them a lighted cigarette. It just doesn't make sense.

That's how I feel about it as well. I've spent quite a bit of time in schools. I know the sorts of things my son is exposed to during from the other kids. But I also know what my standards are. I'm not going to let him watch movies that glamourize behavior that I consider unacceptable. To me, that would feel as though I was endorsing the behavior, which would seem hypocritical. He has the sense to not parrot everything he hears, but I'm not going to tell him not to behave a certain may and then send him to movies where everyone acts that way with no negative consequences, just like I'm not going to tell him he can't curse and then go around cursing constantly in front of him.

And honestly, I know every generation says this but kids have changed significantly from when I first started working in schools. They don't even try to hide their cursing or graphic language from the teachers any more, and I have to wonder if that's because they see it as more acceptable these days. Maybe it's because their parents talk like that in front of them, but I think it's more likely that it's because that's what they are hearing in the media all the time.

 

[marcyinPA]

I just can't grasp the excuse they hear it/talk about it at school so let them watch whatever they want. I don't use language or talk about filth like that nor does my wife or family. I know my daughter will hear it at school (I can't control that), but why in the world would you voluntarily allow them to be exposed to that crap as a child. I'm assuming you don't want you children speaking like/acting out some of the stuff they will see in this junk we call movies.

It's kinda like telling you kids don't smoke, but handing them a lighted cigarette. It just doesn't make sense.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I just can't grasp the excuse they hear it/talk about it at school so let them watch whatever they want. I don't use language or talk about filth like that nor does my wife or family. I know my daughter will hear it at school (I can't control that), but why in the world would you voluntarily allow them to be exposed to that crap as a child. I'm assuming you don't want you children speaking like/acting out some of the stuff they will see in this junk we call movies.

It's kinda like telling you kids don't smoke, but handing them a lighted cigarette. It just doesn't make sense.

Filth like what?

No, but it could be like telling a child not to smoke (explaining why) and then letting them see adults smoke around them.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Yes, this is how I feel. And do these things happen in real life? Porkys? Really? I don't think so. It is just scary how Hollywood is making it seem ok to meet a person, sleep with them, and thats it. Over and over again. One night stands are seeming normal in the movies. So kids are doing it and regretting it. That is one thing you cannot get back.

Having the F-word 70 times in a 102 minute movie! So every minute and a half? What is the point? You can maybe imagine it being in a few times, when you slam your finger in a door, or fall, or something is being yelled. But just randomly swearing over and over again??!

My dd knows I have high standards for her and her little brother. We talk about it. Is she in a bubble? Maybe a bit. But I don't feel bad about that at all. And she doesnt feel she is missing out. She is not begging me to watch them. She thinks they are stupid and mindless and useless.

All her friends watched Hot Rod when they were in grade 6 or so. She asked me to watch it, I said no. Then she watched it in grade 9. She says to me, "That movie is what they kept quoting all these years? It was stupid and pointless, and a waste of 2 hours. I can't believe they thought it was good."
This has happened a few times.

I have high standards for my children, as well. I hope you're not insinuating that those of us who let our children watch higher than a G rating, don't have high standards.

 

[krcit]

I think there is a big difference between a 10 year old and a 15 year old. When I went to see The Hangover, a man brought his 9 and 10 year old sons to see it. I though that was ridiculous. I won't let my 12 year old see it but my 15 year old dd has seen it. She didn't find it as hilarious as I did though Years ago, my SIL asked me if I thought her ds who was 15 at the time, could see There's Something About Mary. I told her I thought it was fine. She watched with him and was horrified To me, there was nothing in that movie that was inapproprite for a 15 year old boy. To each their own I guess.

PS I'm 41 years old and when I was in 8th grade in Catholic school, there was kids having sex, drinking and more. Times haven't changed that much.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I think there is a big difference between a 10 year old and a 15 year old. When I went to see The Hangover, a man brought his 9 and 10 year old sons to see it. I though that was ridiculous. I won't let my 12 year old see it but my 15 year old dd has seen it. She didn't find it as hilarious as I did though Years ago, my SIL asked me if I thought her ds who was 15 at the time, could see There's Something About Mary. I told her I thought it was fine. She watched with him and was horrified To me, there was nothing in that movie that was inapproprite for a 15 year old boy. To each their own I guess.

PS I'm 41 years old and when I was in 8th grade in Catholic school, there was kids having sex, drinking and more. Times haven't changed that much.

Yep. And I remember my granny laughing at my great aunt changing her wedding anniversary date so it wouldn't show that she'd been having sex before marriage. I also remember overhearing boys in my 6th grade class discussing which girls were adept at a certain form of sex (trying to keep it DIS friendly). I didn't know what they were talking about at the time (even though I had seen Halloween, Tommy, and several other R movies), though - I thought it had something to do with what the girls did to the boys' hair! lol

I do agree it's much more prevalent in the media. Personally, I don't really like it. I don't think it will be our downfall, though, and I don't think just because a kid sees someone do something on a movie screen, he'll follow suit.

 

[cm8]

I just can't grasp the excuse they hear it/talk about it at school so let them watch whatever they want. I don't use language or talk about filth like that nor does my wife or family. I know my daughter will hear it at school (I can't control that), but why in the world would you voluntarily allow them to be exposed to that crap as a child. I'm assuming you don't want you children speaking like/acting out some of the stuff they will see in this junk we call movies.

It's kinda like telling you kids don't smoke, but handing them a lighted cigarette. It just doesn't make sense.

, agreed!!

 

[Feathers]

As someone who goes to school with 12-18 year olds every day and hears what they talk about, I can safely say that no matter how much a parent thinks they have been watching and keeping track of their kids, they've still heard it all and seen it all before.

Everyone seems to complain about live action movies and violence and sex and how kids these days shouldn't be watching it. The truth is that they've probably done so already, or they've heard about it and it doesn't phase them. Thus is life.

I watched Watership Down in fourth grade and I was fascinated by it. Animated rabbits kill each other and bleed everywhere and there is a a seagull who swears every time he says something. I was totally fine. Animals fight. Animals die. People have sex. People die.

We learn about it in elementary school for heaven's sake. Fifth graders laugh because it's taboo to mention breasts and it's funny for some reason. We studied science books and snickered at the pages with human anatomy diagrams.

And how can a parent say their child isn't missing out when they don't even know what they're missing? A parent speaking for their child after age 10 is a major pet peeve of mine since by then we're more than capable of having our own logical thoughts and opinions. If my parents had kept me from seeing Watership Down, I'd have never found my favorite novel.

If they had kept me from watching Epic Movie when I was 13, I wouldn't have figured out that vulgar jokes are funny in the moment, but are really boring and stupid later on.

If 13 year old kids are allowed to read things like Twilight, then I don't see what's so bad about watching a raunchy movie. At least the movie doesn't leave too much to the imagination. You never know what kids are assuming these days.

 

[Scurvy]

If my parents had kept me from seeing Watership Down, I'd have never found my favorite novel.
.............
If they had kept me from watching Epic Movie when I was 13, I wouldn't have figured out that vulgar jokes are funny in the moment, but are really boring and stupid later on.

Neither of those things is really a "now or never" situation, though. If "Watership Down" is your favorite novel, it's likely that you would have enjoyed it no matter how old you were when you first read it, whether you had seen the movie or not. And there isn't a window when you can learn that vulgar jokes get old fast. If you hadn't learned it at 13 you would have learned it later.

I almost get the impression from your post that you don't feel that parental censorship is appropriate after a child hits the age of 10 or so. Is that actually how you feel?

 

[Feathers]

Neither of those things is really a "now or never" situation, though. If "Watership Down" is your favorite novel, it's likely that you would have enjoyed it no matter how old you were when you first read it, whether you had seen the movie or not. And there isn't a window when you can learn that vulgar jokes get old fast. If you hadn't learned it at 13 you would have learned it later.

I almost get the impression from your post that you don't feel that parental censorship is appropriate after a child hits the age of 10 or so. Is that actually how you feel?

I'm not trying to use a "now or never" example, I'm just trying to say that it doesn't really matter if some 12 year old kid sees a movie with inappropriate situations because it will have either already happened, or it will later, and it won't make a difference. Some parents just seem so bothered and feel they have to follow every move their kid makes, which eventually does get annoying (for both sides).

I mean, it's good to be aware of what your child is watching, but I think it's up to the child to decide if they are ready for certain things. Like, just explain to them what is mentioned in the movie and see what they do. I don't think it should flat out be "No, you can't see this because I've decided you aren't mature enough." I know not everyone is like that and some kids get a bit ahead of themselves, but let's face facts, media is how we learn.

And that isn't exactly how I feel, but it's pretty close. Like I said before, around the age of 10 or 11, children are very capable of understanding things and making educated decisions for themselves. I don't think it's necessarily right to tell your kid "No, I don't like this so you can't have anything to do with it." Parents see it as a good way of keeping your child out of harm's way, but kids eventually see it as an unfair restriction.

I believe someone made a comment earlier comparing this to telling your kid not to smoke and then handing them a cigarette. I don't think that's a fair comparison because letting your kid see a movie like "The Hangover" doesn't put them at medical risk or anything, provided your kid knows a thing or two about healthy living and logic (which they most likely do by then). A movie is a movie is a movie.

 

[Magpie]

Does anyone remember television in the seventies and sixties, back when rape was just so darn funny?

The Andy Griffith Show - Barney Fife's girlfriend is saying no, but Barney keeps on going and it's hilarious.

In Starsky and Hutch - a woman beats her husband unconscious with a baseball bat and it's played for laughs.

The Man from Uncle - the secretary is trying to get away from Napoleon Solo as he's literally pinning her to his chest and thrusting his groin into her. And he's the hero!

Gilligan's Island - could Mary Ann's shorts ride any further up her butt?

Rampant sexism in Star Trek, and you really could see Uhura's butt!

Oh, and alcoholism - always good for a guffaw! The town drunk, the slovenly neighbor, the good ol' boys with a beer in one hand as they're trying to outrun the sheriff...

What it comes down to is that there's always something bad in every generation's entertainment. And the sad thing is, I still love a lot of those shows. My kids, however, are frequently appalled. What we found perfectly acceptable is no longer tolerated by today's generation.

 

[Scurvy]

I'm not trying to use a "now or never" example, I'm just trying to say that it doesn't really matter if some 12 year old kid sees a movie with inappropriate situations because it will have either already happened, or it will later, and it won't make a difference. Some parents just seem so bothered and feel they have to follow every move their kid makes, which eventually does get annoying (for both sides)..

Sorry, I guess I just took this part literally:

If my parents had kept me from seeing Watership Down, I'd have never found my favorite novel.

. . . but I understand you didn't mean it that way. Obviously you would have eventually found your favorite novel, just not as early as you did.

I mean, it's good to be aware of what your child is watching, but I think it's up to the child to decide if they are ready for certain things. Like, just explain to them what is mentioned in the movie and see what they do. I don't think it should flat out be "No, you can't see this because I've decided you aren't mature enough." I know not everyone is like that and some kids get a bit ahead of themselves, but let's face facts, media is how we learn.

And that isn't exactly how I feel, but it's pretty close. Like I said before, around the age of 10 or 11, children are very capable of understanding things and making educated decisions for themselves. I don't think it's necessarily right to tell your kid "No, I don't like this so you can't have anything to do with it." Parents see it as a good way of keeping your child out of harm's way, but kids eventually see it as an unfair restriction.

I believe someone made a comment earlier comparing this to telling your kid not to smoke and then handing them a cigarette. I don't think that's a fair comparison because letting your kid see a movie like "The Hangover" doesn't put them at medical risk or anything, provided your kid knows a thing or two about healthy living and logic (which they most likely do by then). A movie is a movie is a movie.

I understand what you are saying. The problem I have with it is that you are essentially saying that after the age of 10 or so, the parenting should be left up to the child. 10 and 11 year olds are children. They are not mature enough to make all decisions for themselves. Certainly parents who completely shelter their 17 year old and only allow her to watch G rated movies are doing the teen a disservice, but so are the parents who throw up their hands and say their 10 year old is ready to decide everything for herself. As a child matures, she is able to take on more and more responsibility for herself. But a child who isn't mature enough to be exposed to something is probably also not mature enough to know that she shouldn't be exposed to it. The decision shouldn't be entirely left up to her. Parents have the responsibilty to guide their children to the point where they can be self sufficient adults. Children are not capable of doing that for themselves. Developmentally, children's brains do not work like adult brains. Neither do teens', for that matter. That's why children and teens can't legally enter into contracts, vote, drink alcohol, consent to sex, live on their own, or drive a car. That's why they can't buy mature rated video games or music, or go to "R" rated movies without a parent. They are not mature enough to make those sorts of decisions on their own. Not all children are the same and certainly some are ready for more mature content before others are. There's no right answer for every child. But presumably their parents know them well enough to be able to judge what the child is ready for. Hopefully they will allow the child more freedom and more choices as they feel the child is ready for that.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Does anyone remember television in the seventies and sixties, back when rape was just so darn funny?

The Andy Griffith Show - Barney Fife's girlfriend is saying no, but Barney keeps on going and it's hilarious.

In Starsky and Hutch - a woman beats her husband unconscious with a baseball bat and it's played for laughs.

The Man from Uncle - the secretary is trying to get away from Napoleon Solo as he's literally pinning her to his chest and thrusting his groin into her. And he's the hero!

Gilligan's Island - could Mary Ann's shorts ride any further up her butt?

Rampant sexism in Star Trek, and you really could see Uhura's butt!

Oh, and alcoholism - always good for a guffaw! The town drunk, the slovenly neighbor, the good ol' boys with a beer in one hand as they're trying to outrun the sheriff...

What it comes down to is that there's always something bad in every generation's entertainment. And the sad thing is, I still love a lot of those shows. My kids, however, are frequently appalled. What we found perfectly acceptable is no longer tolerated by today's generation.

What appalled my kids was Ricky spanking Lucy in I Love Lucy--Can you imagine that these days?

I agree with many that a lot more than JUST movies will affect kids and a lot of it is in how you react to the movies/shows and what values you pass along. Like Molly posted pretty early in the thread, violence tends to really bother me, but sex does not much. It is something that normal healthy adults do--like driving cars and paying bills and working at jobs--things kids can see and know do not yet apply to them but may some day. No biggie in my book. My parents were pretty much the same way. I clearly recall staying up to watch Saturday Night Live when we still lived in Texas--meaning I was 7 or younger. I watched Purple Rain when it came out (most of my friends could not even have the entire cassette--their parents all erased Darling Nikki--much less watch the movie) and saw plenty of other films too. I still turned out to be the goodie two shoes of all my friends--never caused my parents any trouble, did not do drugs, still do not care to drink (and did not as a teen) and had my first child (from first pregnancy) 9 months after I was married. I don't thinking seeing that grown ups have sex somehow made me a bad person at all

 

[Gigi22]

I can remember desperately wanting to see, "To Sir with Love," when it originally came out on the big screen. I was unable to, because the censorship board, in it's infinite wisdom had decided that no one under 18 could view it--due to the shortness of the girls' skirts and the swearing. It was the '60s, and I was a high school student! Had to wonder what the censorship board thought girls were wearing to school then, and the kind of language we heard daily!

 

[mhsjax]

I let my kids watch some movies that a lot of parent I know won't, like Transformers and stuff like that. The stuff with a ton of bad language, not so much, I hate it. It shows lack of intelligence, or so I have heard and I agree with. It doesn't take too much of a brain to put the F bomb in there instead of coming up with something witty. I also realize that kids are saying and doing most of the stuff in the movies, doesn't mean I want my kids watching it.

I am extremely open with my kids about sex. They know, without watching Porkey's that they are normal. They also come to me with all sorts of questions and I answer them without judgement.

The one thing I can say is that they won't see these movies in the theater until they can drive themselves. The one thing I do refuse to do 100% across the board, is pay for a movie at the theater. Not happening. total rip off. So until they can drive and pay for it themselves they won't see it, at least not at my house.

 

[disney1990]

Parents are kidding themselves if they think their children aren't seeing movies they don't want them to see. They will see them at their friend's houses -- on DVD or on HBO, etc.

My 2 daughters are now grown and no longer at home. But they saw movies that I am sure OP wouldn't let her daughter see. However, we used these movies as an opportunity to talk to our girls.

 

[tar heel]

What's bad to one parent is acceptable to another. I would way rather my kids see a high-quality R-rated film than a trashy TV "reality" show like Big Brother which the OP says she lets her kids watch. I don't think my kids or hers are going to turn into delinquents, however, just because they watched Big Brother or Inglorious *******s.