Kids and friends

[Phlip]

What do you do if one of your kids has friends that invite her over to play/hang out, and the other doesn't? I have 2 kids, DD 14 and DS 8. When DD was little, there was always someone to go to the park with, hang with, etc. Not so with DS. We invite kids over, but the invitation is never returned. He gets along with a bunch of boys his age, has buddies at school, I am told he is a great kid, but no one calls to play, ever. We don't live in a neighborhood with kids, so going outside to play is just my son and daughter. I call to make plans, and either don't get a call back or the parents work during the day and are busy on the weekend. I feel bad for my son when he asks why his friends don't call him. This just isn't the way it was with my DD-parents were always getting together with the kids, going to the park, having play dates etc. Is this a boy thing? A second child thing? I know my situation is different from most of the other moms, I'm older, stay at home and if I'm working I have a flexible schedule. My husband seems to think that I should be more active in arranging friendships for him (?) Short of stalking people what else can I do?
Thanks in advance for your opinion!

 

[disneydreamersx4]

I could have written your post exactly except that I have 2 DD's. My older daughter was also always having playdates but my younger one not so much. I know how your son is feeling, my daughter (9) gets no invitations either except for one girl who gets mean so i don't want her to hang out with her much. I called several moms a couple weeks ago and so far no one has set up a playdate yet. What I suggest is instead of the mom's calling, have your child call and then maybe that will guilt the other moms into having the kids play The thing is with my DD is she doesn't really ask to go and play with anyone, I have to encourage her. I'm going to really try to get her to call some friends today. good luck

 

[Magic Mom]

I know this sounds awful, but is your house fun to play at? Are you really picky about everything being spotless? In my experience boys are most likely to gravitate towards the house with video games, bikes, scooters, skateboards, cable and good snacks.

 

[Magpie]

My kids are like that!

Except it's the other way around. My youngest - a 12yo boy - is our social butterfly. Most weekends he's sleeping at some other kid's house. There are weeks we hardly see him, and when he's not at someone else's house, then he's online with them.

My oldest - a 14yo girl - I had to remind her to send an e-mail to a school friend yesterday. She never sees anyone outside school.

It's just the way it is. My son is very sociable and an extrovert. He puts effort into his relationships and gets the rewards. My daughter likes people well enough, but she likes her books better. She's lazy when it comes to maintaining relationships. And so people don't call her.

Is this a problem? I don't think so. I enjoy my son's success, but I was more like my daughter as a kid. I know she'll be just fine, being like Ferdinand, sitting on a hill and sniffing the flowers.

Some kids don't need active social lives. Some are perfectly happy doing their own thing.

 

[luvmy3]

What about a summer camp, or a summer (organized) activity?

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Change DD14 to DD13 and DS8 to DS10 and this is my kids.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

My boys age 8 and 9 don't have very many "playdates." We live in a rural area, and it would involve driving to pick up the kids, or their parents dropping them off. So far this summer my 8 year old has gone to play at his friends house 1 time.

I do babysit other kids so my kids usually have someone here to play with, but it isn't always kids their age. At lot of times its babies or toddlers.

My kids have lots of friends at school so I'm not worried about it. I think it is just a hassle when the parents work and there are so many summer things going on. Its hard to agree on a date/time to get together.

 

[Bren's Mom]

I don't know what the solution is but it does seem that some people just aren't into having playdates. I work full-time, but I am happy to have playdates after work and on the weekends. I'll get a note in ds's box (at preschool) asking for a playdate. I'll e-mail the mom and get a reply. I'll even offer to host. And then every.single.date I suggest is no good. Well, lady, if you want a playdate you have to be available for one! And then I give up. We've had people over and they say we'd love to do it at our house next..but then never offer. It's frustrating!

 

[Darcy03231]

Could it be that the parents of these children both work and the kids are in summer camp and aren't around for a play date?

DH and I both work and my kids were in summer camp when they were that age. My neighbor is a teacher and home all summer. If she wanted my kids around to play with hers, she had to take them for the whole day. I didn't have the time to be able to get them out of camp for a few hours so her kids could play with them and then leave work to get them back to camp, plus the camp discouraged kids coming in and out all day. Are you offering to have these kids for the whole day or just a few hours? On weekends in the summer we were busy doing family things and my kids didn't have play dates on the weekends.

 

[Phlip]

Thanks for the replies-
Darcy-yes, that's it. Most of the parents of the kids he knows work and have the kids in summer programs. I have had one of the kids over for the day-no problem, just never heard from the parents again.
Bren/Mickey-yeah, I hate the whole word 'playdate', lol, it is really hard to coordinate schedules, and It would be nice if someone would initiate a get together, and yes, I'll have it here!
Magic Mom-I totally understand where you are coming from. My house is Toys R Us-everything, balls, sporting equipment, swing set, bikes, boards, we have a pool, Wii you name it. I don't care if they make a mess, just clean it up, and no weapons in the house. If they want to run screaming we have an acre of grass woods, they can go for it. I do get a little nervy with the pool, but you kinda have to. Just a little though.
We are having some kids over today to swim... thank goodness.
Thanks everyone!