Jesus wants him to live

[yeartolate]

I was saddened at work this week. A patient of mine, near one hundred years old, with failing kidneys, bedbound (with bedsores) for years due to stroke, mumbles incoherently, has not recognized family for months came to a point where - without intervention, he would die.

Our medical and nursing staff was quite patient and compassionate with the family. They insisted on full court press for the patient's care. We were clear that it would be of no benefit other than a few hours of pain and suffering.

The family stated they wanted everything done because they were Christian and their religion demands it. We encouraged their pastor to come, but they did not wish this. They talked the talk that if we didn't do "everything" there might be legal repurcussions.

So we ended putting breathing tubes and machines on a near century old human being and several hours later cpr....crunching the less than 90 pound patient's ribs.

I got home and cried. His death was immenent, and it could have been a quiet peaceful one. Death is part of life. That IS God's plan.

Sadly, I have heard the "religious"argument for prolonging the life of patient's with multisystem failure all too often. God did not design us to be immortal.

Clearly there are MANY situations where the decison is "iffy" but many are not (as in the case above). I should have called adult protective services, but I acknowledge that the problem is that we give options to families that realistically don't exist. We should stand our ground on these "non iffy" cases and say NO!

Sorry for blathering on.

 

[tkd lisa]

Please don't judge all Christians by this family. While I don't support euthanasia, in this situation, I would have let the patient go. After all, in my belief that patient is going to be with God.

 

[nuke]

It's very sad that we don't give the same compassion to humans that we give to our animals when they are obviously beyond help.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I'm not about to judge a family who is in pain and wanting to keep their loved one alive. I'm sure they do not understand the absolute futility of it all. The end is coming one way or another......

 

[my4kids]

I'm not gonna judge this one either.......at least he has a loving family that wanted the best done for him...(what they thought was best)...I'm sure they didn't want to live their lives wondering, what if we did more? Maybe he could have had a little longer.

 

[Uncle Remus]

To the OP, oh my goodness, what a hard job you have
and what strength you must possess to do that job.

 

[cardaway]

 

[Pigeon]

Sorry you had to deal with these people and have the older gentleman suffer more because of them.

I'll never understand this mentality. If you are allegedly Christian, why should you be so afraid of seeing someone die?

 

[clarabelle]

Well I will judge them. Just in the hypothetical internet- sake of discussion way. Not judging this family in particular
We here in American spend more on "end of days" care than any other country. It countributes to rising health care costs. (27% of medicare goes to the last year of life)
When I worked as an O.R. Nurse we would put in feeding tubes in elderly patients who could not swallow. I used to go home hating myself after those procedures. They were usually in a vegetative or some kind of semi concious state. Couldn't walk or talk or swallow. But the families hated the idea of their loved one starving to death. So we would put the tube in. The patients health was usually to poor to be put under general anesthesia -so they would do it with a little sedation. The patients would cry out -it was terrible. This was done so they could lay in bed and be changed and the family could feel like they had done all they could.
I wish that there was some kind of nation wide push - to allow people to not feel guilty about letting nature take its course. That maybe people would catch on to the idea that the most loving thing you could do for someone is to let them rest and not be in pain anymore. That families would think it was normal to not resusitate a 100 year old man- instead of this "If I love them -I will save them and not let them die" thing we seem to have going on.
Its depressing and I sympathize with the OP. I wish I knew what the answers were.

 

[Serena]

It is tough. I know I would have been able to convince my dad to let my mom go if I had known she would not make it beyond that day. She would have been able to go peacefully instead of like it was. I was under the impression that if she made it, then she would be alright. I didn't know we were just prolonging things.

The nurses did tell my cousins the real deal. But no one told us until afterwards.
That really bothered me and it still does. But I can't undo it.

There is nothing you can do, but what you can with the knowledge you have. You could not do anything but what the family insisted on. And just make sure your wishes are clear for your future.

 

[mssocks]

If they had not been grief stricken over his impending death, they would have seen that "Jesus wants him to live" really meant "We want him to live" and it should have been "Jesus wants him".

We have had losses in our family, some at a young age and some older. The heartache is the same, the shock is not. My grandmother had a stroke. She lived for 11 years after. She did not know us. She was not the same. We always said she was halfway home. But this "new" person was healthy enough, and we learned to love her as well. She loved chocolate, babies and jewelry. All were guaranteed to get a response on her worst days. When her time came, my heart was devastated, but there was gladness as well that she was finally all the way home. Happy and with those who had gone before. I believe it is not our decision when someone is called home. A life should be fought for, but there comes a time when the fight is self-serving. I am afraid that when it is time for my mother I will NOT see things this clearly. I will have to rely on Jesus to guide my thoughts.

If you are not religious, I am not throwing mine in your face. I just will not deny the saving grace in my life.

OP - that poor soul is safe now. It was a crime that it happened ( possibly a real crime ). That family will eventually come to their senses and realize what they did. They will have to live with that knowledge.

 

[joshsmom]

God knows I have no right to judge anyone, so I won't. However, I've made it VERY clear to my family that if this is to happen to me, LET ME GO!!! Prolonging my life just to prolong it doesn't solve anything. I'm Christian and my family believes in natural progression of life. Sooner or later, it's going to be my time and I don't want extreme measures taken to keep me alive. Its not worth it to anyone. LET ME GO--trust me, I'll be ok on the other side!!

 

[JunieJay]

How sad. God. I could never be a nurse.

Its not Jesus keeping him alive, its science. You'd think people would realize that... I can understand grief, but at some point compassion for the life that once was should take over.

 

[yeartolate]

Please don't judge all Christians by this family. While I don't support euthanasia, in this situation, I would have let the patient go. After all, in my belief that patient is going to be with God.

Oh, I don't. That is why I was hoping to have their pastor come by. I cannot believe that he would think that this person who was litterally rotting to death deserved this type of treatment.

I can understand the brouhaha with the Schiavo case on many levels. But I am frequently faced with this at work for cases far more serious and religion is one of the main reasons for not "giving u"

Funny enough, many folks use Jesus as a reason NOT to allow aggressive efforts in the terminally ill as well.

 

[themarquis]

That is really sad -- I'm sorry you had to go through that. I wonder whether this sort of thing can sometimes be chalked up to ignorance on the part of family members ... in soap operas, Reader's Digest, and anecdotal accounts, there are tons of stories of gravely ill people "miraculously" recovering. What people don't understand is that in many cases medical professionals know without a shadow of a doubt that a particular person will not recover. (there are other cases in which medical professionals don't know what will happen, but usually they try to be clear that that is the case when talking to family members.) Family members think -- well, they say he won't recover, but they don't know everything -- a "miracle" could happen. Very very sad...

 

[yeartolate]

I'm not about to judge a family who is in pain and wanting to keep their loved one alive. I'm sure they do not understand the absolute futility of it all. The end is coming one way or another......

I would like to think I do not judge, but the tears that flooded out after my shift probably were proof otherwise.

 

[JunieJay]

I would like to think I do not judge, but the tears that flooded out after my shift probably were proof otherwise.

And who could really blame you? We all want to die with a little dignity, I'm sure it was just your compassion as a nurse and a professional and that is the reason you took it so hard. You and every other healthcare worker around the world who deals with this sort of thing daily have my admiration.

 

[yeartolate]

We need to be backed up (and it kills meto say this!!!!!!!!) legally.

In cases less emergent, we have been backed up by adult protective services in the past (who realistically could do nothing, but it seems to jar the family a little bit - and the family is jarred into a more realistic decison) but it puts us on the offensive with a family in crisis - and that is sad.

The physician should be able to say, I am sorry there is nothing more to offer except to make your dad more comfortable and not fear legal recrimination. The family would be free to seek second and third opinions, but the doctor should not be forced to particpate in unethical situations like this.

 

[themarquis]

My dad recently asked my grandpa if he wanted to sign a DNR order. My grandpa is 90 years old, has only one lung, has had several bouts with cancer, pneumonia, etc. Remarkably, he is in great shape, but my dad was concerned that if he went into the hospital for pneumonia again and went downhill, that there wouldn't be much hope of him surviving. Surprisingly, although my grandpa is a bit ... er ... paranoid (he has a little bit of dementia) and would normally interpret such a talk as evidence that my dad was trying to kill him or something, he signed the paperwork and was very adament that he would not want any extreme measures performed on him. When my dad put it in terms of suffering, my grandpa immediately understood that if it was "his time" to go, then he wouldn't want to be in any pain and have his suffering prolonged. Grandpa is still in fine health, but his story really testifies to the importance of discussing end of life issues with elder relatives *before* they become ill, so that their wishes can be known.

 

[cardaway]

The physician should be able to say, I am sorry there is nothing more to offer except to make your dad more comfortable and not fear legal recrimination. The family would be free to seek second and third opinions, but the doctor should not be forced to particpate in unethical situations like this.

Agreed.