Jen's incredibly personal journal... readers welcome, but consider yourself warned :)

[tink2020]

Hi. So here I am, battling weight once again. From ages 15-19 I battled anorexia, other issues, blah blah blah. Since then, after seeking some help, getting things together, meeting my WONDERFULLY supportive and truly amazing godsend of a husband... I'm overweight. WHAT?!?! Less than 3 years ago I was in the hospital drastically underweight... miserable.... struggling to gain even a pound. My friends and family worried about the day I would have children and how would I handle extra weight....

And now, the scale tells me I'm about 25 pounds overweight. And, you know, I've been taught to ignore scales (much easier when you're on the plus side, I'm learning!) but .... when nothing fits, and you look at pictures and think "WHO IS THAT FAT CHICK?" .... I guess you learn it happens to the best of us!

So now, for the last few months, I've been struggling again. I'm the happiest I have ever been with my life, and so I guess I'm realizing that the things I COULDN'T control as a teenager led to my being "in shape" (at least I thought then). I exercised obsessively, ate (or didn't eat) obsessively..... but now I just feel like I have better things to do! I'd rather go out and spend time with my husband and familiy. I LOOOOOOVE food, and blame it on the fact that I didn't allow myself to "indulge" in anything for so long.

But when I try to diet, exercise, etc.... the weight doesn't come off fast enough. In the back of my mind, I think ".... Jennifer, you KNOW how to do this and get the job done quickly". Pills, rigid schedules etc would certainly do the trick. And once I start noticing and paying attention to my body/health again..... oh my gosh do I see something wretched and seemingly hopeless.

So I dont know. I'm not sure where I'm going to start. I dont know if tomorrow I'll wake up and buy some supplement.... I don't know if I'll start exercising and reducing calories..... I may just continue doing whatever I want and put this off for another time.

I want to do the right thing though. I want to lose the weight, right now for myself and my self-image.... but also eventaully for my health and the long term health problems that obesity can create. I just know that opening this can of worms always leads to emotional battles I'd rather not fight.

If you've read this far, thanks or I'm sorry. Whichever you want is yours I think that 99% of my entries in this journal will be of the updating, positive nature (and not NEARLY this long!).... but this is my heart; this is where I'm starting from. Pixie dust and encouragement always welcome..... I guess there are a bunch of us in this journey together!

 

[NYcpa]

Welcome to the WISH journals. You have come to the right place for support and encouragement.

Start small. Don't try to change everything at once. Drink lots of water to clear the toxins from your system. Try to eat healthy. Add exercise in a little at a time.

Set small goals for each day. Take each day as a new start. If you don't do so well one day, the next day is a new start. Don't beat yourself up over perceived failures. Approach this as a lifestyle chang not a diet.

There are challenges you can join each month. You can start anytime you want. There is usually both a lose 5 for xxx month and a monthly exercise challenge. Start small. The weight will come off gradually.

Here is a and lots of pixie dust to welcome you to your journey. Think positively and you can accomplish anything you set out to.

Best of luck on your journey. Stop in often for the support from a great group of fellow WISHers

 

[Storygirl]

Jen - I understand how you feel to a certain, semi similar extent. I have struggled with bulimia since college and it is such a control issue and something I find myself wanting to turn to when I feel guilt about food. Unfortunately, I am also a compulsive overeater so that guilt is pretty much a constant companion some days.

I praise you for coming here and searching for support. I intend to search out my own diet/fitness support - and I need to thank you for being so open about your own history. I want to start my own journal and I was hesitant to mention the details of my struggle.

Good luck and pixie dust to you!!!

Jenn.

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Jen! Welcome aboard the wonderful world of WISH journals!
There are lots of amazing supportive people on here so I hope you will make yourself at home.

Bye for now!
Mike (If you haven't guessed, I am the king of the exclamation points! hehe)

 

[eeyore25]

Hi Jen,

Welcome to WISH. THis is a great place to start.

Start small...the weight is not going to come off overnight, although it seems that it came on that way. I had to really convince my self of this.

You can do this....and we are all here to help and support.

jamie

 

[keenercam]

Hi, Jen, and welcome to WISH! You have definitely found a place where you can find support and encouragement and advice (whether you want it or not )! It takes a lot of courage to recognize an issue and to decide to do something about it. It's good that you are deciding to make a change now, before the problem gets so significant that you feel overwhelmed by it.

We are all in this struggle together, and the support you will find here is beyond compare. I hope you will focus on what you KNOW are the best ways to face and resolve this problem -- healthier food choices, smaller portions, and increased activity. Sounds so simple put that way, but we all know it is not. But at least we know a couple of places to start, right?

Good luck!

 

[TigerCheer2009]

Hi Jen! I'm Jen...welcome to WISH!

And if Mike is king of !!!!, then I am queen, self-appointed. I wanted to wish you luck, hope, joy and lots and lots of SMILES!

You know what to do and we are behind you 150,000,000%! Thank you for coming here...it's a big step.

A cheer to seal the deal!

Some stormy days will be ahead
Most of them behind
You've come to the right place though
At exactly the right time

You're doing this for you
We wanna help you do this right
This might be really hard
But you can do this if you FIGHT (not literally)

So in conclusion
Welcome, glad you're here
Good luck in every day!

Sorry, it's long. There are many Jens on this board...joelyfaithsmommy will probably be around at some point, Storygirl, myself and you, fyi.

 

[tink2020]

Wow. That first entry was MUCH longer ago that I remembered. I can't believe how supportive you all were, and I didn't even do anything to deserve it!

AND...... I have YET to do anything to deserve it. I go to the gym sometimes.... sort of try and make healthy choices.....

.... but life has a way of dumping on you just as soon as you get your feet on the ground.

I just realized I never thanked you all for your immediate support and encouragement. Hopefully the next time I post will a) be sooner than later and b) will have SOMETHING positive to say.

I just have SO much changing in life on its own, it's hard to make room for changes that I choose.

I have been reading other WISH journals though, and I am excited for the day I get mine (really) going. Congratulations to so many of you who have had such great success, both on the scale and off!

 

[tink2020]

Also, here's my very own (and very first) exercise challenge

Tomorrow is 45 days until we're off to the World! I had joined in the Walking to Disney challenge, but a little late. I would have had to walk about 8 miles every day for months to make it! It got a little discouraging, so I think I need something more attainable! I ALWAYS have that problem .... setting goals too high and then getting upset when I can't reach them. Must be a Type A thing....

So anyway, October 30th is 45 days until we leave. My goal is 20 minutes x day which brings me to 900 minutes even. Many days I workout more than tha t (but then there are all those days I workout less (zero)) so... I'm going to add 100 to that to make it an even 1000.

I feel like I am not emotionally ready to make healthy eating choices enough to call anything a 'diet' (or even anything referring to a plan), but the competitive part of me can CERTAINLY take on an exercise challenge. My hopes are that at least this will put me in the right mindset.... and if I lose a few pounds maybe it will be motivation -- but the scale is NOT my only source of satisfaction (or, as it turns out, dissatisfaction) .... at least I don't plan on it being so.

Here goes!....

 

[tink2020]

I did the cardio section of Crunch: Fat Burning Pilates this morning.....MAN! Among other things, I have REALLY lost my flexibility. :-(

 

[gradtchr]

I've lost quite a bit of mine as well but it's all coming back to me now. Give it time and you'll get there.

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Jen!
Glad you're back! And it sounds like you are being honest with yourself about what you can handle, that is great!
I hope that you are having a great week!

Mike

 

[Cruise04]

Just wanted to welcome you and say that I hope you are having a good week. It's been a while since I've posted to journals and so I missed yours and wanted to say hello.

Take care
Keep on
Chris