Billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne is The Batman!
Just think about it, fellow Gotham residents! Have you ever seen Batman and Bruce Wayne together in the same room? And yet all other high-ranking people in the community are either confirmed or rumored to have associated with The Bat, including Commissioner Gordon himself. The strange bruises and cuts we see on Mr. Wayne's face and hands sometimes. The evidence points to only one conclusion!
Dude, that's ********. For one thing, Bruce Wayne's an idiot who's into extreme sports. Seriously, my sister, who works for the Gotham Globe, has a friend who dated him this one time and she described him as, and I quote: "Like Michaelangelo's David - body chiseled perfection, head solid rock."
◦Batman is a Ninja. Do you really think a scrawny billionaire like Bruce Wayne just climbed up a mountain and found the dojo of an ancient secret society of Ninja?
Batman a ninja? What kind of weaponized hallucinogenic flowers are you smoking?
Batman is a Robot
◦No human could do those sorts of things, take and receive that level of punishment, Batman cant be human. Batman is a highly advanced experimental combat android able to withstand bullets, jump across buildings, and punch through walls.
◦Once again, the animated series apparently supports this◊.
Next, you'll be saying that Clark Kent is Superman! What audacity!
◦Well now that you mention it, they do look suspiciously similar....
But Superman doesn't wear glasses!
He takes them of when he transforms!
Nonsense. He wouldn't be able to see!
You must all be being deliberately stupid - HARVEY DENT ADMITTED HE WAS BATMAN! What more do you want?!
◦Harvey Dent is dead. The Batman is not. Proof enough for me.
But have you actually seen the body?
I heard they're doing some kind of biopic about Batman, and guess who's playing him? CHRISTIAN BALE! Isn't that, like, the perfect casting choice?
◦I read the cast listing, and he plays both Batman and Bruce Wayne. Maybe the producers know something we don't?
You people are completely on the wrong track. The question is have you ever see Clark Kent and Batman together? Think about it.
◦Hey! I haven't seen Clark Kent in the same room as Ambush Bug either...
Ambush Bug is Batman!
Ambush Bug is the Moon Princess!
The Batmobile is a scrapped Wayne Enterprises military project, the Tumbler. The Tumbler was an experimental bridging vehicle abandoned by the military and only a handful of prototypes exist, and Batman somehow managed to get a hold of one? Chasing a Tank down the freeway you would think the GPD would think to look through a few back issues of Janes, given the current state of things Wayne is probably bribing the police.
WHAT!?! The Batmobile is a former Ford concept car called the Futura, from 1957. It was spotted at George Barris' shop in L.A. shortly before the Batmobile first appeared.
◦Which leads to a question: Why is Bruce Wayne covering for Dent's extraciricular activities and giving him so much free crimebusting gear?
◦Oh, come on. How many people work for Wayne Enterprises? Okay, now how many of those hundreds (if not thousands) of people are not drunken idiots?
But how many of them have access to scraped military projects?
Lucius Fox is Batman! He could have worked for Ford when the Futura was designed, he can easily reroute the protoypes and materials from Wayne Enterprises, and it can't be Harvey Dent, because Batman's been around for half a century, and Dent can't be over 40. Unless Dent is Lucius' apprentice...
Don't be ridiculous. Bruce Wayne's not Batman - Bruce Wayne's gay. All those supermodels are just a long line of beards. But he seems to spend a lot of time with his dark haired blue eyed wards, not to mention Clark Kent, and he was even seen with Lex Luthor, and everybody knows the rumors about him.
◦And Batman isnt? Anyone going around dressing like that is a bit off. I don't want to kill you. What would I do without you
You Complete Me
Anyone who has the transcript of Batmans interrogation of the Joker is thinking Ho Yay/Foe Yay of the whole Joker-Batman thing.
You're joking. Batman can't be gay, he's obviously some sort of ultra-right-wing lunatic! Why else would he go around beating criminals to a pulp?
◦Clark Kent isn't gay. He's married to Lois Lane. Not that she's faithful. Hey, who could blame a gal for fooling around with a super powered muscle bound man in tights when her husband is so mild-mannered? And the worst of it? She uses this to get all the scoop on Superman and beat out her honost husband for a by-line! The nerve of some people.
Are you kidding me? This was disproven◊ by the animated series.
◦But that's obviously Clark Kent without his glasses! Bruce Wayne doesn't look like a professional linebacker. Wait... Combining this and the image of the robot Batman liked above... Clark Kent is Batman, and he uses the robot duplicate for when he has to be in Metropolis and Gotham City at the same time, or prove he isn't Batman. He always wears the cowl because it has built-in corrective lenses!
I can't BELIEVE you guys are going so far with this tourist trap thing. Helloooo? Batman's not real! You ever seen Batman? Hell no! All we have is the word of the news, the police, and the Council that there's ACTUALLY some kind of, I dont know, Uber-Hero running around, taking out the mafia with his amazing skills and stopping purse-snatchings on the subway, de-****holing Gotham one alley at a time. Yeah, right! He's about as real as the Loch Ness Monster - you think anybody would visit Lake Ness if there wasn't a "monster?" Batman has more to do with the fact that only 29% of Gotham college graduates go on to get jobs here than some super-resourceful, super-athletic guy wanting to clean up crime all of a sudden.
◦NO, Batman is real! My cousin's roomate has a friend who saw him! He's really out there!
You're all wrong! Batman really is a girl! I mean, no self-respecting baddie would admit that he has been beaten by the girl, would he? So, this means that Bruce Wayne is not Batman, neither is Clark Kent. Lois Lane, on the other hand...
Batman is Peter Parker, who is Spider Man, who is that dreamy Toby MacGuire. Unnaturally strong? Check. Can't fly? Also check. Doesn'tLikeGuns? Spot-on. If you cut him, does he bleed? Yep. Lastly, does he use grappling wire to get around the city? Totally, unquestionably the same guy.
I always thought Batman was L. Biggest detective in the world, many aliases, creepy looks... So, that would make Joker... Kira?
◦The Joker can't be Kira. That Japanese actress Misa something-or-other is Kira the news even said so and the Joker is definitely not a Japanese actress.
What better disguise, then?
◦The biggest detective in the world is Giant Boy Detective.
I know who Batman really is. Has access to very expensive, custom made equipment, so he's clearly got wealth. Needs some kind of support crew but kept to a minimum, possibly even just one, to avoid endangering his Secret Identity. But that one would have to be very competent as well as fully dedicated a Battle Butler, if you will. And Batman would certainly need a cover identity which could explain away any injuries or criminal entanglements but he'd also need to be extremely well-trained and well-educated to do what Batman does, perhaps a great deal of travel or combat experience... Ah-HAH! It can only be one man! Batman is... Roger Smith!
◦We of the Union would like to add that Roger Smith is the Batman, and as such must be arrested and detained with extreme prejudice for daring to operate outside your... the law. We will hold his possessions until such time as he can retrieve them, particularly the giant mecha and the human-shaped robot girl he's keeping in his house. Our pinstripe-wearing, demonic-jester associate who is ''NOT'' the Joker will pick them up.
You're all morons! Harvey Bullock is Batman! Think about it: Bullock always says he hates Batman, he's much fatter than Batman, he sounds nothing like Batman, he has a reputation of taking bribes and being a crooked cop, and he uses guns. It's the perfect disguise! Who would suspect him?
Oh, come on everyone. It's obvious that Batman is Don Draper. Think about it: He's so mysterious, I don't think I've ever heard him talk about his past. Why does he disappear so often? He just leaves the office sometimes with no explanation. He disappeared for a whole two weeks just recently. And why does he live in a regular house? As head creative director, he should make more than that. I'll tell you why, all those gadgets are expensive. Even Harry Crane, head of the Television Department, guessed this once.
Don't you mean Dan Dreiberg? Vigilantes got outlawed in one universe, so he just got Dr. M. to give him a lift to an alternate one where he could continue to fight crime. But Owlman was already a villain to the denizens of The DCU, so he needed a new theme to avoid confusion...
Oh, whatever. You're all sheeple. It's obvious Christian Bale is Batman - he's got the voice, he clearly knows his stuff and what better cover would there be for him than actually playing Batman in the movies? None. Exactly.
Okay, I've lost you all, here. I just want to say that it's obvious that Bruce Wayne's butler, Alfred - the one you occasionally see in pictures with Wayne - is totally Batman. I mean, you never see him, and you'd have to be a superhero to keep all of the Wayne mansion tidy! That logically means Bruce Wayne was the first Robin.
People, people, do the math! What do we know about Batman?
◦He's very, very richto get all those wonderful toys
◦He's very narcisstica man with unlimited resources and ability whose only hindrance is that he believes justice must be meted out by man dressed as bat
◦He's very sullenall that black! Probably one of those emo teens when he was younger
◦He's very, veeeeeery uglyhence the mask
◦And he can't get rid of a bomb! Look at the Adam West series; Batman is the only superhero who can go for nuns or school children and choose neither!
Put it together! Who is very very rich, who loves himself terribly, who is very mean and ugly, and who keeps sinking money into Miss USA despite it losing money every year? He is... DONALD TRUMP!
You're all wrong...Adam West is Batman! And Christian Bale is actually...the first Robin.
◦What are you talking about? Christian Bale couldn't be Robin (of which I suspect there have been at least two or three, possibly as many as five), he's Nightwing. Some papparazzo for the Gotham Hype Machine got pictures of him recently wearing a battle suit without a mask (some time after the whole deal with the evac ferrys, with all the political stuff that was going down), and it's way too functional to be Batman. Batman can't even turn his head in that cowl! He doesn't even have a bright yellow "Batman" logo on, and Nightwing's chevron is almost invisible in the dark. I could easily see TV's Adam West as Batman, though. Playing him on TV is the perfect cover, especially since he also plays Catman, and everyone knows Catman is as much of an urban legend as Spider-Man.
This troper is going to make a wild mass guess and say all of the above is the most epic string of comments ever. 'Nuff said.