It was a bad idea...

[RitaZ.]

We requested a conference with DS's team of teachers last week. When I called to make the appointment, I was told that the school "encourages" the student to be present. Ok, we will all be there. DS is 13 and in 8th grade. DS has been giving us a hard time completing his homework, we've removed privileges, but he continues to slip here and there and it's affecting his grades.

Now, DS has a really strong team of teachers this year, I met all of them before school started and talked to them again during Open House. The conference begins (2 teachers were present), we tell them how frustrated we are with DS's homework problem. I think one of the teachers meant well when she said the following, but it's exactly what DS wanted to hear. She said that these type of problems are typical in this age group and many other parents feel the same way. Later that night, I was talking to DS about the conference and the homework issues and what do you think he said? "You heard what Mrs. P said, these problems are common in middle school." That's all he needed to hear!

 

[disneylizzy]

Well that was a helpful comment!

 

[DVC Jen]

Maybe another conference would be a good idea and this time give them a heads up before letting them know that your DS is having a problem with WANTING to do his homework (if I am understanding the problem correctly) and see if the next conference goes in a better direction for you.

 

[Cindy B]

At least you don't have "student led conferences" . Yes, you read right, student led. The student presents work (good and bad) and tells you how they are learning.

That is the new brainchild of our district.

 

[RitaZ.]

At least you don't have "student led conferences" . Yes, you read right, student led. The student presents work (good and bad) and tells you how they are learning.

That is the new brainchild of our district.

What?

Jen, I spoke to one his teachers about the problems with homework and she suggested a conference. They knew why we were coming in. Like I said, I really think the teacher meant to make us feel like our problem isn't unique or rare.

 

[Sparx]

At least you don't have "student led conferences" . Yes, you read right, student led. The student presents work (good and bad) and tells you how they are learning.

That is the new brainchild of our district.

we have that too. Every six weeks. We take home a portfolio of our work and our P/G signs it.

 

[ColoradoBuffaloMom]

My 14 DS has selective hearing when it comes to what I say or what his teachers say. He conveniently remembers only the parts of conversations he wants to hear-of course the parts that are to his advantage

 

[Boston Tea Party]

While it may be common you should make it clear to your son that it is NOT acceptable in YOUR family.

We teachers say things like that to let parents know about things that are common to the development of the age group.

Seems like no matter what we do lately someone gets irritated.

 

[Louise-Montreal]

Not sure what the problem is- the teacher said that this was a common problem- that still means it is problem and someone (your son) needs to start addressing it. Just because it is a common problem- doesn't mean that is an excuse your son can use not to develop the study habits he needs for the rest of his school days.

Hope this helps!

 

[Disneycrazymom]

Take heart, I teach Jr High and 8th grade is the worst about this sort of thing. They think they are so COOL because they are the oldest! I am sure the teacher was trying to make you feel better not encourage your son, but kids often hear what they want to hear!

Anyway a suggestion I often give to parents is to have a homework time everyday, for about an hour. If they have work to do great, if not just assign something (anything will work). Make up some long division problems or have him copy definitions out of the dictionary, you could even go to the teacher store and get a workbook for him to work on IF he has no other homework to do during that time. DO NOT I repeat NOT back down from the set time!!! Once they know they will have work to do they quickly figure it may as well be work they are getting credit for at school.

I love kids this age and really enjoy the time I spend with them at school but they are all about pushing the limits!

 

[RitaZ.]

While it may be common you should make it clear to your son that it is NOT acceptable in YOUR family.

We teachers say things like that to let parents know about things that are common to the development of the age group.

Seems like no matter what we do lately someone gets irritated.

Of course my son knows that this isn't acceptable in our family. If we had accepted it, we wouldn't have requested the conference and removed privileges from him.

Disneycrazymom~ Thanks! I know this is typical of the middle school age group, but I hoped it would be easier this year. As I said, I know she meant well, I'm not upset with her at all over the comment. It's my son's "understanding" and use of her comment that has me upset. I think in certain cases it may not be a good idea for the student to be present at conferences. Thanks for the tip on the homework routine. He has homework every night, even on the weekends, so he is never really "without".

Sparx~ I like that idea.

 

[Cindy B]

we have that too. Every six weeks. We take home a portfolio of our work and our P/G signs it.

But you are in a higher grade. This is district wide from kindergarten to 12th grade!

It makes sense in high school, but elementary? I can really imagine a 5 year old telling his parents about his strengths and weaknesses in kindergarten.

 

[RitaZ.]

But you are in a higher grade. This is district wide from kindergarten to 12th grade!

It makes sense in high school, but elementary? I can really imagine a 5 year old telling his parents about his strengths and weaknesses in kindergarten.

Cindy, do you mean that parents don't have a conference with the teacher/teachers at all during the school year? I like the idea of the kids bringing home a portfolio with their work, but I also think that it's essential to meet with the teachers.

 

[golfgal]

At least you don't have "student led conferences" . Yes, you read right, student led. The student presents work (good and bad) and tells you how they are learning.

That is the new brainchild of our district.

I HATE THESE!!! We have them too. I can talk to my child every day, I want to talk to his teachers. He also has that middle school problem with homework only he usually does the work and just "forgets" to turn it in. .

Our new system at home is if he has any missing assignments he is grounded from everything until I get a note saying they are turned in or I see they are turned in on the online grade book the school has. If he has anything lower then a "B" on his report card or mid term he is completly grounded until the next marking period. He is MORE then capable of being a B student, in fact if he would just TURN IN HIS HOMEWORK he would have straight A's. Mid term is on Friday, he has 3 C's right now, it is going to be a LONG Christmas vacation if he doesn't get his work in!

 

[RitaZ.]

Golfgal, you know what they say about misery loving company...

Yes, DS has the problem too with "forgetting" to turn things in when he has completed them. I just don't get that and I'm soooo tired of it. I think that DS thinks that in the end, everything will work out and he has no reason to panic now. I'm actually really considering returning his main Christmas present because I'm so frustrated with him. Why should we reward him with something that he wants when he gets me so aggravated?

 

[Disney Doll]

Later that night, I was talking to DS about the conference and the homework issues and what do you think he said? "You heard what Mrs. P said, these problems are common in middle school." That's all he needed to hear!

My mother's response to me would have been "But you are not common. You are not all the other kids in middle school. You are my child and this is not acceptable from my child".

Similar to "If all the other kids jumped off the bridge, would you?"

 

[disneylizzy]

Mother of DS15 who is grounded until the next report card comes out. He had to miss 3 parties this past weekend, including a big sweet 16 party. I think he is getting the message because the homework is being done and he is talking to his teachers after school to see what else he can do to bring his grades up.

Just crossing my fingers - sometimes it seems like grounding is a punishment for ME.

 

[golfgal]

DS actually talked to his teachers yesterday to check on some assignments that are "missing". He said he turned in two of them, and I know he did them, I saw them done. He NEVER will stand up for himself if something is graded wrong on a test. He doesn't ask questions in class either. I gave him a funny look yesterday when he said he talked to two teachers and he said "what". I told him his head was still attached after talking to the teachers (I keep telling him his teachers won't bite his head off if he asks them a question). I just got the "mommmm" reply.

One of the "missing" assignments turned up in a pile of papers I have for the twins today. That is another issue, put it in your folder when you are done!!!

 

[horseshowmom]

I think one of the teachers meant well when she said the following, but it's exactly what DS wanted to hear. She said that these type of problems are typical in this age group and many other parents feel the same way. Later that night, I was talking to DS about the conference and the homework issues and what do you think he said? "You heard what Mrs. P said, these problems are common in middle school." That's all he needed to hear!

I'm sure she did mean well, and I'm sure that she was trying to encourage you, BUT I would NEVER have said that in front of the student.