It is not that we don't want them to go, but...UPDATED, OH NO!

[Dean]

I feel for you and understand your pain. I know there's no good way out for you and I suspect it might be best if they did cancel. I hope it works out or at least will be glad when your ordeal is over.

 

[kathleena]

Gosh - this is just a tough situation. On the one hand - it's really not your business if they throw themselves into debt like that. On the other hand - or in this case on the other two or three or four hands - they are a bad influence for your kids (did you say you have any?), it's going to put a bad flavor on your vacation etc etc etc.

Sorry you are in this situation. I have no idea what I would do, but I do know I would agonize over it.

Don't give up on your DVC trips, though. This one takes the cake for the worst of the worst situations.

 

[FreeTime]

Thanks for the responses all!
Yes, I have kids and they have 3. Look at the terrible example they are setting for their own kids who see what they do every day. We thought when we invited them that they had changed and were on the right track, apparently we were wrong. I don't know what is worse, them cancelling the day we leave, or them going? Them going is a bad situation for us and them. If they cancel when we leave, what can I do? Is MS open the Friday after Thanksgiving? If not, is the resort able to cancel the room and schedule extra nights at a non DVC resort that may be available? Or, can OKW cancel the room and then I call MS when they open on Monday? Or, am I stuck?

 

[Dean]

Originally posted by FreeTime
Thanks for the responses all!
Yes, I have kids and they have 3. Look at the terrible example they are setting for their own kids who see what they do every day. We thought when we invited them that they had changed and were on the right track, apparently we were wrong. I don't know what is worse, them cancelling the day we leave, or them going? Them going is a bad situation for us and them. If they cancel when we leave, what can I do? Is MS open the Friday after Thanksgiving? If not, is the resort able to cancel the room and schedule extra nights at a non DVC resort that may be available? Or, can OKW cancel the room and then I call MS when they open on Monday? Or, am I stuck?

If you cancel day of, I think you lose one days points. You can cancel through the resort but must follow up with MS.

 

[OneMoreTry]

I would have to cancel the whole trip. (My wife wouldn't let me go ahead with it in this situation anyway.) To go ahead with the trip would be a disservice to them and a cop out for you.

If you do what you should do -- be frank with them about the trip and why you're cancelling -- some day they may thank you and some day they may not. BUT if you take them on the trip, they will be further in debt AND THEY WILL BLAME IT ON YOU. And they won't forget that!

You don't have to be specific with what you tell them other than you don't feel right about going on the trip right now. If they ask for more just tell them that you don't feel comfortable going on a trip with them considering their financial situation. If they throw a fit consider them children learning a lesson they need to learn and you happen to be the parent. Don't let yourself react to what they say. You don't have to explain more so plan on shutting up and listening to their tirade and loving them anyway. Sometimes it takes people a long time to appreciate tough love.

Reschedule the trip ANOTHER TIME without them. Don't feel guilty for enjoying life because they've made bad choices.

If there is another, easier way I hope you find it, but I can't see it.

 

[doubletrouble_vb]

I'd just go along and enjoy the trip. I assume you aren't asking for money from them for their accomodations. They have the option of going along and enjoying what they can. Clearly life is sucky for them at the moment. They probably figure they can use the break even if they don't go into the parks.

I agree with the person who said make them aware of the costs of going into the parks so they can plan for that. Send them to mousesavers.com so they can figure out the most cost effective way to enjoy the trip. As for yourself...I'd go ahead and enjoy the trip the way you planned to in the first place.

 

[DISNEYVILLASCOUPLE]

I would do whatever it takes to protect my family's interests. Are you "treating" them to this trip? If they cancel last minute, would you be able to keep from losing the points that are tied up in their reservation? If they go and can't afford it, will you get stuck paying some of their vacation expenses?

I know we all try to be honest with friends, but if you say it is not the right time for you to go, how is that a lie? It sounds like with all of your concerns that it is not the right time for you to go.

Lee

 

[boysmom123]

I am not sure that i understand... There may be other factors involved. But, that said, why are you vacationing with friends you can't be honest with? When your utilities are being shut off, the time for gentle innuendo is long past. Taking a trip when you have no electricity in your home is way beyond bad judgement. Be a friend and tell her that.

 

[Caskbill]

Originally posted by FreeTime
..... Is MS open the Friday after Thanksgiving? .....

Yes, MS will be open that Friday, Nov 26th.

Just FYI, MS is closed on the following days: New Year's, MLK Birthday, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day.

If a holiday falls on a weekend, then MS is closed either the preceeding Friday or the following Monday.

Good Luck with your situation.

 

[Tarheel Tink]

I have no advice- kinda in the same situation. We invited dear friends of ours along with their 7 year old daughter to see WDW for the first time (for all of them). Since the invitation, the wife's 12 year old son from a previous marriage has come to live with them due to problems with his father. It looks like he is there to stay and he is one of those unfortunate kids that teachers must pray will not be in their class. Always in fights, being kicked out of skating rinks, suspended from school, sassy, rude, obnoxious- I guess you get the drift. Torments his sister, disrespectful to mother and stepfather (sorry to say they are not the best of parents as far as skills go- they need Dr.Phil badly). As if that wasn't enough, her first son from another marriage just moved back home and his brother is his top enemy in the world! Both boys have quite a rap sheet with the local police. Can anyone shriek with me in sympathy? If it turns out they all come, I promise my fellow DVCers I will request the worst room possible as far from everything as I can!

 

[kpk89]

Oh dear ... I think I would have to cancel. I agree with karebear1 and OneMoreTry -- you should tell them that you don't feel right vacationing right now. Whatever level of specific you go beyond that I guess depends upon how comfortable you are. I'd probably opt to just say it's not a good time to go right now, see where that goes.

Good luck ... this is not an enviable position for you to be in!

 

[Scoootch]

Wow. What an awful situation for you

How honest and frank do you normally talk to them? If you normally speak your mind and are just afraid to talk to them about this particular situation because you feel awkward about the invite now, I'd try and just let them know you're no longer comfortable somehow. I really feel for you, that cannot be easy I know. I don't know what would make me more nervous, them coming home and having no utilities on when they have kids to think about or being stuck with their bills from vacation. We put away enough to afford our trips for us but I don't think I could afford to pay for them too Is is possible to ask them straight out "how do you intend to pay for meals,park tickets,etc. if you can't even get your electric and or phone turned back on in your house?" It's one thing to be gifting them their accommodations by sharing your DVC with them but how are they going to pay for the rest ~ I find it very hard to believe they'd go to WDW with their kids and just not go to the parks. How would they say "sorry kids ~ aren't going to the parks".

Anyway, I'd try and ask them straight out how they are going to pay for the rest. Since they are staying with you and you are fully aware of their current situation you really should have a right to ask IMO. Asking about how to pay for anything outside this trip you've invited them on may not be your business but clearing up who's paying for what on this trip is. If they can't give you an extrememly convincing answer, I'd use that as my permission to opt out and say "sorry, but I don't feel comfortable bringing you along in that case".

Boy, I hope you end up okay after all this mess. Definetly do let us know how you make out.

 

[Simba's Girl]

What a terrible situation for you to be put into....

I wasn't going to reply originally but I went to do some stuff around the house and I couldn't stop thinking about this post...

This may sound harsh so please bear with me 'cuz I don't mean it to be at all

I think it would be irresponsible for you to bring them, even to put them in a situation where they have to make the choice. I think you should cancel thier part of the trip (at least). You'd feel alot less guilty because you'd know that the reason why they have no electricity is not because you put them into a position that they couldn't say 'no' to. You could always leave the invitation open and say that when times are better for them that you'd love for them to join you. I may be angry and hurt at you for doing that at first, if I were in thier shoes, but I would eventually come to realize that it was a good decision and you are a great friend for telling me 'no'. Perhaps they don't want to let you down? Perhaps they are looking for an 'escape' from a difficult time in thier lives? Either way...its not a wise decision for them to go. The best choice here is no choice....I truly hope you make it through this and please keep us updated!

 

[SleepyatDVC]

Ouch!

What a tough position to be in.

Think about whether you and your family can afford to pay for your friend's entire Disney trip because no way they can pay for it themselves.

The "free DVC accommodations" may prove MORE expensive in the long run. I'm not just talking about all the added expenses needed in a WDW vacation. Although, they are very substantial.

Now this is only my own opinion - I would also feel "guilty" treating them to the luxurious DVC ammodations if they are having financial difficulties. It would seem like rubbing in our financial differences.

From personal experience, when I hang out with people (relatives) who have a lot more money than me, I temporarily go a little spending crazy - I start spending $$ on luxuries to me that are "basics" to them. I find that I enjoy the higher standard of living that they take for granted. They don't "rub it in" at all. I just start wanting to live their nice life. And then reality strikes...

I don't have all that money!! Lol! So, after going temporarily insane, I stop pretending to live the life of the rich and not so famous.

We are lucky to be financially independent, with no debt and can afford an occassional crazy splurge and regular reasonably priced vacations to WDW.

My fear is that after seeing how other people with some money "live," how will your friends react? Will they go a little "crazy" too? Because THEY CAN NOT AFFORD TO DO THAT!!!

A DVC WDW vacation is totally different from a budget off-site or POP Century vacation. Many of us have cut our teeth on those types of budget vacations before being able to afford DVC in this stage of our lives and be able to afford sharing it wiht others.

Will they get "spoiled" by the first class vacation and continue to spend money they don't have in order to live beyond their means? It seems that they are financially irresponsible are already doing that. Here's my stupid attempt at an analogy - it might be like introducing a marijuana (sp?) addict to herion!

Like I said you are in a tough position. Didn't want to add to your headache - but just something to think about that went through my head.

Good luck with your decision, your trip, and your friends.

 

[OneMoreTry]

Excellent post, SleepyatDVC.

 

[FreeTime]

Thanks again everyone. I know something needs to be said to them and it is going to very tough. Again, they are family (not on my side) and we were trying to spend some time together to enjoy each others company, grandpa wanted the kids to all see Disney at Christmas, etc. These people are tough to deal with and I tolerate because I have too. I know that they are going to go off if we have the conversation and then blame us for their lack of a trip, etc. and not speak to us for months. This is fine with me. But it is DH's only sibling and I try. We are paying for their tickets for a few days in the park as their Christmas and birthday tickets this year. I just feel terrible that I have given them a gift that is going to cost them money they don't have. They don't have a cc so I don't have to worry about them charging. But I fear when we get there they will want us to buy groceries or dinner out, etc. We can't afford this as we budgeted for us and I have no intentions of going in debt over a vacation. I am all for cancelling it all, but DH's point is why punish our kids for someone elses stupidity.

Tarheel Tink. I am sorry to see that I am not the only one. Maybe this trip will do the boys goods and they will learn from it.

 

[Tarheel Tink]

Thanks Freetime, best wishes to you. Looking at it with the attitude it could improve the boys does help.

Besides, I'd hate to dull the Disney magic with a Xanax haze.

 

[gopherit]

Well, sadly, we've been there, done that.

A few yrs ago, my mom decided her one "wish" in this life was a family reunion. My sister, God love her, decided to use her DVC to make the dream come true. She secured accommodations for all 18 of us at OKW for the week before / including xmas. The crew included me, dh and our two boys; my brother, his DW and their son; my DVC sister and her DH and two girls; my mom, and lastly, my other, oldest sis and her DH and 4 kids. And therein lay the problem. See, brother, DVC sis, and I are all on comparable life comfort levels in this world, thanks largely to a hard work ethic, education, and fairly conservative living. Eldest sis has ALWAYS, and I do mean always, struggled with these concepts. We have all bailed them out to some extent at various times. This trip was no exception. A few months before hand, they had financial difficulties. My Mom bailed them out. Then a few weeks before the trip, her eldest son (barely a teen) was arrested for breaking, entering and theft... niiiiice. Again, my mom did the financial bail-out. THen, their washing machine died, then their car too -- so no means of transportation to WDW. My DVC sis and Mom called me, wanting to know if we could help bail them out. I said they could send me a utility bill, or such, and I would pay it, but no way would I send cash. I would pay for a rental car, rental washer -- or buy one from Lowe's or Sears and have it delivered -- but no cash. I learned a long time ago that cash would not get spent on what needed done... and you cannot put stipulations on cash - once it leaves your hands, it's literally OUT of your hands. In the end, Mom and DVC sis bought them a used car, and tried to put a stipulation on it -- under no circumstances could the breaking-entering son be allowed to drive it. Yeah, right. That's like closing the stable door after the horse is out. Mom said oh no, she had my sister's assurance -- they would keep that promise. According to my niece, however -- he drove the nearly the whole way there. THat put my mother's shorts in a wad, as you can imagine. While at Disney, we (the solvent siblngs) all tried to keep things in budget -- for example, we all took turns each night making dinner in the villa (rather than dining out). Guess who didn't show up for these quite often? Too busy at the park -- they grabbed food there. My DVC sis bought them their park tickets... but teen delinquent son decided WDW was "lame" and wanted to sleep in the room all day -- wasted his UPH. My DVC sis tried to spark some excitement into the teen crowd and took them all pool-hopping (and this was when SAB was included in the hopping); he pronounced ALL the pools equally "lame" and spent most of his time grabbing his brother's camera to take pictures of girls' backsides as they walked away. DVC Sis: Grrrr. In the end, the trip left us quite frustrated, because the efforts made to keep things cheap seemed for naught -- we were only saving our OWN money, not theirs. (Plus -- the teen son was truly obnoxious, disrespectful to his parents... I'd like to say it was a phase and that he later became a model citizen, but his story is a long one, filled with jail time, rehab 2X, and other sordid details. I only hope his next 22 years of life aren't nearly as colorful.)

Sigh.

The scenario of inviting folks who perhaps shouldn't go has since happened to us several times over. (We haven't learned our lesson yet. Color us weak.) It puts a lot of pressure on all involved, in the planning stages AND the trip... and even afterwards. My DVC sis probably still feels they weren't very grateful of all that was done for the other sis. Yet my other sis feels resentful that WE go to WDW "all the time". When financial problems for the invitees exist, it puts you in the situation of deciding whether you should compromise your own plans (in which case, if they then splurge on themselves, will you be irritated?) or simply forge ahead and keep your plans no matter the cost (and watch them spend money they don't have ... and feel like you're an accessory to the crime?) Not a fun place to be.
We recently had the experience of inviting family who, by all accounts, should have canceled, not due to finances, but health. They had a baby with serious medical problems. With each hurdle faced, we would make the offer -- It's ok, we understand if you have to cancel! And each time they would get increasingly vehement -- WE ARE GOING! Then another surgery would come up, or set-back, or even plans that they would bring on themselves (like selling their house and building another -- with closing set a week or two right before the trip!) and yet still they would answer -- WE ARE GOING! I was going nutso -- I just couldn't fathom planning a trip, with all that was on their plate. But go on the trip they did, and I will admit we had a good time, though it sure seemed tense at times. Turns out they had found out a few weeks before departing on the trip that they were expecting again (a BIG "surprise" -- she had sold ALL the baby stuff 2 months prior). I guess they figured that where vacations were concerned, it was now or never... (or at least, several months down the road!)

I don't say any of this to scare you -- and I really don't feel I can even "advise" you, because all families are different. What one family is comfortable in doing / saying, another may not be. The fabric of each family is all on a different weave! All I can say is I feel your pain, and I wish the very best for all concerned. My heart goes out to those kids -- you don't say what their ages are (or perhaps I missed its mention). Failing school has got to be a huge self-esteem blaster. And I can't even imagine being so blase' about their education, but then, that's spoken as someone who spent the better part of her life in some school, college, or university!

Let us know how it all comes out in the end...

 

[Scoootch]

Wow gopherit, you deserve some major hugs ((((( HUGS )))) and perhaps quite a bit more just for having to deal with and survive those things I'm not the one who had to go through all that and I'm feeling your pain.

FreeTime, please, let us know how you make out. You're in an awful situation no matter how you approach it, it sounds. I'll be thinking about you. Since you say you're planning on gifting their park tickets too, maybe you should just have a "pre-planning" sit down and just make it clear what you are paying for and what they are expected to pay for and make it clear that they will need to be responsible for their part ....giving them the oppertunity of course to back out by saying "with things being the way they are, perhaps we should reschedule". If they insist on forging ahead, at least you will be able to put your foot down while on the trip if they try and get you to pay for more by simply and politely saying "sorry, but this is why we discussed this all ahead of time". Word of causion though, you may want to ask them out right how they intend to pay for the rest at this pre-planning sit down since you say they have no CC's and don't want them to yes you to death and then get there and say something to the effect of "ooops, we don't have enough on us to cover things". And definetly make sure that when you get them there room keys that you either DO NOT PUT DOWN A CC FOR CHARGING TO THE ROOM OR if you do, make sure that the room keys they are given say "NOT VALID FOR CHARGING" on them [word of causion on that though too, I read a post where someone else's card said "not valid for charging" and it ended up working! So please be careful ]

Anyway....loads of pixie dust your way.~*~*~* *~*~*~ Keep us informed of how you do as we'll all be thinking of you and saying a prayer for you.

 

[kathleena]

Gopherit - your nephew sounds just like my step-son, except mine is now 25 and still hasnt smartened up. I think his life will just continue this way. I refuse to take him to Disney because he will definately spoil my vacation and my DH refuses to take him because they would go into debt to go.

Being a step-mom to DHs kids puts me in the not-so-enviable-but-oh-so-much-easier position of being the "step-monster" who can, without all the emotional families ties, "just say no". Every once in a while I get guilty about only inviting the oldest, responsible, reliable and easy to get along with daughter - and then I come here and read some stories - and all the guilt goes away.

Sorry everyone for your horror stories. Maybe we need a permanent thread!