Isn't being on a team a commitment?

[Rock'n Robin]

My daughter plays in a house basketball league. There are 8 teams in the grade 5/6 division.
Well, one of our girls quit to be a cheerleader. I have no problem with cheerleading; my older DD is a cheerleader. What I have a problem with is quitting a team with only 9 girls on it to start, with 2 games left and the tournament. Only 3 weeks left! And there is really nowhere for this girl to cheer right now--she is a 5th grader, and school cheering does not start until grade 7. The local competitive cheer stars just finished their nationals so I don't think she could just hop in there. She is also quitting soccer, which she has played since age 3.
The kicker in all this? She's the coach's daughter! He is still coaching-- he's really nice. the parents are spllit up and wonder if this has something to do with this. My DD said when he told the team his daughter was quitting, he sounded unhappy about it. So it must have been mom's choice. (BTW they all live in the same town so no custody or transportation issues--no problem getting her to practice or games, etc.)
I couldn't believe a kid would quit this close to season end but even I asked her at the school carnival when yesterday's game was and she said "9:20, but I'm not going!"
The girls were 6-1-1 but lost by 2 yesterday so now they are 6-2-1. The girl who quit was our #2 scorer.
Isn't a team a commitment? Would you let your child quit so close to season's end?
Robin M.

 

[Michie]

Yes, being on a team is a commitment for the player and for the parents, and no, I have never let my kids quit anything, they have to follow through.

Both my boys, who are in college, wrestled from middle school to high school. ( they wrestle in college as well). Their coach, who is one of the winningest, if that is a word , in our state and the nation ( and both my boys have several state and national titles) always started off the season saying, "you will be at every practise,you will be at every meet, tournament, match, weigh in. I don't care if you don't have a ride, walk, ride your bike, hitch hike. I don't care if your grandma is sick, I don't care if you are sick, I don't care if your cousin died, you will be here, no excuses. If you die, have your parents tote you in and I will make an exception "

And every year, some of the new wrestlers, their mommies would ask if they could miss practise over Christmas break for they could go see their MeeMaw and PaPa ( in the coachs words) and he would say, sure, but hand in your uniform before you go.

 

[auntpolly]

Well no way would I have let her but more importantly I don't think my DD would have let her team down like that.

In the end if anybody had made this girl stay she might have not been very productive - playing half heartedly.

I'm sure her teammates feel she let them down - this is the kind of "karma" that she'll regret soon enough. Just let it serve as a lesson for your DD of how not to be. All things to learn from - your DD will be stronger for it if she can say to herself that she gave it her all no matter what happened.

 

[Disney Doll]

Both my boys, who are in college, wrestled from middle school to high school. ( they wrestle in college as well). Their coach, who is one of the winningest, if that is a word , in our state and the nation ( and both my boys have several state and national titles) always started off the season saying, "you will be at every practise,you will be at every meet, tournament, match, weigh in. I don't care if you don't have a ride, walk, ride your bike, hitch hike. I don't care if your grandma is sick, I don't care if you are sick, I don't care if your cousin died, you will be here, no excuses. If you die, have your parents tote you in and I will make an exception "

I will be very honest with you...if I had a coach who gave that speech at the beginning of a season, I'd have left then.

I agree that a team is a commitment. I played on several during grammar and high schoool. Had a few coaches I dind' like. Had a few good years and a few bad years. I never quit a team, for the very reason that the OP states...because it is a commitment.

I agree that if a child makes a commitment to a team, then the parent is making somewhat of a commitmewnt to a team as well, to make sure the child can get where he/she needs to be when they need to be there.

But family supercedes that...if ny cousin died, if my grandmother was sick...well, then that's where I'd be spending my time.

That coach sounds like someone who is putting a little too much stock in winning and not enough stock in building character.

 

[auntpolly]

I

That coach sounds like someone who is putting a little too much stock in winning and not enough stock in building character.

I am sure that the coach was just making a joke - because kids make up excuses like - my grandma was sick - when they miss practice.

If there was a real family emergency, Michie, was he the type with no compassion?

I never saw a winter sport coach who didn't have practice over Christmas break - it stinks but that's high school. The kids are pretty dedicated and for the most part are OK with it.

 

[Michie]

I am sure that the coach was just making a joke - because kids make up excuses like - my grandma was sick - when they miss practice.
If there was a real family emergency, Michie, was he the type with no compassion?

I never saw a winter sport coach who didn't have practice over Christmas break - it stinks but that's high school. The kids are pretty dedicated and for the most part are OK with it.

Aunt Polly, yes, you are right. Kids make up excuses, that is what he was addressing.

And yes, he was understanding about family emergencies if it was indeed a dire situation, such as somebody very sick or a death in the family.

I will say this about their coach, he was very demanding and still is. But he has helped out a lot of kids, but if only they are trying to help themselves.

Both my boys still call and visit him when they are in town, just as a lot of the older wrestlers do, which says a lot about a coach. And yes, he is big on buiilding character.

 

[I'mNoPrince]

We are right in the middle of the same thing. DD plays soccer for and boys under14 team .

She also plays at our local rec center 2 times a week in a coed under 13 . This place is a mess but when we started they promised things changed and I am an assistant coach for this team.

Well things have only gotten worse and the place is not a fun environment like it should be. I told her she has to finish out the season as it's not fair to her teammates (that are most from her school).

Well then the coach of the travel boys team daughter asked DD to play in her all Womens league on the same night as the rec . I had to decline as she was committed already they understand and want her to play outdoors in the spring before she starts HS.

She already plays 2 games on Sat with just 1 hour difference with a 40 minute drive. So if the rec is running late they all ready know we will leave at half time as the travel league was first as far as signing up to.

i do think it's important to both the kids and parents to stick tings out as long as there is no physical or emotional problems going on.

 

[auntpolly]

Both my boys still call and visit him when they are in town, just as a lot of the older wrestlers do, which says a lot about a coach. And yes, he is big on buiilding character.

Isn't that funny - my DD had this coach that I really, really hated. It seemed like he was so unfair and so mean -- and guess who DD loves to visit when she comes home?

I was never into sports when I was in HS - we just didn't even have them for girls - so I just didn't get it.

Good thing I just learned to keep my mouth shut - DHs are good for stuff like that in those situations - just when I would want to say "That man is horrible to make those girls ______" (practic the day after Christmas, Practice at 6:00 on Saturday, miss a school dance, whatever it was) my DH would tell me to zip it!!

DD was extremely disciplined in college and is also in her work and I think this experiece has alot to do with it.

 

[mom2rb]

When my boys joined the soccer team we knew within a few weeks that it was a mistake. They were on a small team and to pull both of them would have made their team forfeit the rest of the season. I made them go to every practice and game. That was a long season. Right now they are on a competitive gymnastics team. One of my boys wants to quit. He knows that he has to finish the season. I won't make my boys stay in something they hate but if they commit to something and then change their minds they have to finish.

 

[kirbsam]

my thought is that i personally would not want to play with a kid that didnt want to be there. in the age group you are talking about, playing time is more important than winning or losing. one less kid, means more playing time for me or my kid. i will take that at this age anytime. your own kid will get better playing more, and the team will get better because other kids will have to step up. i say, quit talking about whether it is right or wrong, and tell the kids what a great opportunity it is for the rest of them. and i would personally not let my kid quit.

 

[jbmom]

I think once the child decides to be on a team they have made the committment to see it through. I have always told my kids to be sure they really want to play soccer because it will be a long season if they decide they don't like it. My neighbor on the other hand pulled his son off of his soccer team because they weren't very good. I don't know what he thinks he is teaching his son. His son loves soccer and wants to play but tells me his dad thinks he isn't very good and had to quit.

 

[camreesmom]

A friend of mine has a daughter that does All Star Cheer and she said at the beginning of the season, they had to sign a contract that said if the girl quits, she can only do so AFTER she has found a replacement that will sign the same contract. They said they have to do this because they base their routines and builds on a certain number of girls and if someone drops out, they don't want to have to re-do everything.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

Oh my own DD knows better and that she could never just quit. Last year her team was 0-10 and it never even came up. She really enjoys basketball too. Her coaches asked me why she doesn't play travel--well after last year we never thought about it. Her shooting needs work but she is just awesome on defense. She is thinking about trying out for the 7th grade team next year--if it doesn't interfere with the school play! Those are decisions she'll have to make.
As I said, I'm just glad dad is still coaching. These coaches have noticed things in her that last year's coach never did--for example, she would get the ball and automatically go to pass it elsewhere, never taking a shot. My son had a coach in kindergarten soccer who quit 3 games into the season because his son decided he didn't like it--so they both quit, leaving the poor assistant holding the bag. I used to be in charge of finding coaches for that league, so I know when someone asks to be an assistant it's because they don't want that head coach responsibility. For DD's coach to keep on coaching even with his daughter sitting at home, I think that's awesome.
Robin M.

 

[kandeebunny]

I was a cheerleader for all of Jr high and most of high school. We were always expected to be there, regardless. If we missed practice someone better be dead or in the hospital.

The only 2 times I missed practice were when my dad passed, and when I took a spill that ultimatly ended my cheering career as we know it.

That said my mom would NEVER let me quit, I wanted to after my dad passed, and we were just starting for that season (he passed in July) but she said I was committed and I had to stick to it, as it was a squad you had to try out for.

 

[DWDreams]

I agree that being on a team is a commitment that a parent shouldn't encourage a child to break. I also think that by the age this girl is, most kids wouldn't quit without thinking of the consequences. I think there is more to her reasons for quitting, maybe she is angry at her Dad for the split and this is her way of acting on it. She was a leading scorer you say, that takes skill and passion for the game and competition, so I don't feel she'd quit unless other things reasons come into play. I couldn't be angry at her for it then, she is just a child and probably going through stuff bigger than herself.

 

[golfgal]

Normally I wouldn't allow our kids to quit mid-season but I have to wonder if maybe the girl's dad was putting undue pressure on her and she finally said no-or her mom intervened? I did allow DS14 to quit basketball in 7th grade because there was one boy on his team that was very mean, pushing and shoving him and a few other boys into walls, tripping them as they ran down the court, etc. and the coach did nothing to stop the behavior.

 

[Sherri]

My dd playes soccer and this has been a problem last season. First let me say she started playing for our locat youth org. then she did three years of travel soccer, so during those years we felt it wouldn't right to sign her up for the youth league because her first priority as far as practice and games would have to be travel at that point. She wanted to both but we explained that she couldn't give 100% to both. She was fine then.
Fast forward to now, she gave up travel and has been playing youth league soccer, she had this one player on her team who did travel and school soccer in the fall and had a job. She showed up to all of two games. I can not believe a parent would allow their child to make a commitment to more then one team and think that they can just play whenever they feel like showing up. The team counts on their players to be there for more then two games.

 

[shirleyb]

We've always told our kids that once they commit to a team, they must finish out the season. They don't have to join again next year, but they must stick wiht their commitment.

I have a DS that wrestles too, and the PP is right, wrestling is intense! Our high school team is also often ranked nationally, and he had practice Thanksgiving morning! As a parent, I may not like it, but I also know sacrifice is sometimes the price of success.

 

[Katie]

Absolutley, being an a team is a committment. Especially in jr high and high school teams. You must make sacrifices to be on the team, because if you don't want to abide the rules, I am sure there are several others who got cut, who would love to be in your shoes.

My DS(12) practiced every day during XMAS break except Xmas Eve, and XMAS. We would have loved to go to Florida. However, there was approximately 40 kids who got cut ...who would have love to been the school practicing in my son's place.

I tell them being on a team sport is a priveledge and a HUGE committment!