Kelly....
.... I'm sorry to learn of this.... although you have had all this come to pass I want to offer encouragement. You've got a LOT on the upside - having cleared so many "obligations" that many folks labor over their whole lives without knocking them off. IE, house, car or consumer debt. Beyond that - may I offer that there are worse things that could threaten a person. I have taken years off to care for my chronicly ill mother - and gained her some quality in life and possibly an extension on life. Eventually we lost her and I was at her bed side at the moment when she passed. I have not encounted anything more ... difficult to experience before or since. Having taken 2-3 years off to care for her was all I could do to give her back something for having cared for me and brought me into the world.
Plus - this disrupted my finishing college - and broke up my relationship at the time - basicly, everything went to hell if it did not relate to managing my Mothers; health or well being - only later my then girlfriend (now spouse) and I got back together just before my Mother passed away - but it was sadly very very VERY tough times all around then.
I believe that life lays out an odd path for everyone. I am mostly a DIS
Disney Cruise enthusiast... and I read recently of a young lady that went missing off a med cruise off Italy a few days ago. They found her body a few days later. I read about her background... she was the daughter of a fairly wealthy family who owned an auto dealership group in Florida. She had finished private school - gone on to a "finishing school" in Switzerland... blah - blah - blah. Silver spoon be dammned... hers' was probably platinum with diamonds inlaid.
She had money coming out of her ears - and now shes' gone. The authorities say there was no foul play - so maybe she was unhappy about .... what??? WHo knows? What good was all that money??? Not that money brings anything bad to folks - it's just that I think if you totally disregard the money thing then you need to bring balance to all the non-monetary things in life. Overall balance of some sort = a better day for you.
Plus - in the past few months we have abruptly encountered several friends and a couple family members who have all been diagnosed with terminal illnesses. One had surgery where they had a 15% chance for 2 years survival - and now with successful surgery they now have a 50% chance for 2 years. THAT is still a difficult consideration. Others - have similar yet totally different "trials". Our "community", friends and family are going through terrible times - and I have other friends and family coming to me asking ... "whats' a matter with so-and-so"... and I reply ... "cut them some slack... I can't say much on details (but I know) and you need to let it go and forgive them...". In other cases - it was ME receiving a harsh emotional barrage - and I was just doing my "job" and soaking it up - because I know this was NOT how this angry person was normally - it was the terrible battle they were fighting that was driving them to this.
I spoke to a BIL who is in medicine about this ... and they said that folks and their immediate family who are facing terminal illnesses supposedly face 7 stages...
anger is one of them. And understanding that anger is one stage - is half the battle. Understanding that this "anger" is not the normal condition of this person is more or less the other half. And that being a good friend (son or brother in my case) is sometimes very painful and frankly, hard. But that's how it is. I've seen others dodge this by basicly fading and disappearing.
At any rate - I hope this does not come across the wrong way - I have no way of knowing. But as I read your comments above - I felt it was OK to share my thoughts (semi-publicly was OK). I have yet to meet anyone personally from the DIS - aside from my cruising mates whom I do end up meeting ocassionally. So - the "seperation" lends me a false sense of security in sharing these thoughts.
So - for what its' worth - what I've learned from the trials I've been through - and they have been varied and ocassionally quite ACUTE....
I believe these episodes build character - and make you a BETTER person in the long run. Good things will come to you - one way or another. I have been near penny-less and now am totally opposite. Not quite Bill Gates style comfort - but good enough. ANd yes - I am a total tight wad as I can remember what it was like to be near pennyless. SO I respect "the journey" and look on each dollar milestone with respect.
And I still daydream about having your sort of lense and equipment collection. But I resist the temptation ... as much as I can. As I'm trying to contain my average cost per image before it spirals off the planet.
Something good will counteract these past few annoying days. Something new will come to you - that will make these annoying episodes fade completely into the shadows.
Something old will return to you that will renew your faith in life.
Such is the nature of "the journey" ....
Identify what make you happy - and just do more of it. Forget about the rest! It's not worth your time anymore!!!!
Oh well.... sorry for all this philosophical dribble. I hope some aspect of this dribble brings you a tiny measure of peace and recovery - one day sooner than otherwise.
Captain Crash
But my point = it is not all about ANY ONE or FEW THINGS. Life is one heck of a journey... and