Is this the norm?

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>I have a casual friend - we're both involved in various committees at our church & school. A couple of times over the past year or so we have gone out with a group of women to Starbucks for coffee on a Friday night. That's about the extent of our friendship - we don't call each other to do anything by ourselves or just to talk - it's just a casual friendship.

A few years ago my friend had a baby shower for a former foster daughter who had got pregnant. I went with some other women in our 'social circle' (ie, friends from school & church), and we all gave presents - the girl never spoke to me - no thank you verbally or thank you card, other than 'thank you for coming' when I got there from my friend. It could be that the girl was shy - I don't know. But, her boyfriend showed up, and she showed him the gifts, and it was like the rest of us weren't there - I just felt so strange.

Fast forward to present... Now, my friend just sent me another invitation to a baby shower, & this one is for her brother's wife. They got married last weekend, and the shower is this weekend. I think I may have met her brother once years ago, and I have never met his wife. I was kind of taken aback that I got an invitation to this baby shower when I didn't even know the couple.

But, maybe my family is just different, and other families invite outside friends whenever there is a baby or wedding shower, and I'm just oblivious.

So, I thought I would ask you guys... If there was a baby shower for your brother/sister, would you invite your friends who didn't know your brother & sister? Or do you get such invitations and think nothing of it?

 

[Dan Murphy]

Well, MJ, I certainly don't do showers (thankfully ) but the circumstances as you laid out seem strange to me. JMO.

 

[pumba]

shower invites a few months ago.....and I, even though they were my friends......I did not invite them....only my best friends that were invited to share my excitement in the event and IF they knew my son....that was it......I dont' think you are obligated or feel that you should go to this one........

 

[Wishydoo]

I sometimes think that people you don't know well, or are not close with, send the invites in case you hear about the event, and might be offended if you don't get an invitation.
Kind of like a better safe than sorry kind of thing.
Does that make sense?
* and I'll add...I think if you show up, they are happy to have you, but if you don't, that's okay too.

 

[Keli]

I don't think this is typical at all Mary Jo. I have never received a shower invitation for someone I knew only through a casual friend.

 

[RitaZ.]

I wouldn't invite them, but there are probably people who would. IMO, the whole idea of showers is to celebrate with family and close friends, not with people that you don't know.

 

[Wishydoo]

Or maybe they don't have large families or tons of friends and are reaching to get a big attendance for the shower. I don't know.

I've been sent invites out of the blue too.

 

[Michelle]

I think it is VERY strange! I would never invite MY friends to a family baby shower for someone they have never met! The shower should be for friends and family of the PERSON they are honoring. At the very least the guests should have MET the person.

I would send my regrets to an invitation like that and not think twice about it, MJ.

 

[CarolA]

I had a "friend" who did this. She gave the shower hostess a list of attendees that she wanted to invite. When pressed to reduce the list, she admitted that some of them she did not know at all, but just had heard their names. She seemed to view this as some kind of event to cash in on. Her gift list was all VERY expensive stuff and she was very disappointed not to get most of it. Acted put out during the event. Needless to say for most of us, that was it. We were otta there! (this was a wedding shower and we figured it was going to get worse when during the shower she said..."Well, I'll just have to find someone to host another shower. I did not get enough stuff at this one.")

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>It was kind of weird because last week, I ran into my friend, and she asked with a huge smile, "Did you get the invitation to my brother's baby shower?" She caught me off guard, so I told her no (couldn't think fast enough for a graceful declination of the invite), and she sent me another one that I got on Friday.

 

[minniecarousel]

UGH! THat's just wrong! I'd decline the invite - let her know you're unable to attend - don't send a gift. What a money-grubbing way to get gifts for someone!
We're (my 2 sisters & I) having a baby shower for our 2 nieces & we're only inviting the women in the family. Thankfully, that means that 3 other aunts and 2 cousins are invited, but that's who lives near-by. I would NEVER invite MY friends to a shower for my niece. (If she had attended all of my sons' sports events through HS, I might consider inviting those friends, in which case she would have been more like a daughter to me, instead of a neice.)

 

[Disney Doll]

I would conveniently have another commitment, and be "oh so dispapointed" that I couldn't attend.

 

[disykat]

My sister once went to a bridal shower where she only knew the MIL. The whole shower was friends of the MIL and no one knew the bride. My sister had never met the groom either. Weird!

I've been somewhat involved in the planning of various parties thrown by my friends for their relatives, co-workers, other friends etc. (they want opinions etc.) It's just a given that, although I hear about the parties, I'm not invited if I don't know the person being honored.

 

[Val]

Years ago (almost 18 actually), my MIL held a wedding shower for my DH (her son) and me. We were both living out of state, and were returning for the wedding, flying in about a week before the wedding (we got married right after Christmas so all the family could be there).....anyway. She held this wedding shower that she didn't tell me about until AFTER I got off the plane. She had invited all her friends and their daughters- I had only met one or two of them casually (being introduced after church, etc.). It was SO weird and I felt SO out of place. I got the feeling everyone else invited ALSO felt out of place. Very nice shower, but I felt very uncomfortable accepting presents from people I didn't know.

Finally figured it out- my MIL wanted to "show off" to her friends......finally realized it was important to her, so I accepted the gifts and made sure I wrote gracious thank you notes. Still, it was rather surreal!

 

[dandave]

I think it is very tacky to invite folks to any gift-giving party who are not friends of the gift recipient.
Our realtor informed me that she will be throwing us a big house warming party when our house is finished. I told her that since we haven't lived here long, we don't have any really close friends here. She said, "Well what about all the people your husband works with? We'll invite them!"
No we won't! These people are not friends- they are co-workers. I have only met a couple of them. I refuse to hit them up for gifts. How tacky!

 

[Kallison]

No I wouldn't invite friends who didn't know the person of honor. Just decline, you don't owe her an explanation.

 

[BrerMom]

Originally posted by CarolA
She seemed to view this as some kind of event to cash in on. Her gift list was all VERY expensive stuff and she was very disappointed not to get most of it.

Bingo! My sister's sister-in-law is getting married. My entire family received an invitation to the wedding and DD11 and I received an invitation to the shower. I've met her three times, I think, at my sister's wedding and at the hospital for the births of their kids. She's a nice girl, but geez..... We sent our regrets. Out of respect for my sister, I'll send a wedding gift, but I don't feel I should have been invited. We wouldn't recognize each other if we bumped into each other at the mall.

We also got things in the mail from her asking for money to support this cause or that mission trip. No, it wasn't for school - she was home-schooled.

 

[mickeyfan1]

I agree with most of the others, MJ. I would decline and not send a gift. If you were more than "coffee on some Fridays" friends, it might be different, but this sound like a ploy for gifts.


And thanks for the Angel help!!!

 

[Robinrs]

You have a right to think this is WEIRD, MJ, because it IS!

It reeks of rudeness and greed and I agree with Kallison, you don't even owe them an explanation. You were so sweet not to say you got the invite, I'm afraid I wouldn't have been so couth!

 

[cruisnfamily]

What do you guys think about housewarming parties???

A friend of my son (age 7) and his family recently bought a house in our neighborhood. I've been there 10 times at least....dropping off/picking up. I'm not friendly with the family, he's just the only boy in the neighborhood so he and my son spend time together. 5 months after purchasing the house(which I've seen, remember)...I get an invitation to a housewarming party. To me this says "blantant gift request"...I said I couldn't make it and didn't send a gift although the not sending a gift goes against proper manners, I just didn't feel the need in this particular case...

I guess I am anti housewarming parties!