Is this spoiling him?

[Mickey'snewestfan]

My 10 year old doesn't ask for much -- in fact, I worry that he doesn't ask for enough. He's very focused on pleasing others, not so much himself.

This Christmas he has asked for very little. He mentioned wanting a new skateboard once, so he'll get that, and I know he's hoping for the Harry Potter Movie -- other family members are taking care of both of those. For his big present he's getting a snowboard, a few day snowboard vacation (right before Christmas) and a season pass to the local hill. I gave him a choice of a used board that would be "his" or a season long rental of a new board. He chose the former, and we went out to choose it today at the used sporting good store.

Well, it didn't go exactly as I planned. I had called and they had put aside a board that they thought would fit, but it turned out to be too small, so we looked at a few others. There was a big array of boards, new and used, but only 2 that were his size and within my budget. One was pretty "girly", so we picked the other which was solid red. I asked him a bunch of times if he was sure he liked it, and each time he assured me that he did, that it was fine, but I could see in his eyes it wasn't, exactly. But we paid for it, and left it there for them to attach the bindings and sharpen the edges. He was very quiet on the way home, not bubbly and excited like I had hoped.

A few hours later, during dinner, he quietly asked me if I thought a different board (the one with the dragon on it, that I had told him I thought was too big for him) would be there next year when he was taller, and if so, could he ask for it for next Christmas. I asked him a bunch of questions, and eventually it came out that he had really had his heart set on a black or brown snowboard (his favorite colors right now), and he didn't like the red.

We talked about different options. We could go back and get the other board, we could keep the red one and buy some stickers for it, we could look at other stores . . . We also went online and they make giant decals that cover the entire board, so we could change his red board to a black one -- but they cost more than the cheap second hand board did. We basically went to bed having concluded that I'd research options tomorrow, but he assured me he'd be fine if we decided to keep the red board.

So, do I look at this as an ungrateful kid who shouldn't be getting his way, and make him keep the red board?

Or do I do whatever I need to do to get a black board, such as calling every 2nd hand shop around?

Or do I let him snowboard on a board that's too long (I have no idea the safety implications of this)?

Or do I buy him the giant decal and put it in his stocking and make that his Santa present? It's $75 which is close to my whole Santa budget.

Or can I spray paint the board black?

I need to figure this out tomorrow, because after tomorrow I'm working right up until we leave for our trip, and because I need to call the store and return the board before they attach the bindings, at which point I assume it becomes non returnable.

Also, how do I get him to tell me how he's feeling when it happens? I would much rather have learned that he had his heart set on a black board BEFORE we drove an hour to the store (I could have called a bunch of stores and driven to one that had one), or at the store before I paid for the red one. It also kind of breaks my heart that he's so set on not disappointing me that he wouldn't even tell me what he wants for Christmas.

 

[Momof2princess]

No, I don't think this is spoiling him and no I don't think he is being ungrateful.
It is not as if he threw a giant tantrun over the situation, he simply has his heart/mind set on a certain look of a snowboard and I don't see anything wrong with that. Even as adults we do the same thing with items we get and want. I think he did the right thing in telling you what was bothering him and getting it off his mind and yours

I don't claim to know anything about snowboarding but here is what my itty bit of advice would be.

I did a quick google search and found that you can indeed "spray paint" a snow board. It however is not just taking a can of aerosal paint to it. Here are two seperate links for the instructions http://www.clevermill.com/paintingyoursnowboard.html

http://www.snowboarder-community.co...2027856:Comment:72731&x=1#2027856Comment72731

They seem to be about the same so that could be an option turn the red one into any color he wants.

As far as getting one that is bigger I think that snowboards are a lot like skiis, they need to be the correct size to use and if they are not that could be dangerous.

I don't know how many stores you have near you but it might be easier to just call around and see whats available "used" An hour on the phone of your time might be easier than the paint route.

As far as getting your son to talk to you, I am a firm beliver of an open and honest sit down talk. Tell him how you are feeling and that you want him to be able for him to be able to do the same.

I hope you can get all this worked out

 

[abdmom]

I would not spraypaint a snowboard. I don't think I'd go putting a lot of decals on one either. I'd discuss with him that his options are a) the red one or b) rent one. I'd lean towards the rental. He's likely to grow out of the red one in a couple of years anyway. Point out to him that by the time he's 16, he'll be able to get a really nice snowboard that's his own.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I know NOTHING about snowboards but have a very unspoiled son that asks for very little. If he has his heart set on this, I would do whatever I could, (yes I would even blow my budget) to get him what he wanted this time. I agree that getting him to tell you how he feels is very important and even though it as a little late he did do this and a reward for that may be getting what he wants!!

 

[dfchelbay]

I'd get him the board he really wants. If he keeps the red one, he'll probably avoid snowboarding, act like he doesn't really want to go etc., just because he's (for whatever reason) not in love with the red snowboard. Ask a snowboarder/sales person what safety concerns there are for your son using a bigger board. He's nearing that age where they are very self conscious, with or without reason. You'll get your money's worth too, for the next couple of years, if he can remain using the bigger board.

On a selfish note, think how good you'll feel, to see how good he's going to feel when he gets the board he really wants...priceless

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

do you know the size snowboard he needs? Have you checked ebay. I just did a quick search and found quite a few of them on there. Good Luck. And imho, you are not spoiling him.

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

http://www.ehow.com/how_2112830_buy-a-snowboard.html
this also helps you in figuring out the measureing part. It is not about height but about weight.

 

[pyrxtc]

buying a snowboard is all about height and weight. How tall is he and what does he weigh? How good of a snowboarder is he ? What size shoes is he in ? All of that factors in on the size of the board to get him. If he is more of a beginner his board should just reach his chin, if a stronger boarder, then it can go to his lip but at his age I would not put it any higher than that. A board that is too short will hinder him on the mountain.

I would call local mountains and see if they have any used boards that they are selling. Our local MT does this every year and also lots of ski swaps. I don't know many people that actually turn their boards into ski shops for trade. Most do the ski swaps or ebay/craiglist them. I have even bought some at yard sales.

 

[DisneyAndRedSox]

I just want to say that you are totally not spoiling him! He does not seem like he is being ungrateful, to me it appears that he was trying not to hurt your feelings... sounds like a sweet and thoughtful kid to me!

I know nothing about snowboards so have no advice, but I am sure he will appreciate what you come up with! Just have a heart to heart with him that if he doesn't like something to let Mommy know, Mommy's feelings won't get hurt!

 

[MiniGirl]

Your son sounds like a wonderful young man, and I don't think you're spoiling him by trying to get the board he wants.

This Florida girl knows NOTHING about snowboards, so I'll stay out of that part of the conversation. About the other stuff.... just be open and honest with him. Tell him that you really appreciate that he was willing to take the other board, but that you are even happier that he came to you and told you how he really felt. I don't know if pointing out how much easier it would've been for everyone involved if he would've shared those thoughts in the beginning would really be beneficial or not. You know your son best and would know if he'd take that at face value or would be a little hurt by it.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Thanks everyone! I called the shop and described the board the way he described it to me (he says he showed me the board and I said "I think that's too big, but he showed me a lot of boards), it was only 2 cm longer than the board they said was "right" and $19 more and they let me pay the difference over the phone, they'll put the bindings we bought on this one. He's going to be very surprised when we go pick it up (I have to give it to him before Christmas because we leave on our trip on Sunday).

I also have to say that in a shop full of $300 boards, my sweet little (OK not so little) boy was worried about asking me for a $79 used board instead of a $60 one -- how many kids would have been upset that they couldn't pick any board in the the shop?

I will talk to him, but it's a talk we've had over and over. This is the kid whose daycare teachers told me when he was 6 months old "all the toddlers know they can take stuff from him, because he never protests, just reaches over and picks up a different toy." He's so concerned with making other people happy, that sometimes he forgets to take care of himself. I told him today that I'm the same way, and that making HIM happy is what makes me happy, so if he's not telling me what he wants, then neither of us is happy.

 

[mickeymaker2003]

I'm glad you were able to get it switched to the new board. I don't think 2 cm should make a huge difference and it will make it so he doesn't grow out of it as fast.

 

[Zeebs]

This parenting lark isn't easy is it? Mum use to get so upset with us because when my brother and I were kids we were the same, didn't want to upset her. So if she was buying us clothes or something so not to hurt her feelings we would say it was fine, even if we didn't really want it. The problem was then we wouldn't wear it or use it which obviously just makes it a waste of money (something they didn't have a lot of)

luckily or not depending how you look at it, my two boys are still too little to be disappointed with things they get its a present and they love presents. My three year old did make me very proud the other day, because we do tell the kids they need a few things on their list incase Santa has trouble getting them. We had Santa and his charity collectors come around the street the other day. Santa asked Cullen what he would like and Cullen said he would like a racing car set like his Daddy's but if he couldn't manage that could he please have a yo yo. Of course Santa had stopped listening at racing car set and had turned to another child but I was very very proud.

Your wee man sounds like a lovely boy and not at all spoiled.

Kirsten

 

[auralia]

my husband and i snowboarded for years before moving to georgia... is he spoiled, a little, but he didn't make a fit of it... about a bigger board, if the board isn't way outside his hight range it would be perfectly fine to get him a larger board... i have been down the hills on many size boards I have used my brother in laws board even and he is 6 feet tall and I am only 5 and I didn't notice a differance at all. If he really knows how to snowboard he won't have any problems with one that is a little longer one or two trips down the hill and he will be fine... a too short board is WAY more annoying than a slightly too long board in my opinion, i feel like too short and i lose control but a little longer and i'm still fine. have you consider purchasing online, i don't know what the price was on the board but the house i believe it's www.thehouse.com or just google the house snowboards makes great offbrand snowboards they have been around a long time and have a great reputation.

 

[ireland_nicole]

I'm so glad you were able to get it worked out. I definitely don't think you're spoiling him, I think he sounds like an amazing kid. I'm glad he felt comfortable enough to be honest with you. I would use this lesson as an opportunity to talk about why it's better for that level of emotional honesty to come up front, i.e. the board might not have been available, the store might not have been able to exchange it, etc. But I'd wait to have that talk with him after the surprise- it might be worth taking a camera to the shop to capture the moment when he finds out!