is this considered rude?

[Briar Rose 7457]

let me preface this by saying I don't think it's rude, but maybe I'm not "up" on the etiqutte. or maybe the person who told me it's rude is whacked.

a neighbor girl wanted to celebrate her birthday at a local amusement park. she decided to invite a her friends to a party at the park, i.e., she would pay for everyone's admission and provide appropriate snacks.

she called her friends on tuesday and told them the party would be Friday night.

one of the parents complained that it was rude to wait until Tuesday, that she should have called everyone at least a week in advance to extend the invitation.

opinions please?

 

[4cruisin]

I'm not Emily Post, but I do not think it was rude at all. It was very kind of her to invite her friends to an all expenses paid party and maybe it was just a spur of the moment thought. That mom needs to get a life.

Nancy

 

[FOJMO]

I don't know if I'd call it "rude", but it was inconsiderate to wait until 3 days before the party. I'm sure that the Mom who called was concerned because her child probably would have liked to have gone to the party (especially such a cool and generous party idea), but with so little notice, they may have made plans already. She's probably getting a lot of grief from her child cause they can't go for some reason.

I don't know that I would have called the party giver, though.

 

[Steve H.]

Rude? No, but I would imagine they probably will get a lot of people saying they can't go. It's very last minute and it's Memorial Day weekend -- bad combination.

 

[jipsy]

How old is the girl?

 

[aprincessmom]

I wouldn't say it was rude but it wasn't smart. I agree with Steve -- totally last minute and 3-day holiday weekend is poor planning on their part.

 

[cinmell]

Originally posted by aprincessmom
I wouldn't say it was rude but it wasn't smart. I agree with Steve -- totally last minute and 3-day holiday weekend is poor planning on their part.

That's exactly what I was thinking. I wouldn't call it rude but very short notice especially for a holiday weekend.

 

[disykat]

Frankly, I would consider it rude unless the invitation was issued with a "sorry we're so last minute, but we'd love to have you there" type of disclaimer. However, if we're talking a bunch of teenagers, a last minute gathering is probably not unusual.

My boys get last minute party invitations sometimes - it's very inconvenient. They end up being disappointed when I won't rearrange our schedule, or I end up being irritated at the last minute trip to the toy store to get a gift.

IMO, the main reason last minute party invitations are considered rude is that it can seem like you are part of the "second tier guest list" and were only invited after the other's RSVP'd no. In general birthday I think birthday invitations should give at least a weeks notice.

 

[Christine]

Poor planning? Yes. Rude? No.

My DD has a summer birthday and many times we've thought "Well, if the weather is nice, we'll round up a few friends and go to an amusement park, water park, etc.". Because we live in the Washington, DC area and NOT sunny Orlando or California, we must really take into account the weather report. And most times, around here, you can only get a reliable forecast about 3-4 days out, if you're lucky. We have then, picked up the phone and called around and made plans. This could very well have been this type of situation. I mean, who wants to make these elaborate plans to go to an amusement park, have people make the committment, get the kids excited, only to have to cancel because when you planned it 3 weeks prior you never even thought it might (probably) rain. Anyone who thinks that is "rude" AND has to say so, really is taking themselves too seriously.

But, there are the slackers in the world. This guy I work with has now thrown 4 parties since I've known him. He always tries to have these big parties too. He makes all of these food plans, even goes as far as having it catered. Knows the date months in advance, and sends the invites out 10 days before the party. He's always so baffled that he doesn't get a better turnout. I've even TOLD him what the problem is and he just doesn't get it. But he's not rude, just stupid.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

I'd agree it's rude if everyone else was invited a week ago but one girl was invited 3 days before the event. but if all of the girls are invited on the same day it's different than singling someone out for a last-minute invitation.

the girl is 13, by the way.


(yes, another post about life in the 7th grade.)

 

[believe]

I am a person who believes in sending invites out 30 days in advance, especially for something like a birthday party. DH and I are booked months in advance and if someone invites us last minute the chances of us attending are slim to none. We have friends that send invites out last minute, but will call us weeks in advance to give us the date so we can know it is coming.

I do think that as kids get older the invite list gets smaller so it is easier to plan last minute gatherings.

 

[CamColt]

Being the type of person I am(planaholic), I would have preferred a litle more notice than that. Like the others, I wouldnt say it was rude, but I would be somewhat aggravated with the last minute invite.
This actually happened to us a couple months ago. My neighbor booked a party at Chuck E Cheese for her son, a day in advance. She told me about it Friday at the bus stop and the party was Saturday evening.

 

[CEDmom]

What is actually rude is to point out someone's shortcomings so harshly. Maybe the birthday girl didn't want a party and then changed her mind. If someone couldn't make it they could have said to the partygiver "if only you'd called x days ago, my family already made plans but thank-you for wanting to include me" and just leave it at that.

Also, 13 is a little old for Mommy to be getting involved in this anyway.

 

[TRAPPED-PARENT]

If being invited three days before a party is the worst thing that happens in life, consider yourself lucky!!!

Life is too short to sweat the small stuff!

 

[TIdoublegaER]

I don't think it was rude, just poor planning as others have said. With this weekend being a holiday, I hope she can get enough of her friends to go.

My SIL does this all the time. Just last week, she called me Wed evening at about 8:30 to let me know that her youngest was being baptized that Sunday. Essentially 3 days notice AND the entire family was getting together on Sat for her sister's graduation. I considered what she did rude because she knew well before last Wednesday (I know because I asked her sister how far out she knew about it) and just failed to let us know. I didn't tell her she was rude, I just politely let her know that we would be unable to attend since 1) her brother was working that day and 2) we had already made other plans. I also mentioned to her mother and sister that maybe if she gives us more notice on things in the future we can plan on attending.

 

[Talking Hands]

As parent who has a child whose birthday normally falls Memorial Day Weekend (actually on Memorial Day this year) I think I can understand why this happened. And it is not rude or poor planning. Normally we did not plan anything for my daughter because it is a holiday weekend but occasionally we would decide to do something spur of the moment and she would ask if friends could join us. Then we would call and invite those friends hoping at least a few would be available to go. We understood that people had their own plans and often could not go but at least we tried to include friends.
She won't be home for her birthday this year. She is in Japan and on the 27th she will audition for Universal Japan now her Disney contract is over. What a way to spend the day after her 25th birthday.

 

[TIdoublegaER]

Well, having a holiday birthday doesn't always mean that you can't plan a party in advance - just pick a different weekend. My birthday is New Year's Day and my parents never had a problem planning my party or having all my friends attend.

 

[Talking Hands]

sorry but our tradition is to celebrate on the birthday or not at all

 

[FOJMO]

Originally posted by Talking Hands
sorry but our tradition is to celebrate on the birthday or not at all

That's a new one for me... you must always be available, I guess, on your actual birthday.

If your birthday doesn't fall on a weekend, or if it's on a holiday, sometimes it's hard to expect people to be able to come exactly on your birthday.

 

[FleurdeLise]

The only 'rude" part is for the parents of the kids invited to have such a short notice to buy a birthday gift. I like to do this kind of shopping on the weekend.