Is this abuse? sorry long. Update pg. 2

[tigercat]

I work very very part time at a company as an ISO auditor. I haven't worked at all since Jan. and was called on Monday and my dn left a message saying she wanted to get in touch with me. I left several messages and she finally got back to me Wed. night. She wanted me to do 4 audits. Thurs. morn. I went down to the plant (1/2 hr. away) to do the pre audit and get the papers I needed. While there my db got mad. I was told that since the company does so much for me (get real) that I should clear my whole week off so that I could do whatever they want when they want. I told him that if I had been called earlier I would have but no call no clearing of the schedule. Now I thought I could do the audits I needed to do in the time frame I did have open but he wouldn't listen to me. I was told that it was my fault that the audits were being done so late (my dn is in charge and refuses to tell me anything till the last minute but she can do no wrong) THere was a lot more of things said that were really bad but I won't go into it. THen my db's ds stuck his face 1 " from my face and told me that it was a business environment and I should stop aguing with my db. Now I had been calm just reiterating my position. My dn is a bouncer at a bar part time and I am very short. He told me that I was very unprofessional. Is this really worth minimum wage for 5 hrs. worth of work? Background my db has been abusive towards me my whole life but my dh works for the family business. I have been scared and upset since it happened.
tigercat

 

[C.Ann]

If you are frightened, leave!! You should not have to live your life in fear - and I don't care WHO you are dealing with!!

I'm sorry you have to go through this..

 

[DonnaS]

I had trouble following the abbreviations in this case since they don't so sound so "dear." It sounds like your husband works for your family's business and you do some occasional work for them and they expect you to drop everything and then hassle you when you do come in and do the work.

It doesn't sound like it is worth it for you to work there. Are you concerned that they will take it out on your DH is you stop working for them? What is your DH's opinion on this? Do they treat him in a respectful businesslike manner?

 

[doxdogy]

Cut your losses and go. Sounds to me that he could have assaulted you. In most cases and someone please correct me if I am wrong. But, assault is basically the act of putting someone in fear. Obviously, your feared for your own safety at this point. Is this a family owned business? Who's family is it owned by? Honestly if it was me, I would tell them to stick and walk out.

 

[tigercat]

It is difficult to follow. My niece is in charge of ISO but is on maternity leave but wants full pay so my brother has kept her on. She is an Angel and does nothing wrong. My nefew (her brother) thinks he is great but is actually very lazy, he couldn't get a job anywhere else so his Dad hired him to be a boss. He is 25. My dh has worked there for 25 yrs. He works 7 days a week and 12-14 hrs /day. I only work when the big auditor is coming in. Yes I am worried that they will take it out on my dh. They are very much like that. It is very complicated. My brother has always been a bully but this is the first time his son has bullied me. He works out and is used to intimidating people when he worked in the bar. I had visions of him hitting me. I stayed together while I was at the plant but fell apart as soon as I left.
tigercat

 

[helenabear]

I have absolutely no advice for you... I just know if I was in that situation I would leave and my DH would too. {{{{hugs}}}} to you and good luck dealing with this (IMO) terrible situation.

 

[nativetxn]

What a difficult situation. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. You sound like you are feeling trapped.

I think if I was worried about retaliation involving my husband, I would just do what they wanted this week. Then I would either find a "real" job, go to school or at least <i>tell</i> them I was doing one of those things. I know it's a fib but if it can make your husband's life easier, you might want to consider fibbing.

{{{HUGS}}}

Katholyn

 

[Claudia1]

What does your DH say?

Hugs and best wishes that the two of you can work this out.

 

[Rebecca12345]

You don't need to be around that kind of person !!!

Sometimes when I have a situation & I can't quite figure out what to do personally, I think, what advice would I give my daughter?

Ask yourself that - what would you want your child to do if that happened to her? Would you want her to stay in that kind of 'environment?'

Sounds like the nephew isn't too emotionally stable & could become violent next time.

What's the worst that can happen if you stay?
what's the worst if you leave?
Most importantly, what's the best for YOU?

good luck with this situation

 

[jipsy]

Good Lord! You could work at MickeyD's for the same money and much less abuse - why would you even CONSIDER ever going back there? Get out NOW.

 

[Serena]

You should not have to be frightened of someone at work. And it really ticks me off that it's a relative. Tell your husband, and let him deal with how he wants to deal with it. But I sure wouldn't be going back.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Stuff like this is exactly why I don't work for small companies. If it were me, I would have walked out after telling them that I quit.

 

[tigercat]

Thanks for all the replies. I have lived with the family abuse for so long that sometimes I am not sure it is abuse. With my nephew I haven't had problems before but he thinks he is so important now that he thinks he can do anything he wants. He is only 25. My dh is a "nice guy" and right now is having to deal with the impending (we expect a phone call in the next couple of days) death of his father so he is not thinking straight. He does know that if I don't go to work on Monday that he will feel it but supports me in not going. My neice has not returned any calls (I have made 8 since Thurs. afternoon) so I can let her know that I won't be in but I'm sure her df has told her how I was so unreasonable. They are not going to be happy when I don't show up but after talking to my sil (of another db) and my Mum I won't be going in to work. Boy I hate family businesses.
tigercat

 

[cart-mom]

I'm do dorry that you have had to deal with this your whole life. It's just so wrong when a man thinks he can just push a woman around. It sounds like your nephew is following in your DB footsteps. I know what it's like trying to keep the family peace.

It sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. If your DH has been there so long, I'm guessing that he would rather not leave right now with the economy being so bad. If I were you I would do what other posters have suggested - finish this job (if you can) and then after things settle down a little mention that you have gotten another job and won't be available to them anymore at the last minute.

This way you can sort of keep the family peace, your DH's job, and most importantly, your safety.

Good luck.

 

[Scratch42]

You are too nice of a person to put up with that kind of BS! That is why you never borrow money or work for family!

Good Luck

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

Scratch

 

[tigercat]

You guys almost make me cry with your replys. It is so nice to have people concerned about me. I do know my kids are behind me. They were all ready to go to the plant and show their cousin what for. I convinced them that that was not the thing to do.
tigercat

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

You originally asked if this was abuse.

Yes. This is what abuse is, kind woman. Any kind of bullying is abuse, whether it's from strangers or your family.
I am SO sorry that you're going through this.

I hope you will be able to distance yourself from this work situation. It sounds like nearly the entire family has a hold on you and your husband through intimidation and verbal abuse.
Did you say there was actually some reason in particular that you are staying at this job? Family or not, if you are feeling fear when they talk to you, there is something seriously wrong with your relationship with these people.

In addition, don't feel one bit bad for breaking down after the altercation. This kind of stuff is scary as heck and maybe more so when you've got a gentle nature, which is sounds like you are blessed with.

I hope all these kind notes will help to bless you with courage and strength.

Originally posted by tigercat
Thanks for all the replies. I have lived with the family abuse for so long that sometimes I am not sure it is abuse. With my nephew I haven't had problems before but he thinks he is so important now that he thinks he can do anything he wants. He is only 25. My dh is a "nice guy" and right now is having to deal with the impending (we expect a phone call in the next couple of days) death of his father so he is not thinking straight. He does know that if I don't go to work on Monday that he will feel it but supports me in not going. My neice has not returned any calls (I have made 8 since Thurs. afternoon) so I can let her know that I won't be in but I'm sure her df has told her how I was so unreasonable. They are not going to be happy when I don't show up but after talking to my sil (of another db) and my Mum I won't be going in to work. Boy I hate family businesses.
tigercat

 

[Beast fan]

I used to work part-time at a "Mickey D's" as a "Shift Manager". Mind you, I was already working 45 hrs/wk. in an office job. The one person with whom I couldn't work well was the Store Manager. She always made me (and quite a few of the other crew) feel like they were "walking on egg shells". If a situation arose when she was there (where I needed to make a decision), no matter what I did.... I either made the wrong decision.. didn't consult her (even though she wanted us to make the decision) .. or didn't make the decision quck enough to suit her and now she's 15 minutes for her lunch break. And YES, I had just told her about the "egg shell" feeling in October during my "performance review". She, of course, didn't know what I was taling about and didn't see things that way.

The final straw came late last November (just before Thanksgiving, if memory serves me correct). Her boss decided to (I guess) show me who was boss and - in the presence of the Store Manager - ambushed me verbally (of course, in a low-enough voice such that no customers heard) for some shift paperwork (nothing financial) that I hadn't always filled out. I was also verbally gutted for not being "in charge" while I was working (never mind the fact that the STORE MANAGER DECIDES WHO IS "IN CHARGE"). Do you think the Store Manager stuck up for me on either count? NOPE! She just gave me the "he got you!" grin and kept her mouth shut.

I stayed there for a few months. But my attitude definitely changed. When I didn't show up for the annual Christmas Party (at which the Store Manager seemed to always try to be your best buddy), my boss asked why. I replied that "I didn't know it was a requirement for working here."

Fortunately, I have great parents who gave me enough money to take a year off working part-time and, other than to get my paycheck, I haven't been back to that Mickey D's since February 1.

 

[disneefamily]

Disnee Dad Says.................................Ya know, I don't want to get involved, but don't fight for a mini wage job. If you need to keep it to save DH job, that's a rough predicament.
Maybe keep the status quo, to buy time, where DH has a way out in the future, then you can follow him.

 

[tigercat]

Your right that being in this kind of a situation for minimum wage is stupid. They won't fire my dh over this but they could try and make his life horrible. The only thing is that they need him a lot. My dm is angry (I had to tell her because I called my dn from her house as I wasn't sure she had blocked my #) so it is going to go through the whole family now. It is such a complicated situation because also involved is a bil and another db (who really is dear). I wish my dh could quit but we haven't found anything that he could do and it is even harder because of his age.
Beast fan I am really glad you were able to get out of that work situation. The only thing that is against me is that this is family and I will have to see them on family occasions. Boy I wish I was at WDW right now away from them all.
tigercat