Is this a bit tacky or no?

[kimnkel]

Okay, well, I know I am not in the mainstream here, but not only do I think asking your guests to pay for your honeymoon is tacky, I actually think wedding registries are tacky. So there. I said it. Does that mean I think people that do register are terrible, tacky people? Not at all! I think it is so common it has lost its "tacky" element. But, hey: I think cursing in public is very tacky, and everyone pretty much accepts that too.

I am getting married in December, and we have not registered anywhere. Even though we are getting married at WDW we have still had people ask what they could get us for a gift. We just smile and say, "Your good wishes are more than enough." Those that are close to us know what they can get us, and they have gotten us wonderful, useful gifts--but it is not expected.

I am more concerned over the sense of entitlement and gimme!gimme!gimme! that pervades our society than I am by the act of registering, per se.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Okay, well, I know I am not in the mainstream here, but not only do I think asking your guests to pay for your honeymoon is tacky, I actually think wedding registries are tacky. So there. I said it.

I agree with you. And when DH and I got married we had no registry and did not want china or stemware.

 

[Toad]

It is so refreshing to read your response. I find so many weddings now are about gifts and money, and not enough are about the "marriage". A co-worker said she is having "the biggest wedding possible" to get more money (as gifts) to help pay for the "biggest wedding possible".

In my book, if you have to use your wedding gifts to pay for the wedding, then there is something wrong.

Kimnkel, it sounds like your plans are just right. The people who love you will be there and that is what it is all about!

Congratulations!

I

 

[MiniGirl]

Ok, add me to the group that doesn't care for the whole registry thing. I've been married a little over 10 years, and we didn't register. Like the previous poster said, people who knew us and WANTED to give something did. We never asked for anything. In fact, when aquaintences asked what they should get, we said their presence was gift enough. If they insisted, we asked they make a donation to one of our favorite charities. I wish I could say our intentions were noble, but they weren't. We just felt funny taking gifts from people we didn't really know that well.
Eva

 

[beck0321]

It is so refreshing to read your response. I find so many weddings now are about gifts and money, and not enough are about the "marriage". A co-worker said she is having "the biggest wedding possible" to get more money (as gifts) to help pay for the "biggest wedding possible".

In my book, if you have to use your wedding gifts to pay for the wedding, then there is something wrong.

Kimnkel, it sounds like your plans are just right. The people who love you will be there and that is what it is all about!

Congratulations!

I

I totally agree. When I got married I realy didn't care what people got for me. It's tradition to have big weddings so of course that is what I wanted but not for money or gifts. I know how much fun it is to attend a wedding, it's like a mini family reunion. To me, the more the merrier. I wanted to give that to both our families and I hope most of them had a good time. I think they did though because it was open bar and endless amounts of food! I really just enjoyed seeing everyone and the fact that they came meant more to me than a gift. That's how I truly felt about it.

 

[NurseW2Kiddies]

Yeah I think it is a bit tacky. But doing what you want no matter what, seems to be the norm these days.

OT.......

My niece joined the Army and was married before she left bootcamp, less than six weeks and they were married. They dont know if they will be stationed together or not or even if they will be allowed to see each other.

She just came home for leave and had a bridal shower and informed everyone that they are getting married again on their first anniversary so she can have the BIG wedding she wanted.

I didn't really understand the bridal shower because right now he is in Germany and she is in Alabama so what are they going to do with the stuff she got?!?!? Most of it she left at her parents house, until they get out in 3 years!

I'll admit...six weeks is a little fast. That being said...I also met my husband in boot camp. We went to technical training together, received orders and realized that we would never see each other again if we didn't get married. We got married just under a year after we met. We did not have a wedding, did not have a honeymoon, no bridal showers etc. I missed out on all the tradition that comes along with getting married. When I see someone in a dress I get a little sniffly. Even if we would have wanted to there is no way we could have afforded to have a wedding a year later. We were scraping by on the little amount of money that we made while 'serving our country'. We struggled to set up a house four months after our wedding when we finally did get to live together. Is it so bad that she wants the gifts she'll receive?? Many will undoubtedly be used to set up her house!!!!! Proud to say that 10 years later we are still happily married with 2 beautiful children. Good luck to your neice. Both people being in the military is a STRUGGLE on a marriage.

 

[graygables]

I used to work as a "bridal consultant" in a major department store. It was un-bee-leeeevable what some of these girls would register for. There was one who wanted $500/place setting china. OK, why??? We then had to deal with the fallout when great-grandma came in to see the registry and nearly had a heart attack when she saw the prices. I felt sooooo sorry for her, the registry made her feel completely inadequate as a relative and I helped her find some lovely towels, which, by the way, were just about the only thing the bride (zilla) *didn't* return. Yes, she returned the one, single $500 place setting she received. Oy.

I think registries have become a great big gimme list. I was at Target the other day and a couple was putting stuff on their registry and laughing, saying, "Why not? Someone might actually buy it!" I might look at a registry for colors, but I will not buy from one. My mom (and I have started this, too) gives Christmas ornaments, since often, they don't have those yet and haven't even thought about it.

 

[kimnkel]

Glad to brighten your day, Toad! And, a funny story in the "you just can't make some people happy" vein: Most people seemed to find our attitude refreshing, and while that was nice, we really just felt that way about things. We actually fell in love doing Hurricane Katrina relief work together, and let me tell you what I discovered--when you work with people that have lost everything, it changed my perspective on lots of things. So anyway, the story: I have a cousin that has hated me since childhood. Not sure why? But she does. So at a family get-together celebrating her engagement she sidles up to me and hisses, "Well, congratulations, Miss Goody Two Shoes--I see you managed to snag the prize!" (everyone loves my fiance) And I am like this because she looks so eeeeeevilllll...then she hisses, "And good job ruining things for me by pulling the Mother Theresa crap on the wedding gifts!"

Okay, yeah, cuz, see: I am pretty sure you can be sent to hell just for using "Mother Theresa" and "crap" in the same sentence.

It's funny, and yet very scary. When I told my fiance about another Happy Family Encounter With the Side of The Family We Are Not Sure How We Ended Up Being Related To he pulled the car over and said, all serious, "Listen, Snow White, never take any apples from her while I am at work, do you understand? Don't even open the door! Promise me! And never, ever! let her near any sleeping babies of ours!"

Gosh, he is so funny!

Because...he was kidding, right? He is kidding? It's a joke?

 

[All Morganic]

I could go either way on the re-gifting. I'd like to say I've never done it, but I have

I don't think that gift registry is tacky, per say, but I don't care for it. When I was getting married I didn't even want a shower because I was having a very small private wedding in which only a few people were invited, then a honeymoon and then a backyard party (my mother insisted on calling it a reception) at my parent's house. Anyway, I was young and dumb and my mother INSISTED (yes, she did that a lot) that I have a wedding shower so people could "pay her back for all the gift she bought their family members over the years." As I sat at the large (like 75 people) shower opening gifts, I could barely look anyone in the eye knowing that they weren't invited to the wedding. It's been 12 years - I hope they've all forgotten about it by now, but I know I haven't.

Oh, and my husband and I met and married very quickly - not 6 weeks but 6 months. People were taking bets on how quickly we'd be divorced, but 12 years later...

 

[kimnkel]

And I have to say this: I really can not find fault with members of our military that need to marry for expendiency sake (we are at war, after all) and then would like to have some of the perks. Showers, vow renewals/weddings so that they can get to wear the dress, celebrate with family and friends.

Nursew2kiddies: I hope that you can have a wonderful vow renewal at some point, and get to wear The Dress! Maybe at Disney, to celebrate an anniversary! That would be so fun! Here is some for you!

Okay, I better go get some work done!

 

[goaliewife]

Another vote for tacky.

This happened to us as well. It was the second marriage of my DH's ex-business partner. We had been to his first co-ed shower and wedding and did the gift thing for both. That marriage lasted for 2 years.

We were then invited to his second marriage and the invitation stated "no gifts, but money toward the couples honeymoon would be greatly appreciated."

That sent me over the edge and I sent a regrets RSVP.

I actually have no problem giving money as a gift, but when it is requested on the invitation, DEFINITELY TACKY.

 

[drag n' fly]

Any request for money or assistance is in incredibly poor taste.....beyond tacky. I agree times are changing however it is up to the gift giver to decide what to give. My next door neighbor's son was having his 12th birthday last year and on the invite it said no gifts please cash only! I darn near croaked! In Canada it is common to see money pinned on the bride during the dance or have a wishing well for people choosing to give cash instead but to request assistance to help pay for a honeymoon is just plain crass!

 

[All Morganic]

Yup, I totally agree on the tackiness of asking for cash. I was invited to a surprise 25th wedding anniversary party were the daughter (throwing the party) asked for the attendees to send money to her up front - yes, BEFORE the party to help with the costs. The mother (who was my co-worker) was so mortified after the party (when she found out) that she wanted to reimburse those of us who kicked in. I think Emily Post was rolling in her grave!

 

[eliza61]

It is so refreshing to read your response. I find so many weddings now are about gifts and money, and not enough are about the "marriage". A co-worker said she is having "the biggest wedding possible" to get more money (as gifts) to help pay for the "biggest wedding possible".

In my book, if you have to use your wedding gifts to pay for the wedding, then there is something wrong.

Kimnkel, it sounds like your plans are just right. The people who love you will be there and that is what it is all about!

Congratulations!

I

This was what I didn't like. The couple is planning(or they want to) a concierge level stay at the Grand Floridian with all the bells and whistles for 10 days. When I tell her she could definitely have a great disney vacation for far less, the bride looks at me like I asked her to murder the Pope. They have made the deposit and are hoping that they can get 1/2 the cost from the guest.

 

[TaraPA]

T-A-C-K-Y!!

C-L-A-S-S-L-E-S-S!!

I'd be tempted to not give any gift at all!

Just my opinion!

 

[PoohPrincess76]

So what if they don't get enough people paying for their honeymoon? Are they not gonna go? We had a little satin box at our reception for cards to go (mainly so they didn't get "lost" in the shuffle) and we just took the cards as we were cleaning and opened them on our honeymoon. But I would have never thought to include a "we want cash" card. We originally didn't register for china, but went ahead towards the end after much pressure from family about not doing it, we found a great pattern that was $30 a place setting. Yes, you read it right! If I am going to have it, I don't want to feel bad when it gets broken!

 

[NHTikiBeckie]

Not tacky...it's cool! I am a wedidng planner by trade, and the idea is that you buy "pieces" of the honeymoon as a gift, like a couples massage, day at Sea World, etc...this has been greatly recieved by most of my clients, especially the ones who already have homes and don't need another blender!

 

[kimnkel]

This was what I didn't like. The couple is planning(or they want to) a concierge level stay at the Grand Floridian with all the bells and whistles for 10 days. When I tell her she could definitely have a great disney vacation for far less, the bride looks at me like I asked her to murder the Pope. They have made the deposit and are hoping that they can get 1/2 the cost from the guest.

It's that entitlement mentality, I'm telling you. The feeling is that they are entitled to a five star honeymoon, because after all, a honeymoon follows "their day" and "their day" can only be followed up by an expensive vacation--regardless of their particular budget.

As for the guests paying for "pieces of the honeymoon"...hmm...I guess I have a different definition of cool. "Cool" to me is a charity registry, with the caveat that the bride and groom do not pay any attention to who gave what, because there should be no pressure or expectation. "Cool" to me is my friend that recently married, asking anyone that was able to give what they could to the local animal shelter. For pity's sake, if people already have a house, and don't want for Tupperware or a blender, and can afford a wedding planner-type wedding, IMO it's alotta nerve asking/expecting others to pay for their vacation.

As a bride to be, I have to tell you--the whole wedding thing has gotten plain. flat. silly. It's not even about a ceremony that signifies your commitment--it's a pageant, a Broadway play, and the electric light parade all rolled up into a spoiled bratzilla's My Super Sweet 16 party.

Sorry for the rant, and I really mean that. I do not mean to offend. Generally I try to be "live and let live" but just going through the whole wedding thing, and the pressure to turn my wedding into a spectacle, well--it's made me a little . Do people want a big fat party, or a marriage? I want a marriage that lasts a lifetime, and extorting money from friends and family to pay for stuff I *want* (not even *need*--just want) is no way to run a railroad--or begin a life.

Okay. No more soap box.

 

[PoohPrincess76]

Kimnkel, I completely agree. When DH and I got married this summer it was about us. I wrote my wedding ceremony with all the things that were important to us. I did my invitations, made my program (including a Pooh quote), and we paid $900 for our honeymoon. We stayed in the timeshare DH owns about 2 hours from home. Did things we normally wouldn't, but didn't do 5 star. We bought a house last year. Our whole wedding; invitations, rings, dresses (for me and DD), wine, beer, food, music, flowers, photog, hair and make-up cost us under $7000, in Napa no less. To us it was about becoming a family and nothing else.

 

[Va-bear]

I agree with you. And when DH and I got married we had no registry and did not want china or stemware.

Woo hoo!!!! Like minded people - cool! We didnt register - but we DID get fussed at a LOT for not doing so!