Is it worth the headache to bring family

[DaParkers]

Why dont you start off somewhere closer to home, like a day at the zoo, then you could see the behaviors and personalities of all involved.

That's kind of hard because I live in North Carolina now. Everyone else lives in La.

 

[Mkrop]

That's kind of hard because I live in North Carolina now. Everyone else lives in La.

Ok how about though when you go home to visit try a smaller scale trip, I think if you bring them all there to WDW before a trail run you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Good luck i think it is nice that you are even thinking about it.

 

[tanyaandallie]

I went 4 years ago with my whole family. Not as large, but a lot for us. My dh, me, my dd (5 mos at the time), my 2 sisters, their kids (5 and 6) and my mom. Ummmm. It as a nice time but it was nutso. My biggest piece of advice is if you are going to go with a huge group llike that, go at a time when it's not busy. We went the week of Thanksgiving and it was insanity!!!! It really is hard to please everyone and mesh everyone's idea of what a good vacation is all about!

Also, I think a trip with that many people is doable, but I would plan for everyone NOT to do everything together. I'd split everyone up into 2 or 3 groups, let the older kids do one thing with an adult or 2, the smallest ones do something else. I think if you take a huge group and insist on everyone staying together, you will end up with some very unhappy vacationers!

 

[badblackpug]

I think I would agree with the take one at a time thing. I like the idea of starting with the oldest and working your way down. It is a lot easier dealing with one child than dealing with a whole family and their eccenticities. Also, it will give each child 1 on 1 time with a family.

ETA:

I just thought of something else. Several years back a close friend went with us. She had a then 5 year old son. His behavior was ATROCIOUS! He threw tantrums in every line. He yelled "MOVE!" at people in front of him is he couldn't see. He routinely kicked and hit my daughter. He threw himself on the ground in a tantrum at every gift shop. He ate with his hands in restaurants...if he ate at all. He threw a tantrum every day over taking a bath and wearing sunscreen. He rufused to walk at.all. ....and what did his mother do? NOTHING. She never corrected him. Not.once.the.entire.trip. Actually, she fed into the behavior by giving into his every want. She bought him a suitcase full of toys, and let him eat king sized candy bars instead of dinner. If this chid had been with us, without his mother, we would have had much better control over his behavior. He used to spend every other weekend with us because his mother worked, and while he was still bratty, it was not so over-the-top. You cannot really correct a child if their parent is there, and your hands are tied in terms of embarassing behavior if they have a different parenting style than yours.

 

[all4fun]

I think I would agree with the take one at a time thing. I like the idea of starting with the oldest and working your way down. It is a lot easier dealing with one child than dealing with a whole family and their eccenticities. Also, it will give each child 1 on 1 time with a family.

We actually did this with BIL's step kids a few years ago and it worked out well. We took the younger two first actually and then the twins who were the oldest (and gave them the option to go together or seperately - going together was their choice). I can't remember the logic of the order we chose but I do remember there was a reasoning behind it. Since they knew they were all going to get a turn they accepted it. Next Spring we are finally taking SIL's two boys who are 9 & 14. We would have taken them at younger ages but they lived too far from us up until now and the logistics were difficult (their dad is in the Military and the move around a lot). Anyway I'm rambling. I just wanted to say that I think taking the kids seperately from the parents and just one or two at a time will be much easier for you and they will probably enjoy the more individual attention they'll get from you and your family as well. I think it's really neat you want to give them this and I hope you're able to work it out.

 

[mom2grace]

I just wanted to say that I think taking the kids seperately from the parents and just one or two at a time will be much easier for you and they will probably enjoy the more individual attention they'll get from you and your family as well. I think it's really neat you want to give them this and I hope you're able to work it out.

Could you take just a few kids at a time without any other adults? My kids go to a very diverse school. The kids from more chaotic homes are GREAT at our house, they seem to rise to the occasion when their families aren't around. I like having those kids over, they aren't as snotty as others, and the snotty kids parents are AMAZED when I say how great the "other" kids are! My DD is only in 1st grade, and thankfully the kids don't get it yet (they wear uniforms) but the other moms are hesitant to have some of the girls sleep over/be friends with their kids. It drives me INSANE!

This weekend we had a little girl stay overnight, at bedtime I read to my kids every night, this little girl asked if she could lay down next to me, and totally cuddled up to me. I was in heaven! Tonight, my DD got into bed and cuddled with me for the first time ever in this particular situation. I think she is appreciating me more!

This particular girl lives with her grandparents, and when I took her home, her grandfather was very appreciative that I showed her "other possibilities in the world", his words. I was thrilled to tell him that his granddaughter played peacemaker between my 2 kids.

As I was growing up, we would occasionally get to take friends on vacation. I didn't realize it at the time, but we always took the kids that could never have gone with their own families. Obviously my mom engineered it that way, but I didn't notice until now, at 36 when I am making choices for my own kids. We even took 2 friends to WDW for Spring Break when I was in high school!

 

[Whosemom]

I'm having a couple reactions to the responses I'm reading. First, if they take a kid or two each time, that's committing vacations for a long time to other people, instead of every devoting it to the nuclear family. So that's a big decision, too. On the otherhand, 4 can be better for rides than three. And as op son gets older, someone to hang with besides mom and dad might be a plus.

Also, the "go your own way" suggestion, . I don't see that happening with single moms who are not used to that type of environment. You'd really have to be in tune with how it was going, and if they would be comfortable with that.

What about one household at a time?

 

[madcam]

Alot to agree with on here.....and it is very heartwarming to hear how you would like to step in and give these kids some memories they might never have. But I too think there are two separate issues here.

First of all, I (by "I", I mean my DH) have the same problems as far as embarrassing family members. People who don't seem to know how to act, speak, or basically EXIST in public. I don't even want to go to the local Wal-mart with these people much less spend a multi thousand dollar vacation with them.

Secondly, this is a multi thousand dollar vacation. I do not want to go with anyone that may cause resentment by the end of the trip.

I absolutely LOVE my parents. They are very close to me and my DH and my kids. They are wonderful grandparents and great people. (They are NOT the above mentioned family members) Would I go on vacation with them? Not on purpose. You see, my dad is the "boss" and that just doesn't work well with me. With two kids, I cannot adhere to his fantasy time schedule nor do I want to. We are talking about a man who gets up at a certain time so he can eat breakfast by a certain time so he can eat lunch by a certain time so he can eat dinner by a certain time so he can be in bed by a certain time. All meals must be balanced and although he would probably let loose of the designated exercise time due to all the walking, our family's habit of eating popcorn for dinner if we are not that hungry would drive him batty. On top of that, my DH and I are born arguers. It is how we comunicate. My DMother always feels the need to take his side even when there is no side to take. Can you see how a week with them may cause me to jump off of Cindy's castle?

We also took a vacation with some friends of ours a few years ago. Semi-good friends (only knew them a couple of years) that were not the least bit embarrassing in public but who defenatly had different ideas on appropriate child behavior. We expect ours to behave and will take steps to insure that happens. They could care less and do nothing if their kids hit "brat mode". While this trip didn't make or break the friendship, it was a catalyst and we are no longer friends. (Really bad stuff happened on this trip......trust me!)

Bottom line is, if I am going to spend the whole trip waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop then I would rather not go. I want my kids to remember that mommy was happy not stressed. Good luck to you!!!

 

[Texasmomof3]

My husband and I have taken his 2 nieces to DW and DL as well as skiiing, New York etc. Sometimes it was just spending Spring break at our house. Before we had kids they were our companions on vacations. They were 5-6 when we started taking them on trips. Their mom was single and both of their dads were never in the picture. These were trips they would have never gotten to take. We promised them a trip to Hawaii if they kept their grades up thru high school. They graduated with honors and joined us for our 10 year anniv trip. They even travelled with us after we had our kids most recently this summer to DW and US. This was a special trip since our youngest niece just graduated from college. Our trips as they got older lessened as they were involved in activities etc. but we still try to include them whenever we can. They look forward to it and so do we. We have never lived close to them so it can be a challenge but I would not trade the times we have shared and watching them grow up has been a great reminder to us that with our own kids time goes too fast. My husband has been a great male influence on them especially when they don't really have one. They are now 22 and 23 and are amazing young ladies and great role models for our kids. I agree to try to take 1 or 2 with you whenever you can and maybe trade off I don't think you will regret it. Showing them a world outside of theirs is probably the best thing you can do for a child.

 

[Texasmomof3]

Just another quick note (yeah right) We have gone on vacations with other families and it does seem to add some stress. They don't want to see a show or their child insists on going to ride a certain ride right now even though time wise it doesn't make sense. Then they want to walk clear across MK to ride another ride - wasting too much time. The trips we have taken with our nieces are pretty much non-stress - it seems when you bring in other adults is when you get the disagreements. As adults we are more set in our ways I think - the kids will pretty much role with anything. I think doing the park with just our family is much easier because we have been there so many times and know what we want to do and see. (okay I admit I am the one set in my ways)

 

[newholidayx2]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

 

[bobbiwoz]

For 3 years we were a Fresh Air Host family...that is, we hosted a young man from a NYC neighborhod in our home for 2-3 weeks. This youngster was 10 the first time he came to us, and had never been invited back to a house for next year's visit. It was my understanding that, because of his age, if we didn't invite him back, he would be finished with the Fresh Air fund, but it did work out.

It was tough watching him in situations like Sesame Place, a nature center, a library story hour. He had no idea how to act, and we saw lots of inappropriate behavior, but he did learn, and the second year it was so much better. By the third summer, he was too street wise, and actually brought things to sell, video games to our neighborhood children...that was it. We stopped the selling, but not before some things changed hands.

Now, you are related to these children, and thus have definite advantages, perhaps you already have earned their respect. However, I would agree that I would bring one or at most 2 at a time. The "bad" behaviors may become something your kids may want to go along with, temporarily at least.

My hat goes off to you. You're a great uncle!

Bobbi

 

[DaParkers]

I went with my best friend, his wife, and their son this year and it was stressful to say the least. They are both young, but very lazy. They complained about the walking all day everyday. We only spent 2 of the seven days in the parks together, but those two days were disgusting. If my wife or myself slowed down to look at something, they sat down. It drove me crazy. I really enjoy walking through World Showcase, but they made it difficult to enjoy. It was as if they didn't care about anything but talking on the cellphone and sitting down. I made ADR's for us and they didn't show up to a few because they'd rather eat McDonald's. We went to Boma one evening and they complained about the food not being American enough. I tried to explain to them to just enjoy the atmosphere and be thankful that it was free. We had free DDP. They also complained about having to catch the bus at Fort Wilderness when we went to Trail's End. I thought that they would enjoy Fantasmic, since you have to sit through it, but they had to go to Wal-Mart. Am I over reacting? I could care less what they do, but the missed ADR's affected me. I felt bad that I had said 6 would be there and only 3 showed up. And their son missed out on a lot because of his lazy parents. I had to tell my son not to mention all the things that he experienced because I didn't want their son to feel bad. That experience makes me weary about going with anyone else again. And I honestly believe that it would be worse if I went with my family and my In Laws. If these women had men in their lives, then I wouldn't feel obligated to do as much. I dealt with all of those women and children after Hurricane Katrina when they lived with us for 2 months. I almost snapped. I have a wife and one child because that's all that I wanted at that time. I have resentment to their fathers because it's not my job to chastise their kids, but I have to if I care about them. I actually am more patient with my wife's family than she is. It's not fair to her or my son to not have their husband and father to themselves while on vacation. I just don't think I can handle a whole week with them when I'm supposed to be enjoying myself and rewarding my son for doing well in school. I think it'll have to be one at a time or nothing. Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

 

[madcam]

You should re-read your posts and notice how tense you sound. If you are already this irritated before the trip over what they might do, can you imagine how bad it will be when they actually do something annoying? You are totally right about having your wife and child being able to enjoy their trip and you as well. I imagine you have worked hard for the things in life that you enjoy. You should not feel bad about this......your family is very fortunate. Yall deserve to have a wonderful trip and if you are stressed out that will most likely not happen. If you feel like you need to take your neices and nephews to experience Disney then I say you actually plan a trip for that specifically. The idea someone had of "once you get to be this age it's your turn" was good. Or maybe start with the oldest and work your way down. But this could be bad if you don't go on a regular basis because if there are alot of them, then you will have to make alot of trips to meet that commitment. And I think the other moms should stay home. If they want to go that bad then they can make it a priority to take their own children. They should not be looking for the "man" in the family to do things for them. I know plenty of single mothers that have taken their children on trips without a thought to having a man around to take charge. And I also know plenty of people who will do the bare minimum in order to get others to take care of their problems. I too had family living with me during Katrina and Rita. And too much family can be a bad thing. Sometimes we don't have a choice as we love our families, warts and all and will help out any way we can. But my "me time" is just that: time for me and my husband and kids to enjoy each other without worrying about everyone else. Vacations defenately fall into this catagory and family obligations do not include having to take everyone on vacation with you. I say you go with your wife and child and let that be the end of it.

 

[cherjp]

I went with my best friend, his wife, and their son this year and it was stressful to say the least. They are both young, but very lazy. They complained about the walking all day everyday. We only spent 2 of the seven days in the parks together, but those two days were disgusting. If my wife or myself slowed down to look at something, they sat down. It drove me crazy. I really enjoy walking through World Showcase, but they made it difficult to enjoy. It was as if they didn't care about anything but talking on the cellphone and sitting down. I made ADR's for us and they didn't show up to a few because they'd rather eat McDonald's. We went to Boma one evening and they complained about the food not being American enough. I tried to explain to them to just enjoy the atmosphere and be thankful that it was free. We had free DDP. They also complained about having to catch the bus at Fort Wilderness when we went to Trail's End. I thought that they would enjoy Fantasmic, since you have to sit through it, but they had to go to Wal-Mart. Am I over reacting? I could care less what they do, but the missed ADR's affected me. I felt bad that I had said 6 would be there and only 3 showed up. And their son missed out on a lot because of his lazy parents. I had to tell my son not to mention all the things that he experienced because I didn't want their son to feel bad. That experience makes me weary about going with anyone else again. And I honestly believe that it would be worse if I went with my family and my In Laws. If these women had men in their lives, then I wouldn't feel obligated to do as much. I dealt with all of those women and children after Hurricane Katrina when they lived with us for 2 months. I almost snapped. I have a wife and one child because that's all that I wanted at that time. I have resentment to their fathers because it's not my job to chastise their kids, but I have to if I care about them. I actually am more patient with my wife's family than she is. It's not fair to her or my son to not have their husband and father to themselves while on vacation. I just don't think I can handle a whole week with them when I'm supposed to be enjoying myself and rewarding my son for doing well in school. I think it'll have to be one at a time or nothing. Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

Hi once again i think you are a fabulous person for being so caring to your inlaws, but i dont think you should take them on a fabulous holiday like WDW, it would be too much and the stress is not worth it, and it would only ruin you wife and sons holiday too.
but always remember that you are a wonderful person for what you were thinking of doing, and i hope one day you they will see that.

The world would be a better place if there were more people like you around.

cheryl

 

[tlbwriter]

It's not fair to her or my son to not have their husband and father to themselves while on vacation. I just don't think I can handle a whole week with them when I'm supposed to be enjoying myself and rewarding my son for doing well in school.

You just answered your own question. You have already been a surrogate father to these children in many ways, but this is your family vacation, and your family deserves to have a good time with you (and you with them). I'd take one kid if your son likes having a same-age companion along, but otherwise, no, I wouldn't take any of them. Taking only one will breed resentment and expectations. There are other things you can share with the whole family - you don't have to sacrifice your well-earned WDW vacation.

 

[eliza61]

While I love my family, that's a lot of money to spend vactioning with folks who you KNOW get on your nerves. We did our family reunion last August and we had to seriously stress that every one would be doing there own thing. It was hard, some members of my family didn't want to do an ounce of planning. but of course they wanted to sit down and eat with you.
If you do this, I would lay down the ground rules from the get-go.