Is it okay to let a 4 month old 'cry it out'?

[laurajetter]

My son is 4 months old and up until a few weeks ago was not a fussy baby and he actually slept through the night. Lately he has been waking 1 or 2 times a night for feedings (except the past 2 nights when he slept through, yay!). I am okay with the waking in the night, I just feed him and go back to sleep.

It is the crying during the day that is beginning to get to me. He doesn't always take full length naps; he is getting used to falling asleep while nursing and then will only sleep on my lap on the nursing pillow. When I try to transfer him to his crib, he will either wake up and then be pop eyes or will stay asleep only to wake up in 10 minutes.

This doesn't happen every day, but often enough that it's becoming a problem for me (I work from home). Since he isn't getting the rest I'm sure he needs, he is fussy and whimpery sporadically all day long. In between he is okay when I take breaks to play with him.

I am wondering if on the days he hasn't taken any significant naps if it is okay to just let him cry it out since I know he is tired. My reluctance is that I don't know if 4 months is too early. I remember reading that at a certain young age it is important to respond to their crying so they learn to trust you. On the other hand I remember reading that at an older age if you respond to their every whim they can use that to get what they want, in this case to be constantly either held or entertained.

Does anyone know the right age to let them cry it out?

 

[Marseeya]

IMO, four months old is too young to let him cry it out.

Could you do that anyway? There is no way I could have let either one of my kids cry it out.

 

[BuckNaked]

You'll get lots of advice, but just do what you feel comfortable with as a mom. Our pediatrician suggested we start letting our DD cry it out at 3 months, and she suffered no ill effects from it.

 

[MidgeD79]

I don't know if there is a "right" age to let them cry it out. I did not let any of my 6 kids cry it out. After 6 months I would let them cry a little bit longer each time and usually end up either rocking them to sleep or pulling a chair next to the crib and patting their back. If your child was in daycare would you want the caregiver to let your baby cry it out? There will be lots of opinions on this. You need to do what you feel comfortable with.

 

[damo]

I think you will find that there is no right answer. Everyone will have their own opinion. I never let my kids cry it out.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

That is a personal thing. I am sure you will find many opinions on it. I couldn't do it at 4 months.

 

[Hillbeans]

My son is 3.5 months and IMO they are just too little to CIO at this stage. .

It's the worst thing possible when the babies get overtired and really cranky, and when my son starts crying, he can scream so loud and he's wound up even more than before if I let him cry for any longer than 2 minutes. I also am really sensitive to the sounds of crying and it's upsetting to me.

I've been *trying* to get my little one out of the bouncy chair for his naps (in your case, out of your arms for his naps)and sloooowly into his crib for them. I read in the "Baby Whisperer" to start as you plan to go on, and i'd like to "go on " with him napping in his crib.

My son isn't a great sleeper either, but I find that some white noise like a humidifier or a radio set on static sometimes relaxes them to sleep a little longer in their rooms. Just an idea.

 

[laurajetter]

Honestly, after a few minutes I end up getting him because I hate the thought of having him just lay there, upset. And I don't mean to let him cry it out if his cries sound super loud and distressed, there is no way I could feel comfortable doing that. I was questioning whether to let him cry only if his cries are sort a continual droning that sound more like he is annoyed than really in distress.

I thought 4 months might be a little young, but I thought I would just see what others did.

I really wish I could just put him down to fall asleep on his own, but I guess since he has been falling asleep while nursing since birth, he knows nothing else. I've tried to let him soothe himself to sleep, but to date, has not worked once.

Ugh.

 

[scubamouse]

where's my popcorn?

My parents proudly let me CIO from early on and I've been a lousy sleeper all my life. I used to self-soothe by rocking myself to sleep ... for years and years and years.

We never let DD CIO until she was talking and then it was tantruming (big difference IMO). DS was sleeping thru the night when we adopted him at 12 mos.


ETA - that sleep pattern during the day sounds frustratingly normal. drove me nuts that DD didn't take a long nap until she started moving around. WAH without someone to look after the kids is very tough regardless of how old your children are. maybe you could get a neighbors daughter to be a mother's helper for you.

One thing you might try is at night. Wake her up right before you're getting ready to go to sleep and feed her. this might help her go for a longer stretch where you're both sleeping at the same time. we used to refer to it as 'topping off the tank'. At about 4 mos, we could get an 11pm to 6 stretch out of her.

 

[In a hurry]

If you are talking 5 minutes, not a problem. 30 minutes, too much.

Entirely my opinion. I hope you get some rest soon.

 

[4greatboys]

Like the others said its a huge personal decision. I think 4 months is a bit young to CIO.

 

[Beth76]

I don't believe that four months is too young. What it comes down to is what you're comfortable with. If it bothers you, then don't do it. Also, you should try to put him to bed awake. Don't let him fall asleep while nursing.

 

[RadioNate]

you are a brave brave woman to be posting this.

I think 'they' say babies don't really 'get' CIO until 6 months.

If this is a recient thing could he be teething?

I let my DS CIO at 11 months. We just could not take the 4 times a night waking any more. When we really sat down to do it correctly and sat watching the clock, it took less that 5 minutes for him to settle himself. After 2 nights he slept through the night.

You might be suprised at how quickly you are responding. I was shocked when we actually watched a clock that he was only crying/fussing for less than 5 minutes. It seemed like forever to me.

 

[pjtjm]

IMHO, yes....

As others have suggested, go with your heart. My first would not allow me to rock him to sleep... He would spend about 10 minutes screaming, and be peaceful for a 2 hour nap, and be happy the rest of the day. When I tried to "console" him, he just cried and cried....

To each thier own....

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

They were with you for 9 months at it's only 4 months out--so they have spent the majority of their existance "with" you. I think it is too young.

At 6 months was about when I started any form of letting them cry it out. Now--I might have let her cry for a minute or two if I was in the middle of something before then--but if you are talking about crying it out as they learn to self soothe, from what I recall from doctor's and baby books--not a skill they understand until about 6 months or so.

ETA: We would let DDs sleep in their car seats--naps seem to last longer that way. And that is how we crib "trained". We were co-sleepers, but did try to get them to sleep on their own for a little bit--and it seemed to be easier in the car seat where they were still "cradled" as they slept.

 

[disneymom3]

Well, I will really step out there---DD was like this and we did eventually let her cry it out, but mainly because she was waking often in the middle of the night and we had to rock her back to sleep everytime. It was a nightmare to listen too, but seriously there seemed at the time to be no other way to get her past that. Now, my boys, I did a lot of stuff differently. They both slept in our bed a lot the first 4 to 5 months. The other biggie--and this is the stepping out there part--is that I had them sleeping on their stomachs. DD would sleep for like 20 min, do that baby startle thing and wake up, feel insecure on her back and that was it, she was awake. The boys, would sleep for 20 min, do the baby startle, feel a lot more secure on their tummies and never even really wake up. Once DD learned to turn over at about 8 months, she turned on her tummy on her own and started taking really good naps.

Yeah, I know, Back to Sleep and all that......break out the popcorn.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Julie, I had the same experience with my babies. The back to sleep campaign came out after my first couple children, but before my 4th baby for sure and maybe before my 3rd. I know with my younger kids they couldn't sleep for long on their backs and would startle awake.

As to whether or not 4 months is too young--it depends. I would have been too long for my first child, for sure. Maybe, maybe not for my second, not too young for my third, and I don't remember about my 4th.

Seriously, I've never been a big fan of crying it out and felt that there was a reason for the crying. Of course that isn't always the case and you need to do what feels right to you. I don't think that a couple minutes hurts anything. The fussy kind of cry that you're describing is different than the all out screaming that babies sometimes do.

Oh, and do check things like a hair around their finger...I'd always checked for things like that and it finally paid off with my last baby and one time I did find a hair wound tightly around his finger when he was screaming.

I did nurse some of my babies to sleep and put others down awake. I think it's wonderful to be able to put an awake baby in their crib and have them go to sleep on their own, but it doesn't always work out that way.

I agree that maybe you can hire someone to come in a couple hours a day to watch the baby. The older she gets the harder it will be to do work while she is awake.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My doc had me have the girls lay on their sides--despite the back to sleep campaign. They are 5 and 3. They also liked their tummies once they could roll over. Doc said that was okay if they put themselves there as well.

 

[Chris2597]

4 months is a bit young....as I dont think a 4 month old gets it....I think it is ok to allow a limit time of CIO once the baby is around 6-7 months....Children will wake and stir, sometimes cry out....It is a good thing to let a child learn to settle themselves back into sleep on their own....I would go to the child once you determine it isnt a case of settling back to sleep on its own.
I know alot of people use the CIO method, but it would drive me crazy.

 

[Disney_1derland]

Have you introduced a new food to his system in this time frame? Changed milk? If you're breastfeeding it could be something you are ingesting that is upsetting his stomach. When something like this starts suddenly in a young baby there are so many possibilities. With mine it would always turn out to be something I was eating that was tainting the breast milk.

I think before you chalk it up to him just suddenly being fussy, you should consider all the options of things that have changed for him in this time period.