Is it ever ok to swear at a stranger?

[jenrose66]

I take personal insurance claims over the phone. Obviously, I'm speaking to people that are emotional quite a bit as they have suffered a loss to personal property or even the death of a loved one. With that understanding I have the utmost compassion and I do truly want to help people (if I didn't I wouldn't be able to do the job).

With that said I spoke to a woman today that was so horrendous to me that it's still bothering me. She had called our phone number for emergency road service because she needed a tow to her mechanic for a dead battery. Our emergency road service department said she wasn't in their system so she called our regular claims line.

I apologetically confirmed that it didn't appear that she carried emergency road service on her policy. This woman flipped out and said she was sure that her agent put that on the policy. Her agent was closed so I can't confirm what was put on her initial application....but without seeing that the coverage is on her policy the towing service we subcontract with won't send a truck unless the insured pays up front for the tow.

I explained to her that if her agent told her she had towing and it wasn't added to the policy in error that we would honor her request for a tow. I explained her two options...she could get her tow today and pay out of pocket for a possible reimbursement or she could wait until tomorrow morning to speak with her agent to be certain she had requested the coverage.

When I told this to the woman she started personally attacking me. She told me I was lying, that i was f**** dumb....why wouldn't I just send her a tow truck, she then continued to insult my intellegence and how I should be fired etc...etc... I did not argue with this woman, as you never "win" arguing with someone that is upset, plus at this point I wouldn't have gotten a word in edgewise.

Because she became so abusive in her language I hung up on her. We are allowed to disconnect from callers who swear...I've never had to do that before and it was very upsetting to me...especially because I tried my best to help her I was understanding in tone and gave absolutly no attitude to her what so ever. I even checked with my supervisor to see if there was anyway to get our towing service to do a comp tow for her and there wasn't.

I can't understand why people feel it's ok to talk to a person like garbage, especially when you are dealing with people on the phone. I've never ever treated customer service people this way, and I am never anything but nice...our calls are consistantly recorded and I'm always complitmented for how friendly I am. This job is making me lose my faith in humanity...seriously, I mean most people are ok, but it only takes a few to really get under your skin and I have a hard time shaking it off.

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[ilovejack02]

Frustration is where all of it is coming from and you have to learn not to take it personal. I know it is hard, but it really has nothing to do with you . Breathe through it and relax if you can .

Just keep swimming .. ; )

 

[AKL_Megs]

I feel your pain.

I am a flight attendant, and I get swore at daily.

It is MY fault that they will miss their flight. It is MY fault that we ran out of Coke. It is MY fault that there isn't a seat available next to their husband. Etc.

We represent the company we work for, and people take it out on us, the face of the company.

People are rude. Nothing we can do but be the bigger person. They aren't mad at YOU, they are mad at the situation. I used to get really bothered by it, but I don't even think twice about it now. I let them vent. It makes them feel better. Like I said, I know it's not me, it's the situation.

 

[jenrose66]

I feel your pain.

I am a flight attendant, and I get swore at daily.

It is MY fault that they will miss their flight. It is MY fault that we ran out of Coke. It is MY fault that there isn't a seat available next to their husband. Etc.

We represent the company we work for, and people take it out on us, the face of the company.

People are rude. Nothing we can do but be the bigger person. They aren't mad at YOU, they are mad at the situation. I used to get really bothered by it, but I don't even think twice about it now. I let them vent. It makes them feel better. Like I said, I know it's not me, it's the situation.

Funny, that's what we are always told in training...I've been doing this type of customer service for about the last 6 years...though the first 4 years was doing internet customer service and reading emails from angry people didn't really sting like having to hear it in person. You would think that in 2 years I'd be better at letting it roll off.

 

[LisaR]

I take personal insurance claims over the phone. Obviously, I'm speaking to people that are emotional quite a bit as they have suffered a loss to personal property or even the death of a loved one. With that understanding I have th utmost compassion and I do truly want to help people (if I didn't I wouldn't be able to do the job).

With that said I spoke to a woman today that was so horrendous to me that it's still bothering me. She had called our phone number for emergency road service because she needed a tow to her mechanic for a dead battery. Our emergency road service department said she wasn't in their system so she called our regular claims line.

I apologetically confirmed that it didn't appear that she carried emergency road service on her policy. This woman flipped out and said she was sure that her agent put that on the policy. Her agent it closed so I can't confirm what was put on her initial application....but without seeing that the coverage is on her policy the towing service we subcontract with won't send a truck unless the insured pays up front for the tow.

I explained to her that if her agent told her she had towing and it wasn't added to the policy in error that we would honor her request for a tow. I explained her two options...she could get her tow today and pay out of pocket for a possible reimbursement or she could wait until tomorrow morning to speak with her agent to be certain she had requested the coverage.

When I told this to the woman she started personally attacking me. She told me I was lying, that i was f**** dumb....why wouldn't I just send her a tow truck, she then continued to insult my intellegence and how I should be fired etc...etc... I did not argue with this woman, as you never "win" arguing with someone that is upset, plus at this point I wouldn't have gotten a word in edgewise.

Because she became so abusive in her language I hung up on her. We are allowed to disconnect from callers who swear...I've never had to do that before and it was very upsetting to me...especially because I tried my best to help her I was understanding in tone and gave absolutly no attitude to her what so ever. I even checked with my supervisor to see if there was anyway to get our towing service to do a comp tow for her and there wasn't.

I can't understand why people feel it's ok to talk to a person like garbage, especially when you are dealing with people on the phone. I've never ever treated customer service people this way, and I am never anything but nice...our calls are consistenly recorded and I'm always completmented for how friendly I am. This job is making me lose my faith in humanity...seriously, I mean most people are ok, but it only takes a few to really get under your skin and I have a hard time shaking it off.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I am going to make a confession. I treated an insurance (health insurance, in this case) agent like absolute crap about 2 years ago and to this day I deeply regret it and have not forgiven myself for my poor behavior.

I had been dealing with an insurance issue for TWO years. I had hours upon hours of phone calls invested in this. I was 100% right and it was eventually resolved and I didn't owe a single penny. Considering they were trying to make me pay $3000, I was happy.

This agent called and was rude from the minute I answered the phone. I tried. I really did try to keep relatively calm. When she finally said, "look, you are going to pay this bill in the end so you might as well do it sooner rather than later. What would you like me to do with this bill." Well.......you can imagine what I told her to do with the bill and then I hung up. The second I hung up I felt like crap. Honestly, if I knew her name I would have called back to apologize. Her crappy attitude in no way justified my behavior.

So, on behalf of my bad behavior, I apologize for the person you spoke to today. I know it won't fix your day but I hope it helps to know that we are all human and we screw up once in awhile. Of course, maybe this person is always nasty. I like to think I am usually pretty civil. Sorry she ruined your day.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Funny, that's what we are always told in training...I've been doing this type of customer service for about the last 6 years...though the first 4 years was doing internet customer service and reading emails from angry people didn't really sting like having to hear it in person. You would think that in 2 years I'd be better at letting it roll off.

I think people feel more compelled to yell and make a fuss when they KNOW someone has to hear it. An email? They aren't 100% sure anyone will read it once it gets bad. They know you are listening when on the phone.

I HAVE walked away from a swearing customer before, if it gets really abusive. What is your company's policy on hanging up the phone?

 

[ericamanda01]

I so feel your pain. I used to be a bank teller and I have been called every name in the book and some I didn't even know about. I once told a woman that her account balance was negative when she asked for her balance. She proceeded to yell and scream that it was the banks fault and she spit on me. I quit banking soon after that.

I could NEVER treat someone like that, I would feel horrible.

 

[minkydog]

It is never okay to swear at someone, whether you know them or not. I'm a nurse and I've been sworn at more than a few times. And yes, I will take it for a minute or two, hoping that the person will settle down and be rational. Sometimes, when people are frightened and sick they will do and say awful things. However, if they persist I give them one warning that their language is unacceptable and that I will not allow them to abuse me. If it continues, I turn on my heel and leave. They can take it up with someone else who wants to be abused, but I do not have to listen to that. So far I have never been fired for it, but I have been congratulated a few times.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Frustration is where all of it is coming from and you have to learn not to take it personal. I know it is hard, but it really has nothing to do with you . Breathe through it and relax if you can .

Just keep swimming .. ; )

It's true. It's from frustration. I would even venture a guess that some people use that language and tone with people so much they don't even consider it abusive. Crazy thought, but I think it's true.

But no, it isn't okay to swear at someone, stranger or not. I worked for a health insurance company years ago handling issues. I got plenty of doozies! People were mad because of the wait for one thing and they didn't always like the answers they were given either. Several times I'd have to pull out a canned reply, "If you continue to speak to me in that manner, I will have to terminate the call.". Then I'd get, "I'm not mad at you -- I'm mad at the company.". I'd inform them that I was who they were speaking to, and that's when the apologies would begin. I'd even have people plead with me not to hang up, they were sorry, and they didn't want to have to call again and get back in the "call line". Most times if people came around to being civil, I'd just say, "Okay, let's start again.". I did feel sorry for them. Some days, it was either laugh or cry. I chose to laugh, cause there was no way I could go back if I was crying all the time!

 

[Ephany]

As someone who had a flat tire well after dark away from home after a totally icky day yesterday, . The lady I talked to was so helpful and nice, especially as I didn't have a clue where I was (am very grateful for that 'Where am I' option on my GPS with closest intersection listing) and I had a pretty good idea that I really wasn't in a safe location. She had a truck out there very quickly and was very patient with me as I tried to figure out exactly where I was and what happened. So for every poopyhead out there, I'm sure there are tons more people who are grateful for your assistance.

Oh, and I can't imagine swearing at a stranger for something like that, ever. It's just wrong on pretty much every level. I've worked customer service for a long time and honestly some people just suck.

 

[jenrose66]

I am going to make a confession. I treated an insurance (health insurance, in this case) agent like absolute crap about 2 years ago and to this day I deeply regret it and have not forgiven myself for my poor behavior.

I had been dealing with an insurance issue for TWO years. I had hours upon hours of phone calls invested in this. I was 100% right and it was eventually resolved and I didn't owe a single penny. Considering they were trying to make me pay $3000, I was happy.

This agent called and was rude from the minute I answered the phone. I tried. I really did try to keep relatively calm. When she finally said, "look, you are going to pay this bill in the end so you might as well do it sooner rather than later. What would you like me to do with this bill." Well.......you can imagine what I told her to do with the bill and then I hung up. The second I hung up I felt like crap. Honestly, if I knew her name I would have called back to apologize. Her crappy attitude in no way justified my behavior.

So, on behalf of my bad behavior, I apologize for the person you spoke to today. I know it won't fix your day but I hope it helps to know that we are all human and we screw up once in awhile. Of course, maybe this person is always nasty. I like to think I am usually pretty civil. Sorry she ruined your day.

I can understand your frustration and you should stop feeling bad. Everybody has off days. I think that customer service agents get a bad rap because many people in the field aren't helpful. It's frustrating when the person trying to help you has an attitude so I can understand why you lost your cool.

In my job I can hear some of my co workers copping an attitude with the customers. They feel justified because a lot of the time when our customers call, they are already on the defensive because they feel the insurance companies are out to screw them and raise their rates no matter what....However, it goes for both sides, things go a lot smoother if everyone is friendly and respectful

 

[jenrose66]

I HAVE walked away from a swearing customer before, if it gets really abusive. What is your company's policy on hanging up the phone?

We are allowed to hang up for abusive language though we are supposed to only hang up after we try to diffuse the situation and resolve the issue...as the customer will just continue to call back angry in most cases.

It must be tough as a flight attendant....if a customer swears how do you avoid them on the plane?

 

[Acklander]

It's just stress & frustration and you happened to be the last straw. You really can't take it personally.

A zillion years ago I had one of those horrible days that no one should have to go through. I had 2 VERY sick babies in the NICU (twins born at 29 weeks, back when 29 weeks was a 50/50 shot at best). I was 2 1/2 weeks out from having had a c-section (when they did the cut from bellybutton down) and the city bus was on strike.

One of the baby's was supposed to have minor surgery that day and there were no cabs to be found. So, I walked 3 miles to the hospital to wait out the surgery. Part way through the surgery something went wrong and she ended up passing. While dealing with all that horror of that, her twin all the sudden crashed and while they were able to bring him back, test showed that he'd had swelling in the brain, and was most likely severely brain damaged and the dr's were wanting us to "make a decision" on the continuation of life support and understand the ins and outs of organ donations. After a full day, and half the night at the hospital, my DH and I had the long walk home. On arriving at home found out that someone had broken into our apartment, stolen that last of what little cash we had, stolen the pain killers from my surgery, stolen anything of value (not much to steal, we were dirt poor at the time, but it was all we had)

Called the cops, while there one of the cops, not knowing what we had gone through that day, made what I considered an insensitive comment. I totally lost it on him. I'm horrified when I think about the things that I yelled at that poor man. It wasn't pretty, and I'm surprised he didn't have me taken away.

Ever since then, I've become pretty tolerant of people who go over the edge or blow things out of proportion. Usually I just give them a chance to get it out of their system, let them know they're heard, and see if there is anything I can do to make things a bit better. But the one thing I don't do, is take it personally. It rarely has anything to do with me. Yeah, maybe they're being a witch, maybe they're a horrible person, maybe the always act like that, or maybe they just found out one child has died and another was brain damaged.
I don't know their story, and don't need to know it - but I'll always try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Sorry, long post

 

[AKL_Megs]

We are allowed to hang up for abusive language though we are supposed to only hang up after we try to diffuse the situation and resolve the issue...as the customer will just continue to call back angry in most cases.

It must be tough as a flight attendant....if a customer swears how do you avoid them on the plane?

I've only once had it escalate to the point where we had to have the captain get over the PA and tell the man to calm down or we would be landing in the nearest city and he would be greeted by the FBI

As for avoiding them? I just walk away. They have to stay in their seats! But seriously, they are trapped and feel helpless. I tune them out, make a grocery list in my head, and let them rant, nodding every few words.

I don't know how YOU do it on the phone!

 

[jenrose66]

It's just stress & frustration and you happened to be the last straw. You really can't take it personally.

A zillion years ago I had one of those horrible days that no one should have to go through. I had 2 VERY sick babies in the NICU (twins born at 29 weeks, back when 29 weeks was a 50/50 shot at best). I was 2 1/2 weeks out from having had a c-section (when they did the cut from bellybutton down) and the city bus was on strike.

One of the baby's was supposed to have minor surgery that day and there were no cabs to be found. So, I walked 3 miles to the hospital to wait out the surgery. Part way through the surgery something went wrong and she ended up passing. While dealing with all that horror of that, her twin all the sudden crashed and while they were able to bring him back, test showed that he'd had swelling in the brain, and was most likely severely brain damaged and the dr's were wanting us to "make a decision" on the continuation of life support and understand the ins and outs of organ donations. After a full day, and half the night at the hospital, my DH and I had the long walk home. On arriving at home found out that someone had broken into our apartment, stolen that last of what little cash we had, stolen the pain killers from my surgery, stolen anything of value (not much to steal, we were dirt poor at the time, but it was all we had)

Called the cops, while there one of the cops, not knowing what we had gone through that day, made what I considered an insensitive comment. I totally lost it on him. I'm horrified when I think about the things that I yelled at that poor man. It wasn't pretty, and I'm surprised he didn't have me taken away.

Ever since then, I've become pretty tolerant of people who go over the edge or blow things out of proportion. Usually I just give them a chance to get it out of their system, let them know they're heard, and see if there is anything I can do to make things a bit better. But the one thing I don't do, is take it personally. It rarely has anything to do with me. Yeah, maybe they're being a witch, maybe they're a horrible person, maybe the always act like that, or maybe they just found out one child has died and another was brain damaged.
I don't know their story, and don't need to know it - but I'll always try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Sorry, long post

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine...my first DS ended up in the hospital with a life threatening infection at 8 weeks old and while he was ok after some strong meds and an eventual surgery...it was terrifying.

 

[MiniGirl]

We are allowed to hang up for abusive language though we are supposed to only hang up after we try to diffuse the situation and resolve the issue...as the customer will just continue to call back angry in most cases.

It must be tough as a flight attendant....if a customer swears how do you avoid them on the plane?

I used to go into the cockpit. I know that isn't an easy fix these days though. I was yelled at one time because of the weather. Yeah -- that was my fault. LOL!!!

OP, I'm sorry you had to deal with that person, and I know it is sometimes hard to let things just roll off. I think rude behavior is becoming epidemic though. This past Friday I was running some errands. I was in a parking lot and all of a sudden I hear this man and woman SCREAMING at each other. I have no idea what either one did that was so awful, but it was obvious they didn't know each other. The woman pulled into a parking spot so fast her tires squealed. She jumped out of the car and went running into the store after the man. CRAZY!! I was so glad I didn't have my kids with me. I know my youngest would've been repeating everything that was said. Ack!!!

 

[AKL_Megs]

I used to go into the cockpit. I know that isn't an easy fix these days though. I was yelled at one time because of the weather. Yeah -- that was my fault. LOL!!!

Yeah, can't do that anymore! Sometimes we call up there and say, "Don't you have to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW???"

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

No it is never okay to swear at a stranger- I have lost my temper and been sharp toned but never ever have I sworn at or personally insulted anyone doing their job. It seems to be too common these days,

To Acklander: I am so sorry for your loss and the rest of that horrible day. But if the Police Officer knew that you lost a child earlier that day i am sure he gave you a free pass.

 

[bumbershoot]

It must be tough as a flight attendant....if a customer swears how do you avoid them on the plane?

If the customer gets bad enough, a FA could start the ball rolling on getting them arrested...now THAT must be satisfying!



OP, customer service is hard! There's no way around it.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I am a flight attendant, and I get swore at daily.

It is MY fault that they will miss their flight. It is MY fault that we ran out of Coke. It is MY fault that there isn't a seat available next to their husband. Etc.

But it IS your fault. All of it. The missed flight. The lack of Coke. The seating. The weather - everywhere, every day. Even jenrose's abusive customer's agent's error (or, more likely, the customer's own misunderstanding). All your fault. Everything's the fault of the world's Flight Attendants.

Nobody told you that when you were hired or trained? You may have a lawsuit

Disclaimer: posted after reading page one only, i.e. before seeing AKL Megs actually has been blamed for the weather!