Is Facebook too Pervasive and Important?

[DawnCt1]

I actually think its the genie that can't be put back into the bottle, and no doubt, there are certainly positive sides to Facebook. This morning I woke up to hear that 3, 12 year olds have been arrested in Glastonbury, Ct for bullying another student on Facebook. I think its appropriate that some action was taken. I don't know the details so indeed arrest may be appropriate, I am not commenting on that...yet. I do wonder however, if these bullies didn't have the distance that a cyber site affords them, would they have bullied this other student? Does the medium encourage bullying? Does it not seem like "real life" to them?
On another note, I have a relative who is way too interested in the Facebook pages of her children. I won't belabor the point by detailing any examples, but when I question her over involvement in worrying about who "friends" who, and if someone her dd likes says he is "not in a relationship", she goes into great detail on why she isn't over involved.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think Facebook is too pervasive and important to a lot of people. It's amazing how much information people share. It's also amazing the types of information people share.

The danger I see, is some people put themselves out there "bigger than life". Overstate, antagonize, brag, in attempts to set themselves apart. It's almost as if the people don't really view Facebook as an extension of themselves because they aren't face to face. It's not anonymity but it's not truly, "person to person", either in the true sense. And I think that difference gives a person a false sense of bravado and some run with it. Then they are shell shocked at the consequences.

ETA- Like the example you gave in your OP, Dawn. I have read of others as well.

 

[MerMom60_94]

I actually think its the genie that can't be put back into the bottle, and no doubt, there are certainly positive sides to Facebook. This morning I woke up to hear that 3, 12 year olds have been arrested in Glastonbury, Ct for bullying another student on Facebook. I think its appropriate that some action was taken. I don't know the details so indeed arrest may be appropriate, I am not commenting on that...yet. I do wonder however, if these bullies didn't have the distance that a cyber site affords them, would they have bullied this other student? Does the medium encourage bullying? Does it not seem like "real life" to them?
On another note, I have a relative who is way too interested in the Facebook pages of her children. I won't belabor the point by detailing any examples, but when I question her over involvement in worrying about who "friends" who, and if someone her dd likes says he is "not in a relationship", she goes into great detail on why she isn't over involved.

My honest feeling is that bullying has been out there for much longer than Facebook. Children who bully are going to bully with or without it. Facebook is merely a tool. A mother who is overinvolved with her children is going to be overinvolved whether she has Facebook as a tool or not. Facebook is just making it easier for her. Her children (and their friends) do have settings they can use to limit the information she sees if they choose to use them. My guess is that she is anxious about their relationships either way. This just gives her one more way to involve herself.

I have a Facebook account and it enables me to keep in touch on a regular basis with my brothers and sisters who are spread out throughout the country and their children and grandchildren. I am friended with my teenage daughter (as are my mother and my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews) but her friends have to request me as a friend if they are interested. I never initiate the contact because I try to respect that they are teenagers and this may be outside of their comfort zone. That is how I am in real life and it is simply an extension of how I am. My attitutes and behaviors don't change just because I am on Facebook. KWIM?

 

[ckay87]

My thoughts regarding Facebook and bullying is that this medium when used properly could (and should) actually protect the user from bullying. It's the one place where you can entirely control who you interact with. You can prevent others from hearing what you "say" and you can block others from saying things to you. The privacy controls are great and I'm certain that kids know how to use them, yet they choose not to. If I knew my kid was being cyber-bullied via FB, we'd sit down together, do some deleting of friends and tweak some privacy settings.

I'm sure there are other factors (and I'm sure you all will list them for me), but for the most part this is true. I delete or hide folks whose politics or opinions I don't want to hear. Oh and I took great satisfaction from accepting and then deleting an old HS boyfriend . Really....we are stuck interacting with folks in real life, school or whatever. But my FB account is mine.

 

[jrmasm]

People with Facebook drama would still have drama without Facebook.

 

[ckay87]

People with Facebook drama would still have drama without Facebook.

I tried to hit the "like" button but there is none here. Does that mean I FB too much????

 

[MichelleVW]

My honest feeling is that bullying has been out there for much longer than Facebook. Children who bully are going to bully with or without it. Facebook is merely a tool. A mother who is overinvolved with her children is going to be overinvolved whether she has Facebook as a tool or not. Facebook is just making it easier for her. Her children (and their friends) do have settings they can use to limit the information she sees if they choose to use them. My guess is that she is anxious about their relationships either way. This just gives her one more way to involve herself.

I have a Facebook account and it enables me to keep in touch on a regular basis with my brothers and sisters who are spread out throughout the country and their children and grandchildren. I am friended with my teenage daughter (as are my mother and my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews) but her friends have to request me as a friend if they are interested. I never initiate the contact because I try to respect that they are teenagers and this may be outside of their comfort zone. That is how I am in real life and it is simply an extension of how I am. My attitutes and behaviors don't change just because I am on Facebook. KWIM?

Couldn't agree more....

 

[jrmasm]

I tried to hit the "like" button but there is none here. Does that mean I FB too much????

 

[Donaldswife]

I don't do facebook or myspace anymore, personal choice as I would rather have disney sites be my on line activity ' Honestly, with my friends and family I am a face-to-face kind of gal, I'm not big on online communications and phone calls. I like to actually see my friends and be with them. Luckily I live pretty close to all my familiy & friends so this is possible for me, if not I would probably be more active with more online communication.

I do think bullying has been around forever, but I also believe that there are some that participate online in these activities that would be too shy or afraid to in real life. It is way easier to say something mean to someone without having to see their face, it is more distant to them. Of course, there will ALWAYS be those that will be bullies face-to-face or online. The advantage to them doing it online is that there is actual proof the victim can use in prosecution of the bully.

 

[HOGFAN]

FB is great for keeping up with family and friends far away but.
It is also too easy to impulsively post stuff that might be taken the wrong way..hurting relationships..I know I am guilty of this..

 

[luvmy3]

I think FB is breeding a generation of self important attention seekers.

 

[DawnCt1]

I think FB is breeding a generation of self important attention seekers.

Good point. I hadn't thought about that, but it certainly is a valid observation.

 

[Missy1961]

My honest feeling is that bullying has been out there for much longer than Facebook. Children who bully are going to bully with or without it. Facebook is merely a tool. A mother who is overinvolved with her children is going to be overinvolved whether she has Facebook as a tool or not. Facebook is just making it easier for her. Her children (and their friends) do have settings they can use to limit the information she sees if they choose to use them. My guess is that she is anxious about their relationships either way. This just gives her one more way to involve herself.

I have a Facebook account and it enables me to keep in touch on a regular basis with my brothers and sisters who are spread out throughout the country and their children and grandchildren. I am friended with my teenage daughter (as are my mother and my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews) but her friends have to request me as a friend if they are interested. I never initiate the contact because I try to respect that they are teenagers and this may be outside of their comfort zone. That is how I am in real life and it is simply an extension of how I am. My attitutes and behaviors don't change just because I am on Facebook. KWIM?

People with Facebook drama would still have drama without Facebook.

Excellent points & I agree with both of you.

 

[onelilspark]

Try being in a new relationship and dealing with FB. Okay, so we're committed to this relationship, but we're not ready to change our "status" on FB. Or a break-up, how quickly do you change your status so as to not hurt the other person?

Geez, when we announced our engagement it was bad. Called everyone important, then had to talk to each other to make sure everyone who needed to know first hand knew. THEN we could change the status.

It's a headache.

As far as bullying though I do believe, as prior posters mentioned, that those who are going to be bullys don't need FB to do so. I think a lot of people just need to learn how to use the privacy controls! I also go by the rule that if I don't post anything that I wouldn't say in front of my Grandma (or pictures I wouldn't show her.)

 

[eliza61]

My honest feeling is that bullying has been out there for much longer than Facebook. Children who bully are going to bully with or without it. Facebook is merely a tool. A mother who is overinvolved with her children is going to be overinvolved whether she has Facebook as a tool or not. Facebook is just making it easier for her. Her children (and their friends) do have settings they can use to limit the information she sees if they choose to use them. My guess is that she is anxious about their relationships either way. This just gives her one more way to involve herself.

KWIM?

The difference is facebook is a medium that allows the user to in some form "disconnect" from the reprecussions. Children who bully in school run the risk of being "discovered" by teachers or other adults. Facebook (and computers) offer a type of isolation which in itself empowers the bully.
Why do you think the computer is such an awesome tool for criminals and rip off artist in general? because it's a tool that makes it very easy for the criminal or bully to get away whatever wrong doing they are committing.

Remember, the situation op is referring to involves young kids. Sure you guys know the dangers of social pages and web information. A 12 year old who doesn't realize that those fb postings are not her best friend but instead some classmates playing a trick on her, is not "creating" drama, it's very real to her and to just assume she would "have drama" in her life regardless is seriously incorrect.

 

[FireDancer]

My honest feeling is that bullying has been out there for much longer than Facebook. Children who bully are going to bully with or without it. Facebook is merely a tool.

I think exactly this. For everything you can do on Facebook, from bullying to communication, it is merely one tool to perform that function.

The nice thing about Facebook is you can block anyone. Lets say John is writing bad things about Sue on Facebook. Well, Sue can block John from writing on her wall and she can not go read his wall. If they are Facebook friends he can be unfriended quite easily. As long as it isn't libelous why would Sue care what John is writing on his wall if Sue doesn't go and read it.

Online bullying is quite easy to avoid, just don't go to where they are bullying you. Someone could be writing bad things about me right now anywhere on the web and quite frankly I don't care (again, as long as it isn't libelous) because I will just not go there to read it. Just grow a thicker skin and stop worrying so much about what other people say about you, and this can be done whether you are 12 or 90.

The difference is facebook is a medium that allows the user to in some form "disconnect" from the reprecussions.

True, but that also makes it easier to disconnect as the bullied too. When you are being bullied to your face, especially if the bully is bigger, you may not be able to leave the situation. Online you can click that little x in the upper right and, voila, you have left the situation.

 

[ckay87]

I think exactly this. For everything you can do on Facebook, from bullying to communication, it is merely one tool to perform that function.

The nice thing about Facebook is you can block anyone. Lets say John is writing bad things about Sue on Facebook. Well, Sue can block John from writing on her wall and she can not go read his wall. If they are Facebook friends he can be unfriended quite easily. As long as it isn't libelous why would Sue care what John is writing on his wall if Sue doesn't go and read it.

Online bullying is quite easy to avoid, just don't go to where they are bullying you. Someone could be writing bad things about me right now anywhere on the web and quite frankly I don't care (again, as long as it isn't Libelous) because I will just not go there to read it.

This was my point exactly. If I were being bullied via FB, I'd have a blast deleting, blocking and hiding people. It's a beautiful thing....you can create your own little social world where you don't have to deal with people you don't want to deal with. And I don't for the life of me understand why kids don't take advantage of that. Because I have teenagers, I have a bunch of FB friends who are teenagers. You go to their pages, they have hundreds of "friends." That's like hauling everyone from school back to your house with you .

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think exactly this. For everything you can do on Facebook, from bullying to communication, it is merely one tool to perform that function.

The nice thing about Facebook is you can block anyone. Lets say John is writing bad things about Sue on Facebook. Well, Sue can block John from writing on her wall and she can not go read his wall. If they are Facebook friends he can be unfriended quite easily. As long as it isn't libelous why would Sue care what John is writing on his wall if Sue doesn't go and read it.

Online bullying is quite easy to avoid, just don't go to where they are bullying you. Someone could be writing bad things about me right now anywhere on the web and quite frankly I don't care (again, as long as it isn't Libelous) because I will just not go there to read it.

As an adult, this may be true. As a child, not so much.

A student's world can be quite small. The victim could choose not to read bullyish statements, but many more students can read those comments and participate. It can be talked about at school and escalate.

I can see where it could be quite hurtful and disruptive to a child's life. Heck, I've read threads here on the DIS where adults in families have had problems like that too.

Just another POV.

 

[GeorgeG]

Facebook is like having Jerry Springer 24/7.

 

[clutter]

I think FB is breeding a generation of self important attention seekers.

I think they were already bred. Facebook is simply giving them a forum.

That said, I like Facebook. I don't use it much. But I have a few friends who do and they give me wonderful tidbits of information.