Is anyone here following either of the"My son wants to do BBB as a princess" threads?

[Eeyore98]

... ... he IS going to be laughed at, talked about, bullied, and teased, even at Disney World, by both kids and adults. As a parent, how do I balance loving my child, regardless of their choices (and not just those about sexual orientation), with not wanting them to be hurt by other people?

Actually, on those original threads, some folks shared stories where their little boys DID dress up and no one batted an eye. They weren't sure if they just happened to not run into any a$$holes that day, or whether maybe no one even noticed because little kids can be fairly androgynous at that age.

To you and Monch and anyone else worried about protecting your child from the dickitude of others, I would say the best way to balance would be by warning the child that some people are jerks and may be mean to anyone whom they see as different. Then let them choose. THEN, if they choose to go ahead with it, if someone voices a problem, stand up to the idiots. Then the kid will know that you are there to warn them of possible danger, but will support and defend their choices. I think disallowing something just because others may tease sends the message that "this is not ok and is something to keep hidden".

And leebee, as your niece found out, the sort of people who do this don't only pick on things you can keep hidden. Learning to deal with them is its own very important life lesson, because they start young and never stop. For example, I am not Asian, but have small eyes, and I was mocked as "the Chinese chipmunk" for years at school by a couple of unenlightened idiot boys in my class. Hell, even as a larger adult (size 18), I have been called "Mama Cow" by a waitress serving my table, and had a grocery cashier say "God, no wonder you're fat" while ringing up food I was buying for a Halloween party.

 

[JoShan1719]

To you and Monch and anyone else worried about protecting your child from the dickitude of others, I would say the best way to balance would be by warning the child that some people are jerks and may be mean to anyone whom they see as different.

Hell, even as a larger adult (size 18), I have been called "Mama Cow" by a waitress serving my table, and had a grocery cashier say "God, no wonder you're fat" while ringing up food I was buying for a Halloween party.

Wow. What a horrible thing to say to someone! I'm sorry for that.

 

[Safari Queen]

I love Eeyore98's answer. As a young child, I liked to dress myself and tended to assemble a look like "a newly immigrated hooker", as my mother described it. This was the mid-1950's, not a tolerant time for even little straight girls with a lurid sense of color. I'm still so grateful to my mother for supporting my risky choices. The word is full of dickitude (love that) and knowing that can help little ones make thoughtful choices and place shame where it belongs -- on the ignorant, rude, and hateful among us.

 

[nyc2theworld]

Hell, during food and wine I bought a pink crown, sword and shield and walked around EPCOT all day. I also own two sets of Mickey Ears that say Disney Princess with my name stiched in the back. I'm almost 29 and have no problems wearing that in the parks.

If the kid wants to wear a dress and get his hair shalacked let the kid get the dress. Its his magical moment too. Plus, all the cast members are family are sure to make his day an awesome one.

 

[Trixieplus2]

But in the real world, people are mean, and as a parent it's natural to want to protect your child from being hurt. As adults, you have the capacity to handle this, but a small child? I am fine with him dressing as a princess for exploration/play, and don't really give a hoot about his possible sexual orientation... truly, I don't (geez, how do I say that without everyone assuming ooops, this one's really homophobic?? but you'll just have to take my word for it, I guess), but he IS going to be laughed at, talked about, bullied, and teased, even at Disney World, by both kids and adults. As a parent, how do I balance loving my child, regardless of their choices (and not just those about sexual orientation), with not wanting them to be hurt by other people? I don't think it's weird that he'd want to dress up as a princess ('do you think this is weird' was the wording of the original post), don't have a problem with it at home or around the neighborhood where families know each other, but would hesitate to let him do so in DW at such a young age because it's my job to protect him from hurt and danger, and he'd definitely be a four year old target. IDK... I guess I'd have to be in the situation to know how I'd truly react.

The mean people ARE at Disney. My 11 year old niece told me this on Monday. She is Chinese, adopted by my DSis and DBil 10 years ago. It seems that on Sunday 10/9, the mean people were on the bus from Epcot to POP. They pulled their eyes out to the sides, pointed and laughed at my niece, and talked in funky, high voices with accents. It was all my sis/bil could do not to throttle this entire family, because not just the kids but the parents were doing it. The only reason it didn't become confrontational was because my niece was so entirely humiliated by the whole thing, she begged her parents not to make it worse. SHe had tears in her eyes relating the entire story to me the next day. If ignorant you=know=what's would do that to a child because of her ethnicity, how do you think they'd treat a little boy in a princess costume with makeup and his hair pulled into a bun/'do and all sparkly?? How, as a parent, could I leave my four year old open to such abuse and hurt?

Honestly I think your first point invalidates your second. @$$holes are @$$holes/period .

A little adopted girl got made fun of for being a different ethnicity short of not adopting her because of the attitudes of idiots what else could be done to prevent that? Nothing because you can't fix stupid.

If we are ever harassed like that we will report them to security and go on about our business explaining that some people are not very smart and to ignore them because it usually is only their own insecurities showing anyways.

I have explained to my children that while we do not tolerate bullies. We do feel badly for them because their is something lacking or wrong with them.

 

[SilverSynchro919]

There are some real a$$holes in this world...there was recently a story on the Today show about an eleven year old girl with special needs who was being bullied, not by her classmates, but by her teacher and the teacher's aide. This had been happening for years, and it wasn't until the parents produced actual audio evidence that the teachers were removed from the school.

I am of the full belief that gender identity is a spectrum, and that traditionally "gendered" manners of play, dress, etc. are a big crock of crap. If a boy wants to wear a dress, it is his right to do so, and it is a parent's duty to allow the child to express his/her/hir's gender however the child chooses. The CMs at Disney are fantastic, and will do everything to assist the child and his parents in having the most wonderful day possible, regardless of whatever gender roles the child might be "violating."

 

[trimmtrabb]

To you and Monch and anyone else worried about protecting your child from the dickitude of others, I would say the best way to balance would be by warning the child that some people are jerks and may be mean to anyone whom they see as different. Then let them choose. THEN, if they choose to go ahead with it, if someone voices a problem, stand up to the idiots. Then the kid will know that you are there to warn them of possible danger, but will support and defend their choices. I think disallowing something just because others may tease sends the message that "this is not ok and is something to keep hidden".

Yes!!!

Let the child know that if anyone has a problem with them because of who they are, then they have an even BIGGER problem with you.

The notion that a child--or anyone--should change (or "tone down") who they are because someone else has a problem with it is truly a terrible message to be sending. Think about it: it is basically priming the child to accept less than what they deserve in life, or to feel that others have justification for bullying them. And, while of course it's natural to want to protect your child, that kind of includes protecting your child ALL the time, not merely in the situations in which it's most comfortable. And, let's face it, this "solution" really amounts to just engineering the situation so that the parent can avoid having to tell someone else off. It's worth wondering if this "solution" is more about protecting the child, or shielding the parent from the uncomfortable situation of scolding someone else's child, or educating (or telling off) another adult.