Is $800/month worth the stress?

[DVCBELLE]

I would say since you are asking - it isn't worth the extra money. I am a SAHM and it tried a part time job this summer. Aside from the small fact that I was allergic to the dye in the cards - I found it way too stressful. I didn't feel like I could get the things done that I needed to get done and was missing out on things with my kids.

DH and I decided when we first got married that my first priority would always be our kids. This works out well for us but every family is different so you need to decide what is best for your family.

If you do keep working - why not spend some of that $800 on someone to clean your house every other week.

 

[happymommy]

Agree with the others, that we don't know the whole story.

If the money is extra, and you can live fine on your husband's salary, I would not stress yourself out with the job. I'd stay at home, cook more homemade meals, keep up with your exercise and appointments, and provide a nice home for your family. If you truly need this money for expenses, that is another story.

I am so grateful to stay at home personally, as the house stays picked up (mostly!) and my DH works long hours, so the kids always have me at home. I try to cook most days, but we do find ourselves picking up junk food every few days (gotta work on that one!).

You sound very stressed out and tired. Maybe have a talk with your husband, and go over all the pros on cons on paper. Good luck to you!

 

[Swimalie]

To me, if you don't need the benefits and money, no job is worth stress and wear and tear on the body. That's what I've thought since getting married and not needing to work due to my husband earning enough. It's helped me get out of bad jobs and also stay in ones I've liked. Now I stay home raising our 4 year old.

 

[labdogs42]

I loved being a working mom so for me it's more than a money issue. I tried the sahm thing for 2 years and hated it. Sorry ladies, every time I say that I get the "you must hate your kids comments".

Anyway, some things I did do to make my life less stressful.

1) Became less obsessed with having a spotless house.
2) Great lines of communications with my boss. I can make doctors and dentist appts weeks in advance, so immediately after making the appointment I made sure I let my boss know what my schedule would be for that particular day. Also made it a point to make the appointments at the end of the day. this way I wasn't frazzled by trying to run back to work.
3) Hubby kicked in. My dh is also a shift worker. If he is on night shift he's perfectly capable of throwing a load of laundry in or running a kid to soccer.
4) financial stress makes me way more crazy. especially in this day and age, I would be way more worried about the loss of 10K a year than a missed dentist appointment.

I think you are inside my mind! I'm actually going back to work full time TODAY because of many of your same reasons. especially the not loving being a SAHM and hating financial stress.

As for the house, my stipulation for getting a FT job was that I'd also get a cleaning lady. You need to find ways to make it work for you. If part time work makes it work, good. If that's not the key, look for other things that make your particular situation easier.

 

[mommymeg]

OP here.
First thanks for all of the feedback so far. I knew that I could count on the Dis.

To clear a few things up. I never HAD to work. DH makes enough for us to survive, but I always liked having a part time job for "extra money". When my perfect part time job ended, I was devastated. I sat at home for a few months and went kind of stir crazy. Felt like I needed to contribute. No other part time opportunities were coming up, and DS needed preschool tuition. So a full time opportunity arose, and I took it. DS does Pre K in the mornings, and daycare in the afternoon and is loving it. Next year he will be in public school, I will not have to worry about tuition.

$800/month is the amount I stand to lose if I cut down to about 25 hours/week. I would still be bringing home more than $800/month. DH carries our benefits. The only other thing I'd lose is vacation days.

In DH's defense...he is very supportive. Does what he can around the house when he's home. He works an average of 70 hours per week, with only 1 weekend/month off. It is hard to know his schedule in advance since it's constantly changing, and while I could send him to take the children to their dental/vision/md check-ups, it's hard for me to relinquish that control (I admit, I am a control freak). He is the most wonderful man I know and by no means was my original post a flame on him.

As a woman/mother/wife, I've always struggled with big decision making. Should we have another baby...should we hold DS back from Kindergarden because he's a summer birthday...should I go to work full time. It's hard to know what is best for you and your family...

I have all but decided that I will cut my hours back in June. I want my children to be able to enjoy their summers at the pool instead of sitting at home (DD is a very responsible babysitter)... I will still be contributing more than $800/month to our finances, and it will free up at least a little of my time to focus on housework, doctor check-ups and the thing I've slacked on the most, working on my fitness!!!

In the back of my mind though is that extra $800. I most definitally could find a place to use it (upgrades to our home, colllege funds, a Disney Vacation account...) but at this point I'm not really sure that these are good enough reasons to be stressed about the things I'm not keeping up on.

Thanks again for all of the feedback! It's nice to have a place to vent and get some objective opinions. Disboards rocks!!!

 

[crisi]

I'd be tempted to keep the full time job, and use part of the $800 to hire a housekeeper to come in one day a week. You can drop the housekeeper if your husband were to have his hours cut or get laid off, but your job would provide some financial security.

But I value the security a lot.

 

[kellyg403]

I was a SAHM mom working part time here and there. I didn't like it much but it seemed so much easier when the kids were younger to not pay daycare costs etc. Now that the kids are older I have worked a full time job for about 10 years. I love it so much more. I feel like a 'real' person for a lack of a better word. And I have to admit, I love the idea of being able to have a WDW vacation every year, extra's for the kids etc. DH is on board after a couple years of me moaning about wanting to get a full time job because truly I am not the kind of person that does crafts or bakes or goes to the neighbors for coffee. Nothing excited me about staying home. I loved the kids and the house sure stayed clean but really you can only clean so much. Then I would get upset when the kids messed it up. Just a cycle.

Dh and I share all responsibilities of getting kids where they need to be. I have a varying schedule which means some days I work the night shift, some days the day shift etc. It actually has worked out great for us and easier for us to share the tasks. The house sure isn't as clean as it once was but hey, our free time is family time so I am good with that. The kids have learned how to do their own laundry and make their own dinner if one of us isn't here. So in the end..it just works out.

You just have to make that internal decision on what is best for you, what your vision of your family is!

Kelly

 

[poohfriend]

Really sounds like something you and DH need to consider. He's working A LOT of hours. You must enjoy working some... although $800 can add up, you'll have to decide if your previous time with the kids/ and to run errands is worth it to you. Don't really think anyone on the boards can help because we're not you. What do you want.

For me personally, we decided a long time ago to live off one salary. I work part time from home (helping folks plan Disney vacations) and this becomes the extra money we use for dance lessons and vacations. I don't have to make this money for us to survive...but it's nice for the extras AND I enjoy it.

I could not handle the responsibilities of a mom and homemaker if I worked full time. I would expect DH to step it up and help -- but your DH is already working a lot of hours and you don't need it for survival.

My thoughts as I get to the end of this post: I think you wouldn't have asked for opinions if you really wanted to work full time. So make the decision about the month you want your hours cut back! And in the time between now and then put that $800 toward something YOU really want. I would choose something that will keep you motivated during the remaining stressful months. (If financial security is part of what you want put that $800/mo in your savings...but maybe you need money for the pool passes and swim suits the kids will need this summer.) Personally, I'd cut my hours as soon as possible. A stressed mom leads to a stressed family.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[LovableGluttons]

What about your financial security and retirement?

Working part time won't put much into Social Security for you. Even fully funding Social Security won't likely provide enough income should you decide to retire just on that. If your husband passes away, aside from life insurance, how will you provide for yourself and your family.

Whenever I'm tempted to go part time, I picture DH running off with some cute young thing and me spending the remainder of my life single.

Relying on someone else to handle the financial burden of providing for the family also doesn't seem fair if you are able to help share the burden.

I know I come off like Debbie Downer, but in my profession, these are the scenarios I see almost daily. It scares me enough to keep saving. I don't want my kids to have to take in dear old Mom because dear old Mom didn't save enough money for retirement if dear old Dad passed away before her.

The total woman drive is a tough one. Juggling marriage, motherhood, career, and everything else sure is overwhelming.

Thanks for posting this, calling to set up interviews for a housekeeper was on my to do list today and this just reminded me to do it!

 

[mommymeg]

Really sounds like something you and DH need to consider. He's working A LOT of hours. You must enjoy working some... although $800 can add up, you'll have to decide if your previous time with the kids/ and to run errands is worth it to you. Don't really think anyone on the boards can help because we're not you. What do you want.

For me personally, we decided a long time ago to live off one salary. I work part time from home (helping folks plan Disney vacations) and this becomes the extra money we use for dance lessons and vacations. I don't have to make this money for us to survive...but it's nice for the extras AND I enjoy it.

I could not handle the responsibilities of a mom and homemaker if I worked full time. I would expect DH to step it up and help -- but your DH is already working a lot of hours and you don't need it for survival.

My thoughts as I get to the end of this post: I think you wouldn't have asked for opinions if you really wanted to work full time. So make the decision about the month you want your hours cut back! And in the time between now and then put that $800 toward something YOU really want. I would choose something that will keep you motivated during the remaining stressful months. (If financial security is part of what you want put that $800/mo in your savings...but maybe you need money for the pool passes and swim suits the kids will need this summer.) Personally, I'd cut my hours as soon as possible. A stressed mom leads to a stressed family.

Good luck with your decision.

I think you're absolutely right...It's hard to admit what I want and then do it because I'm left with the guilt...is doing what I want really what's best for the entire family...I have troubles with this in every part of my life...and I'm trying to convince myself of the fact that if I'm happy, then they'll be happy.

On a side note...How did you come about planning Disney trips for others? I think I'd be great at that since I've done it for our family a few times and plus a few friends. that is something that I'd love to do and would be great at. Not that I don't like my job as a medical secretary..

I'd like to cut my hours right now, but I really have to stay full time until the school year is over. Day Care is eating up $800/month, and it would be that price even if I worked fewer hours. So I have just a few more months to go. DH has always been supportive and doesn't want me to work full time, wants me to do what makes me happy..Now I'll stress myself with the guilt of disappointing my employer who relies on me...but in the end, it's my family who means the most!

 

[puffkin]

I'd be tempted to keep the full time job, and use part of the $800 to hire a housekeeper to come in one day a week. You can drop the housekeeper if your husband were to have his hours cut or get laid off, but your job would provide some financial security.

But I value the security a lot.

I agree with this.

Another option is could you maybe negotiate that your job be PT during the summer and FT during the school year. I have worked at companies in the past that did that for some employees.

 

[PinkRhombus]

If you husband works on a swing shift he probably gets home around Midnight or 1:00am and should be ready to ge to bed.

Why can't he do some of the errands and cleaning and taking kids to appointments?

I don't see why he has to do the cleaning only during the day? I mean, sure, I wouldn't run the vacuum at night, but he could probably dust or do a load of laundry...or some dishes...or do the grocery shopping at the 24-hour Walmart (or wherever)


Anyway...to the OP...can you try to get a job at your kid's or another local school? I'm doing that starting next year. Always be on their schedule. Won't have to worry about figuring out childcare during the breaks and summertime. It might not be the most glamourous, but for me it's a win-win.

 

[mandylo]

My hubs works swing shift also and his shifts are twelve hours. The adjustment period between shifts can leave him feeling like a zombie. So, I feel your pain! Good luck with your decision

 

[sk!mom]

I haven't read all the responses so I'm probably repeating what others have said...

Whether or not $800 is worth the stress depends on how much you need the $800. If your family needs it then it is.

I once worked for insurance and benefits. At that time, my Dh had a great paying job but the insurance was terrible and the cost to cover me and our children was huge. I was tempted to stay home with our yougest child for a few years but continued working because my insurance was so much better. Another factor for me was continuing my career because as a teacher those years toward retirement are important.

Can your DH carry more of the load? Have you thought about hiring help? You could hire a housekeeper to come in once a week to relieve some of the stress.

 

[MrsPete]

DH and I decided when we first got married that my first priority would always be our kids. QUOTE]The thing is, keeping your kids as your first priority doesn't always mean personally being the one there to change every diaper, drive them to every soccer practice, and chaperone every field trip. It also includes being prepared for expenses they'll incur as they grow older: braces, car insurance, college -- and to take care of yourself, too, so that they won't have to support you in retirement. It's a balancing act, and it's not easy to manage all aspects of a family, emotional, physical, and financial.

I feel strongly about this because I was the kid whose financial needs weren't met (I don't mean I didn't have everything I wanted -- I mean I went without real necessities), and I don't want my kids to go through that -- nor do I want them to do without attention. Like I said, it's a balancing act, and it really hits you when they become teens.

 

[DVCBELLE]

DH and I decided when we first got married that my first priority would always be our kids. QUOTE]The thing is, keeping your kids as your first priority doesn't always mean personally being the one there to change every diaper, drive them to every soccer practice, and chaperone every field trip. It also includes being prepared for expenses they'll incur as they grow older: braces, car insurance, college -- and to take care of yourself, too, so that they won't have to support you in retirement. It's a balancing act, and it's not easy to manage all aspects of a family, emotional, physical, and financial.

I feel strongly about this because I was the kid whose financial needs weren't met (I don't mean I didn't have everything I wanted -- I mean I went without real necessities), and I don't want my kids to go through that -- nor do I want them to do without attention. Like I said, it's a balancing act, and it really hits you when they become teens.

I agree and this is why I said it is different for each family - in our family - my DH makes a very comfortable living and I don't need to work. So me being there for my kids is the best thing for them.

If we were going without necessities - then obviously working would be the best thing for my kids.

In this situation - all of her salary is gravy. And it is stressing her out...

 

[Swimalie]

What about your financial security and retirement?

Working part time won't put much into Social Security for you. Even fully funding Social Security won't likely provide enough income should you decide to retire just on that. If your husband passes away, aside from life insurance, how will you provide for yourself and your family.

Whenever I'm tempted to go part time, I picture DH running off with some cute young thing and me spending the remainder of my life single.

Relying on someone else to handle the financial burden of providing for the family also doesn't seem fair if you are able to help share the burden.

I know I come off like Debbie Downer, but in my profession, these are the scenarios I see almost daily. It scares me enough to keep saving. I don't want my kids to have to take in dear old Mom because dear old Mom didn't save enough money for retirement if dear old Dad passed away before her.

The total woman drive is a tough one. Juggling marriage, motherhood, career, and everything else sure is overwhelming.

Thanks for posting this, calling to set up interviews for a housekeeper was on my to do list today and this just reminded me to do it!

That's why all people, no matter their gender and marital status should be contributing fully to their Roth IRA.

 

[It's A Small World]

In my opinion, your sanity and happiness is well worth more than $800. I say decrease your hours. You'll be a happier person, a better mommy and still have a part-time job for a sense of accomplishment.

I walked away from a 3 figure salary after I had DD#2. It was the toughest decision I ever had to make. I never thought I'd have to pick between a career I worked so hard for and loved and my sanity. It took me about 3 months to adjust to life outside of a career, but I'm fortunate enough to have a career where I can consult. I make more money now consulting while working from home and taking care of my kiddos.

You will always have an opportunity to work and make $$$, but your sanity is PRICELESS!

 

[Colleen27]

So if I have this straight, your options are 1) cut back to part time, which will have no effect on your income because the pay cut would be offset by the lack of childcare expense or 2) continue to work full time and bring home $800 more per month? Have you taken into account any before/after school or holiday/vacation care you will need in that $800/month scenario?

How active do you want to be at your child's school, and how accomodating is the school of working parents? It has been my experience that the kid-running gets MUCH worse once they start school, because now they have friends they want to visit, parent days, open houses, conferences, performances, and possibly after school activities as well. I know a lot of women stay home while their kids are young and go back to work once they get to school aged, but if I had to choose between the two, I'd choose the elementary school years to stay home rather than the baby/toddler years.

 

[cheriemek]

I was a SAHM (working odd jobs part time when DH got home) for 9 years. I wanted to get back to work full time, and so I took a job where most of the money went to day care so at least I could get my foot in the door. In the long run (it is now 13 years later) it was the right decision for us. But I do hear you about taking kids (I have 4) to activities, lessons, doctors appointments myself. DH was in graduate school. It was awful working so many hours and running around. Is the extra money worth stressing you and the kids out? At the time I might have said no, but now years later, I'm glad I did it.