I'm so old fashioned!!! My thoughts on weddings...

[disykat]

The cookie table must be a regional thing. We don't have them here in WA. The last wedding I went to had cupcakes. They were ok, but not something I would have picked. Cupcakes say "birthday party" to me, not wedding.

I had cookies in Washington! We did it because it was Christmastime, so we had Christmas cookies along with the cake and punch.

 

[arminnie]

You can have it at a bowling alley if you like, but if you have family, I think they should be there.

I have this really awful brother that I don't discuss much. I could tell a billion stories about him, but I usually can just sum up the kind of person he is with two statements:

1) He lived 2000 miles away but flew into my parents hometown to get married and DID NOT INVITE THEM TO THE WEDDING!!!! (and my parents were totally socially presentable people - no weird vices)

2) He did not come see my mother the last year and a half of her life when she was terminally ill with cancer.

And yes this is the one with so much money but absolutely no class.

 

[SDFgirl]

I love this celebration of family and friends! I hope DD gets married in our Catholic Church and has a reception just like it -- I'll have all of you in the 30 mile radius making cookies!!! I want every bride to have the wedding of her dreams, but I just hope that if DD does get married someday, she doesn't want a destination wedding!!!!

It's funny you say this...I do believe that every couple needs to choose what feels most authentic and meaningful for THEIR wedding.

Having said that, I agree with you that I prefer the big, family-oriented, fun wedding.

When DH got engaged, we originally thought about a destination wedding. Then about 2 weeks into the planning, DH's cousin had twin babies. We were all gathered in the hospital room...and everyone was laughing and talking and so thrilled for the new parents...and suddenly I thought, "This is what I want for my wedding." Suddenly the idea of getting married in isolation seemed so...isolating. Our marriage truly was the joining of two families and I wanted our wedding ceremony and reception to reflect that.

And it was truly, such a special day. So many friends and family came out, everyone was so happy for us. It was wonderful. I wouldn't have done it any other way.

 

[auntpolly]

Just so you all know, there's a reason I'm saying this to all of you and not to DD -- I really want her to do what she wants. She's such a Disney girl, for all I know she'll want a WDW wedding!

I had the wedding I wanted, and she can do the same -- I do know that if she ever chose a destination wedding, DH and I would probably end up spending a fortune helping people who couldn't afford to go!

 

[disykat]

I would probably turn down an invitation to a destination wedding except for my siblings, etc. However, MANY weddings are destination weddings regardless of where they are held. It's pretty rare for a couple to live near their relatives on both sides.

I'm sure many of my relatives considered mine one. It was in my church, where I had been attending for 6 years. None of my relatives or dh's lived nearby. It was in a different state than the church I grew up in that my parents attend. None of my extended family, including siblings, lived near them either.

Although all of my immediate family (like parents, siblings, etc.) made it to the wedding, I probably would have had MORE relatives come if I'd had a destination wedding!

I was pleased when the photographer commented that he loved these family weddings where everyone knew each other. He assumed our families and everyone was involved in that church and had no clue that I'd never met DH's sister and family before, dh had never met my brother before, none of the family was familiar with the church etc. I think what he felt was the VIBE of a family focused (and in our case, a church family focused) wedding. There is something special about that, no matter where the wedding is held.

 

[paigevz]

I think as long as they realize not all family can come that's fine if it's what they want. I do feel though that if they know IMMEDIATE family can not afford to go, they should either reconsider or pay for them (Mom, Dad, grandparents, siblings)..........and I know that won't be a popular view, but if I wanted a destination wedding and one of my family couldn't go only because of finances (truly, not just didn't want to), that's what I'd do.

My brother was married in a very formal evening wedding with a very formal reception with no children allowed.

My dh's sister was married in her brother in law's home, wearing a simple dress and presided over by a preacher in her new family. No reception.

My dh's brother had a country club wedding, that really was more down to earth than formal, despite the setting.

Dh's other brother was married in a traditional Blackfoot ceremony. Very fun. No reception, but a party afterwards.

We had a church wedding, quite traditional. Our reception was in the church's reception hall, all done by my mother and I. We made fruit kabobs and stuck them in purple cabbages, had a cheese and cracker tray, had bought little clay cupids to sit in around. No alcohol was allowed, which was fine with me. I had a flower topper on my cake which was beautiful, and my bouquet was my fave flower: daisies. The flower lady tried to talk me out of it and into roses, but I wouldn't budge and I'm so glad for it. I did the centerpieces on the tables: baskets of traditional Mexican candy with traditional Mexican paper flowers entwined on the handles........all made by me. We had a chocolate groom's cake completely done for dh by me........with chocolate iron chains and balls on it, and wedding rings encircling it and spelling out "Chains of Love" in icing. After the reception, which I did open my presents at as my aunts and grandmas love to see and talk about gifts, we had a party at our house. The reception was for dh and I to celebrate our new married life with our family. The party was more for our friends.

Each of us: Me, DH, Dh's brothers and sister and in-laws, and my brother and sis in law..........each of us feel as if we had the most perfect wedding. That's what's important, I think, whether it's in Hawaii, Roanoke, Oklahoma City or Hoboken.

 

[barkley]

sometimes the cost of the 'destination' is not the major issue-it's just the difficulty in getting there, and the fact that the people the bride/groom have invited are not suited to the destination. the recent one we passed on would not have broken us financialy-but it would have involved dh taking at least 2 days off work, driving 4-6 hours each way in holiday bumper to bumper traffic, trying to keep the kids occupied in a very adult locale (no way we would have taken them to the fireworks-the town has a huge reputation for very drunken partiers on the beach)-just not a 'family friendly' location. as it was, a family member with questionable health issues had to locate a dialysis center in the destination and then endure a 6 hour car ride home (they had limited appointments-she took what she could get and it happened to be same day as departure).

i think if a person wants to have a wedding in a more adult oriented destination they should'nt be upset if they don't get a huge turn-out from family members with kids. they also should't get upset if someone simply chooses not to attend based on choices-i for one would likely, if invited to a wdw not attend. it would involve traveling across the country and utilizing what is likely an entire year's vacation budget/time-something we choose to use for the benefit of time with our kids (and i don't care if the mouse himself presides over the wedding-most kids will still be saying 'can't we get out of these clothes and go ride on some riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiides?!' ).

 

[JVL1018]

Were they Italian American? Not to defend them or anything, but I can totally see this happening! I mean, my DH's family would have done it in a heart beat and not realized they were stepping on toes --it's just the thing to do!

I have never heard of this! Between my husband's Sicilian father and my Northern Italian grandma, I thought we knew all the traditions. LOL
Literally almost every wedding we have been to the bride, the groom or both were Italian or part Italian and we never got the cookie table. Unfair! LOL

The only thing we do here is have the Viennese<sp?> Table..but that is part of the catering..and it's not cookies, though they can be on, it's cannoli and a bunch of different cakes and pastries and petit fours and just more desserts than anyone can ever eat..but it looks good. LOL
Not everyone does that though, Italain or not, but it seems the Italians do it more often.

 

[auntpolly]

I have never heard of this! Between my husband's Sicilian father and my Northern Italian grandma, I thought we knew all the traditions. LOL
Literally almost every wedding we have been to the bride, the groom or both were Italian or part Italian and we never got the cookie table. Unfair! LOL

Honestly I think it might be a Calabrese thing -- alot of the people we know are from Calabria or are napolitano.

 

[katerkat]

I understand what you're saying - but sometimes, if family is making the whole wedding process a disaster, when is it OK for the bride and groom to step back and say, "hey this is OUR wedding!!"?? Honestly, I wish my SIL had gone for Vegas or something. The members of the family who refused to travel forced her to have it in an itty-bitty tiny church in their hometown. Those same people (who showed up in jeans and hunting hats) left within 45 minutes of the wedding - before the pictures were even done. The "old matrons" kept demanding SIL do things she had no intention of doing during the reception. All in all, making the family "happy" ruined their wedding - you can see it in SIL's face in the pictures.

Oh, and I had to travel to West Virginia for a week.