I'm so old fashioned!!! My thoughts on weddings...

[auntpolly]

OY! The cookie table reminded me about my sister's wedding. My parents paid for the reception & got them a big cake. Her MIL & family brought out trays of sweets & cookies to everyone. My parents were POd beyond belief!!! The MIL hadn't even asked about this. There was a ton of left over cake because people were already full from the cookies.

Were they Italian American? Not to defend them or anything, but I can totally see this happening! I mean, my DH's family would have done it in a heart beat and not realized they were stepping on toes --it's just the thing to do!

 

[auntpolly]

If I had let the old fuddy duddy matrons dictate the terms of my wedding, I would have been miserable.

I don't like thinking of them as fuddy duddy matrons -- I think of them as Aunt Mary and Aunt Jean, and Grandma.

 

[barkley]

we passed on a recent family wedding that we felt was a 'destination wedding' (not a high profile place but where the bride's mom/dad retired to, costly resort town) that entailled way too much travel/cost for a very short event (full blown wedding and 'reception' 2 hours, the bulk of the guests did'nt get to even speak to/congratulate the couple)-short because the bride/groom preferred to spend the funds given to them on location, photos and honeymoon.

i think it's amuseing that now that THE WEDDING is said and done with they're trying to throw together a 'family and friends' event (read-potluck) for everyone who 'could'nt make it to the wedding' under the reasoning of it being a 'going away party' (they're moving out from their parent's home? um, don't most newly marrieds do this?). me thinks they did'nt get quite the amount of wedding gifts they anticipated .

i love weddings that include family traditions-cookie tables, sushi table (went to a friends-her mom and all the other japanese ladies blew the caterer away with their homemade stuff ), 'shot circle' (went to a co-worker's and the men sat around passing a bottle-it was based on a tradition wherein the groom knew he and his family were being accepted into the larger part of the bride's family when they were invited to 'join the circle'). i love seeing little kids and far flung family members (esp. when you've heard stories about them for years). when i look back at our wedding video-it's not the ceremony that gets me-it's the reception and seeing all the now grown kids as toddlers, and the many family/friends who have now passed all enjoying themselves.

 

[Snoopymom]

Oh, I love those northern family catered type ones ....with the incredible cookie table and all the aunts and grandma's telling you you're too skinny and insisting that you get seconds of their huge homemade meatballs and the Italian bread from "uncle so and so's friend's brother's bakery" LOL, is to die for! I think it just feels less fussy and showy, so it opens people up to talk and have fun....maybe I could come up there and crash one, LOL.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I hope that in a few weeks when all the wedding dust has settled that you might send them a note telling them how much you enjoyed their wedding and reception.

Matt and I were a bit selfconscious about our wedding and reception. Everyone around us, friends and family, were having big to-dos and we couldn't afford it. We had a very simple Christmas wedding,chose because we didn't have any decorations lol, with a simple reception afterward. My mother's sisters made all the food, that I had bought at Sam's. Matt and I paid for everything ourselves and we very proud but still knew that it wasn't a formal big party that is the thing now. Someone sent me a note afterward telling me that they very much a nice traditional wedding/reception that showed true love. It helped tremendously.

 

[mickeyfan2]

the many family/friends who have now passed all enjoying themselves.

So true. My paternal Grandfather had many brothers who live ~1000 miles away from where they were born. The wedding was in our home town about an hour away from their home town. We invited them to our wedding expecting them to politely turn us down. Well low and behold they all accepted (we had to order extra cake to be kept in the kitchen) and all the brothers (including Gramps) had the time of their lives. Sadly this was the last time all were together, but I am so honored that I could make our day also a great day for others too! This is why I cringe when I hear it is the bride and groom's day. I really feel it is way more than that. Had we done a destination wedding they would have never come and this precious moment we made for my Grandpa would have never occurred.

 

[DVCLiz]

That sounds like a wonderful wedding, but I disagree that some couples forget the wedding isn't just about them. If it can't be about just you on your WEDDING day, then it never will!!!! I believe a couple should be able to choose the kind of wedding they want, and I wouldn't have cared what my older female realtives wanted for me - it was our wedding and we chose what we wanted and what my parents could afford. So we were married in my church, had a traditional reception at my parent's country club, and went to Charleston for our honeymoon. It was perfect for me - but my husband and I chose each part of it, and I wouldn't think of us as selfish because we planned the wedding we wanted.

 

[auntpolly]

I hope that in a few weeks when all the wedding dust has settled that you might send them a note telling them how much you enjoyed their wedding and reception.

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That's a nice idea! I see them all the time, at least at church every week, but a note would be nice!

 

[scrump]

If they got the wedding they wanted, great. If another couple wants feather boas or a beach in Aruba, more power to them. If I had let the old fuddy duddy matrons dictate the terms of my wedding, I would have been miserable.

I agree with this.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I hope that in a few weeks when all the wedding dust has settled that you might send them a note telling them how much you enjoyed their wedding and reception.

Matt and I were a bit selfconscious about our wedding and reception. Everyone around us, friends and family, were having big to-dos and we couldn't afford it. We had a very simple Christmas wedding,chose because we didn't have any decorations lol, with a simple reception afterward. My mother's sisters made all the food, that I had bought at Sam's. Matt and I paid for everything ourselves and we very proud but still knew that it wasn't a formal big party that is the thing now. Someone sent me a note afterward telling me that they very much a nice traditional wedding/reception that showed true love. It helped tremendously.

I agree. We were married 23 years ago and people still tell us we had the most fun wedding they ever attended. We wanted all to have a good time and not be so uptight.

BTW our cake had a fountain with blue water under it and stairs down to heart shaped cakes that were on the table. The stairs had flowers on them. The photographer got a picture of the cake before the reception started. As soon as we entered the hall the ring bearer tripped on the fountain cord and almost knock over the cake. The fountain was off after that. No big deal. But I know so many couples that would have gone off of him. His mom apologize, but we said it was an accident and they should have had the cord taped to the gound. In the end nobody (maybe the mom) remember the fountain incident, but everybody loved the cake.

 

[auntpolly]

That sounds like a wonderful wedding, but I disagree that some couples forget the wedding isn't just about them. If it can't be about just you on your WEDDING day, then it never will!!!! I believe a couple should be able to choose the kind of wedding they want, and I wouldn't have cared what my older female realtives wanted for me - it was our wedding and we chose what we wanted and what my parents could afford. So we were married in my church, had a traditional reception at my parent's country club, and went to Charleston for our honeymoon. It was perfect for me - but my husband and I chose each part of it, and I wouldn't think of us as selfish because we planned the wedding we wanted.

I'm not saying you can't have the wedding you want, if fact, if you look at my previous posts I said just the opposite. The only part I don't like is when couples take a wedding out of reach of relatives. I'm sorry, but if you say it doesn't matter if your aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents can go, then you are being a bit selfish. I mean, it might be mostly "about you" but it isn't all about you. (and I don't mean "you" personally.) These were the people that were at your birthday parties and your first holy communions or your bar mitzvhas and watched you grow. You can have it at a bowling alley if you like, but if you have family, I think they should be there.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

My DNiece got married on NYE & her semi-traditional wedding cost me over $3000. Our family goes in together & pays for everything the nieces & nephews do. Anyway, I told my other nieces & nephews that I was voting for destination weddings in the future. For $3000 my family could have gotten a nice vacation at the destination of choice & best of all there would be no work.

ETA: I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that didn't have a lot of cake left. They're just not very good.

 

[auntpolly]

Everyone should have the wedding of their dreams -- just don't leave out loved ones -- that's all I'm saying.

 

[barkley]

So true. My paternal Grandfather had many brothers who live ~1000 miles away from where they were born. The wedding was in our home town about an hour away from their home town. We invited them to our wedding expecting them to politely turn us down. Well low and behold they all accepted (we had to order extra cake to be kept in the kitchen) and all the brothers (including Gramps) had the time of their lives. Sadly this was the last time all were together, but I am so honored that I could make our day also a great day for others too! This is why I cringe when I hear it is the bride and groom's day. I really feel it is way more than that. Had we done a destination wedding they would have never come and this precious moment we made for my Grandpa would have never occurred.

so true-one of my most cherished possessions is a photo from our wedding with all of my sibs/wives/kids and all of dh's along with our parents. to my knowledge it is the only photo that either side has that has all of their children/grandkids along with the grandparents-it was also the last time all of dh's family was together (15 years ago).

 

[DVCLiz]

I'm not saying you can't have the wedding you want, if fact, if you look at my previous posts I said just the opposite. The only part I don't like is when couples take a wedding out of reach of relatives. I'm sorry, but if you say it doesn't matter if your aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents can go, then you are being a bit selfish. I mean, it might be mostly "about you" but it isn't all about you. (and I don't mean "you" personally.) These were the people that were at your birthday parties and your first holy communions or your bar mitzvhas and watched you grow. You can have it at a bowling alley if you like, but if you have family, I think they should be there.

Oh, sorry, I didn't really get that from the post I read. I do agree that taking a wedding out of reach is something I would frown on if my daughters wanted to do that!! Then again, we don't have the family you do - no grandparents and only one single uncle! So my DDs will probably have to stand out on the street and drag people off the sidewalk to get a full church!!

 

[Luv'sTink]

If they got the wedding they wanted, great. If another couple wants feather boas or a beach in Aruba, more power to them. If I had let the old fuddy duddy matrons dictate the terms of my wedding, I would have been miserable.

I'm glad we strayed from tradition where we did, and I'm glad we honored the traditions we did. Any my cupcake cake was adorable and delicious and no one had to try to disassemble and cut it!

I will say, though, that this cookie table idea is first rate! Why don't we have these in the midwest???

She didn't say anything about letting someone else plan yours or anyone elses wedding, she said she HOPED her DD would have one like it.

Why is it people don't really read what people post?

 

[mt2]

Never heard of the cookie table either. Sounds like fun.

We were considered "odd" because we didn't have a grooms cake. This is usually chocolate. DH and I decided not to have one but spent the money on a cheese and fruit table instead.

Our wedding was talked about for years too. Apparently our reception is where a few non speaking term family members (on both sides) decided it was time to makeup and be family again.

 

[Dznypal]

destation weddings are more "showy" then the full blown churfh ones.

My reason for saying this is my son got married 2 years ago in Hawaii.
(every other year my parents take us on a family vacation)
My son and daughter in law dont like to be the center of attention.
They were thinking of places to have a small family ceremony .

So when we were planning the trip they asked my parents if they would mind if they got married while we were there. They were all for the idea.

So they got married at sundown barefoot on the beach in Maui,

It was so beautiful and romantic with just her parents, us, and my parents and sister and her family on the beach!!

We had a recpetion for the newlyweds after we got back and had their friends.

My daughter on the other hand is getting married in a few weeks and has 8 bridesmaids flower girl 250 to the reception in a full catholic wedding!!!

now to me that showy!!!

but there paying for it except we're paying for the reception

now dont get me wrong Im not upset with my daughter for having the big wedding since I had told both kids to plan the wedding you want

we're very lucky since both of our kids spouses are great

we've always thought of them as our own

 

[mkymouse1928]

My younger brother was married in Vegas this past December. My parents, my other 2 siblings and their significant others, my self and a smattering of other friends and relatives attended. Our maternal grandmother was supposed to attend. She became violently ill about 6 weeks before the wedding and was hospitalized. During her stint in the hospital it was found that her cancer had returned. She was simply too weak to make the trek across the country to attend the wedding. My brother now regrets his destination wedding as having his grandma there was something that was important to him. She would have probably been able to at least attend the ceremony had they been married here. Hind sight is 20/20, but some times a little forsight can go a long way.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

My two stepsisters had HUGE weddings, and pretty much parties instead of receptions. My wedding was very different. Not a buttload of decorations, married in the church I grew up in, and my now uncle-in-law married us. Our reception was at a local hotel where we had horderves and 2 cakes.

My step-uncle commented to my mom how much he enjoyed my wedding over the other 2. He felt like he had been to a wedding ceremony not a drunken party. I had no idea anyone had an opinion about my wedding like that, so I was flattered.

But to each his own. Have the wedding you want.

ETA: We looked into getting married at WDW. The cheapest we could do was the VERY simple package with 10 people, including the bride and the groom. It was $10,000. I spent WAY less than that having my wedding locally and invited the entire family! +