I'm not handling everthing well

[LeahA]

Hello everyone,

I'm so freaked out, scared, sad, overwhelmed. I know people say that I will be strong enough to get through this. I don't know, I don't feel strong right now. I'm crying as I write this, I just had a horrible night sleep. I kept having bad dreams and everytime I woke up my mom was the first thing I thought about. This stinks, I don't want to think about this, I don't want this on my radar 24/7. I see older women out at stores or restaurants and say "why can't that be my mom?" It's not fair. My mom is only 73, and had always been healthy. She didn't live a lavish life, my dad and her always struggled financially. I pray everynight to God for strengh. I know that everyone says not to think of the end, but, that's so hard not to do.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I am so sorry.....I hear ya.. I know that sometimes I sound like I am the pillar of strength but there are days that I just want to scream at the top of my lungs about how unfair this all is..

I lost my Mom, she was 72. I thought I would never ever get over it.....I was almost certifiable.....looking at women in stores, does this one look like my Mom. Crying.. it was not easy. But I did not have what you have now, she was taken from me without any notice....fast and she was gone. You have some time now with your Mom...I know she is not feeling well, but make the most of the time you have just as I am with my husband.

It is hard not to go into the future, I know it is hard, but you will have to try to stay focused on her and what can you do for her. Spending time with her, talking about your childhood with her and what she has meant to you.... the positives. As the time goes by, you may want to ask her what she wants you to do in memory of her.. this is even hard for me to write as I have not had that conversation yet with my DH....eventually I will, but right now we are focusing on living..

Please know that you can come here anytime you need to. Do you have a doctor that you can go to and tell him you are not sleeping and the anxiety you are feeling, he may be able to help you with that......even if it is to just take the edge off a bit. There are nights I cannot sleep.....and I take something finally that calms me enough so that I can sleep....

I am here for you.. hugs..

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[CarolAnnC]

Hello everyone,

I'm so freaked out, scared, sad, overwhelmed. I know people say that I will be strong enough to get through this. I don't know, I don't feel strong right now. I'm crying as I write this, I just had a horrible night sleep. I kept having bad dreams and everytime I woke up my mom was the first thing I thought about. This stinks, I don't want to think about this, I don't want this on my radar 24/7. I see older women out at stores or restaurants and say "why can't that be my mom?" It's not fair. My mom is only 73, and had always been healthy. She didn't live a lavish life, my dad and her always struggled financially. I pray everynight to God for strengh. I know that everyone says not to think of the end, but, that's so hard not to do.

I am sorry you are going through this, and that your mom is suffering too. Like others said, try to enjoy the days you have with her. Don't think about the future. Make memories that you will cherish.

Night time and sleep can be the worst. After my first husband passed on, I was relying on pills to get some sleep when I could. As I stopped them, I would find that I would sleep maybe 4 hours only, then wake up and have no recollection of his passing. I would remember in a couple of minutes and then cry and grieve all over again as if it was the first day. It was torturous and horrible. Time heals, but it is an unbearable process at times.

I will keep you and your mom in my prayers....

 

[safetymom]

I agree with everyone else. Just try to be good to yourself. Just try to do the best you can.

I can remember when we were told my Dad didn't have long to live. My Mom and Dad didn't want to know so it was up to us kids to talk with the doctor. It was tough celebrating Christmas knowing it would be his last.

The best thing you can do is keep talking about it. There is always someone hear to listen.

 

[arminnie]

I see older women out at stores or restaurants and say "why can't that be my mom?" It's not fair. My mom is only 73, and had always been healthy. She didn't live a lavish life, my dad and her always struggled financially.

Oh Honey I know exactly where you are coming from. My mother was always so energetic and just plain healthy - wasn't ever a tiny bit heavy and could pass for years younger.

She died at 75 almost 3 years after her breast cancer metastasized. Some of those years were not pretty.

My parents were always very poor but all three of us children managed to get an education. Just at the point in their lives where my parents could enjoy things the bottom fell out. I still think (10 years later) of things I wish I could have done with my mother if she was around during my retirement.

 

[safetymom]

When my Mom died I had spent the day with her. She had battled depression for over a year and finally was my Mom again. We were so thrilled for her we went out to dinner at my sisters restaurant. She had driven herself and she was so proud of herself.

When I got home my sister was calling to say they were taking her to the emergency room. She had collapsed on the floor. She never awoke.

I think of my Mom often. She would have loved living in Florida. She hated winter and being cooped up in the house.

 

[WDWRocksMySocks]

Hello everyone,

I see older women out at stores or restaurants and say "why can't that be my mom?" It's not fair.

I'm so sorry for your loss. When my dad passed away, this was something I really struggled with - especially when I got married. My best friend was married right before me and I broke down during her father/daughter dance b/c I knew I would never have that moment. Just the thought of him missing out on so many things makes me tear up as I type this. But, you must know that your mom will always be there in spirit to watch over you. It's so hard to lose a parent, especially if they were always so healthy. You'll never get over the loss, but with time it does get easier to cope with it. Just remember all the great memories that you hold of her. You need to allow yourself time to cope with it and don't be afraid to talk about it. I bottled a lot of my emotion up and it caused me some really bad health problems with very high anxiety because I failed to deal with my dad's passing for a few years. It will get better! Until then, we are all here to offer support!

 

[TruBlu]

I don't have any words of wisdom. I just want to give you a big
I am so sorry that you or any of us have to face this terrible disease.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

We are thinking of you......hope you are doing better with all this. Maybe you can check in when you have a second..

 

[LeahA]

Hello everyone. Today I'm doing o.k. My 3 sons and my dh and I went over to my mom and dad's yesterday. I made a big dinner and we hung out. My mom didn't eat much and spent most of the time between her bed and her recliner chair. She does much better when she is in her chair.

She has her 10th and last radiation treatment today. They are knocking her socks off. She has no energy, no appetite and she has been taking Xanax for anxiety and a pain killer for pain, I think Vicadin. She usually takes one of each every day. I hope once the radiation wears out of her system she'll have a little energy back. That's what's most distubing to her. I think the combo of the radiation, the pain pill, the xanax, and not eating alot is making her a little loopy.

I hate seeing her like that, the visit was great for my dad though. He needed time with us and the kids, they took a walk outside and took a ride to the store with grandpa.

Thanks for checking in with me, sometimes, I need to be sad, and sometimes I need to be upbeat.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Hi Leah,

Glad you checked in.....that radiation makes them so tired and worn down. I think the radiologist told us at least 6 weeks after final treatment he would start to improve.. I have to tell you he is still tired from this last round and has not bounced back as well and it is past the 6 weeks.. We go to see the doctor tomorrow and will have the results of the scans.. I am hoping for the best..

Please take care of you and I am glad that you spent time with your Dad speaking as the caretaker here, we need to see our children and grandchildren....Hugs to all of you... and take care of you.

 

[minkydog]

.

She has her 10th and last radiation treatment today. They are knocking her socks off. She has no energy, no appetite and she has been taking Xanax for anxiety and a pain killer for pain, I think Vicadin. She usually takes one of each every day. I hope once the radiation wears out of her system she'll have a little energy back. That's what's most distubing to her. I think the combo of the radiation, the pain pill, the xanax, and not eating alot is making her a little loopy.

I can tell you from experience, the combination of Xanax and Vicodin can knock you on your butt. Radiation would just be the icing on the cake. I have never gone through cancer treatment, but I had some reconstruction done on my hand during which I took those same drugs and if my DH hadn't *made* me eat and go to the bathroom I would have happily laid there and slept the week away. Except for when I was high and called everyone on my cell phone. I don't remember.

I'm glad you had such a nice visit with your dad. I bet you all needed that. Hopefully things will improve for your mother once she finishes radiation. I'm sure the meds have a lot to do with her loopiness. Try to be patient.

 

[dlrhine]

Hello everyone,

I'm so freaked out, scared, sad, overwhelmed. I know people say that I will be strong enough to get through this. I don't know, I don't feel strong right now. I'm crying as I write this, I just had a horrible night sleep. I kept having bad dreams and everytime I woke up my mom was the first thing I thought about. This stinks, I don't want to think about this, I don't want this on my radar 24/7. I see older women out at stores or restaurants and say "why can't that be my mom?" It's not fair. My mom is only 73, and had always been healthy. She didn't live a lavish life, my dad and her always struggled financially. I pray everynight to God for strengh. I know that everyone says not to think of the end, but, that's so hard not to do.

I can totally relate! My Mom has stage 3c ovarian cancer at the age of 72. She has never been sick in her whole life, she walked, and ate well. Now she is doing Chemo and she is so thin you can see all her bones, she has been in the hospital more weekends than she hasn't been since January, and she has to walk with a cane. Before all of this she was healthy and strong. I'm very close with her. My parents divorced right after I was born and I have no other siblings and she never remarrried and she also has no siblings, so it is her and I. Watching this is the hardest thing I have ever done. My prayers and thoughts are with you.