Congratulations! How exciting!
You asked a pretty loaded question, so I'll try to break my answer up into parts.
Where to stay:
Be forewarned that discounts at DL hotels are a lot harder to come by than WDW. That being said, there are 3 DL hotels: Paradise Pier, the
Disneyland Hotel, and the Grand Californian. Someone recently did a post describing the 3, you might want to do a search. PP is the least expensive, but also the "plainest" and least Disney, though it reportedly has the largest rooms. DLH has several towers and a great pool and garden area. GC is the newest resort and reminds a lot of people (including me) of the Wilderness Lodge at WDW. My personal favorite is GC, but it is also the most expensive.
There are lots of good hotels/motels that are walking distance too.
When to go:
A CA resident might answer this better. I know that Thanksgiving weekend, as well as the Christmas/New Year time period is the most crowded. I usually go in September or October and find it comfortable and uncrowded. Early November should be good too, and you could see some decorations. I think Spring would be good too, except for the long-weekends, especially Easter. Summer is generally pretty crowded.
How many days:
For the Disneyland Resort area alone, I'd allow about 3, maybe 4 days. California Adventure can be done in a day. Disneyland can be done in a day too, but 2 days would give you a more leisurely pace. I recently stayed 4 days and thought it was just right to explore the parks, and have extra time to explore Downtown Disney and the other Disney hotels.
Other things to do:
If it were my first time, and I had the time and money to stay longer, I would do other things to. There's a post (I think it's on the top of the page) that has ideas, but here are some of my favorites-
- Knott's Berry Farm (about 15 min. away)
- Universal Studios (45 min. - 1 hr. away)
- Magic Mountain (about 1 1/2 hr. away)
You could also go down to San Diego to see Sea World and the San Diego Zoo, but if you want to do that, I would recommend staying in San Diego instead of driving back and forth (about 1 1/2 hrs. each way).
Hollywood has some studio tours, NBC, etc. You could probably find a website with available shows.
Happy planning!