I'm GIVING you this so take it and be grateful.... have a relative like this?

[Mermaid02]

Sometimes she even gives us things like ketchup packets from fast food restaurants.... those little jellies..... salt and pepper packets....

My husbands thing is "She doesn't want this crap- why does she think WE want it?"

And she doesn't mail us stuff- she lives really close, she drops it off. Sometimes she gives us really good stuff.... she gave us her Oreck vacuum because she decided she didn't like it.

I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.... I hope I don't end up doing this to my kids though.

 

[kellyg403]

Sometimes she even gives us things like ketchup packets from fast food restaurants.... those little jellies..... salt and pepper packets....

My husbands thing is "She doesn't want this crap- why does she think WE want it?"

And she doesn't mail us stuff- she lives really close, she drops it off. Sometimes she gives us really good stuff.... she gave us her Oreck vacuum because she decided she didn't like it.

I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.... I hope I don't end up doing this to my kids though.

Lol, last year for Christmas my dad gave me a gift bag full of soaps and stuff he got from various hotels when they were traveling. He said he knew we could use it since we like to travel I had a hard time explaining to him that yes, we do but the hotels we stay at offer the same items he was giving us!

He has yet to give me ketchup packets but one time he did give me a bag full of plastic utensils he acquired at different fast food restuarants. I just toss them. The good news is my dad never remembers what he gives away so that is a bonus!

Kelly

 

[Mermaid02]

Lol, last year for Christmas my dad gave me a gift bag full of soaps and stuff he got from various hotels when they were traveling. He said he knew we could use it since we like to travel I had a hard time explaining to him that yes, we do but the hotels we stay at offer the same items he was giving us!

He has yet to give me ketchup packets but one time he did give me a bag full of plastic utensils he acquired at different fast food restuarants. I just toss them. The good news is my dad never remembers what he gives away so that is a bonus!

Kelly

I also get that stuff.... it's like she thinks we are one step away from the poorhouse....

 

[luvmy3]

Yes you should, but sometimes, when it comes to our mothers, we have to stay quiet and do what's necessary to survive.
I'd take the stuff, thank her and donate it. If she asks about it later, it broke or you loved it and wore it so much that you wore it out or your friend borrowed the book or it's at the cleaners.

Sometimes these little white lies make life much easier.....

I hope my kids never feel this way. I hope that I raise them to never be afraid to be honest, even with me.

OP, just tell your mom that you appreciate that she thinks to give you her stuff but that you can't accept it. I wouldn't tell her that you don't want her stuff, tell her you don't need it, or have room for and that it in no way means you don't need/have room for her (or something to that effect). If you aren't honest with her about it now, this will continue and thats not fair for you or your dh.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sometimes she even gives us things like ketchup packets from fast food restaurants.... those little jellies..... salt and pepper packets....

My husbands thing is "She doesn't want this crap- why does she think WE want it?"

And she doesn't mail us stuff- she lives really close, she drops it off. Sometimes she gives us really good stuff.... she gave us her Oreck vacuum because she decided she didn't like it.

I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.... I hope I don't end up doing this to my kids though.

Stop telling your dh about the crap she gives you unless it is good stuff.

 

[kellyg403]

I also get that stuff.... it's like she thinks we are one step away from the poorhouse....

Honestly, for my dad it is more the era he grew up in. He hates waste of any kind and if you can get it for free, you should. He DOES truly believe that at any moment a person could be needing these items and are one step from the poorhouse. My dad could keep a dollar bill in his wallet for YEARS. I know it because I have seen the moths when he opened said wallet. Sometimes I wonder how much of that kind of childhood causes these problems.

Kelly

 

[Disney Doll]

Lol, last year for Christmas my dad gave me a gift bag full of soaps and stuff he got from various hotels when they were traveling. He said he knew we could use it since we like to travel I had a hard time explaining to him that yes, we do but the hotels we stay at offer the same items he was giving us!

He has yet to give me ketchup packets but one time he did give me a bag full of plastic utensils he acquired at different fast food restuarants. I just toss them. The good news is my dad never remembers what he gives away so that is a bonus!

Kelly

I always take the soaps and stuff from hotels when I stay there and then give them to my local homeless shelter. Actually, if my mother gives me stuff that I can't use, I try and domate it to some entity that can use it. Some of it does get tossed though.

I do think that some of this is a product of these folks growing up during the Depression or as children of people who grew up during the Depression. They learned to live with less. They learned to make do. They learned that "stuff" is not the key to happiness per se, but by the same token, if you had something you didn't just "waste" it by throwing it away if "someone" could use it.

My parents are elderly (almost 82 & almost 84). I am fortunate because they are still mobile and independent and actually do pretty well for their age, but their world does get smaller as they get older and things that wouldn't even be on my radar are of utmost significance in their lives. I hear the "Litany of the Leaves" every autumn...how much they raked, how much the other neighbors raked, who isn't raking so their leaves are blowing all over the neighborhood, who must be rich because they have a landscaper do their leaves...and so on. Garbage/recycle day is a big one, since they feel the need to take in everyone's bin to keep the neighborhood looking nice. And there's a million stories like that. Essentially, what I have learned to do when talking to my mother is listen, go "mmm hmm" every once in a while, and if she mentions a neighbor I'll say "How is their son doing?" or "Are they better since they got out of the hospital?" or whatever tangential subject I can come up with to try and throw her off the track a little.

But I made the decision a while back that since my parents are getting older, I wasn't going to waste my remaining time with them quibbling over insignificant things, because someday I will miss the "Litany of the Leaves" and will be wishing I could hear her voice again,regardless of what she was saying....

 

[agnes!]

Ketchup packets are the devil! Those little buggers *always* manage to leak in a pocket or in a drawer. Do NOT keep them. Do NOT keep their relatives the soy sauce packet either.

This PSA brought to you by the Voice of Experience .


agnes!

 

[damren]

My Mother is ALWAYS giving us stuff- whether we want it or not.... and her attitude is "I'm GIVING it to you....." and while it's nice to offer it... we dont' always need it, want it or have room for it. But if we say no, then it hits the fan.

It's causing problems between my dh and myself..... lots of time I take it and wait a few weeks and then throw it away. I'm afraid if I take it to GoodWill she'll find it.....

How do I make her see that just because I don't want "the stuff" it doesn't mean I'm rejecting HER.

Is this her stuff she doesn't need anymore? Or does she buy you new stuff?

"mom, I love that you think of me and want to give me stuff you think I'll use, but honestly I just don't have room for everything."

you guys could do a monthly goodwill day. Take all the stuff both of you don't want/need anymore, each go through each others stuff, take what you want, then take the rest to goodwill together!

 

[Planogirl]

My aunt does this!

She has given me clothes that don't fit and aren't to my taste and stuff with cows on it. I'm not a cow person but she's trying to cut back on her stuff and thinks that I would appreciate her extra cow stuff. No...

I just take it and say thank you and put it away somewhere. If she comes over I can set something out I guess.

 

[Mermaid02]

My Mom is only 63- is the head of her department where she works and is pretty well off. Her house however is a WRECK. She does clean it extensively a few times a year..... her sister however is one step away from being on Hoarders. I don't think the woman has ever turned down a free ANYTHING whether she needs it or not.... she has magazines laying around from the 1980's. My dh hates to go there.... I'm used to it because I spent a lot of time there as a child.

 

[mjkacmom]

DFIL is a bit of a hoarder, as is DH and one of his sisters. My DMIL is not. How do they compromise? They bring stuff to us! They are in their 80's, and live in a retirement community in a "double wide." Of course, then I'm the one to convince DH to throw it away!

 

[KirstenB]

DFIL is a bit of a hoarder, as is DH and one of his sisters. My DMIL is not. How do they compromise? They bring stuff to us! They are in their 80's, and live in a retirement community in a "double wide." Of course, then I'm the one to convince DH to throw it away!

My in laws are hoarders. I think this is their way of being able to part with their crap. If they give it to us, they can come visit it whenever they want!!

 

[Nancyg56]

Sometimes she even gives us things like ketchup packets from fast food restaurants.... those little jellies..... salt and pepper packets....

My husbands thing is "She doesn't want this crap- why does she think WE want it?"

.

My Mom was like this, she never liked to get rid of anything. SHe was as neat as a pin though, she just had trouble with what she considered waste. She gave my nephew all those little packages before he was deployed and he did like the rest of us did, say thank you, use what we could get rid of the rest.

 

[leight]

I'm laughing because this is one of the things my mom does that drives me nuts. She gets so insulted when you say no, I don't want that. For christmas, she has to get presents with all of the tags and with gift receipts attached. I take no insult that she will probably return it. I do take insult that she doesn't give me the same courtesy- she actually cuts all identifying tags off and never gives me the gift receipt- so if I have to return something I have to ask for it and tell her why. The women's shelter likes these donations.

My dh & I bought a house last year. She is a typical Italian from NYC- very large ostentatious jewelry, plastic on furniture (removed now that the grandkids are no longer toddlers)old capodimonti bowls; her taste is not mine. For a housewarming gift she bought me a 4 ft tall stone statue of a manatee holding its baby. She said she got it for me because they didn't have any dolphins. (I love dolphins) but would still hate a dolphin statue.That thing still sits in my garage - I am not a lawn decoration type person. I like understated elegance and lawn statues aren't that. It will be in our next yard sale because its too heavy to bring to goodwill. And of course no tags attached!