IM etiquette ? Would this concern you?? UPDATE page 2

[EsmeraldaX]

Would this freak you out?

There is a guy from a message board (not this one) whom I IM frequently, he lives in my area and has never come across as particularly insane or anything. I am in a long term relationship and quite content that way. This guy seems to be okay with that, although he does want to meet up at some point, but understands my hesitation.

Anyway, for my IM away message, I have a part of conversation between myself and my good friend (who works with me) and it has both her and my screen names in it.

Today I did not sign on to IM because I am busy and had too much else to do at work. An hour after I usually sign on, this guy IMs my friend asking her if I am in. He claims he is just worried that I might have taken a sick day or something. She didn't respond but instead called me at my desk to ask who he was. I signed on and told him to kindly not contact my friends about me.

Keep in mind, I have never MET this guy and I usually sign on around 8:30 am. He IM'd my friend at 9:30.

Part of me thinks he was probably just concerned that I was ill, but I dunno, contacting someone you don't even know whose screen name you got off of an away message to ask about someone else you've never even met, because she's not online an hour after she usually is seems kind of obsessive to me...

What do you all think?

 

[Microcell]

I don't know if it is very safe to IM people you don't know. What does your boyfriend think of it? This is really the first message board I have frequented, but I resolved that if someone PM'd me wanting to carry on some sort of regular conversation (read- hits on me) that I would ask politely for them not to do that, as I am married and not interested in that. Please for your safety do not give out too much information about yourself whatever you do!

 

[shatzjsl]

Esmerelda, Please don't think I'm flaming you but the first thing you should do is either remove your friends IM name or change a letter in it.

As to the guy, you should go with your gut instinct. If something about what he did is bothering you then it may be time to cut off communication and block him. True, he may just be concerned but I think that if that were so, he probably would have waited until you weren't available for a full day rather than just missing for an hour. Just my opinion.

 

[dumboiu]

I think you should bolt.........the other way!

Change your IM handle too.

JMHO

 

[Blueeyes101817]

hmm that is a little strange...
i have a friend that i met in a cancer chatroom on here, and talk to him usually every day..if one of us is not on, we just may email each other just to say we were checking in..i would never IM any of his friends...

 

[goofy4tink]

A little presumptuious (did I even come close to spelling that right??) I think. I'm not a big fan of IMing, so I'm a bad one to give an opinion. But, I think he was a little out of line. I would also have told him not to contact others regarding me.

 

[Microcell]

Originally posted by EsmeraldaX
Would this freak you out?

There is a guy from a message board (not this one) whom I IM frequently, he lives in my area and has never come across as particularly insane or anything. I am in a long term relationship and quite content that way. This guy seems to be okay with that, although he does want to meet up at some point, but understands my hesitation.

I just have to say this- I really think he does not want to meet up just for coffee, if you get my drift. I have not seen the IM's but if you are hesitant I think you agree with me somewhere in your mind that he is not just interested in a platonic relationship or you would have met with him already- which I would not do!!!!

 

[onecoolmama]

Yes, it is a little weird. Did he have something that he wanted to tell you. I might go ahead and change my IM. I get nervous about things like that. I am not modern enough to "internet date, chat, talk...whatever.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

To answer some questions - DBF is oaky with it. He knows I've always had more male friends than female friends. It really doesn't phase him unless the guy steps out of line.

I have had a gut instinct about this guy for a while, I think you are right. He started off normal and okay with being platonic friends but I think he really secretly hopes / thinks if I meet him, I'll break up with DBF (sorry, never gonna happen, not for him, not for anyone; I live with DBF and we consider ourselves a family in our own way).

I have changed my away messages to not reflect anyone's name or screen name. I should never have posted that in the first place, although no one ever really IMs me except people I okay.

I have also told this guy I was very angry about what he did and he said he's sorry and won't do it again.

I feel kind of bad, but I am going to block him from my IM and not really talk to him anymore. I think my gut is telling me that what he did was kind of crazy...

These days you can't be too safe.

 

[Dizzy-Disney4]

I say trust your gutt. I talk on Yahoo ALL the time and I do admit that if I dont see someone I normally see for awhile I do worry. But not after an hour of them being missing...more like days.
Really easy to iggy a person so you don't have to change your name, just remove them from your buddy list and put them on ignore.
Good luck.

 

[DoeWDW]

Sounds creepy if he's checking up on you after only an hour! I'd avoid this guy.

 

[Hillbeans]

IMHO, it's very easy to fall into an e-mail relationship with someone, and perhaps this person doesn't have a lot going on otherwise and "looks forward" to your notes. To actually respond to another person in your office is a bit scary.

You told him the right thing, and i'd probably cut off contact.

 

[Keli]

Yep, it would concern me too. I talk via IM to friends everyday and I love that form of communication so I'm pretty familiar with it but there's no way someone should be trying to contact one of your friends when you are an hour later than usual. That's very strange in my opinion and I think you are doing the right thing in blocking him from your IM list. Plus, I think you have to rely more on your gut feelings when you are dealing with people you don't know well because you have less to go on when determining whether they are regular folks or someone with a real problem. It's better to be safe than sorry.

 

[Laura]

I would have the same reaction, and I'm glad you're not going to communicate with him any more.

 

[iNTeNSeBLue98]

I would suggest to you and your friend to change screen names and emails addys asap. Tell the guy that your not going to be Im'ing much because your busy with work or you're involved with other activities and won't have the time. Do you feel strongly enough to put him on ignore or block?

I understand his concern that you hadn't signed in at your usual time. Maybe it was harmless, but he could have emailed you instead of contacting the friend.

 

[cheeringmom]

I'm with the above poster. Change your IM name immediately. good riddance to this starnger. Seems to me you are a little uncomfortable. Follow your gut!!

 

[castlegazer]

I am not sure I would ditch a good e-mailing relationship over something I think you brought on. You left it out there to encourage someone to think they know more about you than you have provided by revealing your other friend's IM address. I am very private about my IM address as I hate it when people I don't know suddenly start chatting with me so I would be offended if you gave out my IM address to anyone looking for you in your away message, whether intentional or not.

edited to say that you need to be careful not to allow someone to be able to track you like that - no matter how nice of chats you have with people, you don't know them.

 

[MICKEY88]

good IM etiquette starts with never giving anyone elses name or contact information to someone else... whether it be intentional or by having it in a message of any type.....your first mistake...

he crossed the line...big time...sounds like potential stalker material to me...

 

[stevenpensacola]

 

[JerseyJanice]

Trust your instincts. If it "feels" like this guy could be trouble, he probably is.

I don't know if it's due to the relative anonymity of the 'net or that it's such a big medium, but I've learned over the years it can bring out some major loons. Especially obsessive ones.

I've made some awesome friendships on the boards, but I've learned a lot about how to be careful. One thing to watch--be cautious about saying things that can make others jealous of you. You might think you're just sharing happy news with others, but you'd be surprised at how many folks start foaming at the mouth because you sound happier or smarter or more successful than they are.

Just a word from the wise.