I'm biting my tongue, I'm biting my tongue

[live4christp1]

.........my brother is about to make me so mad I explode.

We work for the same company, fortunately he works on 2nd shift and at most I have to listen to him for only 2 & 1/2 hours a day. That's enough.

He is 50+ and lives with my dad (has for over 15 years). It's just the two of them there now since my mom passed away. Our dad turned 80 this year.

Well, Sunday (Fathers Day) we went down when DH got home from drill to take dad his gift and go eat. Of course brother goes too. On the way home dad says something about needing to stop and get some bread and bananas but then decides he will come back later as he doesn't have his check book. We offered to get it for him but he didn't want to. So I suggested he just wait and come back the next day and he says well "they are for (insert brothers name here)'s lunch". What?????? Why can't he buy his own bananas and bread????? He drives right passed the store at least 7 times a week.

Today he comes in gripping that he might not get his new HD receiver installed today as dad didn't tell him there was a big hornets nest out there. Complaining as to why dear old dad hasn't taken care of said hornets nest and really mad that he might not get that new HD receiver & satelite installed today. I haven't said a word in response I am so angry.

We are nearing the end of June and guess how many times dear brother has been outside to help with the yard work? ZERO!!!! DS and I are going down this evening to do some of it. DH is doing annual training with the guard this week or he'd be helping.

My brother is the laziest person I know. Dad does all the laundry, most of the yard that he can do on his own (it's a big place), all the housework, dishes, etc. Dad went to Florida for a week with us.....when he came back he did laundry for a day straight because brother hadn't done any. (we had a washer & dryer in our resort so dad went back with clean laundry)


GGRRRRRRRRRR I am so mad!!!!!!!!

I keep telling DH if something happens to dad I'm ready to sale our place and move far far away.

Oh, brother pays the Directtv bill. Dad foots the rest. GRRRRRRRRRR. Brother works 50+ hours a week. Dad draws a small retirement. GRRRRRRRR.

Sorry for the long vent.......I think I need to tell my brother off.

 

[Handbag Lady]

.........my brother is about to make me so mad I explode.

We work for the same company, fortunately he works on 2nd shift and at most I have to listen to him for only 2 & 1/2 hours a day. That's enough.

He is 50+ and lives with my dad (has for over 15 years). It's just the two of them there now since my mom passed away. Our dad turned 80 this year.

Well, Sunday (Fathers Day) we went down when DH got home from drill to take dad his gift and go eat. Of course brother goes too. On the way home dad says something about needing to stop and get some bread and bananas but then decides he will come back later as he doesn't have his check book. We offered to get it for him but he didn't want to. So I suggested he just wait and come back the next day and he says well "they are for (insert brothers name here)'s lunch". What?????? Why can't he buy his own bananas and bread????? He drives right passed the store at least 7 times a week.

Today he comes in gripping that he might not get his new HD receiver installed today as dad didn't tell him there was a big hornets nest out there. Complaining as to why dear old dad hasn't taken care of said hornets nest and really mad that he might not get that new HD receiver & satelite installed today. I haven't said a word in response I am so angry.

We are nearing the end of June and guess how many times dear brother has been outside to help with the yard work? ZERO!!!! DS and I are going down this evening to do some of it. DH is doing annual training with the guard this week or he'd be helping.

My brother is the laziest person I know. Dad does all the laundry, most of the yard that he can do on his own (it's a big place), all the housework, dishes, etc. Dad went to Florida for a week with us.....when he came back he did laundry for a day straight because brother hadn't done any. (we had a washer & dryer in our resort so dad went back with clean laundry)


GGRRRRRRRRRR I am so mad!!!!!!!!

I keep telling DH if something happens to dad I'm ready to sale our place and move far far away.

Oh, brother pays the Directtv bill. Dad foots the rest. GRRRRRRRRRR. Brother works 50+ hours a week. Dad draws a small retirement. GRRRRRRRR.

Sorry for the long vent.......I think I need to tell my brother off.

I agree with you. Check first, though. Make sure he isn't paying $X money to dad so that dad feels useful first. Then, lay into him.

 

[LoriABil]

That has to be so frustrating! The least he could do is pick up groceries and do yardwork! Never mind helping with bills (and I mean more than the TV). My bother and sister in law had to stay with our parents when my brother was out of work. They couldn't help with the bills, but SIL cooked and cleaned, and db did yard work. And my patents are only in their 50s!

Hope everything is a misunderstanding. If not, he sounds like he needs a huge dose of reality!

 

[golfgal]

My BIL lived with my In-Laws for about 5 years and only moved out about a year ago when he got married. While he was there he did all the yard work, heavy lifting and snow removal which we all appreciated so my FIL didn't do it. We were sad to see him move out but now my InLaws have decided to move to a townhouse so that is good. If he had been a leach and not done anything all the siblings would have given him heck and either dragged his butt out of the house or kicked him into high gear (but given that the inlaws raised their kids right it was never an issue).

 

[DWGal210]

Ugh, I feel your pain.

I have an aunt & uncle like this. They don't live with my grandparents, but nearly everything else is done for them. I guess my grandma has treated her this way het whole life (she is in her 40s) and has just created a monster. It's no big surprise that she doesn't get along with her 4 siblings; they don't like that she's using their parents, & she doesn't get why it's a problem. I could go on for days but I won't.....

I bet it's hard to see your dad being treated ths way - why won't some people grow up & take care of themselves?!?!

(hugs) to you!

 

[Darsa]

Wow, you're a better person than I am. I'd have been up one side of him and down the other! My DH and I have had to be "guardians" for my dad for a while now, because he is SUCH a nice guy that he's easy to take advantage of, and unfortunately there are family members who will do that. We, by the way, live in his house; however we pay a monthly rent, the phone and cable/internet service, and groceries. Dad pays the electric bill and we kinda pitch in together if there are any household things that need doing. I can't imagine how family members can treat each other that way.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this; I hope like crazy that you're able to help your dad out.

 

[wdwfan16]

Your dad is an adult and he allows this to go on. It is up to him to end it. Once your dad passes then you brother will be in for a rude awakening.

 

[tigercat]

I have 2 sisters that took advantage of my dm, one more than the other but still. My dm died last year and they were really shocked when my other ds stopped all of the extra money going out even though my dd was still here. He couldn't be taken advantage of the same as my dm. It has been an interesting year with one ds trying to get sympathy votes from the others to get some money. It didn't work. We all figured that she had got more than we ever would.
tigercat

 

[cteddiesgirl]

Grrr! It's people like him that give those that live with their parents a bad image.

I live with my dad for financial reasons. But, I pay him a nominal amount of money from every paycheck (when I'm working). I also buy most of my own food, personal items, meds, etc. He only buys what he eats and his own stuff. I also help to clean the house, do the dishes, etc. I do all my own laundry. Towels and bedding included. He does everything outside because of my allergies, but, if he needs help with something, I'm there helping out. And when I borrow money from him, I actually pay it back when I can.
I do my best to pull my own weight around the house.


Not every adult who lives at home is lazy and selfish. Some of us do it because it's either with our parents or it's the streets, even if we do work. Living alone is expensive.

 

[ols386]

Maybe your Dad and brother are both comfortable with their living arrangements. It didn't sound like your Dad was complaining about getting bread and bananas at the store. Or maybe your Dad likes doing the things he does -- makes him feel productive? Obviously, I don't know him, so I don't know, just asking. Seems like the brother could do more to help out around the place, but maybe Dad likes doing things.

 

[C.Ann]

Maybe your Dad and brother are both comfortable with their living arrangements. It didn't sound like your Dad was complaining about getting bread and bananas at the store. Or maybe your Dad likes doing the things he does -- makes him feel productive? Obviously, I don't know him, so I don't know, just asking. Seems like the brother could do more to help out around the place, but maybe Dad likes doing things.

I agree.. Although it's irritating to you, your dad may be very happy with things as they are.. I would ask him if he has any issues with this arrangement before you get involved in a heated disagreement with your brother about it.. People get set in their ways - especially when they're as old as your dad - and he might not take kindly to you upsetting the apple cart, so to speak..