I'M Baaaack.. PrincessAurora & Catwoman Attack Wilderness Lodge-page 5, now w/ pics

[PrincessAurora]

4-19-2007

It is 4am, all is quiet. My 19 year old cat is wheezing on the couch, oblivious to the outside world. He sleeps quite a lot nowadays but hey, he is 19! That is about 179 in human years. I would sleep too. Everything is just going WAY too smoothly. I dropped my large packed suitcase at Catwomans house, aka "Stately Wayne Manor", a few weeks ago. Our bags arrived at Wilderness Lodge yesterday and are patiently awaiting our arrival. Well, at least as patient as an inanimate object can get.

My car service shows up at 5:45am and I am off to the Oakland Airport. It is only 20 minutes from my house and with no bags to check, it should be a breeze to get on the plane. I have my boarding pass, my ID, my 3 oz jars bagged in a zip lock, my crocs on my feet. I am waiting for the terrorist attack or rain of frogs which is sure to ruin my day.

Nothing. All is quiet. I arrive at the airport without incident, get through security without having a rabid German Sheppard stick his nose in my crotch, this is just becoming too good for words.

I debate getting a breakfast burrito at the 360 Gourmet Burrito place. The last time I was here there was a "bad burrito" incident. I decide to risk it. My intestines stay placid and unmoved.

I settle into my seat, turn on my Direct TV since I am flying Jet Blue and order a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee with extra milk. Coffee & I are usually not on speaking terms. Still no intestinal issues. I spend the morning watching Law & Order (in its many versions) and a Discovery Channel show on Earthquakes. It's so comforting to know that the large city you live 15 miles from is going to slide into the ocean any time now.

I did call my sister before I left. Wanted to know what my niece and nephew were up to and to get their cell phone numbers so I could call them at the park. DON'T get me started on what an idiot idea I think it is to give two children cell phones. I think my nephew already lost his. I don't even have a flip cell phone and I've had cells for 5 years now. I dropped one in the toilet once and I am over 8 years old. Alright, I will stop. For now. Dumb idea. Just ask me about the text messages they were sending to each other, each calling the other "butt" or "doody" with no thought to the fact that each of these scatological messages is costing Popi money. I know, I said I will stop. Stopping now.

We will get back to them later. I will just call the boy Sora and the girl Minnie. I have to protect their privacy while they are calling China on their cell phones and letting people know their brother/sister is a doody butt. Really stopping now.

Did I mention that Minnie & Dot are 2 peas in a pod? THAT will be another trip report for next year. If you have no idea who Dot is, see my last trip report.

So I land in JFK and there is Catwoman. We are going to the Mouse and nothing is going to stop us now except my bladder. I have to pee in the worst way. Sitting for 6 hours on a plane will do that to you. I have discovered something about the bathrooms at JFK, aside from them being gross, they are also HOT! It's like a sauna. Thank God for my iPod Nano! I am in my own little world, just me and Meatloaf singing "Bat Out Of Hell" as my hair wilts and my pores steam open.

Fortunately our connection here is pretty quick. A little boy in front of us does a rather amusing "butt dance". How do I describe this? He is about 4, sandy hair, and he is thrusting his backside out and wiggling it around while doing a bit of a hop. It's a butt dance and a damn good one if I do say so.

Well we get on the plane with Catwoman at the window and me in the middle. I am seated next to a woman who says that on her last flight her seat mate asked to be moved since she likes to read the paper, the whole paper, cover to cover and he was freaked out by her reading the paper. I tell her to knock herself out and read to her hearts content. I mean as long as she is not setting it on fire or trying to fold it into a WMD, I could care less. Orlando is a little more than 2 hours away. I go back to my beloved TV while Catwoman mocks my "clown shoes". Hey, leave my Crocs alone. They are cool! Yeah, they are..... grumble.

NEXT: Pineapple Dude Under The Sea, JERRY JERRY, who is flying the plane?

 

[pierresgirl]

Yay, me first! Good start

 

[VanniGirl]

Great start - looking forward to reading the rest.

 

[Mr._The_King]

excellent start!

 

[PrincessAurora]

WARNING: I will apologize in advance to all 6 year old Beauty Queens, Sponge Bob Square Pants, CBS, ABC, NBC, MTV, VH1, Burger King, Lexus and the New Yorker if you are offended by my rants. They are for amusement purposes only. Just remember that humor comes from truth. Enjoy.

So here I am cruising along at 35,000 feet and have nothing better to do than to spy on my neighbors. There is a guy across the aisle, drinking his Dunkin Donuts coffee and watching an old M*A*S*H re-run. He seems too engrossed in his copy of the New Yorker since he keeps dribbling coffee down his front.

I turn the channel to VH1. It is a bit like MTV and also like MTV they have given up playing music videos and now have idiot shows on that appeal to teens. I am drawn in to one in particular. It is about Kiddie Beauty Queens and it is as disturbing as a car wreck. I don't know what bothers me more - the 4-6 year olds dressed up like 20 year old street walkers or the litany of junk food they have put down as their favorite foods that the MC reads when they sashay their sequined behinds down the the aisle, swinging their hips like Pros. "Mindy likes the color pink, long walks in the park and her favorite food is Hamburger Helper!", "Candy likes puppies, world peace and Pizza Hot Pockets!" THIS FREAKS ME OUT ON SO MANY LEVELS!!!!!!!!!

The mothers usually have that same desperate look, either in that "I always wanted to be pretty so I am living through my daughter" way or the "I use to be this pretty but I'm not anymore so I'm living through my daughter" way. I look at the air map to see where we are. Somewhere over Virginia. Still not close enough to the Mouse.

Now a Burger King commercial comes on. It disturbs me. Gee, a lot seems to be disturbing me just sitting in a seat. This commercial has a naked guy standing in the tub, covered (thankfully) with bubbles. He puts a sponge on his head and tells his wife "Sponge Bob, No Pants". The wife looks like she married the biggest git in the universe. This disturbs me because (a) I don't want to be thinking about that weird Sponge Guy who lives in a Pineapple under the sea (I never got that show), (b) I don't want to see any naked guy on TV, even with bubbles over his willy and (c) I HATE the way the media has no problem with making men look like infantile morons all the time but would never do the same thing to women. How about we don't put men OR women down even for the idiot reason of selling a piece of rodent meat masquerading as a fast food hamburger?

Then the Lexus commercial comes on. It is sleek, elegant and shows how the car parks itself. Let me give you a few moments to contemplate that. The CAR PARKS ITSELF!! Now I start wondering if the rich are that lazy that they can't be bothered to park their own cars or am I just that bitter because I would like to be a lazy rich person with a robot car that parks itself?

Zip a De do Dah, Zip a De Ay

OK, next on Jerry - pigs and the men that love them, where are the pilots and Florida Tours

 

[mcarthur205]

Enjoying your report! Can I ask if you'll be doing a separate dining report? Looking forward to hearing more about your trip.

 

[PrincessAurora]

I will be doing a seperate dining report with plenty of "food porn" pictures. We returned to Artist Point, Jiko, Flame Tree, Akerhaus, Le Cellier, Tangerine Cafe, and ate at such new places as Narcooses, the Noodle Place and the infamous Chefs Table.

Now I just need to figure out how to get the pictures off my new fangled Sony Cyber-shot digital camera.

My plan is to cross post with a link on the Trip Report to the Food Board when I get to the food portions of my trip. Let's hope this works.

OK, back to painting my ceiling.

 

[PrincessAurora]

Next on our Jet Blue in flight viewing on VH1, backstage with Jerry Springer! Bet you were always wondering how they booked these shows, are they scripted (kinda, pretty much) and other things. I am trapped with the Fasten Seat Belt sign on. I can't escape. Catwoman is looking at me with the eyeball that says, "You can change the channel you git and watch the History Channel like me and all the other people with a brain". I turn back to neon hell - JERRY, JERRY, JERRY - the fascinating story of how they actually find people that want to hit each other with folding chairs is interrupted by Kirstie Alley, again with the weight and again selling Jenny Craig but now dragging Valerie Bertinelli with her. I guess life has caught up to cute little Miss "One Day At A Time". I think of all the food I plan on eating. I write Jenny's number down surreptitiously and stuff it into my bra.

I turn back to Jerry. They are looking to book a guy who likes his PIG more than his girlfriend who is kinda scary with her 5 teeth and the shotgun. I'd pick the pig. They are really noble animals and tasty too. WHY am I watching this? I turn it to Discovery Channel. I have no idea what is on. I am now watching the cockpit. The pilot comes out. He is standing there talking to the flight attendant. OK, wants coffee, whatever. Then the OTHER pilot comes out. Ummmmmm, who's flying the plane? Do they have one of those inflatable autopilots from Airplane! or is it like a magic trick? I am trying to see if anyone else is in the cockpit but the door remains closed.

I am tempted to ask if anyone knows how to fly a plane since the pilots are having a mid-way smile time break with Candy the Flight Attendant. Catwoman reads my mind and gives me that look of "if you do any of those wild and crazy Lucy Ricardo stunts that involves mass panic, chocolate eating and jail I will kill you". I go back to watching the migration patterns of birds.

We are now landing in Orlando and I can just barely contain my glee and relief. We don’t have to wait for bags at the carousel, we will have a driver waiting with my name on a sign, and things will be great. We head down to baggage claim. I look around. There is no sign. Ummmmm, where is my Florida Tours driver? Where is my sign? I LOVE seeing my name on a sign! Oh, I get it; THIS is where everything goes south. I changed to Florida Tours this year since they are a DIS Board sponsor. Let’s see, Tiffany was there with a sign. *********** was there with a sign. Where is my sign?! I am not feeling The Magic.

I call Florida Tours. Fortunately I have their number and my confirmation number in my Trip Report book. I ask where my driver is, they tell me he will be there in 3 minutes. I tell them that I am at the bottom of the escalator by carousel 12. OK. I then realize after I hang up the phone that he has no idea what I look like. Maybe he has a sign. I wait. Ummmm, we have ressies at 9:30 and this is starting to throw me into a time schedule panic. I start counting squares in the carpet in order to calm down. I am turning into that weird Monk guy before Catwomans eyes.

5 minutes goes by and no guy. I call back. They tell me he is there in front of the carousel. I tell them there is no one there since I am in front of carousel 12 and I don’t see anyone. They say he has a sign. I don’t see a sign. I am starting to hyperventilate. All I can think of is for this guy to get his donkey here right now because I have a schedule and this is turning me into an obsessive compulsive balding guy.

I look across the way to carousel 11 and see a guy with a sign. I tell the dispatcher that I am walking to the sign toting guy I see but 11 is VERY different than 12 and shouldn’t he be at 12 when I said 12 and not 11? God is punishing me. I know it. I try to breathe.

Yes, the guy with the sign is my guy. I tell him we don’t have bags, we’re on a schedule, let’s motor. I guess our plane was late and he didn’t get updated info on our arrival time. I am reserving judgment to see how this guy does to decide whether to recommend Florida Tours or not.

Next: The Story that is Daren, Wilderness Lodge, Artist Point

 

[VanniGirl]

I hope the drive from the airport is uneventful!

 

[jcc0621]

Great start. Can't wait to hear about Aritist Pointe. We havfe ADR's there for our August trip.

 

[PrincessAurora]

Just figured out how to empty the new fangled camera of pictures. The only problem... They are HUGE. I hate uploading huge pics that take forever and a day to load so I will have to size them all down tomorrow. What to do that and cross post the food report at the same time. Crossing fingers.

Gods, the cat is wheezing again.

 

[PrincessAurora]

Well, off we go with our driver. His name is Daren and I am already feeling better. He is funny, calm and cool. I feel very at home, The Magic is returning to my vacation experience. I can feel it. I bag on MEARS and praise the fact that we have such a great guy to drive us straight to our hotel without stopping at other places, choking on fumes or listening to other peoples kids scream “She’s touching me!”.

Another bonus, we are traveling mid-week. It’s Thursday so the traffic isn’t as bad. We will make our ressies with plenty of time. How’s THAT for all the people on the Transportation Board that thought I was smoking crack?! HA!

Of course, it really helped that Catwoman is a jet-setting jewel thief (no really) and she had our bags shipped for us to the hotel. She and her husband Racer X are actually television/film writers and tons funnier than I am. However, since I knew her back when we were in school together and she looked like Annie Lennox and scared the begeejuz out of me, the jewel thievery on the side really doesn’t phase me. However, her travel knowledge does.

Catwoman European Travel Tip #1: When flying to Europe (especially from the West Coast), take a red eye. Once you are able to, take off your shoes and wear your comfy pants. Take a nice little purple pill and when you wake up, you are in London! Put your shoes on and stop thinking about what time it was. Live in the now.

Daren is a great driver. He drove Deb Willis the other day, we talked about where to eat at Disney, Napa Valley wine and all kinds of things. After a bit of a rocky start, Daren saved the day. I would recommend Florida Tours to people and will use them on my next trip.

We turn down the drive to the Lodge. I cant wait for Catwoman to see how great the Lodge is. We pull up, pay Daren and head on in. The stirring western music greets us as we step into the grand lobby. I tell Catwoman that the man who designed Wilderness Lodge also went on to design Animal Kingdom Lodge and the Grand Californian. She can see the similarities with the GC and now can see the original.

We head right up to the desk and are greeted with “Welcome Home”. That is always my favourite part. We have a Woods view room. I wanted a room over the otter pond. The downside to coming in this late is the lack of selection. They have an otter pond room on the ground floor or one on the 6th floor. That is the smoking floor so that is right out. They offer to switch us tomorrow if we don’t like it as more people are leaving then. I figure we’ll give it a try. I mean hey, we can walk right out on the lawn with the bunnies and everything!

We head to our room and call about our luggage that was shipped and arrived the previous day. They inform us that it will take 20 minutes. Since our ressies for dinner are in 15 minutes we opt to wait for bags and eat first.

Artist Point was great as usual. The only problem with being a twosome is that they seat you at a table for two. Sounds logical BUT once you add dinner plates, butter plates, water glasses, wine glasses, bread, camera, trip report book, there is very little room. I would suggest to make the 2 tops a little big bigger so everything is not so cramped. I suppose if you are dining by yourself, it would be fine.

We had a great meal. I know I said I would cross post the food reports here but I lied. Not really lied. I had the best intentions but I took 100 pictures and need to size them down and THEN upload them to my personal site before I can post them. So I will tell you when the food reports are posted. Don't worry, Chef's Table is last anyway.

Once we got back to our room, all renovated by the way, we had our bags sent up, I freed my Pal Mickey from his confinement along with my Mickey Teddy and got ready for bed. We had a big day ahead of us. The Mouse awaits!

Next: What the @#!)# is that Noise?!

 

[PrincessAurora]

It is pitch black. We had gone to bed about midnight. I am sleeping closest to the window. I wake up and see Catwoman prowling silently at the foot of my bed. She whispers "Do you hear that?" I listen. I'm half expecting scary adult sounds of adult fun from the next room, then I hear it. It's music. Pretty loud music. No light is visible in the sliver of sky I see through the drapes. "What time is it?" I ask. "4"

WHAT?!

I call the front desk. I give them my name and room number (1010) and tell them about the noise. The gal sounds matter of fact. "Sorry, its from the Magic Kingdom."

WHAT?!

"They are doing sound checks for Grad night."

WHAT?!

I am shocked. "So, that means I can't go over and kick their donkey, right?" She is apologetic. I am groggy and filled with righteous indignation, however the groggy is starting to win. She tells me to talk to the front desk in the morning. I tell Catwoman what the desk gal told me and I go back to sleep, slowly.

Poor Catwoman, she was in Italy for 2 weeks about a week ago then back to LA now out to Florida. Her system is all screwed up AND the alarm is set for 7am since tomorrow is an Animal Kingdom day. We hope they will stop soon and try to sleep.

RRIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

Guess I did manage to get to sleep but I still feel like I've been hit in the head with a shovel. I have Catwoman answer the phone. It's Stitch and then Mickey. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaassseeeeeee, get Stich off the phone!!!! I will wash you car and polish your dog if you will turn it back to just Mickey!

Well, we slowly get going and I throw clothes on and head to the front desk to complain. After waiting about 5 minutes in my bare feet, I explain in a nice voice, with a hint of Southern twang, that I was woken up at 4am by that music, yes I understand that the Magic Kingdom was doing sound checks for Grad Night and as a person in the entertainment business I understand the need for rehearsals BUT this is a Deluxe hotel, I have paid a lot of money as have hundreds of others. If you take into the account the patrons of the Grand Floridian, Poly and Contemporary - you are talking tens of thousands of people. There is no excuse for the volume level at that hour. None. I do not pay good money, fly in from the west coast, have jet lag and now have to start my day feeling like I've been hit in the head with a shovel.

They were sympathetic. They said the other resorts complained. Magic Kingdom has been contacted. They will be doing the same tonight and tomorrow for Grad night but will endeavor to keep the volume down. They did say that if it happened again to return to the desk and they would compensate me. I slog back to the room to tell Catwoman. Now I could have ranted and made them comp that night or perhaps they should have comped something to compensate for our inconvenience. I hate to think of the people with small kids who were awakened. But I felt that the "sorry" was enough for now and if it continued I would expect a free nights room.

I give the grand report to Catwoman, who is none too pleased, though there is nothing we can do about it right now. No otters this morning but there are ducks and bunnies. Ducks that try to accost Catwomans feet. Personally I think she is passing stolen diamonds off to them but keep this to myself.

We need to head to the mercantile to get a Pal Mickey for her (fortunately mine didn't suffocate in my suitcase) and then its off to Animal Kingdom.

Next: Pal Mickey Ritual, What Happens When an International Jewel Thief Forgets Her Ticket?

 

[melk]

I am so enjoying your trip report! I had read your others in the past and have to tell you, you are funny!!

Looking forward to more....

 

[Ron from Michigan]

OK PrincessAurora wev'e waited long enough to find out happens when an international jewell thief forgets her ticket. Let's hurry it up.

 

[PrincessAurora]

Hey Everyone!

Sorry for the delay. Thursday I had to put my cat and boon companion Chauncy down. I stayed with him till the end and then had the wake at my favorite tiki bar in Alameda http://www.forbiddenislandalameda.com/fi/ We had a jolly wake! I had a Headhunter, Chamborlada, Missionaries Downfall and part of a flaming Scorpion Bowl along with some coconut shrimp, chicken tenders and lots of crab rangoon!

After the booze fest I had to drive to LA to work the Southern Faire so my posting has been delayed. I will fix that in the next 30 minutes or so.

Thanks!

 

[PrincessAurora]

On our way to the bus, we stopped by the mercantile so I could get batteries for my Pal Mickey. Catwoman picked up a Pal Mickey of her own. Now they come in the Sorcerers outfit and have other outfits you can buy. There is the Mickey Mouse Club, the Safari, the Rain Gear and there was one more……I can’t remember. What I think they should do is have a display behind the cash register that shows the outfits ON Pal Mickey so you know what it looks like before you buy it.

I am surprised that the marketing giant hasn’t thought of that. I know people will say “Well, you have a lot of a places that sell them and to open 4 packages of clothes at each of those locations is a lot of loss write off.” True BUT I say that you can convert that into a great point of sale by people seeing them and then wanting to make the impulse buy. “Wow, that looks really cute! Let’s buy one!” Because face it, it is mostly women who are buying these. Even if kids use them, it’s mostly the women actually doing the purchasing. The men I have spoken with (in my own informal poll) only carry Mickey around on sufferance and because they want some sweet lovin’ later that night. They know that refusing to tote Mickey around is akin to telling your sweetie “Gee, that really does make your butt look big.”

When Catwoman buys hers, they have a whole little ceremony. The cast members make a big deal of it, they get their special hats, they make her raise her hand and take a little pledge. It involves, taking care of Mickey, not getting him wet, holding him in front of you and laughing at all his idiot jokes. OK, I made the last one up but you get the picture. Then they gave her a certificate.

Gee, I didn’t get all of those bells & whistles when I bought my Mickey in 2003. I feel left out. They give me an oath too. They thank us for being good sports. We are just itching to get to Animal Kingdom.

We get to the bus stop and it seems that every bus except ours shows up. Just when I am about to lose hope, here it comes and we are off. We get there with no incidents as I play tour guide, pointing out other resorts on the way and giving little facts like why you don’t want to stay there and why Wilderness Lodge is vastly preferable to Coronado Springs. Don’t even try convincing me otherwise. Hey I know there are rabid fans of each and every resort and that is fine because the more people insisting that they HAVE to stay at Coronado or Pop are more people not taking up rooms at Wilderness Lodge where I can frolic with the bunnies in the morning breeze.

Did I mention that I am the Bunny Queen? I am. It’s a long story involving hippies and an improve game. Suffice it to say that is one of my many titles. I tried to tell this to the bunnies but they were too busy giving in to their genetic fear of “everything is trying to eat me” to let me get that close. If there are perks to being the Bunny Queen, I have yet to find one.

So we arrive at Animal Kingdom right on schedule. The park has just opened, we are holding Mickey in front so he can download and then……Catwoman doesn’t have her room card (which is also her charge card, food card and park card). O BOY, this isn’t good. Well, there is nothing we can do but go back to the bus line, go back to the hotel and get the card. The only problem is that the bus that drops you off usually does not go back to your hotel. I check with the very capable looking woman, wearing sensible shoes and ask her when the next Wilderness Lodge bus is. She says 25 minutes. OK, well we can always have Pal Mickey tell us jokes.

Catwoman feels bad but stuff happens. I figure you have to make the most of it. I mean, this is the Happiest Place on Earth and besides “there is no crying in Disneyworld”!

Next: Do we or do we not get into the park, the guy from Fremont

 

[Ron from Michigan]

Welcome back PrincessAurora. Sorry to hear about your cat, I know how hard it can be to put a beloved pet to sleep. We had to do this with our dog a few years ago. Glad to see you had a great wake though................

 

[mcarthur205]

Great to see another installment of your very witty trip report! So sorry to hear about your cat, pets really do become members of your family (sometimes even more so than your human family ).

Glad you enjoyed the wake though, and looking forward to the next episode, inside Animal Kingdom!

 

[oybolshoi]

So sorry to hear about your cat - that's tough (we've been through it a few times). Sounds like the wake was good times, though - just as it should be.

Looking forward to reading more.