...if ya want - vent

[Magic Mom]

We've actually only gone out with them a couple of times and each time ended up picking up the entire check. So, now I politely decline.

I do not have to see them often. Most of the time we see them they are invited to our home for family get-togethers.

How did you end up paying the check?

 

[Magic Mom]

This is how I perceive it, too. I don't find it offensive at all, and I have said that myself at times, too. I just don't want anyone to feel bad or guilty if they can't or don't want to go.

That's my interpretation too. It wouldn't occur to me that saying "if you want" is some sort of insult.

 

[Lionqueen2]

How did you end up paying the check?

We don't have a problem going out to dinner with anyone and splitting the check or getting separate checks. Occasionally, we take others out and sometimes others take us out. If we are being taken out, my DH always asks if he can toss something in and most often, we end up leaving the tip or buy a round of drinks and sometimes others do the same when we take them out.

In the incidents I mentioned, however, it was clear that these folks would be treating. When the bill comes, DH pulls out his wallet and before he can ask the usual question about offering to pay part of the bill or tip, one of them will say, "Look, 'DH's name' is going to pay and we wanted to take you out."
It wasn't a big deal that I paid or that DH paid. It's not about money, but about attitude or treatment.
They are not elderly, but are older and are now somewhat alone. These folks are not poor either. They travel extensively, own two homes, and just bought 2 new cars cash.

 

[ReneeA]

That's the way my family does things - we are headed here, and you are welcome to join us. We do it, too. What it means is that these are our plans, and if you are free...please join us (and pay YOUR share). No hard feelings if you don't show...we're all busy.

My family is notorious for throwing cash in a card for both DH and I for the holidays. They don't care one bit if he spends it all, or if I spend it all. It's just the way they do it, and it doesn't bother either of us (maybe DH since I'm usually the one to spend it on stuff for the kids).

Maybe they just do things differently than you do. Doesn't sound like they are being offensive in the least to me.