If not attending the shower, do I have to send a gift?

[EllenFrasier]

I know this has come up before, but cannot find the thread. I was invited to a bridal shower of a co-worker. I know nobody in her family, none of her friends, except for her. I feel awkward and uncomfortable in social situations such as this. My daughter also works with her and we were going to attend together, but she has to go out of town so it would be only me. I am going to decline attending, but do not feel that a gift is necessary. She is marrying less than a month later and I will be going to the wedding along with my husband, my daughter and her boyfriend will also be attending. At that time, we will give her a gift, probably a card and money or a card and a gift certificate.

What are your feelings on gifts for events not attended? I feel that if I am close to the person and really wanted to attend but could not because of a prior commitment, then I would send a gift. But if it's someone I really don't know that well and do not associate with socially then I feel a gift is not necessary.

Agree or disagree and why?

 

[OhMari]

I had this delimma last week. Me and my 2 dd's had a wedding shower. I picked up a Kohl's gift card. In my time, "showers" were suppose to be gifts that were small and helped build or acquire things for your home. So a gift like towels were acceptable. But now, gifts are like wedding presents. But if you and your dd, gave each $10, go get a gift card worth $20. At least it is a gesture.

So to answer your question-give something small for the shower, even if you are not going.

 

[babyrich]

I know this has come up before, but cannot find the thread. I was invited to a bridal shower of a co-worker. I know nobody in her family, none of her friends, except for her. I feel awkward and uncomfortable in social situations such as this. My daughter also works with her and we were going to attend together, but she has to go out of town so it would be only me. I am going to decline attending, but do not feel that a gift is necessary. She is marrying less than a month later and I will be going to the wedding along with my husband, my daughter and her boyfriend will also be attending. At that time, we will give her a gift, probably a card and money or a card and a gift certificate.

What are your feelings on gifts for events not attended? I feel that if I am close to the person and really wanted to attend but could not because of a prior commitment, then I would send a gift. But if it's someone I really don't know that well and do not associate with socially then I feel a gift is not necessary.

Agree or disagree and why?

I think you should send a gift. It doesnt have to be large or expensive. Normally all woman who are invited to the wedding and accept are invited to the shower. You are choosing not to go for personal reasons not other obligations. So it would be nice to send a gift instead. You can get a gift card as another post suggested or a nice frame. One of my favorite gifts I got for my shower was a small frame I received. It looks like the back of a car and the license plate says "just married". On my wedding day my DH and I had the photographer take a picture of us as if we were looking out the back window of a car. I put the picture in the frame and its been there for 5 1/2 years. My favorite photo of the two of us.

 

[bellarella]

Nope. I wouldn't send a gift. An invitation to a shower is not an obligation to send a gift. You are planning on giving her a wedding present, that is more than enough. Decline with regrets and don't give it another thought.

I felt bad enough that I was given a shower by co-workers. I would have been mortified if someone who didn't attend gave me a gift.

 

[Darcy03231]

My rule of thumb is if I am invited, I send a gift whether I plan to go or not. Depending on the level of friendship/family relationship depends on the level of the gift. You don't have to get a big expensive gift. A nice card and something inexpensive off the registry or a gift card would be fine.

For my first marriage a friend of ex-DH's father was invited to our wedding and we knew he and his wife would not be able to attend. Not only did they live far away, but they had some severe financial constraints. This couple was one of ex-FIL's best friends and he wanted them to receive an invitation so they didn't feel left out. No one expected them to send a gift, but they did. A plug in rechargable flash light (probably about $10). While the marriage is long since over (we were married in 1990 and divorced in 1997) I still have that flash light and bless that man and his wife every time the power goes out! A thoughtful gift doesn't have to be expensive.

 

[Crystal824]

I always send a gift if I'm invited to an event such as this even if I can't attend. It isn't always a large gift but I do send something.

 

[ilovemk76]

If I was attending the wedding I would send a gift card. I also feel that this is a coworker of you and your DD, so I would buy a gift card for that reason too.

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

I say no. I think if you're not attending the shower, you don't need to send a gift, especially since you're attending the wedding and giving a gift then.

Of course, different regions of the country tend to have different customs. Where I live, weddings are not the big fancy events they are in other parts of the country.

 

[Nina1]

I would send a gift, but to echo what others have said, it doesn't have to be something large and expensive. Just thoughtful. How about a cookbook? That is something most newlyweds can use and they are available at all price points. You could toss in a few utensils, too, if you are so inclined. Or, as a PP said, a picture frame is always nice and again, available at all price points. Good luck!

 

[puffkin]

I would send a gift, but to echo what others have said, it doesn't have to be something large and expensive. Just thoughtful. How about a cookbook? That is something most newlyweds can use and they are available at all price points. You could toss in a few utensils, too, if you are so inclined. Or, as a PP said, a picture frame is always nice and again, available at all price points. Good luck!

Exactly what I was going to say! A cookbook and a few utensils off her list or something along those lines. If you each chip in $15-$20 you could get a really thoughtful shower gift (adn stay in line with what a shower is supposed to be).

 

[kimkoz]

Yes, I have always send a gift whether I attended or not. If money was ever an issue I just tried my best to find a gift in my budget.

If they take the time to invite me and guest then I'm happy to spare a gift, whether small or large. There are so many deals out there to pick up a great gift. I'm with the others, you and your daughter go in on a gift. Even just 15 each can get the bride some really nice items if you look.

 

[wendypooh]

I say Yes as well and agree with others, it doesn't have to extravagant - some nice candles or kitchen items, etc....

 

[ssawka]

I remember being invited to birthdays parties as a kid, and my parents would always get a gift for me to give whether I was able to make it or not. Sorry, but IMHO if you are invited you give a gift.

 

[MomToOne]

I remember being invited to birthdays parties as a kid, and my parents would always get a gift for me to give whether I was able to make it or not. Sorry, but IMHO if you are invited you give a gift.

You know, I would go along with that IF people only invited their true friends and families to these types of things. But these days, I find a lot of people invite everyone they can think of in nothing but an attempt to get more gifts.

I was once invited to a wedding shower for a "friend" but not invited to the wedding. Umm, no.

 

[Mom2Ben02]

Can you all message me your addresses, please? I am throwing myself a party this weekend.

I don't think it is absolutely necessary to send gifts for every invite. I probably would give something small in this case - maybe in the $20 range, from you and your DD. Are you sure they aren't going to throw your co-worker a shower at work?

 

[Belle5]

I gave a bridal shower this summer. All who did not attend dropped a gift by my house (except for one gal).

 

[MissyDVC]

I would always send a gift if I was invited and could not attend. But you need to do what makes you comfortable

 

[Reddy]

if you are taking a gift to the wedding then I wouldn't worry about it. It doesn't sound like you are close to her - I think you were only invited since you work with her so your feeling wouldn't be hurt for not being invited when others talk about it at the office.

 

[dougsmom98]

A lot of people have said not to worry about sending a gift because you would be going to the wedding in a few weeks. I feel just the opposite. If you are close enough to go to this person's wedding, you are close enough to the person and should want to send a gift.

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

I just don't agree with "if you're invited, you send a gift." If my kids are invited but can't attend a birthday party, we don't give a gift unless it's a very close friend. And when we give parties for our kids, I don't expect no-shows to send gifts. I can't even think of a time when one of my kids got a gift from a child who didn't attend the party, unless it was a very close friend.