If I stay up all night long <Vent>

[Inigo]

If I stay up all night long, do you think I can look sick enough tomorrow afternoon so that I don't have to stay at DH's sister's house very long?

It's their family christmas get-together, and I've been dreading it for a year now. My kids (19 and 22) are arguing about who gets to be the one to stay home to take care of me if I'm sick. They don't want to go either!

We have to go. My alzheimer's afflicted MIL is in a nursing home, and DH is the only one who will go get her to bring her to the family get togethers. He brought her to our house for Christmas Day as we couldn't stand the thought of her being alone on Christmas. Yes, she was grumpy, but she has alzheimer's and has to live in a nursing home, and it would make me grumpy too. Did she take some of the fun out of the day? Yes, but she is my kids' grandmother and my husband's mother, and she deserves more than her other children and grandchildren give her. All of her grandkids are adults. DH's brother and sister are retired. DH and I still work. The others could spend time with her, but they don't have time.

SIL has a small house, so it will be crowded with 20 people in the kitchen and living room. It's just her and her DH, so they don't need much space except for things like this. The dogs will be locked in the bedroom, so we'll have a background of dog noises all afternoon/evening. SIL's daughter is loud and obnoxious, and will get mad at us since we don't buy her dogs presents even though we buy presents for our other nieces' children. I told DH I'd buy presents for her dogs as soon as she buys presents for all of our cats!

We can't draw names for the gift exchange, but we have to do a gift exchange, so I bought 4 gifts that are so generic they are basically worthless, even though I spent $25 on each. My DH and I are kinda hoping are gifts will get the point across this year that we really don't like the "don't draw names" gift exchange.

I really want to see my great niece (2 1/2) and great nephews (8 weeks and 5 1/2 years), and one of my nieces and her husband, but the rest will be drama-filled.

We could just not go at all, but MIL really loves to see the little ones, especially that baby.

I swear I am going to scream at the first person who complains to or about my MIL. These people see her rarely, and they will want to complain. DH sees her twice weekly, and I see her weekly. Our kids drive home 2 hours once a month to go visit Mamaw. (Of course, our kids have always been her favorites since they were born. My oldest is 17 years younger than his next older cousin, so when our kids were born, MIL and FIL considered them to be extra special.)

My SIL lives as far from the nursing home as we do, and doesn't make it there but maybe once a month or so. BIL lives 1 1/2 hours away, and can't make it but once a month. They're both too busy. One niece lives 1 1/2 hours away, and has been to the nursing home once in a year. The other niece drives up from another state 4 or 5 times a year minimum, passing within 20 minutes of the nursing home, and cannot ever make the side trip to see Mamaw.

Like I said earlier, DH and I both work FT, and we make visits a priority so she still feels connected to her life.

OK, rant over. I will survive DH's family. I will survive DH's family. I will survive DH's family. But will they survive me???

 

[redlight]

Can you come up with a fun secret game to play with your children like making guesses about who will say particular things?

I'm sorry, I hope you get through tomorrow without too much anguish.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I can see from here, you already don't look well. I don't think you'll be able to hold out more than an hour and a half, tops, under the given conditions - probably a lot less. Remember, whatever you have is NOT contagious!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

From the way you described your symptoms, I really think you might have the Swine Flu! You really shouldn't go to a large gathering until you get properly diagnosed and you can't see the doctor until Monday, right? You should probably send your DH to the party without you. He can take the presents and get some good photos of the babies and kiddos for you. Oh, and one of your kids should probably stay home with you since you're having those flu-induced dizzy spells. Maybe they can flip a coin to see who gets to go to the party!

 

[dismom2]

I think it's sad when people 'don't have time' to visit their parents who are in a nursing home . I also feel sorry for the one family who does all the work, but that just makes you a better person, and I'm sure your MIL really appreciates it deep down.

I hope your day is bearable. Just remember, it's only one day. Maybe you can leave early since your not 'feeling well'.

 

[kaytieeldr]

From the way you described your symptoms, I really think you might have the Swine Flu! You really shouldn't go to a large gathering until you get properly diagnosed and you can't see the doctor until Monday, right?

I thought about that - but remember, the OP wants to spend some time with her niece's kids? She really can't have anything contagious

But, Dr. Ronda to the rescue! Inigo, you have severe anemia and NEED to rest where it's quiet (i.e. home). You can go out for a while, but the second you start feeling tired - you're outta there! By the way, can you take your MIL out to dinner after the 'party' but before heading back to the nursing home? If she's up to it, maybe she'd appreciate more than just a couple of hours away.

 

[karen l]

I think you, your husband & children are terrific! To treat your MIL so well is really inspiring. Kaytieeldr's diagnosis is great- maybe you can use that & help your entire family escape. Hope your family has a wonderful 2010.

 

[Cindy B]

We're avoiding our issues by skipping the dinner entirely and coming only for dessert. We were invited to another function that does conflict with time and we can't come until that function is over

 

[Disneylover79]

I agree with a PP, you could make up a secret game with your children...that in itself would entertain me and my mom...lol....please give us an update as to what transpires at the get together..good luck

 

[Micca]

Plan A: I think you should go & the first person who steps outta line you tell 'em to shut their pie hole and have some empathy with the alzheimer's patient and those who care for her all year long. This would also be the time for you to mention the stupid gift thing and that the barking dogs are annoying. Sure, it'll be a bloodbath, but you won't have to go next year.


Plan B: Your DH and the kid that draws the short straw go to the party ahead of you because you're finishing up with your special punch/jello/whatever and you and your other kid will be along shortly. Minutes later, your "lucky" kid calls your DSIL and says you've just vomited in the special punch/jello/whatever and thinks you need to lay down & "lucky" kid will stay with you and cleanout the punch/jello/whatever bowl.

 

[SnowWhite607]

I agree....make it a game. Take a shot of whiskey every time one of the dogs bark or every time someone complains about Maw Maw or when someone says a certain word or phrase. You probably wont even care what they do after a few hours! LOL!

Good luck to you!

 

[Inigo]

No whiskey shots, unfortunately, as I don't drink very often. Darn it.

My kids both realized they had Bubonic Plague, so they decided they shouldn't go over there as they didn't want to make anyone else sick. They both love History, which is why they have Bubonic Plague. Of course, we told the family they had colds, as we didn't think they would believe Bubonic Plague.

DH picked up his mom and took her over to SIL's house, arriving a few minutes before I got there.

I spent my 2 hours there almost exclusively with the little ones. We played, we laughed, we tickled each other until we were out of breath, and we had a blast! That gave the adults time to talk with the kids interrupting. MIL sat over by us and watched us play, which kept anyone from saying anything rude to her. When I said I was ready to leave as I was worn out from my health issues, she grabbed her coat and said she was ready to go too. We had a nice drive back to the nursing home, and she said it was just about the right amount of time to be there.

I purchased a few extra gifts so MIL would have things to give the little ones and to contribute to the gift exchange. The gift exchange went well. Everyone oohed and aahed over the generic gifts that were given to the adults. We put the 5 year old in charge of deciding which adult should get which gift from the gift pile, so no one complained about what they got.

I think DH told his nieces I wasn't feeling well before I got there, so I think everyone was on their good behavior as they thought I was feeling ill. If I get too stressed out, the crohn's disease can flare up, requiring an ER visit. I think they were trying to save me from needing to go to the hospital. Of course, they probably wondered how I was able to play with the little ones so much if I felt so bad.

 

[jjarman]

Sounds like it worked out much better than expected. I am so glad for you. I have a difficult sister-in-law. She is just different. My husband doesn't even like her that much and it is his sister!!

Last August we had to go to her wedding. Now this woman is in her late 50s and has been living with this guy for 10-15 years. She said she didn't want to marry him because of income taxes! He's good enough to sleep with but not worth the extra taxes? Well, actually he is not worth much. Nice guy but calls himself a contractor which means he works when he good and ready to. She planned a small wedding at a beautiful little church that she has no connection with. She is not even a member of any established religion but the church was pretty so that was good enough for her. She was going for this vintage look in her dress. Well, instead of looking like Thelma Lou from The Andy Griffith Show, she looked more like Aunt Bea. That was the best thing about the whole weekend. My husband's cousin and I spent the entire wedding and reception laughing at her clothes. She had on the old lady looking dress, the white gloves, the hat with the net thing. It sounds like it was really pretty but believe me it was not. At the reception at a seafood restaurant my family sat with the fun cousins and we had a ball. Made it so much easier.

 

[shortbun]

Can I just play the devil's advocate here and say this: If I have to put up with relatives and hang for the whole time OR worse yet, if it's MY turn to have the event, YOU need to come and put on a happy face for a once a year holiday family gathering. Everyone has their shortcomings or faults - we ALL know that- but suck it up and no faking sickness!!!! lol!!! I sorta really feel like this but I understand, believe me, how hard it is.
We had a code in our nuclear family-we all began using the word 'fantastic' when people were talking to us..."Aunt Edna had a cancerous mole removed" -'fantastic(tone of horror added for effect)', "Your cousin Jane is pregnant with triplets" -'fanTASTic!' It kept my siblings and my parents happy and feeling as a unit even if we were in separate rooms. Eat something that tastes horrible? "fantastic!" 8yo brat cousin won't stop talking to you or wants to perform complete piano recital? 'fantastic!'