i wrote part want to help???

[disney0208]

this is the first part of a song i started want to help me finish the rest???
its about a girl whos best friend/ boyfriend are in love and he has to move away.... shes horriblely upset cant look at pictures with out crying and doesnt know if she can take it any longer...


Night sky a million stars
That’s our love that’s where we are
Never regret
Never forget
Its forever don’t hide it

Rain pours above me
Tears come over me
All alone left in the dark.......
............

 

[Shelton123]

this is the first part of a song i started want to help me finish the rest???
its about a girl whos best friend/ boyfriend are in love and he has to move away.... shes horriblely upset cant look at pictures with out crying and doesnt know if she can take it any longer...


Night sky a million stars
That’s our love that’s where we are
Never regret
Never forget
Its forever don’t hide it

Rain pours above me
Tears come over me
All alone left in the dark.......
............

You made your mark
All over my heart

How's that?

And for a chorus possibly:

It's gonna be so hard to know
That you say yes, but everyone says no
My heart doesn't want you to go
And I'm telling you I love you so

 

[disney0208]

You made your mark
All over my heart

How's that?

And for a chorus possibly:

It's gonna be so hard to know
That you say yes, but everyone says no
My heart doesn't want you to go
And I'm telling you I love you so

OMG!!! you are amazing thanks...

Night sky a million stars
That’s our love that’s where we are
Never regret
Never forget
Its forever don’t hide it

Rain pours above me
Tears come over me
All alone left in the dark
you made your mark
all over my heart

chorus
It's gonna be so hard to know
That you say yes, but everyone says no
My heart doesn't want you to go
And I'm telling you I love you so.......
...........

 

[CastawayJ]

I'd help... but I neer the time first XD

 

[disney0208]

i will think but we need more to this its not done... whats going to happen at the end??? she going to have a happy ending or not??? she going to cry the rest of her life or get over it?

 

[disney0208]

I tried so tell me if you like this???


Night sky a million stars
That’s our love that’s where we are
Never regret
Never forget
Its forever don’t hide it

Rain pours above me
Tears come over me
All alone left in the dark
You made your mark
All over my heart

Chorus
It's gonna be so hard to know
That you say yes, but i says no
My heart doesn't want you to go
And I'm telling you I love you so

Us in field memories
You swing me around
Don’t let go
Keep me here
I love you so

Chorus
It's gonna be so hard to know
That you say yes, but i says no
My heart doesn't want you to go
And I'm telling you I love you so

In your arms
Soft to the touch
I don’t feel you around much
Me asleep you next to me
Hold me tight

Chorus
It's gonna be so hard to know
That you say yes, but i says no
My heart doesn't want you to go
And I'm telling you I love you so

Your beautiful eyes
Ties me to you
Cant run away so you must stay
Our last hug for eternity
Till we meet again my friend

 

[disneychick2721]

Hi.
I write songs too.
if you dont mind can I give you so constructive criticism ?
First off I like it a lot its really good.

Some things to consider changing,

Rain pours above me
Tears come over me
All alone left in the dark
You made your mark
All over my heart

you could make the part I bolded like a metaphor instead of having rain and tears. you could make it just rain symbolizing the tears and re-word it.

It's gonna be so hard to know
That you say yes, but i says no
My heart doesn't want you to go
And I'm telling you I love you so

its good but everything ends in an 'Oh' sound.
so thats something you may consider changing. maybe change the second line to 'That your not around' it makes more sense.

In your arms
Soft to the touch
I don’t feel you around much
Me asleep you next to me
Hold me tight

This is a kind of strange because if he left then how does she feel him ? So you may want to do something like 'I remember being in your arms/ your soft to the touch/sleeping next to you/you held me tight/but your not here/its hard to remember your touch'

Your beautiful eyes
Ties me to you
Cant run away so you must stay
Our last hug for eternity
Till we meet again my friend

The same as the last verse its a little weird because he isnt there so you could change it to, 'Your beautiful eyes/Tied me to you/I want to run to you/be with you still/One last hug for eternity/Till we meet again my friend'

Just some friendly suggestions.

 

[disney0208]

thanks i made some ajustments.... i have written many songs before.... this is a good one..... i sing... only a few friends have heard me sing and say i am one of the best the have ever heard....its fun...

 

[disneychick2721]

thanks i made some ajustments.... i have written many songs before.... this is a good one..... i sing... only a few friends have heard me sing and say i am one of the best the have ever heard....its fun...

I love writing songs. Its my outlet since I dont like talking about my problems.
I sing too. People say im good too. haha.

 

[life of the party]

you should have a contest!
for how people sing the song, like to what beat and such.

i always like hearing the different versions and ways people take lyrics!

 

[disney0208]

I love writing songs. Its my outlet since I dont like talking about my problems.
I sing too. People say im good too. haha.

awesome!!!! i dont really like to talk bout them eathier... my friends dont understand so i turn them into songs....

 

[disney0208]

you should have a contest!
for how people sing the song, like to what beat and such.

i always like hearing the different versions and ways people take lyrics!

that would be so weird!
i see you like twilight.. im obsessed and i finished all the books in about 12 days...
anyways... i have seen the way you give people the same song and tell them to come up with a beat it turns out so different..... its so kewl

 

[life of the party]

that would be so weird!
i see you like twilight.. im obsessed and i finished all the books in about 12 days...
anyways... i have seen the way you give people the same song and tell them to come up with a beat it turns out so different..... its so kewl

yeahh haha i just started the series.

i try to write songs, only when I'm overwhelmed with any one emotion
whether I'm depressed or extremely happy

when I'm just normal i cant write anything good.

 

[disney0208]

yeahh haha i just started the series.

i try to write songs, only when I'm overwhelmed with any one emotion
whether I'm depressed or extremely happy

when I'm just normal i cant write anything good.

i know it only works when you are overwelmed

 

[life of the party]

i know it only works when you are overwelmed

 

[disney0208]

it a good way to relive yourself is to try to keep yourself busy and say how you feel at the same time.... and plus its fun!!!

 

[disneychick2721]

awesome!!!! i dont really like to talk bout them eathier... my friends dont understand so i turn them into songs....

yep.

yeahh haha i just started the series.

i try to write songs, only when I'm overwhelmed with any one emotion
whether I'm depressed or extremely happy

when I'm just normal i cant write anything good.

Same.