I wish I could tell my mother we are going to WDW

[IMADSNYLOVR]

I have had our trip planned for about 5 months and I still haven't told my mother we are going. She doesn't think we should go on any vacations. She is and always has been very frugal and I am very not....I know we have "better" things to spend our money on. We have had money trouble in the past and have borrowed money from them but pay them off in monthly payments. I figure she never asked for it all at once so as long as I pay the payments we should be fine. I kind of mentioned that we were thinking of going and she flipped out and said I needed to pay her the money we owe her first. There is no way I can do that and pay for our trip. It is just frustrating that she just can't be happy for us. I feel like if I wait much longer to tell her she will be mad for not telling her. Anyone gone thru this? BTW-we never went on vacations growing up. I want this for my kids.

 

[caskar]

That sounds like a tough situation. My kids are why I spend the money I do - what is the price of memories? My daughter doesn't remember the first time she ran up to Mickey Mouse but I do. PRICELESS! We can't get the years back with our children. I have heard "they grow up so quickly," and "enjoy the time you have with your children it is so short," so often I realize soon I won't have to spend much money on vacations. They will be grown and on their own. So family memories of being together for me, and I am sure later in their lives they will look back at the wonderful times we had together, are PRICELESS!

 

[disneyjunkie]

Originally posted by IMADSNYLOVR
I have had our trip planned for about 5 months and I still haven't told my mother we are going. She doesn't think we should go on any vacations. She is and always has been very frugal and I am very not....I know we have "better" things to spend our money on. We have had money trouble in the past and have borrowed money from them but pay them off in monthly payments. I figure she never asked for it all at once so as long as I pay the payments we should be fine. I kind of mentioned that we were thinking of going and she flipped out and said I needed to pay her the money we owe her first. There is no way I can do that and pay for our trip. It is just frustrating that she just can't be happy for us. I feel like if I wait much longer to tell her she will be mad for not telling her. Anyone gone thru this? BTW-we never went on vacations growing up. I want this for my kids.

I think your mother is right. Is it possible to pay her the money you owe her and then take your trip at a later date? There's no way she's going to be happy that you're taking a vaction while you still owe her money.

Your mom may not be asking for the money all at one time because she knows you're having a hard time. However she may take it as a slap in the face if you go to Disney while you still owe her.

If you take this trip without repaying the money back first, don't be surprise if your mother refuses to help you in the future.

 

[CarolA]

Having had to borrow from my parents when I first got out of school (the car blew up!) I KNOW that my parents would have been furious with me had I taken a fairly expensive vacation before I paid them back. I don't know that I would have wanted to risk the family strife. From reading your post you already know your mom is going to be mad.

I will be honest, my boyfriend has loaned some money to his newphew and his newphew did something like this. My boyfriend actually was carrying the note on his newphew's car and he called him and said if you can afford this big splurge, pay me or give me the car. The kid cancelled the trip to Vegas. However, I am pretty sure that there will be no more loans to family members after this incident.

Can you take out a loan and pay your family off? If at all possible it is best not to borrow from family members for reasons you are discovering.

 

[figgy4me]

disneyjunkie is right.... I would have to pay my parents off before I could think of taking a vacation. Missing one vacation is not the end of the world.. My husband and I usually take one week a year, but, we have missed several due to family problems or finances.

Some folks take more vacations than that, so missing one really would not be too bad. A lot of people never go on vacations and can afford it.

Sorry.

 

[DMRick]

If your mom had not loaned you money, would it be possible that she herself would have used that money for some pleasure for herself?
I vote with the others..if you can afford a trip to Disney, you should at least offer to pay back mom first. I would not be a happy camper if I had loaned out money to someone, and they were able to afford a vacation like this. Perhaps you can pay back mom ,a nd take your family more local on a budget vacation.

 

[Gillian]

While I understand how you feel, I don't think it's a good idea to do the Disney trip without talking to your mom about it.

DH has given money to a family member on a few occassions. And when I see this family member turn around and spend it on things like dinners out, trips to the casino, cigarettes, etc. I find it hard not to get upset. I'm not saying you do this, but when someone comes to you asking for help, and then takes no steps to prevent having financial problems in the future, it is irritating. Maybe your mom thinks you are not responsible with your money? I have no idea if you are or not, but if someone lends you money, they earn the right to check up on your finances.

Family trips are very, very important. But going to Disney World is not. DH's family always went away together, as did mine, but we camped and did other inexpensive car trips since money was tight.

In fact, we are seriously looking at cancelling our upcoming Disney cruise, because it is so much money. We are looking at less expensive cruising options, as well as other vacation ideas. It breaks my heart not to be able to take DS back on the mickey boat, but we have many choices besides Disney.

I hope this all works out for you!

 

[Goofyzgurl]

I agree with the others. It is a slap in the face to loan someone money and then see then have them go on vacation. If you can't afford to pay your mother off, then you probably rethink going to disney. As kids we never went on vacations either so I know that feeling. We have borrowed money from my parents when we first got married, but our priority has always been the relationship with our parents. If we were in enough money trouble to borrow money, then the last thing I would do is take a vacation. I think vacations are not a necesity, but a luxury. We have always made it a priority to pay back the money to our parents when we have borrowed it. Now that I've finished with college and we both have good jobs, we've gone to disney at least once a year. We've even bought dvc. I think it's about priorities.

 

[Tiffany]

I also have to agree with the others. Thankfully I am not in a situation where I have to borrow money from family members but I can tell you that if a friend or family member had borrowed money from me because they were having financial issues and then went on a "big" vacation before they had paid me back in full I would be very upset.

 

[MinnieGi]

How about making Disney a goal to look forward to AFTER you pay you mom back?

I understand you want to give your children vacations, but Disney is a big expensive vacation. Pay your mom off first and then make your plans for Disney. And if Disney is too much too afford right now plan another less expensive trip. Kids love the time away with mom and dad, that is what counts, not the destination. Good luck!

 

[gepetto]

Originally posted by IMADSNYLOVR
There is no way I can do that and pay for our trip.

I agree with the other posters. Go on vacation after you pay the money back. I would be upset too if I were your mom.

 

[IMADSNYLOVR]

Thanks for all your replies. I know you're right and I am glad I posted. Sometimes I know my mom is unreasonable and it helps to know that other people agree with her. I am going to pay all I can to her but we already have our airline tickets. Should I just cancel out?
Thanks again for all of the honest replies!

 

[disneyjunkie]

Originally posted by IMADSNYLOVR
Thanks for all your replies. I know you're right and I am glad I posted. Sometimes I know my mom is unreasonable and it helps to know that other people agree with her. I am going to pay all I can to her but we already have our airline tickets. Should I just cancel out?
Thanks again for all of the honest replies!

Maybe you can get a credit for the tickets that you can use within the next year.

How much did the airline tickets cost? I notice you're staying at the BC, even with a discount the BC ain't cheap. How much are your park passes, food, gifts?


Disney will still be there next year. Pay your mom and then start planning your trip.

 

[ceecee]

Someone once told me "never loan money to family" I didn't think much of it. I guess I wouldn't be too happy if I was the loaner.......Maybe take a cheaper vacation and pay your mom back. OR get a real loan (home equitity, etc.) and pay your mom off with that and make monthly payments to the bank, they expect that. Memories are important, but they can and do happen everywhere and sometimes cost nothing.

 

[mikesmom]

Have you thought the sacrifices your mom might be making to loan you that money? I know we are doing alright, but we are not wealthy. If one of our three (age ranges 20-28) asked for a loan because they were in financial trouble, we would move heaven and earth to get the money to help them out AND we would probably put them on a payment plan if it appeared that it was the only way they could repay the money.

That being said, we would be financially strapped if we did that. We might have to borrow the money ourselves. We have more resources than the kids - (line of credit at the bank, ability to borrow against our home equity, etc), so we could borrow the money, but as I said, we would be stretching ourselves, possibly pretty tight depending on the amount. In that set of circumstances we would probably be upset if the kids then went on a large vacation.

 

[lexis53]

I guess I have several thoughts on this one. First, is there a way to get a credit for future flights? Second, I agree that BC is expensive and THAT is a huge expense. Third, if you are still in dire financial times, you need to save money. You don't want your children to have the memory of losing their home because the parents spent money on things other than the necessities first.

Now, I think borrowing money from parents is fine in certain situations. Since you borrowed from her, I am guessing you had no options at a bank. That is either from poor credit or fully extended credit-wise. An expensive trip to WDW is not going to help with your financial sitiuation.

We never went to WDW as a child. Instead, we did go camping every year and went to stay with my grandparents at the beach. These trips did not cost my parents much. Camping was cheap and we drove to Florida and had a kitchen. We did live in a nice house and went to private school. Did we feel like our parents jipped us on vacations? Of course not. I remember making sand castles and fishing.

I am now a single mom putting myself through school. The idea of having substantial debt over my head and spending that much money on WDW is scary to me. And there is no way that your mother will not find out. Your child(ren) will probably want to talk about it. You can't really tell your child(ren) to not tell their grandma about their great trip. And I know I have had to ask my parents for help along the way. I have always paid them back and also offered help with various projects and things as interest. (They wouldn't hear of interest in monetary form)

I just wonder how you could afford laying out money for plane tickets for several people. I have saved and saved to take my dd to WDW for Christmas. I won't have to worry about owing anyone but for my car note and rent. We are trying to do a lot on a budget so we are staying in one of the nicer DTD hotels at a great value season (going the week before Christmas to get the amazing rates ) and I did rewards programs to pay for two of our five nights.

The point? Don't harm a relationship with your child's grandmother for this. It isn't worth it. If you are financially stable enough to take a high dollar vacation, then get a loan at a bank and pay the woman back.

 

[C.Ann]

I'm a "mom" to grown children, and I have to tell you - I would be furious!!

Take a second job (if you already have one), have your DH do some odds jobs for extra cash, sell some stuff on eBay, do whatever you have to do - but get that loan paid off as soon as possible, otherwise you'll NEVER be able to take a vacation without your mom getting angry (and I'm sorry to say, but rightly so!)..

 

[gepetto]

you would probably get more sympathy if your trip were not at a deluxe resort. you owe your mom money and stay at one of the most expensive places on property....

 

[mrssalvaggio]

Whatever you decide - PLEASE don't lie to your Mom Think about what you're teaching your children and how you'd expect them to treat YOU in the future. If you are determined to go, be honest and explain to your Mom your reasoning. You have 5 months and others have made good points about the resort and getting second jobs. Also consider how much this trip really means. For example - do you eat out (even fast food), go to movies, buy clothes you don't NEED?? If so, it would be reasonable to make the sacrifice to stop such things. You might be surprised how much all these things would add up to over the course of 5 months. Next time you feel like even going through the drive-thu at McD's, take the money you would have spent and give it to Mom. You will enjoy your vacation so much more if you know you honestly did everything you possibly could to repay your Mom as much as possible.

 

[MrsPete]

I'm with the others. If you owe money to your mom, you need to take care of that obligation before you take an expensive vacation. No two ways about it.

Here's something I don't think anyone else has mentioned: You say you're hiding this trip from your mom. What's going to happen when the kids "let it slip"? They're going to mention how much fun it was, or you're going to run into her while one of them's wearing a Mickey tee-shirt and she'll ask where it came from. Trust me: she'll find out sooner or later, and that will be much worse than having told her the truth upfront.

Suggestions:

1. Cancel this trip, pay your mom back, and plan a trip for the future -- this is the right thing to do.

2. If you simply cannot do that, shorten your trip and change to a cheaper hotel. But do tell your mom you're doing a short budget trip.