I think we are going to shut down DD's Facebook..need advice!

[Microcell]

Nobody wants to use their mom's Facebook!

Tee hee.. probably not!

 

[golfgal]

Now of course this won't pertain to your DD , but seeing some of the things teenagers do on camera phone, video etc, I don't think I would ever allow Skype unless I was looking over my child's shoulder at all times. Texting can also get just as ugly .

Not having a facebook is not that big of a deal honestly , If you want to cut it off by all means. Just know , that dropping that won't cut off all drama, those mean girls will find anyway to get at each other. BOOOOO

I didn't mind facebook or myspace, it was so easy to check up instead of having to hunt his phone down, pull up his instant message history etc.


Everybody has there own way to deal with things, if this is what you want to do, go with it !

I agree, Facebook isn't the problem, the nasty girl is. It isn't any different then the note that got passed or the messages scrawled in the bathrooms when we were in high school. If it isn't Facebook, there will be problems on IM and everything else. Until this problem child is dealt with, nothing will change on any form of communication.

 

[luvsJack]

We chose to keep dd's account although closing it was a consideration.

Instead, we blocked the "mean girls", their boyfriends, parents and anyone kin to them. We haven't had anymore problems and the use of facebook went back to exactly the way it was before--fun, games and interaction between friends.

I chose not to close her account because I did not want dd to feel punished. It was hard enough to deal with these girls without feeling like she was the one pushed out of her group of friends.

You have to choose what is best for your child of course, but we felt like it wasn't fair for her to be kept from something she enjoys when she was not the one causing problems.

Sadly, I have seen posts from a mutal "friend" that the girls and their ADULT aunts have gone on to harrass other girls.


BTW, be careful of the same things happening in text or any other method of communication. It happens no matter what and you and your child just have to be prepared to handle it.

 

[4greatboys]

I wouldn't close it either because of one or two girls. If they are not nice on FB I doubt they are very nice in school either. Even if she closed the entire page they could still give her grief over that. Point being if that girl is intent on being mean she really doesn't need much of a reason.

 

[Microcell]

Now of course this won't pertain to your DD , but seeing some of the things teenagers do on camera phone, video etc, I don't think I would ever allow Skype unless I was looking over my child's shoulder at all times. Texting can also get just as ugly .

Not having a facebook is not that big of a deal honestly , If you want to cut it off by all means. Just know , that dropping that won't cut off all drama, those mean girls will find anyway to get at each other. BOOOOO

I didn't mind facebook or myspace, it was so easy to check up instead of having to hunt his phone down, pull up his instant message history etc.


Everybody has there own way to deal with things, if this is what you want to do, go with it !

LOL it is a tech cycle of craziness! See I need all of you to point out the potential pitfalls of all this, and I am listening to all of you saying to keep the facebook to keep tabs.. I just keep hearing my gut say she will have lots of chances to deal with people but I can control it in our home, and really need to do so!

I know I can't shield her from mean people and situations, and if someone wants to be mean they will do it, but coming home and getting on the internet just to face mean people some more is not sitting well with me. If someone is mean to her on text then phone numbers can be changed, IM can be worked out. I think I need to do my best to ensure that at home she doesn't have the drama.. it is the one place where I can control it.

 

[Oglet]

We chose to keep dd's account although closing it was a consideration.

Instead, we blocked the "mean girls", their boyfriends, parents and anyone kin to them. We haven't had anymore problems and the use of facebook went back to exactly the way it was before--fun, games and interaction between friends.

I chose not to close her account because I did not want dd to feel punished. It was hard enough to deal with these girls without feeling like she was the one pushed out of her group of friends.

You have to choose what is best for your child of course, but we felt like it wasn't fair for her to be kept from something she enjoys when she was not the one causing problems.

Sadly, I have seen posts from a mutal "friend" that the girls and their ADULT aunts have gone on to harrass other girls.

I think you made a great choice and as a parent it is a decisionI too would have made given the situation.

 

[golfgal]

LOL it is a tech cycle of craziness! See I need all of you to point out the potential pitfalls of all this, and I am listening to all of you saying to keep the facebook to keep tabs.. I just keep hearing my gut say she will have lots of chances to deal with people but I can control it in our home, and really need to do so!

Right, it is about control and you can still control the situation by hiding this one girl. It is kind of like cutting off your leg to get rid of a hangnail.

 

[ilovejack02]

I know I can't shield her from mean people and situations, and if someone wants to be mean they will do it, but coming home and getting on the internet just to face mean people some more is not sitting well with me. If someone is mean to her on text then phone numbers can be changed, IM can be worked out. I think I need to do my best to ensure that at home she doesn't have the drama.. it is the one place where I can control it.

BUT, you are saying it is only one girl right? You are controlling it by blocking her or hiding . Now if it was a whole group of witchy girls, I would back you in a heartbeat saying drop it.


Phone numbers cost money to change , If I am correct I think it is 30.00 with ATT . Learned this when a yucky girl kept texting my oldest lol.

 

[Microcell]

You have me considering the hiding before cutting off legs.. when she wakes up we may discuss that.. I will say I totally regret allowing it in the first place!

 

[Microcell]

BUT, you are saying it is only one girl right? You are controlling it by blocking her or hiding . Now if it was a whole group of witchy girls, I would back you in a heartbeat saying drop it.


Phone numbers cost money to change , If I am correct I think it is 30.00 with ATT . Learned this when a yucky girl kept texting my oldest lol.

It is and up until now they kinda just ignored each other.. but this girl was talking to one of my DD's friends and basically called out my DD, who felt the need to answer.. and that is what led up to the "you hate me anyway" comment. My dd did not respond in a harsh way, just was matter of fact. It would be nice if it just gets dropped.. but not sure it will.

 

[ilovejack02]

You have me considering the hiding before cutting off legs.. when she wakes up we may discuss that.. I will say I totally regret allowing it in the first place!

It is awful when someone is mean to your child isn't it ?

Breathe and realize this isn't that big of a deal , she is handling this ok isn't she? I think you have a very mature girl to realize flying off the handle isn't going to work, crying and getting upset isn't that way to deal either. Ignoring is the way to go, smart girl you have , you must be doing something right .

Don't regret, use as a learning tool . I bet you are person that hates conflict and would rather not deal. If this isn't bothering her, she must let things roll off her back more than you , I am guessing.

Try not to get worked up Mom, there are bigger fish to fry in the future . Good luck!

 

[HomeschoolMama]

I have a 13 yr old DD and there have been a few not-so-nice people on her account. I haven't made her close her account because she learns a lot of "life lessons" through FB. We sit and talk about what was said and how to handle different situations. She sees other people's true colors on-line and it helps her make better friend choices.

If it were my daughter, I would simply tell her not to respond. Why would she need to? The girls said something to try and bait her into a fight. Just because we have all this technology, doesn't mean we HAVE to answer our celll phones or respond to rude posts. If the girls says something at school, I would have her say, "That's not true and I'm sorry you feel that way," then walk away. The girl may just be looking for her to say they are friends because she has low self-esteem. Who knows? Some girls are mean, some girls are needy. Either way, it's up to us to help our girls learn to deal with this stuff and how to chose to be different than what they see on-line, you know?

Everything is a teachable moment and the more I talk to my DD about the things on FB, the more she'll be open to coming to me with the big stuff, I figure.

 

[ilovejack02]

Everything is a teachable moment and the more I talk to my DD about the things on FB, the more she'll be open to coming to me with the big stuff, I figure.

That is true ! I think my Ds's pot smoking friend was an example of that. If we would have cut them off I think he would have just tried to hide their friendship, but because I still allowed contact and was still "ok" with their friendship, but under my terms it worked out ok. DS finally figured out on his own that this was a kid he wasn't interested in having in his life. Took awhile and they are still cordial to each other, but no longer best buds.

 

[Microcell]

THanks for all the responses! I do tend to get waaayyy more worked up than she does, and she did have a rare moment of being upset yesterday about it, when I thought it was a situation where she would say "yeah I need to just smooth things a little" or not.. Still gonna be watching like a hawk.. but am breathing and trying to figure out what is best.

 

[bumbershoot]

Keep in mind that Facebook (and text messaging) is the way kids keep in touch now. We had one mom (our neighbor) stand up at the marching band meeting and complain that her DD was excluded from a lot of sectionals and band parties because she doesn't have Facebook or texting. The rest of the parents pretty much just rolled their eyes....

Regardless of how you feel about the mom, they really should have another method of communicating important things. Only putting things on FB is ridiculous, especially once a member of the group indicates that it's causing problems.

Right, it is about control and you can still control the situation by hiding this one girl. It is kind of like cutting off your leg to get rid of a hangnail.

Exactly.


I would also wonder, even if this girl is mean, what if she DOES feel like your daughter dislikes her (and actually it doesn't sound like she's wrong)? What if she wasn't just starting a fight, and of course some people are mean because of their own insecurities, and maybe this could be a breakthrough moment for the girl. It's not necessarily your daughter's responsibility, but what if it was a REAL question from the girl, not just something to spark an argument?

 

[Dancind]

I'm kind of with Bumbershoot. Bullies usually don't post things like "you hate me". That sounds like a girl who is feeling excluded.

I knew some of the Moms of the truly mean girls when my DD was in mid-school, and they had no idea. One girl in particular was doing the most hurtful things, spreading rumors that DD was a witch, a lesbian, killed a cat, etc. Pretty sure her Mom thought DD was the problem. Turns out DD has Aspergers. I didn't enlighten the Moms of that group, just encouraged DD to stay away and eventually she did find a new group of friends.

Not saying that your DD is one of the Mean Girls, but there are always two sides to every story.